Dear Sugar,

I met my now girlfriend in college. Shortly after meeting she left to study abroad, and I graduated and moved back home to Arizona. When she returned, we saw each other a few times and out of nowhere started talking on the phone. Here we are in a long-distance relationship three years later. In the beginning, I had anticipated moving back to LA, where she's from, but she ended up going to law school, so we put all talks on hold until she graduated.

About a year into our relationship, my father's start-up company took off and he asked me to come help him, giving me the title of VP and providing an ownership stake in the company. Since then, the company has continued to do very well and is now a multimillion dollar company. I absolutely love my job as it was always my dream to own my own business. My girlfriend recently got a job offer from one of the top firms in the nation, in California. She also received a job offer, although not quite as lucrative or with as good a company here in Arizona.

She wants to further her career and wants me to move out there. I have no job offer from any company in California, and I'm not really sure what I would do there. Outside of this little problem, our relationship is fantastic. I am sure that she is the one for me. I did tell her in the beginning that I would move out there, but so many things have changed since then. I'm not sure what to do now. Any advice?

— States Away Scott

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Dear States Away Scott,

From what you describe it sounds like you and your girlfriend have done a truly amazing job of balancing your relationship and your individual goals, even with the demands of being long distance. Now that you've hit the tipping point, it seems to me that you have two clear choices: You can move out to California and abandon your job or you guys can continue how you have been until something gives.

If you decide to pursue the former, beware of resentment issues that may to take root once you're in California. If you don't think that you can quell them, then I urge you to put off moving until you have another job or until you're ready to leave your current company. The same stands if your girlfriend decides to take that job in Arizona. You each need to be ready to make the move with confidence and the knowledge that if you're relationship doesn't work out, you won't have thrown away everything else.

Should you guys decide to stay in your respective states and maintain your relationship then I think it's time to discuss a long-term plan. It's true that neither of you can guarantee where you'll be emotionally or careerwise in another two years, but it's time to come up with a mutual goal and begin to work towards it together. And yes, it will take some compromises from both of you. If neither of you are willing to sacrifice then it may be time to consider whether or not you're truly in the right relationship.

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