She's 15. What do you expect?

I think telling her how to behave is a bit over the line...not quite your business. Sibling relationships are really complicated and if your boyfriend doesn't want to change that relationship with his sister or fight back, he might get upset if you interfere. I think the best thing you can do is emphasize in conversation with that sister how much you appreciate him for what he did the other day, etc. Perhaps she will see your good example and realize she should be treating her boyfriend differently. Otherwise, stay neutral, or you will make her and your boyfriend upset! Make peace with their complicated relationship and perhaps that sister will eventually have a good way to show her brother she cares. Also, if she's a teenager...well, a lot of girls are monsters at 15, and often times people lash out at the people they know love them the most. Give her some time to mature on her own. Reprimanding behavior is what parents are for In my opinion I think this a great sign your boyfriend is so patient and mature about his sister's treatment. It's a good sign that he might be patient with you in less graceful moment.

I agree with comments one and two. You're only the gf. I wouldn't stick my nose in their situation. You don't know the reason their relationship is the way it is. If you butt in, they will turn on you. As long as it doesn't affect you and your bf's relationship, STAY OUT OF IT!!!

If your BF doesn't have a problem with it, you shouldn't either. After all, it's his family and saying something to her will cause a rift between you and you BF's family.

It's very likely that she's going through her rebellious age. That doesn't excuse her for being abrat, but you can see where it's coming from.

You can't really lecture her- you're going to look like a witch. But you can stand your ground. If she tells him to do something, you can say "sorry, we're in the middle of something right now, can we catch up to you later?" If she forces you to take sides when they argue, just shrug and say, "you're like my sister, he's my boyfriend, I like you both, sweetie... I can't choose." Be sweet yet firm.

Good news: if your guy is patient and understanding towards her, he's probably going to be a good father.

Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.

She's a teenager - relax. If your boyfriend doesn't mind its not your problem.

It's a sibling thing...let it go.

It's not that deep, don't let this concern you.

Yeah seriously, most kids are a pain in the ass when they're 15-18. She'll (probably) get better, just leave it well enough alone. You're only the girlfriend, and definitely shouldn't 'step in'.

I'm in the same situation right now. My in-laws live about 6 hours away from me and SIL is a huge b*tch to my husband. She bosses him around just like she does her Dad and they both let her get away with it. My SIL is 21 too not a teenager. I'm often embarrassed when other people see how she talks to her Dad and brother. She knows she's doing it and doesn't give a damn. Since they live so far away if we visit them or they visit us we have to stay at each other's houses. It makes it really hard because they are irrational and I don't want to say something and have them be all offended, which would be really easy to do. I'm trying to work on it and I'm learning to say things in a nicer way while still speaking up for my husband.

What I'm also doing and what I think would work in your case is have your boyfriend speak to her about it. Speak up for your boyfriend and tell his sister that she can ask for whatever she wants but would she please put it in a nicer way? Since she's younger and you get along with his parents I think you'll have an easier time getting through. His sister will really respect you and since you're close in age and she's a teen she'll look up to you and follow the example you set. Good luck.

Sorry - I know you love him and want him to be respected but this is HIS sister and family. You really can't do much for now. Until you are in the family (you guys commit as a social unit - live together or get married -whatever you both believe in) - you really have to just let it go ESPECIALLY since you talked to him already and he doesnt seem to care. I think you can try to be nice to her and perhaps train her to treat him better but honestly- dont see much of that changing until the sister matures.

Honestly, I was irritated just reading your post. It's his family and he's fine with it...you're just his girl friend, not even his wife. That means you're not in a position where it would be appropriate to speak to his sister about her behavior, nor are you really in a position to judge the fifteen year relationship your bf and his sister have formed. He doesn't even care, it sounds like you'll just be causing problems for a family that is functioning well enough without your interfering. She's fifteen and your boy friend is only nineteen, it's not like they're two adults in a toxic relationship. Live and let live.

shes fifteen. thats all.

I have the same problem with my fiance's sister. She's 21. It's a huge pain in the butt. She really hurts his feelings and I don't think she even realizes it. Hopefully things get better with your boyfriend's sister as she gets older.

Leave it alone. Let me give you a little scenario of what could happen if you DO butt in.

I have 2 sisters, one is 15 (T), one is 17(M). T is mean to M constantly, and thinking that he's doing the right thing, the M's boyfriend constantly corrects her and tries to tell her to be nice and knock it off. In turn, T absolutely DESPISES M's boyfriend. This causes for very awkward dinners, family outings, even just when M's boyfriend comes over to pick M up to go out. M is mad at T for hating her boyfriend, and T is mad at M for HAVING the boyfriend who tries to butt in. It's messy. And uncomfortable for all parties involved. And just so you know, T&M had been really close for awhile, until this whole thing really started to blow up.

Do yourself, and your boyfriend, and his sister a favor. Don't get involved. Unless YOU want to be responsible for a rift that could possibly, (and probably) result because of this, just leave her alone. She's 15, and the world sucks..She'll grow out of it

I'm in a family of 5 kids and this is seriously standard treatment between siblings! I highly doubt your boyfriend is 100% wonderful to his sister either but that's not something you would notice as much. Leave your poor guy alone; he doesn't need help from his girlfriend to defend himself from his younger sister!

Maybe the real issue is that you don't like the fact that your boyfriend allows his sister to treat him the way she does. Relationships require respect. Maybe his sister treating him disrespectfully and him allowing it makes you question whether or not he is worthy of your respect.

I agree. It sucks that his sister doesn't have any degree of respect for him but it seems to be typical of teenage rebellion in this society. My hubby and I come from a similar family dynamic as you where we didn't have problems with our siblings but we are definitely familiar with friends who share your boyfriend's experiences with a temperamental sibling. Simply, do not interfere. Unless you are seriously involved in his life to the point where his family is becoming part of yours (either figuratively or literally), it's not for you to fix or understand because it is not your family.

I agree -- stay out of it. You're a girlfriend. Don't come between a brother and sister.

With that said, I do identify with you. My husband's younger sisters took advantage him, too. When I became his wife, I put a stop to that. The operative expression is "when I became his wife." At that point, he was my husband, and I did NOT tolerate anybody mistreating him. The only woman who is allowed to mistreat him was ME. Basically, when it came to my husband, I put some boundaries down with my sister-in-laws, and so far, they've been respecting it. Lately, my husband is beginning to learn the type of manipulative, rude women they are.

I think that if you do come between them, that blood is thicker than water. If you attack one of them, the other will undoubtedly stand up for that sibling. I agree that maybe you don't like what you see as his inability to stand up for himself. I am not excusing her behaviour, but I remember how emotional and crazy I was at 15. That is a tough age for a girl. I think your bf sounds like a really caring and patient guy who is protective of his little sis. It is not your responsibility to stand up to her, it's his. I agree with GlowingMoon, it is all about boundaries. You need to communicate with your bf about how you feel about this, what you are and are not willing to put up with, and what his boundaries are. You may find out some information that you didn't know before about his character. Good luck to you.

No, you should not step in. All families are different, just because you didn't talk to your brothers that way doesn't mean all 15 y/o's have the same respect for their siblings.

It's not your business to butt in and say something. If it doesn't bother him then it shouldn't bother you.

i disagree about not stepping in. you need to put your big girl panties on. you are older wiser and more mature. this little girl better thank the lord she wasnt born with an older sister because this crap would just not fly at all. as his girlfriend you need to start siding with your bf. she'll soon see that you are indeed that you are more authoritative than she thought. be the older female that she can look up to. you need to HELP make it aware that acting like a brat is not acceptable. im sure her parents as well as your bf will thank you for helping to set a good influence

oh yea... let me correct myself... im not saying sit her down and have a lecture with her.. im just saying you need to start siding with your boyfriend. HE is your boyfriend. SHE is not your sister. pretty much... what annbaby suggested.

I went through the same thing in college. I dated a guy [who was 23] who had a sister [who was 18] that talked down to him and his brother [who was 25] like she was their boss. Though the 25 yr old brother just ignored her as being a little kid who didn't know better, my boyfriend kissed the ground she walked on as if she could do nothing wrong.

I dumped his ass lickity split when there just wasn't any way around her.

My boyfriend's older brothers still do this to him, and they're 28 and 26! While it bugs me, I would never say anything to them. I know it's hard to let it go because we don't want to see the people we love get walked all over, but you really don't want to get in the middle of them - there's always a good chance they'll choose family over significant others! When it starts getting to your boyfriend, then you can encourage HIM to say something.

i think she really needs a good kick in the ass. just because you're not married doesn't mean you're not important. you are definitely not an outsider!

^-^ chu~

I agree with most of the other posters. She's 15, so is my brother...they're pretty much all the same.

My boyfriend of 8 years has a similar relationship with his 30 year old sister (he's 28). She has not grown out of being a spoiled brat. I can't stand the way she treats him, his mother, and now me. We did hang out as friends in the first few years, then she actually had the nerve to be loudly angry with me on one occasion for not wanting to share intimate details about a private matter we were having in our relationship that hurt us both. She stated I was just using our friendship to get closer to my boyfriend, then tried to get the rest of her family to hate me. We all got through that, but have never tried reconciling a friendship. I think it's better to stay his girlfriend and not his sister's friend. She is very manipulative to everyone, including me when we wer friends - though I was able to overlook it then. Now, I can't stand hearing her voice or watching her put people down. She acts like she is on top of some pedestal. In her parent's house, I have no objection, but when she comes to our home I can't stand it. My bf tries very nice to put her in her place, yet it doesn't work. She talks down to everyone. And for 30 years society has put up with her. I can't possibly be the only person to dislike the way she treats others. He wants me to stand her. But, I can't stand being in the same room as her. 8 years is a long time to give up just because of his family member. I keep thinking - he chose me, not her (you can't chose your family) but it really doesn't make anything better. Anyone have advice on how to handle this other than "she'll grow out of it?" Because clearly at 30 years old, she won't.

My feelings are your bf is delusional in thinking she will grow out of it. Why would she? It sounds like her behavior works for her. The only time people change is when they decide they want to or need to. That being said, I think you can set boundaries on the way you allow her to speak to you. However, that means you have to be willing to confront the behavior when it happens and tell her you won't tolerate it. My guess it will be really uncomfortable and she will throw a bit of a hissy fit but if you stick to your guns and are consistent she will either change how she interacts with you or not interact with you at all. The latter might not be the worst thing in the world.