I just wanted to write that I am so sorry this happened to you. It is an upsetting and confusing situation - one that no one should have to go through, especially with their own husband.

Counseling (individual and couple) is definitely warranted. I would also add that if after some time you feel that your marriage is salvageable that is wonderful. However you should *never* feel pressured to stay in a distressing marriage; and you certainly should not do so if you feel that this may occur again. Honor your emotions and instinctual feelings.

Good luck. You deserve happiness.

"Am I wrong to be so angry days later?"

It depends. If you think he took advantage of you, no. I think you have the right to be angry. He manipulated you when you were vunerable. That's a violation, in my opinion.

There is such a thing as marital rape so your thinking isnt wrong, it's sad.

I hate to give ya tough love when no one else is... but honestly. Would you be more upset if he "took advantage" of you when you were drunk, or if he went someplace else to get it? I know that sounds really mean and I sound like a misogynist (even though I'm a girl) but it is worth thinking about realistically.

AFRY, I'd rather he went somewhere else than took advantage of me. No contest. Either way, he violated her trust, but I think that since their marriage was on rocky ground anyway, I think it would be better if he had cheated.

Also...who's to say that he hadn't been getting some elsewhere anyway?

I was thinking the same thing Rock and Republic. If she was a girl out on a date, and he got her drunk and had sex with her it would be date rape. How should this be any different?

It's one thing to not trust your husband with other women, but a whole different level when you can't trust him around you.

First of all, I want to say it must feel really bad to be in your position.
But then, I want to ask you something: when you say you are "not able to be intimate", is it something that you wish you could change or is it voluntary? have you asked this question to yourself? Because when put like that, it sounds like it's not something you do deliberately, but when you say "I woke up naked next to him" or "I felt angry at myself for drinking too much" it sounds more like you're frustrated/ pissed off by the fact that you lost control of the situation and you gave in to your husband.
If putting off sex was conscious move, did you tell your husband that you weren't going to have sex until you were able to settle an agreement or fix your problems? were you two sleeping in different beds/ bedrooms? were you not speaking at all outside counseling? were you having a fight?
If you did talk to him about your feelings on having sex, and yet he went to bed with you knowing that and realizing you were drunk, then you obviously have a right to feel disrespected and betrayed. However, if your husband didn't know that, then you can hardly blame him for wanting to be intimate with you, after all, you're his wife and not someone he just met, and he probably didn't think he was doing anything wrong since he wouldn't suspect the reason why you weren't having sex with him.
In that case, you might be upset over the fact that he had sex with you knowing that you were drunk, but at the same time it would mean that perhaps he didn't realize how much a big deal it was for you, and that maybe if he did then he wouldn't have tried to do it in the first place.

Isnt it sad that you had to get drunk to turn you back into the woman your husband fell in love with? You had to be drunk before you could have sex with the man you married?

I understand that theres such thing as marital rape and whatever but he didnt hold you down, he didnt slip a pill into your drinks, he didnt force you in any way to have sex with him as far as we can tell. You drank your weight in alchohol, got in bed with your HUSBAND and you had sex... like normal married couples do. Maybe when you got all tanked you started hitting on him and telling him you love him blah blah blah, but how would you know? You got drunk and blacked out.

It's not like it was a guy you just met or a guy you hadnt been with before, it's your HUSBAND. The man you live with, that you had a wedding with, that you swore to love and cherish as long as you both shall live... he has every right to have sex with his willing wife. Even when you're fighting.

You're just mad because of the fighting you're doing. But if you're willing to go to counselling to try to hold this relationship together then why the hell are you ready to yell 'rape' when he shows how he feels about you physically? Men are physical creatures. Your husband did nothing wrong. Get more counselling.

Wow, I'm really surprised that some posters support the husband on this issue. I guess I have different standards when it comes to acceptable husband-behavior.

I've been drunk the past. My husband took care of me. He did not help himself sexually.

Holy sh*t Fallen. Signing a marriage license does not give someone an unconditional right to the goods.

"he has every right to have sex with his willing wife. Even when you're fighting."

This woman didn't say she was raped, but where do you get "willing?" What wouldn't be willing to you? Clearly not fighting? Your attitude is what puts women back 200 years.

"Men are physical creatures. Your husband did nothing wrong."

Please don't degrade men like this. Like GlowingMoon pointed out, some of us are actually in relationships with real men who aren't total assholes and wouldn't feel comfortable only getting sex when their partners are too drunk to notice. My fiance definitely would NOT have done this, and trust, he is a very "physical" man. I'm not saying all drunken sex with your partner is wrong, but there were clearly issues in this relationship that might have made it a very shady thing to do.

And ARFY- You sound awfully desperate to get and hang on to a man. Actually, many of us would rather a guy went elsewhere than took advantage of us. Yeah, I really want to hang on to the potential rapist, he's a keeper, whatever would I do without a man like that?!

The responses to this post make me so incredibly sad.

I mostly agree with what Blackwood and Dear say. It's a very complicated issue and it's possible your husband misunderstood, but that's something you really need to talk to him, and/or a therapist about.

Exactly, the husband misunderstood and had sex with the woman he loves. And SHE blew it completely out of proportion! My boyfriend isnt a bad person so dont even TRY to insult my boyfriend or my choice in men, but if he and i were fighting recently so we went out drinking with our friends I get drunk and act as a willing partner to sex I'm sure he would partake! I get horny when I'm drunk, maybe the poster does too. Maybe she came on to him! Obviously there were mixed signals but It's not a bad thing that he did and her husband is not a "potential" rapist. It's also a way better thing that he's not going somewhere else for it, it means he is still 100% willing to work this marriage out!

She has obviously changed from the person he married. The person he married he didnt have horrible fights with and they didnt need to go to marriage counselling to keep their relationship alive, they had sex and cuddled and enjoyed each other's company. Maybe when she gets drunk she turns back into the person he fell in love with. The guards are down and the anger is forgotten, they were having a fun night obviously. Some people, even when drunk, like myself, are totally coherent when absolutely tanked. I'm sure he knew she was drunk but he was probably as well, and even if he wasnt, I'm sure if she wasnt acting like the big b!tch she's probably been to him for the last two months and he thought "great, shes not mad anymore, maybe i can finally get laid!"

I'm not in any way saying that he is totally innocent in this situation, he's probably been a complete a$$hole back to her and yea, he probably should have waited til she was sober to discuss why they havent had sex in two months but they had a good fun night together, he is married, she's his wife and apparently she was willing. She needs to cool down and talk to him about this, not come to an online site and start saying that in an afterthought she thinks maybe her husband "took advantage" of her!

I am not setting women back 200 years, I'm just being realistic. None of this "Oh the poor girl, how awful for your husband to want to have sex with you" kind of sh!t. The bottom line is they're married, they're working through their problems, she got drunk, let her inhibitions down and they had sex. I see your point of view but you have to look at it from his point of view too. It's closed minded to just assume he is 100% the bad guy in this when you have no idea if she initiated it or not.

"He admits that we had sex, although I have no recollection of it."

The OP seemed to have blacked-out, and her husband helped himself sexually to her. She did not simply dropped her inhibitions. She would have remembered that, I would think.

Embarrassingly, I've been in various state of drunken-ness. Dropping one's inhibitions stays in one's memory. However, having "no recollection" is a different story. That's being unconscious. Bottom line is that her body belongs to her, not to her husband. This is why it was violation when her husband helped himself to her (presumably unconscious) body.

I suppose this situation is better than him having a physical affair with another woman. But is that the ONLY other choice he had?? Have sex with his wife's unconscious body without her consent, or have an affair?? LOL

Thankfully, my husband saw another choice. When I too drunk to see straight, ironically, he did remove my clothes. He bathed my drunk ass, as I vomitted on myself (yes, I was that drunk), put me in my pajamas, and carried me to bed. He then removed his own clothes, as I vomitted on his suit and tie, cleaned himself up, and joined me in bed. Oh. He also put a large bottle of water by my side of the bed, as he thought I would be dehydrated from throwing-up.

The irony is that my husband did remove our clothing, but having sex with my unconscious body was the last thing on his mind.

I believe the OP's husband had another choices of behavior. He could have behaved in a caring, trustworthy way.

"Having sex with her unconscious body"? Dramatize much?

Let's just assume she wasn't unconscious alright, it's perfectly possible to have a black out without passing out.

Obviously we don't know enough details to be the judge of what went on, but I'm leaning more towards Fallen on this one.
They had a night out, she got drunk, he probably did too, they got home most like feeling horny and giddy and had sex. He remembered in the morning, she didn't. And she probably wouldn't be upset about it, if they hadn't been fighting before hand.

This is not marital rape, I don't see proof that he forced her in any way and you should be careful before always assuming the absolute worst about a person or a situation.

I agree with Dear though, some individual counseling probably wouldn't hurt you since you clearly have some issues to deal with.

Yeah I agree with Ster on this one, don't paint him as such a bad guy if you don't know all the facts.

Go to therapy, for yourself and your marriage.

i am sorry to say... but there have been nights where i "blacked" out but didn't become unconsious. they involved alot of vodka, and i woke up the next morning going 'o god...i dont remember texting this one...or that one etc'. in fact...there are some pictures (not ex rated haha) of me and my friends at a bar one night that i remember looking at going 'when the HELL did we take this one'

we are all going under assumptions here--the poster didn't state at what part of the night she stopped remembering things--or when she passed out

im not saying that her husband had any right to "take advantage" if that was the case

but there could have been a HUGE chunk of the night that she doesnt remember. maybe she consented and then said no after? maybe she didn't think she was a drunk as she was (yet, another common mistake people make when drinking...they don't relize how drunk they are).

generally... this is a horrible thing to feel violated. but i think that we are all jumping the gun saying that HE intentionally waited until she got drunk to take advantage

ex rated = x-rated

damn i need my coffee haha

I think what some of the clueless posters on this message are forgetting is that "SHE FEELS VIOLATED."

And, Fallen85, if you think all married couples have sex then please don't ever get married. You go through phases where you are like bunnies, and then you go through dry spells. That is how it happens in most marriages. Dry Spells can last a whole month.

What's important to know is that you need to be in a trusting friendship with your spouse AS WELL as in love with them. And it sounds like Vicki doesn't trust her husband. Heck, she shouldn't after he took advantage if her.

If I were Vicki, I would go talk to my therapist about this, then I would pursue the first divorce lawyer I could find. This is a trust issue, and the husband blew it completely.

There can be no trusting friendship. And why be in love with someone you can't trust as a friend?

Sure the husband could've handled this in a different (and probably better) way but two months of no intercourse? Give him a break...
It would've been really helpful to know what the problems are the OP is facing in her relationship.

Maybe she changed since marriage and the husband is merely reacting to it?
Maybe he changed since marriage and the OP doesn't want to be with a husband like him anymore?

Both could be guilty, for all we know. She had sex with him before regardless of that, and them getting it on shouldn't be anything out of the ordinary. The fact that she seemlingly has an emotional block (stress) that keeps her from getting aroused doesn't mean she can't relax and enjoy it under the influence of alcohol.
In my opinon she's blowing it out of proportion, given my assumption are correct. If only we knew more...

"If I were Vicki, I would go talk to my therapist about this, then I would pursue the first divorce lawyer I could find."

I guess this explains why 1/3 of all marriages end in divorce.

Please don't consider the circumstances, please don't consider that she might be overreacting, please don't consider anything from his point of view ... divorce!

OP, the only sane suggestion I can give you is to talk to your husband, find out what exactly happened that night and think long and deep about how you want this to play out.

I sort of agree with Afry, Fallen85, Murmur314 and lilwildone1202. Sometimes as drunks, we are uninhibited and we do things that we sometimes regret or things we would have wanted but didn't act on. I'm not sure of the circumstances so whatever I'm saying is an assumption but sometimes we think we've "blacked out" to just be so drunk/hung over that it's hard to remember what has happened.

Neverthless, if you feel strongly that your husband took advantage of you, I think you need to seek counseling or seek a divorce that you've already started to look at.

He probably thought that she was being a b*tch cause she wasn't getting any and thought that this would mellow her out. Apparently not. I think it's a good sign that he is still physically attracted to his wife and going to her for his sexual needs. Take a chill pill and keep up with therapy. Hopefully things work out between you guys. Maybe a vacation would help?

Look, I agree that this could be a huge misunderstanding, and not necessarily marital rape. But as The Missus pointed out, if the relationship is really on the rocks, it isn't a night of drunken blacked-out sex when the poster was vulnerable and unable to control herself that is going to save the relationship, it's trust and feeling safe.

"It's also a way better thing that he's not going somewhere else for it, it means he is still 100% willing to work this marriage out!"

I'm sorry, but having drunken sex with your 100% incapacitated wife is NOT trying work things out. It's trying to get laid, let's not paint this guy as some romantic, "oh amazing! he still wants to have sex with his wife!"

I really think this situation could be a huge misunderstanding, but honestly, no matter what, the husband still did something shady that violated her trust. And no matter what, having sex with your wife when she CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IT is not a way to save a relationship. And it's not better than "going somewhere else." I actually think this couple should be having sex if they want to save their marriage. But not this way.

The thing that kills me about these responses is not that people are just saying it could be a misunderstanding, but that even if she was clearly blacked out and incapacitated, the wife should be lucky the husband still wants to bang her.

The bottom line is, you shouldn't have drank so much alcohol. Sinec when was it appropriate for anyone, especially women, to get blacked-out drunk? Do you really want to be known as "That Girl" that can't control herself around alcohol? Forget the sex, be ashamed you allowed yourself to drink like that.

By definition, you cannot consent to sex if you are incapacitated. Period. This holds whether it is a one-night stand or a romantic evening with your husband.

GlowingMoon and Snowbunny (and their respective significant others) clearly understand and stated this.

This is such a complex situation, and we know so little about the circumstances. I personally would not reflexively accuse the husband of anything. That would not be fair at all.

Two points that we *do* know:

1. She feels violated. You cannot argue with feelings. If this is her emotive state, that night was not simply her husband having his due. I feel surprised that her distress is being minimized.

2. This has not been the norm in her relationship. Unlike some of the other posters who I assume have sex every so often with their SO, she has not sex in awhile. This means that he must have been aware that things were off. If he truly wanted to re-establish sexual intimacy of any great meaning, he would have not done so when she was so incapacitated as to be unaware. The circumstances and lack of recent precedent must be taken into account.

Fleurfairy - I'm sure you meant well, but I see no relevance (nor sensitivity) whatsoever in derogating and berating the poor woman. What she does with her drinking or her body is her business. The husband, however, acted on someone else's body. Therein lies the difference.

By the way, my old roommate was an alchoholic. I didnt know this til after I moved in of course but the first time I met her she was drunk and didnt remember it the next day. We used to go out to a party, she would get trashed, we'd get home at 4am and she'd be running around having the best time of her life and then run upstairs to see her boyfriend and they'd get 'er done and the next day she wouldnt remember anything from midnight on. The only way you would know she was completely gone was if you hung out with her on those drinking nights and learned the signs of when she passed 'GO' so assuming his wife might be like this... he did nothing wrong.

She only feels "violated" because SHE didnt feel like "being intimate" for the last two months but I highly doubt her husband knew this so he just thought they were going through one of those "dry spells" THEMISSUS mentioned.

"She blew it out of proportion"?! Last time I checked, this is considered rape. I got drunk when I've been out with my boyfriend before. He made sure I didn't fall, he accompanied me to the bathroom, he laughed at me when I slurred my words, but he didn't as glowingmoon said, "help himself sexually" to me at least. LOL. It's also been the other way around, where I take care of him. You marry someone because you want to love one another, take CARE of one another through sickness, drunkeness, injury, etc., and to RESPECT one another. Her husband clearly disrespected her, violated her body, and violated her trust. I don't understand where you get "blowing it out of proportion from" when the person she trusted her heart and her life with did this to her.
I'm very sorry about your situation. You must feel awful; I wouldn't know what to do being married to the guy who raped me, you can keep going to counseling (you may need to go therapist shopping to find the one that's right for you) or divorce him. I would choose the latter, but that is your decision.

Thats how YOU get when you're drunk. There are plenty of women who dont act like new born deers with food poisoning when they're drunk. As I said maybe the poster wasnt slurring or falling over or throwing up. Maybe he didnt realize how drunk she was and maybe she came on to him. We're making ALOT of assumptions here and we're obviously going to disagree because you've compared how you are when you're drunk to how she must have been.

Open your mind, ladies. There is no reason this couple should get divorced. They just need to make their NEW (since fighting) boundaries clear. There are different levels of drunk, and there are different levels that people black out on. People act differently and much more relaxed when drunk. Some people throw up, some dont. Some people slur, some dont. Some people can run in highheels and some people cant support their own knees. Some people black out after 2 drinks.. others after 20.

PS: I hate babysitting anyone when they're drunk. Thats why I dont need to be babysat when I'm drunk and neither does my boyfriend. You and your boyfriend are obviously different... maybe the poster can actually hold her alchohol without acting like a child.

I wonder was he drunk too.

I just hope her "That's how YOU are when you get drunk" comment wasn't towards me, because it seems to me that she's attacking somebody. Another reader was saying how the drunken sex got blown out of proportion, and I was just commenting on that. If the poster feels violated then it was rape, which I don't think her feelings would be blown out of proportion then...

Whatever. I don't know how to take people's comments on these websites because you can't hear the tone of voice or see the body language.

Hahahaha . . . !

Actually, my drunken episode was the first and last time I got sick from drinking. I didn't know my limit until that night. Boy, did I find out! I never got sick again (in fact, these days, I don't drink anymore).

Yeah, it was embarrassing. Aparently, according to my husband, I apologized to him all night, even as I vomitted on him, and then passed out. The next morning, I sat up straight up from my bed, and asked him,"Was it a nightmare?? Or did it really happened?" He smiled, and said,"It really happened. Are you okay?"

Let's just say I'm happy the way my husband handled it. Yes, he baby-sat me, but truthfully, I would have done the same for him. We still have a lot of affection for each other even when one of us is being imperfect.

And this is why I only check in on DearSugar periodically. I love how the internet erases accountability for what you say, I really do.

Please continue to provide helpful advice for the poster but no personal attacks towards each other or they will have to be removed. Thank you!

Glowingmoon, thats sounds awful! Good on your husband for taking great care of you.. that sounds like a really disgusting night and I bet that even if your husband wanted to have sex with you he couldnt no matter how hard he tried...

Now on the other hand, you still actually remembered what happened that night no matter how much you didnt really want to. The poster didnt remember but since she didnt find vomit all over the bed I assume she doesnt react the same as you do to excessive alchohol.

In your situation if you stopped drinking earlier and both of you were drunk but both still no where near throwing up and could both stand and move without falling off of your shoes then maybe you and your husband would have had half hearted drunken sex instead of the awful night you ended up with... right?

Different strokes for different folks.

Lol, I don't know about everyone else but I give my husband unconditional rights to my goods, incapacitated or not, and vice versa. Hehe. Then, again, we absolutely love each other and by no means are ever trashed enough to black out and make unwise decisions. If one of us choose to drink on the rare occasion, the other will not.

In this scenario, I opt to give the husband the benefit of the doubt before pointing fingers at him and implying he is a rapist. Too many couples do not know how to communicate and set boundaries or permissions. I'm sure the OP felt violated and whatnot but she blacked out and is either truly recollecting memories of her husband intentionally getting her into bed or taking it way out of context to goad us to her side. For all we know, she could have been merrily prancing around with her drunkenly happy husband the way they used to when they were in good terms. I mean I can hardly differentiate when my friends are tipsy drunk (and are able to recollect memories) or pissed drunk (and do not recall a thing once they fall asleep).

The only thing the OP can try to do now is actually TALK with her husband about that night and get the facts. Whether she choose to believe him or not is her choice and ultimately if she can't get over it with him on civil terms, then they need to go their separate ways. There is no salvaging a relationship if one or both participants aren't willing to work on it.

Fallen85, actually, I don't remember everything. I remembered everything UP UNTIL I vomitted (on dear hubbie), and passed-out. I don't remember him taking me home, and taking care of me. I found out about that after the fact. Plus, it was clearly evident what he did.

I woke up in our bed, fresh and clean, in my pajamas. Normal, status quo. That's why I thought it could have been a nighmare (the part I did remember).

Anyhoo, when the OP said she had no recollection, I presumed she was unconscious, like I was. Perhaps she wasn't unconscious, and I mis-projected my experience. Oh well.

Bingo, Meike!

Im surprised that hardly anyone has asked her to talk to him about it. I agree with the way Meike has put it. Cross question him of necessary and go with your gut.

I meant * if necessary

If you were passed out or unconscious, that IS rape, whether it was your husband or not. I think it all depends on whether you were awake and willing or not. If you think that he raped you and you were not willing, or conscious, then please get some counselling soon. You need to talk to him and ask for details, without being too emotional or judgemental about it so that he will be more likely to be honest with you. And I think you should continue with your marriage counselling. If you feel violated or truly taken advantage of, you are going to need to address that with him. If you feel that you were just drunk and things happened, then there is nothing wrong with having drunk sex with your husband. While I understand not wanting to be physically intimate with someone you are not feeling emotionally close to, if you are withholding sex to 'punish' him, that is just manipulative.

wow you guys are really mean! You don't know exactly what happened and you are reading too much into what I typed into this box! I asked a simple question, and if she would rather he go to someone else than have sex with her, then she should find someone else.

The point is, I know what its like to argue a relationship to death and get pissed at even the tiniest little thing, and then realize that I made a mistake. Can't people ever just be happy?

Also, people shouldn't get drunk if they want to maintain control over themselves.

"By definition, you cannot consent to sex if you are incapacitated. Period."

This is true.

Incidently, legally, this applies to contracts, too. A contract is null and void if an individual was incapacitated when they signed it (agreed to it). The logistic is that the person did not have the capacity to fully understand and agree to what they were signing. Court would dissolve that contract.

How come my last post is being screened?? I did not use foul language.

I hate to jump straight to this BUT have you considered a trial separation while you continue conseling?

People are arguing here about whether or not you were used, but the fact of the matter is YOU felt violated. If you can't trust your husband, maybe it's best you get a little further away from him. It seems like things have been on the rocks for a long time and sometimes, no matter how much you want to fix things, situations like this just aren't going to change for the better.

At the very least, talk to your husband and your conselor about that night and how it's affected you mentally.

I really dont like posts like this because you cant cross-examine the OP.

Lets get things clear. Being drunk is NOT being incapacitated - in any way - by US and international law or philosophically. Drinking is a free will activity. Millions of people all over the world have consensual sex while intoxicated.

The only exception: if an extra (eg. date rape) pill was placed into your drink OR you were unconscious.

So the question is did your husband put a date rape pill into your drink?? Do YOU (the OP) think he did that?

Also: IF you were unconscious, then you would NOT have been lubricated enough down there for there to be sex without some really serious bruising for the woman. In that case it will be very clear rape occurred.

We cant ask more questions from the OP but I think:
- You all went to old friends get together
- You started feeling comfortable with friends - it felt like the old good times.
- You saw all your friends all happily coupled up.
- You become nostalgic for the good old times when it was all rosy.
- You become sad with the state of your marriage so you proceed to drink way too much.
- You then laugh and have a great time with all your friends.
- You pull the moves on your husband and he is apparently very happy about that.

You are unhappy about this but instead of blaming your decision to drink you are now blaming your husband.

Why not ask your friends who you went out with if they could give paint your a picture of what happened in the later parts of the night.

Just chalk it down to YOUR bad decision and find out what you want to do. You said you wanted to leave the marriage before - maybe you should go for a separation and a counseling.

And could we stop all this "oh I was drunk" and the "guy took advantage of me - he is such a cad!" routine.

A lot of girls do this after they have made a bad decision, the fabled "morning after", and now want to pawn the blame on someone else. To many people fall back to this as a way to deal.

FYI, Happiness80:

"Rape

The crime of rape (or "first-degree sexual assault" in some states) generally refers to non-consensual sexual intercourse that is committed by physical force, threat of injury, or other duress. A lack of consent can include the victim's inability to say "no" to intercourse, due to the effects of drugs or alcohol. Rape can occur when the offender and victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called "date rape"), or even when the offender is the victim's spouse.

NY
Rape
NY Penal L Sections 130.25 to 130.35
Federal
Sexual Abuse
18 USC Chapter 109A"

http://criminal.findlaw.com/crimes/a-z/rape.html

I'm not really sure where you got your definition of rape from...you say US/International law...but...citation?

And again, I am NOT trying to claim the poster here was raped (see my other posts). However, there does seem to be some confusion over whether a husband can be held accountable legally for raping his wife.

In my opinion, the legal definition of rape is pretty darn close to what I consider a moral definition, but sometimes people think things that are illegal (smoking pot) are morally okay. Usually people only think that about "victimless" crimes, but from reading some of these responses some people here also think actions that could constitute the legal definition of rape are also morally okay.

Men could just not have sex with really drunk women. Especially ones they haven't had sex with in two months and seemingly really want to be rid of them. It wouldn't be that hard, or that big of a deal. That's what porn and divorce is for...

I agree -- I wish we can ask the OP more questions, too. I've made some presumptions, along with other posters, about her drunken condition that may or may not be true.

Incidently, my personal moral definition of rape aligns with the New York code, too. Good to know.

I dont know what the NY code says but I have an idea in Florida, because I have had a friend who charged for rape.

I can tell you for sure that in US courts today it is pretty much almost impossible to win a case like that. Its a route to sully his name.

It says "due to the effects of alcohol" but it basically means the guy you claim raped you GAVE you that alcohol ... but if you do buy it yourself and drink it yourself, you put the entire scenario into murky waters.

Millions of women have sex after a night out - each weekend. The VAST majority of them are intoxicated - does that mean all those women are ALL raped? That is a lot of rape going on each weekend!

There are a lot of REAL victims of rape out there. And silly women who drink a lot, go home with a guy, then the morning after on their walk back home start to think "oh dear, i shouldnt have done that" - then they start talking about rape so they dont have to take responsibility.

There are women who are physically brutalized and scarred for life out there. I have a friend who had a date-rape pill dropped into her soda on a blind date. Now, these are REAL rape cases.

If your drink and DUI or commit some other crime - the law will consider you fully responsible for your actions even though you were intoxicated.

In that same reasoning, going out, buying your own drinks and hitting on guys and having sex with them is no where near what my friend had to go through.

If your drink too much you have to take responsibility for yourself.