Don't. Really, don't.
It is super hard but I don't think you'll ever be able to forgive him so spare yourself another heartache and try moving on without him.

I said forgive because you said that you love him. You might regret not trying again. You have to tell him how you want it to go though - don't let him think he can do that to you again.

Not forgive. In my opinion, per his past behavior, he doesn't truly love you. I don't know his REAL reason for reconciling with you, but it ain't love. Don't buy his reconciling pitch. He's a toxic element. Protect you heart. Close your heart to him.

Also, I think he has some nerve trying to reconcile with you after the way he broke-up with you. His break-up was so unceremonious. He's a narcissist, isn't he?

An abrupt exodus like the one you describe sends a strong signal there was another woman in the wings. I would be hard pressed to think otherwise. From the sounds of it, his eight month tryst/hiatus ran out of steam. And, now you are good for an ego boost, an extended bootie call or ?. Before I'd consider getting back together with him, I would find out if you were betrayed by him with another woman. If you were, I would NOT even entertain another conversation with him. If he simply had a case of being afraid of commitment, I would still tread lightly and take things slowly with him. Lastly, I would have a set of conditions and boundaries in place before reengaging in the relationship. Good luck and remember there is a world of men out there!

Not forgive.

My brother's long term girlfriend (of 9 years) did the exact same thing to him. She needed to 'find herself' and do some 'soul searching'. He was heartbroken and it took him a good while to get over it. He started doing more outdoor activities, went out and met new people etc etc. Just when he was getting back to his old self she wanted to reconcile. But he refused, and now he's happily married and expecting a baby with a wonderful girl.

Do yourself a favour and move on!

I say no who is to say he won't do it again look when he feels he has to soul seaarch again

Not forgive. What if in two years he decides he needs to do some more "soul searching" and leaves again? He luft you abruptly because he wasn't sure he loved you and it took him eight months to contact you again. Why put yourself back in that situation?

You say you've been having fun and flirting with other guys again. Find yourself a real man. One who won't run off the minute things start to complicated in his life.

Never go back to your past: chances are, there's a reason you were split up in the first place.

Honestly, if he left you, why would you trust him to come back and not leave you again? He thinks by coming back that he's got you all figured out. Now I could see if you split to go overseas for the military or something else that's life altering. But he leaves out of his own personal reasons, never trust going back to him.

Now I need to take that advice and cut my ex off cold turkey.

i say-not fogive. if he didn't know what he had then he doesn't get a second chance. As Carrie Underwood says "life is too short. THey only get one chance. " I say move on and find someone new. That was always my motto when I dated, AFTER i learned the hard way. save yourself grief and move on.

I knew everyone on here would say not forgive. He made a mistake. I think if you loved him and what you had was great you need to make a decision that is personal to you. Do you want to be with him right now? Don't worry about future heartache because it might never come. Do what you feel like doing right now.

Damn, we're all only human! Sometimes we freak out and don't handle situations well and we just push everyone away and need space. Deciding to be with one person the rest of your life is a big deal, and for him it could have been a huge step that you didn't even realize. Kind of like the bachelor party where it's that one last night of freedom or cold feet at weddings...we just freak! If he just took some time away and wants you back b/c he assessed his relationship and realizes he wants you in his life, then I'd definitely forgive. You'll probably have a great man in your life that knows what he wants instead of just following the steps of progression in a relationship. If he just flaked and went out and slept with a bunch of girls, got it out of his system, and now is begging for you back, then I say no. But just time to think? I'd forgive:)

not forgive. you could let him know you are open to giving him another chance but make him be really really patient while you decide if you want to be with him

this is a hard one... but you (& every girl) deserve so much better than someone who needs eight months to decide whether or not they want to be with you. if someone is the love of your life, there's no way you'd break up with them for that long & risk losing them because you needed to do some "soul searching". i think if you do decide to take him back, he needs to earn his way back into your heart & prove himself & show you that he won't do the same thing again later on before you agree to get back together with him.

I seriously think he left for someone else, it didn't work out and now wants what he didn't appreciate. He told you he didn't think he had the same feelings for you that you have for him and insisted you stop calling him. What more do you want?

No one who really, truly loved you would do something like that to you. Even if it's true, that he needed space and time to "find himself," if he really cared about you he would have gone about it in a different (and more sensitive) manner. I say don't forgive him - forget him.

This is a tough one... but I say not forgive. While I completely understand that sometimes we freak out and need time and space to figure things out, 8 months is just too much! If he really cared for you, he'd realized that is you he wants to be with much sooner, plus he'd be too afraid to lose you for good to leave you all this time without contacting you...
I just don't think he loves you enough to be the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, and it's not the kind of situation where you can just take it slowly and see how it goes. You're too emotionally involved, and you're just setting yourself up for an even bigger heartbreak.
You're already moving on, flirting with other guys...forget him, and enjoy

This is how I see it:

Assuming that the only reason for leaving you was that he "freaked"...cause..YES, it happens. I say forgive...but be guarded and lay out the "rules"...no living together, etc. Start dating him again and take it slow.

If he didn't cheat, he isn't an ass on a regular basis and you love him....I think he deserves another chance...people do freak out when they see their lives becoming serious...some others just handle it better.

I said not forgive. because I would be completely insecure that he would do the same thing all over again in the future. And I can't live with someone I don't trust...

If I had asked this question here 2 years ago, I wouldn't be back with my boyfriend, and I wouldn't be as tremendously happy as I am today, and I wouldn't be with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.

When we started getting serious, he freaked out (by acting like a total jerk, and pretty much with the same attitude than yours : I don't think I love you like you love me... blablabla") and we broke up. I was devastated for months, but then as soon as I started picking myself up and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (and the other MEN at the end of the tunnel!) he called back and begged (the same way yours is doing) - and after making him work for it for a few weeks (enough to trust his sudden change of heart!), I took him back.

Now we live together and we're very happy and committed, and he's never done it again. Sometimes guys need more time to adjust to very profound emotional commitment. Everybody deserves second chances, and you love him - so maybe you can give him a shot at making it up. I would forgive him, but only after making him work for it - tell him you need to be sure of his commitment, and see how he reacts. This ain't WallMart; he can't return you then buy you back on credit. You are worth some f*cking hardcore love-lettering!

Good luck, I hope it works out!

i think only you can make this call. everyone makes mistakes, but to cut you out of his life the way he did might be unforgivable to you. maybe suggest going to a counselor together to talk through what happened and get perspective. there might be factors you know nothing about, and it would help him to know what you went through because of his actions. even if you decided you didn't want to move forward with this relationship you'd feel better about how it ended.

sorry you had this experience. not sure if there is any comfort in numbers in this situation, but i know several other people this has happened to.

I think lickety has it right. Only you can make this call.

I can see arguments from both sides. I know stories where someone begged to be taken back only to leave again. I know stories where someone begged to be taken back and then stayed and they're now happily married.

Berlin is right, too. We're all human. We all make mistakes.

Good luck.

Heck, it doesn't take 8 months to figure it out! It would take like a week, or a month, but not that long! Unless he was stranded in Alaska of course.

Well, it sounded like he hardly gave you any closure when he broke up with you. Yeah, he said he needed space....but that sounds strange to me, like there was another woman involved. I'm wondering why he didn't say something from the very beginning of the break-up. For instance...I need some time to myself to figure out if we really do belong together, or something of that nature. You know? I agree with all the people who said, everyone makes mistakes. I just think he should have been much clearer with you from the beginning.

It's totally up to you with how you want to handle this...but I think if you do consider getting back with him...find out if there was another woman at the beginning of your break-up...,and if so, do NOT give him a second chance. If, you find out he really did need some space to re-evaluate your relationship...then take things really slow and go at your pace...that is if you even want to go down this road again. I wish you the best of luck.

I agree with gossipqueen (and lickety split and popgoestheworld)that he should be given another chance and if you do, to set ground rules. However, tresjolie is right. 8 months is a real long time.

I just got back together with my bf. We only broke up for a month. Apparently, he didn't know what he wanted to do with himself and this was the first really serious relationship for him. Of course, we didn't have much drama in our relationship and he didn't cheat. I hope your ex is likewise.

Hm...I don't think he was very considerate when he broke up with you at all. He pretty much cut you out of his life...I was going to say to give him a chance...but be cautous about it...I would say he gets to date you BUT with some major rules.

BUUUT!! Dublin brings up a good point! hm..I think I am going to change my vote now...

Okay this is the deal.. If you accept him in, you cannot accept him in immediately and having things go back to "normal" and pretend like nothing every happened. He has to do more than beg for guys to work things out. You guys need to seriously take things slowly. Second, and this is the most important part, it's not what he wants, it's what you want. What do YOU want?

Aww! I say forgive him. He realized that he really does still love you! He messed up and wants to fix his mistake. But if he does it again, you gave him a second chance already!

I say forgive, but with reservations. He needs to explain why he treated you so badly when he left, and he needs to be honest about what he was doing for those 8 months. I agree with Berlin above whole-heartedly; if he can explain why he acted that way, take him back, but he needs to accept that he needs to re-earn your trust. If you still love him, better to give it one more try than always wonder what-if. (Just in case, you might think about getting him to get tested for STIs.)

So, he got together with another woman and it didn't work out and he's coming back to his backup plan?

I would proceed with caution. There is the chance he could do this to you again when the grass looks greener in the future...

Eh. If I were you, I'd just move on and not look back.
But yeah, it is your call. If you think, it's ok for him to be like that and you can accept the possibility that it'll happen again in the future, proceed with caution.

My instinct says that he left to try it out with another girl but unfortunately it didn't work out for them, so he went crawling back. I'd rather not be 2nd choice, but that's how I live my life and I don't have regrets and I'm happy with the men in my life (my hubby who always put me first and our son).

2 of my exes (whom I broke up with), asked me to take them back, one is within a month (and of course I said 'no'), the other did take a year.
But to be fair, I blocked any means of communication with the second one (the one who took a year to contact me) for a year, and he lives in a different state.

I don't think that you should take him back unless you are 100% certain that he is your soul mate. And let's face it, if he was then he never would have done this to you. If you do end up taking him back, how do you know that he won't do the same thing to you again? If you take him back, I would suggest that you take things realllllly slowly (like no sex for awhile), and make him work to get you back. This is not the kind of thing where he can just dump you, not talk to you at all and then beg for you back. Not cool, and not mature. You better make him grovel and work hard if he wants the pleasure of having you back in his life. But really, I think you should move on and find someone who appreciates you.
Good luck to you.

No matter how much I cared about him or loved him, I think the resentment of what he did would get to me in the end if we got back together after something like that.

This situation sucks, I know cos I've been there. As a lot of people have said, only you know this man and his heart. A year and a half into my relationship, my boyfriend freaked out, started seriously withdrawing from me, and then broke up with me a couple weeks later. I was devastated, I knew he was the man for me. After the worst 2 months of my life he came back, told me that he hated being away from me, and was ready to commit himself to me for the long haul. I took him back, 4 years later we got married, and I'm completely overwhelmed by our love. He still hasn't forgiven himself for breaking my heart, but I can say with 100% honesty that I'm glad it hapened the way it did, that he made a concious decision to be with me, despite his commitment issues. I don't know your guy though, and 8 months is a long time to figure things out. You gotta go with your gut here.

I still stand by the motto, "in the long haul there are no breaks." if you feel you need to take a break to "work things out" that's not working anything out, that's ignoring the issue until it's 'gone away'.

You have to follow your heart, but just know that you deserve to find a love who doesn't have to convince themselves they love you. Speaking from experience, it is a long painful haul to accept life with a partner who is never fully convinced that you are the one...the slightest difficulties move them to doubt their love for you, and you, in turn, start to doubt your self-worth. This vicious cycle only get worse with years and life pressures. Please don't settle because you think that this is the best love has to offer.

Like a few people I was in a similar situation, with a boyfriend who was very confused about his feelings and our relationship. It wasn't an 8-month split, and we stayed in touch throughout. Now we've been living together for four years, and married for nearly a year, he loves me unconditionally, and I wouldn't be with anybody else. My advice is to think about how you feel, and to try and think back to when you were together and think about how he made you feel then. If they're good memories and you want to be with him, I think you should give it a try, even if it means you might get your heart broken again.

NO. You can't be taken for granted, and you deserve somebody who won't bail out on you. Trust me, there's better out there. Don't feel bad if he suffers the way you suffered for him.

I am kind of on the fence about this. I feel that everyone deserves a second chance BUT if he walked out once will he walk out again if the going gets tough would always be in the back of my mind.

I vote undecided because like some said -this is your call. I went through something similar with my BF- we didnt break-up totally but it was close- it took him a week before he realized he made a huge mistake. That week was the worst week of my life. I can assure you if it took him more than a week or two - I would have moved on and NOT have taken him back.

You say you are still angry but you still love him. Tread slowly here. If you are angry, it will not work. If you need him to step-up and prove himself- by all means- tell him. And if he DID see another woman - I say let him go for now. Let him know you want to date other guys. At least then it is HIS turn to sit there heart-broken while you get some space before committing to HIM. Not fair what he did- believe me- I suffered for a week and I was upset- and while I now am VERY happy and we both really hashed it out- my guy needed a WEEK not 8 months!!

I went through something somewhat like this and I think you have to make the choice yourself. I was a little younger when things in my relationship got to a breaking point. My boyfriend cut off all contact with me and I was miserable. all I wanted to do was work things out but he didn't. We didn't speak for 2 and a half years after being together for 5 years. I had finally gotten my confidence back and started thinking of myself as date-able again, and then out of nowhere he e-mailed me. I was furious and had all kind of resentment towards him but I felt like I needed to finally confront him for what he did to us and how he had made me feel. I had all these plans about telling him off in detail. The thing is that as soon as I heard his voice again I melted. I have always and will always love him and the time we spent apart cemented that for both of us. He had changed a lot and grown up. He had gotten over some issues we had in the past and was finally able to see where he had gone wrong and not just blame me for our problems. Now I'm married to that man and we are seriously happy and I don't fear him leaving me anymore. And if there is a time that I get insecure because of what happened he understands and reassures me. If you love this guy and you can trust that when he says he loves you and he made a mistake that he means that, then I think you owe it to yourself to try. be cautious and be honest with him because it will take a while for him to earn your trust again. But if he is for real he'll be willing to put in the work. If it starts to look like a scam cut him off because no one should be able to keep hurting you over and over.

I'm going through something similar right now except I'm the one who freaked out and needed to break up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. It's only been 3 weeks and no contact but I still love him and want things to work out between us. Who's to say he didn't realize he wanted you back sooner but it just wasn't the right time? Sometimes you can't find yourself or fix a problem together, sometimes distance is the only way. I'm not saying he went about it well, but it happened. You can only move forward now. I think a lot of people here are being harsh and jumping to conclusions. Why is it that so many assume he cheated? We don't know the circumstances of the breakup and what was going on in his head, but that's why you need to talk to him more. I agree that you have to decide what's right for you but if you really did/do love him, you owe it to yourself to find out why it happened. You're angry and hurt but either way, whether you decide to walk away or get back together, some type of closure has to happen. It sounds like in that one talk you guys had, he was blurting out things while you listened but I think the first step is conversation where both of you participate. Then take it from there. Good luck!

Not forgive. I think he was definitely seeing someone else, and then it didn't work out, so now he is crawling back to you because he thinks you will immediately take him back. If you do start up a relationship with him again you need to take it slow, find out what really happened in those months (ie if there was another woman), and give yourself enough time and space to see if you really want this.

I agree with everyone who said that this is something only you can decide.

However, I just wanted to share that in my experience there is a very real chance for forgiveness and "happily ever after" in this situation.

Two people I am very close with were in almost your exact situation when they were your age. They ended up getting back together, and will soon be celebrating their 25th anniversary of being very happily married.

It just depends on the people and the situation.

Good luck!

i voted undecided. if i were u, i wouldnt date him again, but i wouldve gone to see what he had to say, for the sake of closure. but i wouldnt get together with him. because i dont let people use me. i cant be dumped, taken, dumped and taken. i mean im not that type. but in ure case, i really dont know. i think he was seeing someone too. if things were going so great, i dont see why he wouldve done that if he wasnt cheating on u or hiding something. if it were my choice, i would say hell no. dont be the napkin. but, in ure case, u guys were gonna get engaged. even i had a guy who realized that he loved me, but only after he lost me. he begged me to take him back, and i wanted to, but i didnt. and im happy now, with my second bf, after struggling a lot though. its ure choice, if u think its right going down that road again, u should. if ure having second thoughts, then no.