There's no doubt about it, breakups are tough. Some people stay in their relationships longer than they should and others cut straight to the point and end things when they know it's not meant to be — since there's no right way, I say to each their own. But since ending a long-term romantic relationship can feel somewhat like a death, some couples try to hold onto whatever they can as a way to ease into single life. I've always been a cold turkey kind of breakup-er myself, but what about you? Do you prefer to take the friend route after the breakup or is cutting off all communication your preferred method?
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Dear Poll: After a Breakup, Do You Prefer to Talk or Cut Off All Ties?
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Absolutely cut all ties. Cold turkey. Sorry, but once it's over, you're dead to me
1i cut all ties completely, at least for a few months. after that we can talk & be friendly, but we won't be friends that hang out & do things together. it's the quickest way to get over someone.
2Dear, would you mind checking your spelling? I'm sorry, it makes me cringe!
Lesson the blow? Argh.
3I think it depends on the relationship. I mean sometimes you are better as friends
4Ohh, thanks for that catch Karlotta!
5cold turkey
6dont believe in exes as friends
unless it was something short and not very meaningful, then maybe
but serious realtionships.no
As my sister says, "Don't sleep in your own vomit"
7depends on the situation.
8If it ended badly, I delete them out of my contact book and cell phone. If we end mutually, I keep chatting with them on a friend basis. I have jealousy issues so it's usually best for me to cut people out.
9i hands down agree with sun_sun!
cold turkey.
and sporky, "don't sleep in your own vomit" bahhaha! funny! but it makes a point!
10it completely depends on the realationship. In an ideal world i would love to stay friends with most, especially since they were such a big part of my life its hard to just let go of. But in the end, it is better to cut ties, at least until you know you can be friends and continuing to talk won't just make everything worse and draw out the break up. it just makes it that much more painful.
11For my ended relationships, we cut eachother out of our lives for awhile then like a year or two later, or so later we talk again and catch up a little bit. but we're not as close as before.
12I think it is easier for both sides if you break all contact, how can you really expect to get over someone if they keep calling you and vice versa?
13Cut the cord, at least at the beginning! Friendship is a possibility in the distant future, but in the immediate aftermath, it's just too confusing.
14It completely depends on the nature of the breakup. I can say that there is definitely an ex that has been in and out of my life for several years and it's been horrible for me in every sense, and I'm finally cutting the cord, but a lot of them I'm still close with - it didn't happen the next day or anything, but we're friends now. Most of my relationships haven't ended on horrible terms, though, a lot were more or less a mutual understanding that the chemistry was off or something. I have a really hard time cutting all ties with anyone, you have to wrong me pretty severely for me to do that.
15I never maintained a friendship with an ex. I think once you cross that line from friend to attraction you can't really go back.
16It depends. If it's a bad breakup, then cut all ties. But if it's amicable, then I like to lay low for a while then we can become friends. That's how it's worked with a few of my ex's and it's great, because we have some mutual friends, and then it's not awkward when we run into each other.
17People who do that, "let's be friends" crap in the beginning, 9 times out of 10 end up screwing each other and having issues moving on.
if i don't want to be around you anymore (romantically or platonic), it's cold turkey.
i don't have time for the shenanigans.
18I don't know, usually I'm the type that's like ok, I'm done with you, but depending on the relationship, you could still be friends, it's hard though..
19100% Cold turkey.
Only once I tried to 'talk' and 'befriend' an ex, it's a HIGH school sweetheart and we were both young and foolish, so the break up was stringing for at least 2-3 months. UGH. I learned my lesson well after that, never again try the 'let's talk' method after a break up. It just confuses you.
20in the past my break ups had been wishy washy...were we broken up? just takin a break....etc...
the only ex that i had broken up with wouldnt except that we were broken up (he kept saying 'lets not jump there yet') so i had talked to most of my exs for at least a few weeks..
once something is *really* over-- like you have that definitive moment where youre like 'screw this im done' then its def. cold turkey... like i dont even want to know youre alive cold turkey
21I find it really hard to go cold turkey.
22get out while I can... if I talk then it is easier to just keep sticking around.
23"People who do that, 'let's be friends' crap in the beginning, 9 times out of 10 end up screwing each other and having issues moving on."
Exactly. When a relationship was over, I'd delete his number from my phone and get rid of any reminders. I know some people like keeping mementos and such, but I throw it all out.
24I wish my boyfriends ex would cut all ties!
25For the first couple of months = no talking.
26But then after awhile, when I am WAY over it, I usually start talking to them again...
It NEVER leads to anything, and it's nice
100% cold turkey!!! My b/f doesn't understand this though...he says if we ever broke up he'd want to remain best friends. But I know that would only give me false hope that we might get back together. I would have to cut all ties! We've been together 5 years also so I think I'd have to move too...haha!
27i can't be friends with exes. just the fact that we used to have an intimate bond and now we don't... that changes things. i don't speak to 3 of my exes at all, and the rest i talk to every once in a blue moon.
28mmm...
not talking about actually being friends, but...
if you can't at least kindly say hello and make some small talk with an ex, then mayble what you had was never worth it to begin with.
it's just I feel that there's something wrong if you can't be at peace with someone that used to know you so intimately, it would be really sad to feel that you have to ignore someone whom you once had deep feelings for.
but maybe that's just me.
29I understand that it would be sad to go from sharing this deep intimate bond to nothing but that is how I work. I can't be "just friends" - at least not until I am totally over it and moved on. But even then -what exactly can he offer me as a friendship anymore? We will always have that past relationship and in order to really move on - I think it has to done completely.
30i'd rather cut off all ties, but since we always hang out together, my friends get to know them as well. and then it's kinda hard to not see them everywhere :/
31I think it's smartest to simply cut ties. I hate losing a friend but sometimes friendship just isn't possible after the line has been crossed into more than friends territory.
Also it is very empowering to just say bye and forget the guy. Rather than hang on and end up having comfort sex or trying to make something work when we both know it never will.
32Break it all off!! My heart is broken, why keep twisting the dagger in my wound? I find it better to not speak to each other, though I am still friends with two of my exes after it all settled down.
33I tend to maintain a civil relationship after the breakup. No necessarily friends per say but enough to be able to talk to each other and keep in touch occasionally
34I could never be friends with my ex because it would be too hard for me so I'd want to cut ties right away if I knew it was over. Otherwise, I'd just want to be with him and keep waiting for him to say he wanted to be with me.
35ummmm it depends who the guys is. and how long we were dating. and if we had sex or not
36Unless it was a really bad breakup, I try to maintain friendship with my exes, and am lucky to still call most of them friends.
37i completely agree with italian blonde. its too painful to keep talking to them. i need time to clear my head.
38Cutting ties for a year or so works for me, it's too painful...with time, though, I am usually surprised to find that I miss them as a friend (not as a lover).
39When it feels right to be friends, that can be an interesting experience - who knows you better than a former lover?
well, my ex bf was my close friend for more than 1 year. i wanted to be friends after i broke up with him. but he wanted to get back together with me. i didnt. but we decided to be friends. we were, till last year. but he wanted to move on. so he told me never to contact him because the fact that he doesnt have me as his girl was killing him. when we were friends after break up, we didnt talk THAT much. but we did talk on the phone once a month or once in 3 months. but now, hes no longer my friend. i want him to be, but he doesnt want to be my friend. i understand though that it would be hard. but i wish that he would let me know how he is once in 3 months or so
40Once it's over it's over.
With some men, it's too difficult to go from lovers to friends.
With others, it's usually just a backdoor that some ppl take to squeeze their way back into your life. Or to keep the sex/companionship coming...
For the most part, if I break up with a man it's because something is wrong with him.
41Why would I turn around and try to be his 'friend'?
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