In the time you’ve been dating your boyfriend, you’ve inevitably learned things about his past including a few details about his ex, like that she dumped him out of nowhere and completely broke his heart. He seems very nostalgic about their relationship, and you’ve always had a fear that he would take her back if he could.
While flipping through a magazine with him, he points out a picture of her in one of the ads; it turns out she’s a model, and she’s breathtakingly gorgeous, which he's quick to point out. You know he's with you now, but you're no model. How would you handle this?
Bric's
3 Suisses
Fossil
Hmmm...Well, if I were in that position and since I know how he feels about his ex, then I would just be open and ask him all the questions that are on my mind, such as 'Are you still in love with her?', or 'If she called you and said she wanted you back, would you consider it?'. And all I can hope is that he would be honest with me. Again, since I know how he feels, and if I'm really digging him, then I would not jump to conclusion, but I would take our relationship slow. And as far as her being a model, it would cross my mind as far as beauty goes (us women tend to compare ourselves with others at times), but I'm confident enough in myself that I wouldnt let it bother me for that reason (beauty) alone. What would bother me more than beauty is if he is still in love with her. Now, that could pose a problem.
1Truthfully, it wouldn't bother me. Chances are, I would probably admire his ex in the ad, and that's it.
I'm content with my appearance, and what I am on the inside. These days, other people do not make me insecure about myself.
2MissChita and GlowingMoon, great attitudes!! I totally could not handle this, at all, but I know that's just my raging insecurity.
3I'd probably ask him if he is still in love with her...if he is ..than I am out. It is one thing to be nostalgic but quite another to be still in love with an ex.
4I think the only issue I would have to be sure of is if he is truly over her, and if so, then there is no issue.
If he isn't, then I would question why I was there, and I would need to talk to him about it.
Its a myth that guys cannot be hurt as deeply as women, I know for a fact they can, and that they can display the same misplaced sentimentality as we can (pining for someone that ended up being bad for us)..
I think its important to be kind to him about it, don't come off freaked or paranoid, just ensure that his interest in you is sincere, and move on. What's past, is past, and you can help him get over it.
5I don't know how I could handle that either, I suppose I am insecure as well. Maybe it's because I'm sort of on the other end, I mean I'm no model, but I'm sure if I ever wanted to go back he would take me back. So yeah, being the other girl who "can" have the guy just because he "can't" have some other girl, well I don't think I could deal with that. Just being truthful.
6I would be more concerned that he seems so wistful about her rather than the fact that she's a model. I know this probably comes off as mean, but the fact that he seems to still want her so much is a deal breaker.
7I'm with MissChita
8I'm with Apma. I could be a model too, but it wouldn't make a world of difference if he still wished he was with her...
9I would like to say I'd be totally cool with it, but I'm pretty sure it would send a sensation of insecurity right through me. I like myself and think I'm pretty, but I've always put more stock in my smarts than looks because I've always thought I was little more than average when it comes to beauty. One of the most flattering things my boyfriend has ever said to me was that I'm the smartest girl he's ever dated -- I don't think any compliment on my looks could make me feel as happy as that did.
I know what his exes look like, and they're all pretty girls. I do find myself happy to be skinnier or have a nicer complexion or whatever than them though.
I don't think that if a guy points out his ex and comments on her looks is a sign that he's not over her. Everyone is capable of acknowledging attractiveness in another person (I just acknowledged my bf's ex is pretty, and I LOATHE her). If he's not with her, it's over, and there's nothing to worry about.
10This totally happened to me!!! Things ultimately didn't work out with the guy for other reasons, but the fact that he was so proud of himself for having dated a model was kind of a sign to me. I didn't feel like he was comparing me to her, but I did feel like he was hung up on the idea of, "what ELSE could I get?" and before too long we both decided to pursue that notion!
11This totally happened to me before! Although she wasn't in a magazine, he did have modelling pictures of her framed in his room. I certainly don't have a model's body-I am plus-sized! He ended up criticizing my weight and not really being over his ex. Thinking back, I am so glad I got out of that situation!
12you HAVE to ask him if he still has feelings for her because he can just be in a relationship to get over her. i don't think her being a model is important, what's important is if he still has feelings for her or not.
13I would probably hide in my room for a month if this happened. Maybe going that long without food would help make me model-sized
That's if I wasn't pregnant. Since I'm like 50 lbs overweight right now from the baby, I'd probably just make it easy and go jump off a bridge.
That's literally what came to my mind. I admire you all for being so well-adjusted. I'm so jealous and self-conscious it hurts
I guess eating disorders have a lot to do with that too.
14her job/looks would have no effect on me. his feelings for her are a different story. he's not with her anymore but if i thought he wanted to be and wasn't over her it wouldn't matter who the ex was i would probably break it off. i wouldn't want someone missing another woman when they were with me.
15Is he over her? Why did the relationship end?
I could handle it. Who cares what she looks like if she was a total b*tch to him?
If he was pointing it out and TRYING to make me jealous then it's a big warning flag anyway.
16I'd have problems with the way he talked about her, not her in particular. I'll admit I'd be a bit jealous, but just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean I'm not attractive. I actually had something like this happen once, except my guy had brought her to an event as a date (long story). First ten minutes I was practically green, but I could tell he wasn't into her and that he wanted to be with me so I got over it.
17No woman should be a man's second best.
If you are not the woman of his dreams, move along.
Do not waste your time and energy on someone who wishes you were hotter or someone else.
18*Trust your gut and talk to him about it.
19yeah i would have more of a problem with the fact that he is nostalgic about their relationship.
as for her being a model... well part of me would feel really insecure, but the other part of me would be admiring her, i can appreciate a beautiful woman and i give credit where it's due!
20i would probably say "woah? for real? no way. serious? oh. she's pretty wow." and pretend to not let it bother me. then i would tell my mom and a bunch of friends so they'd get me to calm down about it and not let him show that it's bothering me. some cards you shouldn't play, like the i'm irritated your last gf is a model card. unless she or her name started appearing more in the relationship.
21I am in this situation, only his ex isn't only a model but a talented, funky singer and dancer. She's exotic and beautiful and I didn't think I'd have a problem with it but I do. I can't help but compare myself and see my shortcomings against her. He said she was an awful person on the inside, very self centered and mean but I can't help but be superficial and think that he was with her because she is beautiful on the outside.
I know i don't have anything to worry about. I'm not exotic or as out there, though I'm talented, sweet and pretty hot in my own way. The problem is when you run into the ex... my confidence goes out the window if we happen to bump into each other.
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