Sit down with your boyfriend and say "I know something is going on. Why don't you tell me about it?" If he wants to know how you know, tell him that isn't important, and ask him again what's going on. Sit quietly long enough, looking at him, and he'll confess. This guy's cheating, you know it and I know it.

He's definitely cheating on you. All signs point to "CHEAT"

You can either:

A) continue on your road of snooping and follow him next time he goes to visit his parents

B) (and my favorite) sign on the dating website, find a picture of an attractive girl (I suggest searching a girls name on google, make sure it's like a normal picture, not from a porn site or a model or a professional shot.. just some girl hangin out at the beach or somethng) and message him saying you're just looking to an "intimate encounter" chat with him and then invite him to meet you at a random Starbucks not near your home at a time where he should be home with "you" (say 6pm?) and if he agrees then go to the Starbucks after he leaves home to "go see his parents" and confront the cheating prick.

C) Be mature and do what Luisamapacha said but I like my idea better.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

PS: My best friend and I caught one of her ex's using the B method. Its especially effective if you bring a smack talkin girlfriend.

You go girl.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

All of your reasons for suspecting him may be nothing, except for him checking his online profile. Come on, he's STILL LOOKING FOR GIRLS. One year into your relationship! How much plainer do you want it to be?

Fallen's method sounds like what I would personally do. I'm that sneaky, suspicious, mind-game playing kind of person. But I know Luisa's method is better. So to balance, try Luisa's method first. Tell him you feel like he has something to tell you about him and what he's doing besides loving you. Ideally he'll confess... but if he denies and calls you names, or you can tell he's withholding, GO FOR PLAN B!! Except I think that when you meet him at the place with a friend, you should do the talking, not her... she's just there to give you guts.

Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.

If you choose to try plan C first I can almost guarantee he will get defensive and then guilt trip you into apologising for ever suspecting him of something so heinous. He may also threaten to break up with you and yell and scream about 'how dare you distrust' him etc etc... I dont like plan C because all it will do is cause a huge fight and he will just deny deny deny.

If you do choose plan C, when it fails, dont pull plan B until at least a week after or else he may suspect you are trying to trick him. Wait until the fight is forgotten about and then do plan B.

Also, some more tips for plan B:

- Choose a picture of someone attractive but not over the top, if she's too hot then why would she be looking for a one night stand? Make her mediocre but still attractive.
- When talking to your boyfriend, dont try to rush anything, be really easy going, friendly and sexy. Dont do anything too suspicious like ask him about a girlfriend right off the bat or anything like that. Pretend he is just a guy you met online that you dont know personally but you want to get laid.
- If he asks for your number so he can talk to you first give him a friend's number that he doesnt know that well and wont recognize the voice OR tell him you can only text cuz you're at work and give him your friend's number that he wont have or recognize and handle it that way. Make excuses so he doesnt get suspicious!
- If he agrees to meet "you" then play it smart saying "Well, we should meet at Starbucks near my house, just in case you're a serial killer haha" make it realistic.
- Dont jump the gun! If he leaves your guys' place at 5:30 for a 6pm meeting, you leave 10 minutes later and make sure he doesnt see you until he gets to the Starbucks. Bring printouts of the conversation he had with "you" online so he cant deny anything.

Be Strong and hold to your guns. If he doesnt react to your fake girl, create another one with a different look that might attract him but dont do too many as that will be odd. Get help from your girlfriends! With any luck when you talk to him online he'll say "Actually, I'm not interested in meeting anyone, I have agirlfriend, I'm just lookin around." but probably not.

Good luck.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

love love love that idea.

I've done it too. it's sneaky enough to get answers without causing a huge drag out and emotional fight and if you catch him, all the better for you. you get your answers so you can move on and be happy, and you get a little bit of revenge by busting him at the same time.

That sneaky plan takes way more time, energy and organization than he's worth. Seriously. There's a great saying: "Trying to get revenge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick." This is similar. A trick this elaborate is only going to prolong your heartache.

Luisamapacha, I think trying to confront your boyfriend of a year without any evidence what so ever will just turn into a "my instinct against your word" fight. Emotionally draining, second guessing yourself, guilt tripping and him trying to convince you that youre a bad person for suspecting. I'd rather have hard cold proof that he's a liar and a cheater instead of just assuming and starting a gigantic fight when you have nothing solid to back up your assumptions. If she was ready to just break up with him and run then it wouldnt matter if he was cheating, she would just leave.

Obviously she still is kind of hoping he's not cheating but personally, I'd rather have the proof then to be second guessing myself.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

She HAS evidence. He's arranged dates with other women, maintains his online personals profile, searches for women on Myspace, and is gone up to three nights per week. If he isn't cheating already, he's trying pretty damn hard to.

Trying to set him up could really backfire. What if he says no? That won't answer any questions at all. It could be because he has another date that night, because he doesn't find the girl attractive, because he has plans with the guys, because his favorite movie just arrived from Netflix, etc. Unless he takes the bait hook, line and sinker, nothing will be learned.

Not to mention the "crazy" reputation you'd get if he ever found out you went to the trouble of setting up and paying for a fake personals page. (You'd have to pay in order to talk to him.)

I would never pay for online dating, www.plentyoffish.com guys!

Most pay dating sites allow women a few free credits just to attract more guys, if this is a paysite maybe she still has credit left over from her old nickname because thats how she met her guy.

It rare that a guy will turn down free p*ssy, even if she's not 100% his type.

Some guys can completely explain away things that seem like evidence especially because she's already said that the emails seem friendly (she's just my cousin, no big deal!) the online profile could just be curiosity so could the myspace (look but dont touch, right?) and gone three nights a week to see his parents and buddies, he's already explained those.

You need cold hard undeniable proof.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

my advice is to dump him. what is so great that you have to stay for?

I agree with kamiko - the relationship sounds bad enough in that you're snooping around looking for dirt on him. Who cares about confronting him! You should just break up with the guy and leave it at that. You don't need to hear his excuses, or his reasons for cheating on you. Be the bigger person and walk away with your dignity intact.

he's definitely cheating. you had enough suspicion to snoop around his computer & you've already found the proof. no point in trying to catch him or come up with something elaborate. just dump him.

I think the scheme is a little over the top. There are a lot of reasons he might say no to a date and then you're going to be left wondering. You can't expect him to be honest and trustworthy if you aren't going to be. Talk to him, tell him you're tired of the way things are going in the relationship and that you feel like he might be cheating. He'll probably deny it but if you've been with him for a year aren't you going to be able to read him. Why aren't you asked along when he goes to his parents? Have you met the friends he's going out with? Come on. There is no point in playing games.

I'm with Kamiko82, too. I would dump him, too. You found evidence of him asking other girls out, which I presume he never told you about. He still checks his online dating profile, and his weekly so-called outings with friends and parents seem sketchy. All this indicate that he's a non-committed, untrustworthy boyfriend. Value yourself and your heart, and dump him. He's not measuring up.

I'm with Kamiko82, too. I would dump him, too. You found evidence of him asking other girls out, which I presume he never told you about. He still checks his online dating profile, and his weekly so-called outings with friends and parents seem sketchy. All this indicate that he's a non-committed, untrustworthy boyfriend. Value yourself and your heart, and dump him. He's not measuring up.

I'm with Kamiko82, too. I would dump him, too. You found evidence of him asking other girls out, which I presume he never told you about. He still checks his online dating profile, and his weekly so-called outings with friends and parents seem sketchy. All this indicate that he's a non-committed, untrustworthy boyfriend. Value yourself and your heart, and dump him. He's not measuring up.

I know I'd ENJOY humiliating my soon-to-be ex (Due to my heartache) and proving that I just caught him red-handed. That's why I find Fallen's idea to be really cool.

But in my experience, when I just wanted to get it over with, I just broke it off with the person. Not even questioning him. Too exhausted emotionally for any weird confrontation (That's just me, though).

I did that w/ my ex-fiancee whom I've been with almost 5 years. Honestly, I never had hard proofs that he was cheating, but he was showing signs from his action, his speech, etc.

Then I found out after breaking up, from one of his female friends (from his school--he just went back to school for his master when I dumped him) that he was trying to date her before and was going out a couple of times on dates.
And he never mentioned that he was engaged to me , not until when she insisted to visit my ex and I insisted to come along. That's the time she found out that my ex had a 'gf'/fiancee.
I actually ended up good friend w/ that female friend We still keep in contact although I have no contact whatsoever w/ my ex-fiancee.

Trust your instinct, if you want to confront him (although I'd just drop him, if I were you), eh, do it either way you want (luisa's way or fallen's way), whatever makes you more comfortable or more satisfactory.

G'luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

i cosign w/ Kamiko sunday and zabrow!!!

just dump him there enuff evidence, what else do u need? theres no point in you confronting him and giving a chance to make up EXCUSES!!!! just walk away!!!!

I also agree with Kamiko, sunday and zabrow, and dollhouse.

All signs point to him being a player, don't see why you'd want to stick around.
Even if you do confront him do you really think he's going to be honest? do you really think
he'll suddenly stop his behavior? He'll probably say he's sorry, that he'll never do it again and then
turn right around and email some chick for a date. to me it's not worth the time, energy, effort, I think you're better off counting your losses and moving on, find something better for your life.

I agree with everyone else who said just dump him. he's cheating for sure. i've gone through that already and done plan B and it was just a waste of my time because obviously he tried to cover it. there's no point of wasting your time. just dump him. just say "i'm breaking up with you. i know you're cheating. i don't need to hear your excuses and keep listening to you lying to me. so bye." that's it. you need to find someone who won't hurt you.

"At this point I just want to know if he's cheating"... C'mon, you know he's cheating! And you want to confront him, because deep down you still have some kind of irrational hope it's not true, and you want to hear him say that. So there's a high chance you'll believe his excuses and continue in a relationship with this guy that does not deserve you! Be strong and just walk away... In the end you'll be glad that you didn't waste any more time with him, nor with any kind of scheme to try to catch him!
Good luck!

Are you kidding me? Are you seriously wondering if he is cheating or not when he is checking his dating profile on a dating site? What else is he doing? Looking for an extra goalie for his hockey team?! And also...the myspace thing...what more do you need. Even if he hasn't gone out and sex with someone else he has clearly checked out of the relationship. Kick him out!

A friend of mine found a nice guy on a dating website. He said he was single until she found out he has two different Myspace profiles. One for his girlfriend to see that says he's in a relationship with pictures of her on it and one for ladies he finds online to see that says he's single with just pictures of him. It wasn't a week later he hit on another friend of ours on the dating website so now she knows about him, the first friend that he hit on knows about him, I know about him, but his girlfriend as far as we know has no clue.

He's cheating on you! He's too stupid to hide it! Don't let strangers tell you because they are getting hit on by him and maybe some girls will never know about you and will think he's a great guy that loves them too!

It's sad when you know something to be true, and yet, you want so badly to believe that it isn't.

He will deny, deny, deny if you confront him. You either have to just leave him, or catch him in the act.

Good grief. I would just call block him and never even speak to him again. He's not worth one more second of your time.

I just ended a three and a half year relationship with someone i had lived with and was even engaged to. I thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy.. and as it turns out, everything was a lie. I learned of his cheating and confronted him. First, it was denial and he was really mean to me. Then, he wanted to talk and work things out. In the end, he still wants to get back together. But how and why it happened is more important than kissing and making up sometimes. Standing my ground, he knows what he lost now, cause like you, us women havethe world to give. Ive realized that you should go with your gut and remember you are more important and this life is short. dont kid yourself, cause its not the end of the world and you can always do better. good luck and i really hope the best for you

Life is too short for you worry yourself over something you already know. You were born with something men don't have : women intuition--you know that tug at your gut or second thought that you try to shake but can't. Be honest and up front. Instead of asking him if he's cheating, tell him that you know something isn't right in your relationship and demand an honest reply. If he can't give you one, you know what to do. FYI, when you look for something, you always find something. My "intuition" is telling me that you knew it probably wouldn't have worked from the beginning (for whatever reason). If I were you, I'd cut my loses, but it's your decision. Just remember, the more time you waste on him, the less time there is for your true soul to find you.

@fallen, you are the funniest person ever! I totally agree with everything you said!

I would definitely carry out the sting operation. That would be HILARIOUS and it'd be so funny to watch him choking on the spot.

Before you do this though you need to work out the contigency plan. You need to make sure you can remain housed after this happens, he might turn nasty and you could be left high and dry with nowhere to live.

Sort out the bills, start sorting out your belongings and make sure you would have somewhere to go in the event that you are turfed out of the flat. How long is left on the lease? Can you discuss potentially staying/getting a new flatmate with your landlord?

Good luck! It's obvious he's cheating and people like this have such a blatant disrespect that it is very unlikely he is going to change his ways anytime soon.

I think he wanted you to find out he's been cheating, or at least looking, so that you would be the one to end the relationship. Some people are total cowards and can't end a relationship like grown ups. They have to be jerks so that their partner will have no choice but to dump them.

Smart girls snoop!

I really like Fallen85's idea. It would just serve him right to get caught in the act. If you can't pull this off, then just say to him "Look, I know you're cheating. And I will not put up with it because I deserve better. So don't ever phone me or talk to me again." Then get the hell out of that relationship and don't look back. You deserve better. Trust your instincts!!!

I think all this stuff is way too much hassle. Forget about the confrontation or the sneaky plan and just flat out say this relationship isn't working out (cheating and snooping? that's bad on both sides.) and go your separate ways. Let his guilt eat at him later.

yeha, i would just end it without saying anything. he'll probably assume that you already know.

i would not do that whole "plan b" thing; that's totally sinking to his level and you are much much much better than that!

Plan B, while it may be fun to some is not needed. This guy may or may not be cheating, he is certainly seeing what else is out there, which is a different form of cheating, more than likely in hopes of something better. You've said the sex has decreased which could mean he is getting it elsewhere but it could also mean he feels guilty about going on these dates or knows the relationship is not doing well and he is trying to distance himself so that you break it off or he can break it off and not feel as bad for what he is putting you through. The fact that you are going through his emails and checking his dating site shows you don't trust him. It is very hard to regain trust, especially relationship as new as yours (a year. Regardless of if he is cheating or he is not cheating I say just walk away. It is the most drama free heartache free way to go about it. You then put it all on his mind to be like wtf happened? If he cared about you at all he will lose sleep over this and if he didn't he will just keep on doing what he is doing.

seriously, with all that planning and back and forth talking you may do before you even get him to agree to a date.....seems like a lot of work. If you really feel like you need to catch him in the act, why don't you follow him? I mean, what the heck is the difference in the end?

But really, you should just break up with him. There are obviously serious problems. And also you mentioned you gained weight and you are rarely intimate anymore. Who wants to be with someon who isn't going to love you for you and just makes feel bad about yourself. It's not worth it. A year really isn't really that long and definitely worth it to walk away before it turns in to 2 YEARS of a bad relationship.

Good luck!

agree TOTALLY and COMPLETELY with luisamapacha. She is so right- why waste time with a plan to
"catch" him. Please- you know the truth. Don't even bother to defend yourself for snooping- just tell him that while you may have snooped he did something hell of a lot worse and he is despicable. Take your stuff and walk. You don't even NEED to defend yourself because you are dumping him - he is a loser. You deserve a guy you can trust. He isnt that guy. Say "peace out loser" and move on.

Even when a girl KNOWS intuitively that her man is cheating, sometimes (and obviously in this case because she still wants to chat with him about it) a woman needs it slapped in her face that her man is cheating. She needs the shock therapy route to kick her butt in to gear and leave her loser, ESPECIALLY after a year! And Clarby, whether he's f*cking another girl or just going on dates, it's cheating. Simple. He's going behind her back and doing something wrong, passive agressive or not, he's cheating.

Plan B is an effective way to a)Catch the mutha f*cker b)to embarass the sh!t out of him c)shock the girl enough to get out of the relationship d)make enough waves so that even if she's it tempted to go back, her dignity could not allow her after that charade and e)make him think twice about trying to date online where people can pretend to be anyone they want to be.

The mature route is to leave him without explanation but if you do that, you might second guess yourself and he might need closure and then it just gets messy. Also, Plan B does not need more then 1 day. Sign up, chat with him, take your time (1/2hr) for him to gain your trust and then invite him out for that night. Tell him you want to get laid etc etc. If it doesnt work (which I doubt... I've done this a couple times and its always worked) and try again or just trust your instincts and leave but I'm the type of girl that needs cold hard proof.

To each their own but Plan B is not only an effective last minute contraceptive but also an excellent way to catch your man cheatin.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

What Fallen suggested. You'd get to the bottom of the issue dead quick and know once and for all and go from there. And please bring your camera, because I'm sure you could take that picture of him -mouth open and eyes wide with the slooow realization that he was out-smarted, and we all know those types think they're so damn fine and good at what they do... then make a t-shirt that reads, "This is what a lying, cheating, jerk*ff looks like!", or some such phrasing.

My daughter was at her friends house and she said, "Amy, what does plenty offish mean?". We all thought it was pretty funny. She's 14. I guess you had to be there.

Setting up a sting op is going to cause WAY more drama than it's workth--trust me, I've done it and it was a DISASTER.

I'm on the just dump him bandwagon. You deserve better than someone who doesn't love you for who you are-extra pounds and all. Anyways, even if he's not cheating (you know, that .2% chance), he's lying. Get out!

I vote for dumping him. Don't waste any more time on this jerk.

I meant to say cheating in the fact that he may or may not be sleeping with other women. The fact that he is emailing them and thinking about them and possible meeting up with them is indeed not being faithful. It is deceiving your partner and wrong. And while this elaborate catch him in the act scheme may be the proof or whatever that you need, honestly learn from itsme. A disaster is the last thing you want at this point. Be the bigger person and just dump him, you don't need to give a reason. Move on to someone that will care about you for who and what you are. Best of luck whatever route you take!

I meant to say cheating in the sense that he may or may not be sleeping with other women. The fact that he is emailing them and thinking about them and possibly meeting up with them is indeed not being faithful. It is deceiving your partner and wrong. And while this elaborate catch him in the act scheme may be the proof or whatever that you need, honestly learn from itsme. A disaster is the last thing you want at this point. Be the bigger person and just dump him, you don't need to give a reason. Move on to someone that will care about you for who and what you are. Best of luck whatever route you take!

Wow...all the "Plan B" talk is really too much.

Just be honest and admit you snooped...show him what you found and the problems you have with it. When he gets defensive and accuses you of violating his privacy kindly remind him that you violated his computer...not his personal health. While he DID violate yours...and your woman parts by bringing home a weenie that has been in someone else. No matter how many excuses he throws at you and however many times he calls you out for snooping...just remind yourself that he had his d*ck in someone else.

Life is too short, trust your instinct and act out on it. Which ever way you choose it is still a decision to end things, but why not make it fun and choose plan B? I have just broken up two days ago. Was in a relationship for more than a year and my ex was showing signs of cheating. I went and look at his phone and found text messages of girls asking him to "let chill later on tonight" During this relationship, when I had suspicion the first time, I had confronted him, he denies the whole thing and calls me names and said that I was insecure and that he doesn't want to be with someone who is snooping around. But again I only did that because I sense there was a different in him. He made believe that I had made a mistake and stupid me I had to do all the patching up to earn his trust again?? Wow, that was the first time, months pass, he show more signs and again I was snooping and found out he was chatting with women online, so I set up another myspace pretending to be another girl. I was chatting up with me saying he was single and was asking for more pics of me..I didn't sent it to him and he deleted my profile saying I was a fake!! I later confronted him and again he denies the whole thing..that was just doing business online. My trust deminish for him but yet again I went on with the relationship because I wanted him to be a better person and just change. But people don't change, recently again after the second incident I was sick and was not able to see him. He acted weird after i got better, I went and check his phone bills and found out he has been calling this girl 6 times a day. And he had created another myspace saying he is single. I confronted him again and this time please god I will not get back with him!! Please trust your instinct and end it..learn from my mistake, don't fool yourself. I am hurting right now but I know i deserve better.