There’s nothing like comparing yourself to someone else to completely illuminate your insecurities. Whether you’re knocking their choice of boots or feeling particularly envious of them — most of us admit to the up-down glance — by sizing them up against yourself, you’re only serving to further your own worries and self-doubt. So check out my tips on how to free yourself from this possibly detrimental habit and read more.
- Ditch the competitive streak for a while. Although the desire to be better than someone else can be extremely motivating, it can also put you in the position of feeling unsatisfied with yourself no matter what you achieve. In a world filled with 6 billion people, you'll always be able to find someone "better" than you so try to keep things relative.
- Instead of focusing on everyone else, turn all that attention to yourself. Consider your own accomplishments and pat yourself on the back. Running for 20 minutes might mean nothing to the girl on the treadmill next to you, but that doesn't mean that it's not impressive in your book.
- Jealousy is a lot easier than change. Turn your envy into emulation. While it might be second nature to compare yourself to someone else, learn from them instead.
It's so much easier to stay positive when you don't feel that irrational need to measure yourself against someone else, so do your best to fight the urge!
Browns Fashion
Lanvin
Mark Davis
i am guilty of being envious of people in my life and their accomplishments and i do make comparisons. i find myself being down on myself and my self worth plummets.but i think back to the story of the tortoise and the hare. i guess i am the tortoise. it makes me feel better.
1I have trouble with this sometimes. I try to move the focus back to myself, as you suggested. I think about myself as a total package, not just the miniscule issue I am jealous of another girl for. I might not be as talented or pretty or whatever, but I am a very well rounded person and have plenty to feel proud of myself for, and I know there are probably people out there envious of me for things I take for granted.
2I'm somewhat unusual -- I'm not competitive, and I don't get jealous. When I do glance at another woman, it's usually out of admiration. If she happens to notice me glancing at her, I would probably say,"Those are cute shoes," or "You have pretty hair." That's just my personality.
Besides, I've been a victim of jealousy and competition. I've come to learn that jealousy and competition are ugly on people. Also, they ruin friendships and relationships. I don't want to come across ugly, and I certainly don't want to ruin my friendship and relationship, as they're something I value.
3This was a description of me 2 years ago. When I turned 28 I completely flipped out and began looking at every other girl my age who had a house, perfect marriage, career, kids, travel etc. I was beating myself up so much emotionally! I thought I'm gonna be 30!!!! What have I got to show for it???
It took me a while but I've finally been able to let it go. I realized that everyone's life is different and some people due to circumstances in their life will do things at a different pace. I'm so much happier with myself now I think its silly that I put myself through that but I wouldn't be who I am today and feel the way I do today otherwise. Right now I'm just worried about living life and I still have the same goals and look forward to reaching them when the timing is right.
4is there a icon that is jumping up and down waving a hand saying pick me, pick me? well....this is me alright. i compare myself to everyone. bad habit. unfortuneatly i always come out on the low end. gotta work on that.
5I'm guilty of all of this
6p.s. how do i insert silly smilies. i only know how to do the happy face and the sad face lol. please and thank youuu!
honeysugar - that's such a great attitude! I am 29 and have chosen to do a couple of grad degrees in pursuit of a difficult career. But I'm dying for a family and I'm super-jealous of women my age with all of these cute kids and normal family lives. However, I wouldn't have wanted kids with any of my boyfriends so far, and I travel to the UK every year, so... I'll wait for the right time.
7Gah...just today, I keep almost wishing I could be the pretty, dumb blonde instead of the smart, average brunette for once. That's good advice, though. I should keep it all in mind.
8that's really great, glowingmoon
i think i do get jealous and i compare myself to people a lot, but i know deep down it's exactly that: jealousy and comparison. in that moment, when i'm jealous of that girl being pretty or that girl who is so intelligent, that's all i can wrap my head around, but after a few minutes, it wears off and i realize that it really is admiration in an ugly form. lol.
9Ughh! I do that all the time, I can´t help it. I guess that it goes hand in hand with having a low self esteem.
10i am the most envious and jealous woman i know. it's actually gotten worse in the last few years... it's interesting because i've actually gotten more comfortable with who i am. doesn't make sense huh? lol
11Two things come to my mind ... I'm often jealous/envious of other people. I got my dream job straight out of grad school and am living in the country of my dreams as well, but I can't help feeling a stab of pain every time I hear one of my acquaintances from college is starting her MD, PhD, or JD ... because I feel like I should be there too. But one thing that comes to mind is that I need to be GRATEFUL for what I have - a fantastic job, family, friends and the opportunity to live the dream I've always wanted. I've realized that if I keep focusing on others' accomplishments, it's showing ingratitude really, for all the blessings I've got in my life. My boyfriend once gave me a piece of great advice, which is that you often hear only of peoples' successes - not their hardships, sadnesses, or struggles - because they want to advertise what they're proud of. So you never know what's going on underneath and maybe if you found out, you wouldn't be comparing yourself to that person or be jealous of them anymore. That's my two cents.
12It's only natural i mean anyone who says they dont get jealous of any one else is lying straight out. its survival instinct.. im not as good as them or ill need to be or ill get eaten!
13Ugh, I am also guilty of this. I hate it but I just can't help compare myself to people from time to time. I hate it though because I know it is a wast of energy.
14I do this from time to time.
15Sometimes it's hard not to beat yourself up or be jealous of other people. I know jealousy is ugly, so I do my best to be okay with what I don't have or will never have. Still, sometimes you feel inadequate when everyone in the room is carrying a Coach bag and you are carrying Vera Bradley, ya know?
I have found that if you are comfortable and confident with yourself what you are wearing or what you have is less important than you actually think it is.
But, it's still a struggle for me.
i do this way too much as well. you know you shouldn't, but you do it anyway. it's like a compulsive thing.
if i catch myself doing it i just remind myself that i am happy with my own life, i've got people who love me, i have a decent job and there is no reason to mope over things you can't help or can't have.
16i am in the process of recovering from an eating disorder, and part of my recovery is learning how to stop doing this because its a huge factor that ive let take over my life. so nip it in the bud! allowing yourself to get caught up in comparing your life to others can do irreparable damage.
17ah, i'm also guilty of this! :/
18i know i shouldn't, but i just do it. *sigh*
My mouth runs away from me sometimes, and the other night a girl quite-obviously sized me up when we first met. I am a "voluptuous" woman (ok, let's just say it, I eat fried chicken) and she was quite skinny.
I was so appalled at how obvious it was that I actually laughed and said out loud "Wow, the last time someone looked at me like that I made him buy me a drink." She blushed with embarrassment and I moved on, feeling good for conjuring a little Mae West.
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