Dear Sugar,
I am 42 going on 43 years old. I run an accounting business out of my parents home to cut down on my costs. The problem I have is that my mother tries to tell me how to run my business all the time. Because I owe her money, she thinks that she can tell me what to do. She says things like, "It's my house; you'd think it was your house the way you go around doing things around here."
I have a little sign that I put out front of the house to try to attract business and she constantly moves it on me. When I shut the blinds for customers privacy, she's constantly reopening the blinds to "let light in." She not only tries to control the business but my personal life, too. What can I do? — Up Against the Wall Angela
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Dear Up Against the Wall Angela,
Although you're trying to save money, I advise you to move your business elsewhere. Your mom is being incredibly generous to offer up her home to you, but it's pretty clear that she's involving herself a little too much in your personal and professional business, which will soon, if it hasn't already, affect your work and the relationships with your clients.
While talking to her and asking her to back off might offer some temporary relief, I have a feeling that she'll soon be back to her overbearing motherly ways. Though it's no doubt annoying, know that your mom just wants the best for you so if she thinks light is better than privacy or if she feels your sign is in the wrong location, she'll make the changes she sees fit and while you're under her roof, there just might not be a way to stop her.
If you don't have a room in your own home to convert into office space, see if there are any vacancies in a low-rent district or if you can share space with someone else or take over someone's sublease. There are options out there so I advise you to do some research. When it comes to family, sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder so hopefully a little time apart will get your relationship back on track. Good luck.
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To be honest, I wouldn't want to hire/do business with an accountant or any other professional who ran their business out of their parent's home - especially if they are in their 40s.
Get a loan from the bank or find a premises with suitably low rent - you need to cut the cord.
1move out, be independent. you will be fine financially.
2Time to move!
3I feel awkward doling out advice to someone older, but since you asked for it I will give you my 2 cents...
Since she is your Mother, AND you owe her money, AND it is her house, I think she CAN tell you what to do! Sorry!
My accountant runs her business out of her own home, so you should just do the same with your home/apartment.
My relationship with my Mom improved as soon as I moved out of her home, so even tho you dont live there, the less time y'all spend together the better.
Also, I am one of those people who is constantly opening the blinds to let the sun in, in EVERY single home I have lived in whether it be with parents, roommates, my fiance, or my own home, so I can totally side with her there
I am in LOVE with
natural sunlight!!
4It's your mom's house - if you don't like it there, leave. Seems pretty simple. You shouldn't expect her to change her habits and the way she lives just because you don't like it.
5Move out. Honestly I would not do business with a 42 year old living at moms place.
6i guess i want to know why you're not running the business out of your own home. space issues? the situation with your mom sounds really bad so if desperate times call for desperate measures... why not move it to your own home?
or like sundaygreen said, get a loan and find a place to rent. your mom's interfering sounds like it's really hurting both your personal and professional life.
7ah, i reread the post and you didn't mention if you were living at home or not... well, in that case rent a place!
8Would you freak out on any other landlord who set their own rules? Move your business. As long as you're under Mom's roof, she sets the rules!
9This is completely fair of your mother, you're 40 years old! If you are an accountant, I think it shows badly for you that you can't budget yourself your own space. As harsh as this sounds, if I was to come to you, I wouldn't trust you with my money when it looks like you can't manage your own enough to have your own living space and some kind of office. Offices are expensive, but if you ran it out of your own home, it looks a lot better than your parent's place.
10I guess I'm a bit different...I have a highly varying opinion on this from the others. Because your mother is a lot older than some of the other ma's, i think her reasoning is different on why she's so pushy.
If you were in your twenties, I'd say she's doing it because it's her house and she only wants to help you, however wrong it may be.
Because you are in your forties (rendering her in her late 60s/70s?) I believe she is doing it because it is actually helping herself out in a way. While you didn't give much info, I'm basing this on assumptions. Usually those past retirement age either don't work at all or have a very small job that doesn't hold much value. Taking charge of your business is giving her a sense of power and value in itself! She could be feeling a bit empty and needing to fill that void, and you holding your business there is giving her the perfect outlet. She can pretend like she's in charge and has a position held in your business, and she gets that satisfaction. Kind of like empty nest syndrome if you will, but like empty job syndrome lol. If this fits your situation, then you can either do 2 things...(1) sit down and talk to her, if she's the type of mom that you can do this with, and let her know how important it is to you and that you need this to take charge yourself so that you can get out and stand on your own feet (plus she may be regressing back and remembering you as a child and that you really do need her help...again works with 'empty nest syndrome' even through you are there, it's subconscious and is comforting to the rents!) or (2) you can try to get her involved in some other activity to take care of the boredom or to let her feel like she's apart of something.
Either way, good luck:)
11"Since she is your Mother, AND you owe her money, AND it is her house, I think she CAN tell you what to do! Sorry!"
I agree.
I think it's cool you're starting your own business and if that means you have to start small in your mom's house, then so be it.
But, this is your mom's place. Did it occur to you she might not want a sign in her front yard? Or that she might love the brightness that comes with open window shades?
Why don't you sit down with her and discuss these issues? Tell her you really appreciate her letting you set up at her place, and that you'd love it if she'd accommodate you by doing x, y and z. If she doesn't agree then you need to graciously accept her decision.
12Uh, move your business. This should be pretty obvious...
13You need to move your business. When you allow someone other than a bank to loan you money they will always want a say in how their business is being run.
14Why the hell are you 42, an accountant, and doing business out of your mother's home?!
If you were gonna borrow money from her, then you should've just leased a small space and established a proper business.
Sure, a lot of accountants run their business from their homes. Key word; THEIR. Not mommy, who probably barges in and tells you to wash the dishes.
If you can't manage your money at 42, why would I let you manage my money?!
15I agree with some of the others -- it's time to leave the nest.
16MOVE! stand on your own two feet and give your mother some breathing room. You guys should be enjoying down time together not fighting over blinds. Mixing financial stuff into your family relationships can turn sour quickly so you really need to sort this out or you could ruin the dynamics.
17Let me get this straight...you run an accounting business, and you work out of your mother's home. The two do not add up. Is this a joke?
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