Eww! WTF.

I think you should confront your roommate about the situation. If you are being forgiving, you can let her plead her case, otherwise I think you are within your rights to tell her you feel that your space has been violated and no longer feel comfortable with her being in the house when she is not there.

I had a similar situation once .. I had a number of roommates and one night we had a party. One roommate gave her key to her friend (irresponsible!) and this friend let another girl come over ... they ended up having sex in the bed of one roommate who wasn't there! That behavior is so atrocious, I shudder just thinking about it.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you .... i'd suggest having her buy you new sheets .... and springing for an exorcism to boot.

Not forgive. What a violation of boundaries.

This is why I didn't have any roommates post college. Roommates made my life a little more complicated.

While I do agree that it is gross and she has disrespected you I do think you can forgive her. Your living arrangement sounds great for you and the other roommate but it must suck for her to be sleeping in an alcove off the living room WTF. That is pretty insane. She cannot possibly have any privacy. I hear alcove and instantly think of a room with no door and quite possibly it is the dining room. IMO if you cannot afford to live in the place normally, as in every one has their own bedroom I think it is time to look for a new place.

I voted not forgive, but really, it's whatever you want to do. What she did is disgusting, but I suppose she had a reason for it. From how you described your interaction with her, it doesn't sound like she was exactly begging for forgiveness though.

If you do agree to have her stay with you, install a lock on your door. Depending on your lease situation, one of you might have to move out, and I don't know that you will have the power to kick her out, so you might have to start looking for apartments.

That's disgusting. Since you've already confronted her about it, really the only thing you should to is get a lock for your door so you don't have to deal with that again.

You are totally justified in your actions. I would be f*cking pissed and would have probably slapped the sh*t outta her. I applaud you for handling it in such a mature way. It's unfair to think about you moving out of the house. So lock the door like others have suggested.

you are completely justified in being angry, but I do think you should listen to her and let her apologize. if she recognizes that what she did was wrong and apologizes (and promises never to do it again, then you can forgive her. if she gets all defensive and doesn't see what she did is wrong, then you and your other roomate need to discuss what to do about it...

Your other roommate is a b*tch for not supporting you. I bet she'd like it if the skanky roommate started screwing around in her room and on her bed. Oh, the that other girl chose her sleeping arrangements so ive no sympathy.

I find the behaviour of your other roommate a bit backstabberish ... first she approaches you (without first telling the other roommate I'm sure) to tell you about this, then when the whole situation blows up, she's suddenly trying to convince you to drop it because she's probably not looking forward to paying more rent or finding some other poor soul to sleep in the alcove.

While I agree that I wouldn't want to sleep in sheets that were be-sexed by other people, I can't help but feel some sympathy for your roommate. I'm sure it must be really hard living in that alcove, with no privacy whatsoever. I can understand the temptation ... Obviously, she shouldn't have done so, but I wouldn't kick her out if that's your only problem with her. If she's living in that alcove, then she must be very tight on money, so finding another place will be hell.
Have a calm conversation with her, without screaming or getting irrational. Explain you felt violated, make her wash your sheets and lock your door when you leave. Then see how the situation develops ... if she's a good flatmate on all other counts, then maybe this is something you'll laugh about later in life?

that is horrible of her! not forgive!!

From the way the question is asked, it's hard to tell which roommate they're asking about forgiving. I'm assuming it's the alcove-dweller, so I said not forgive.

Yes, her living situation sucks, but that does NOT make it okay to have sex in your bed! It's base, selfish, and disgusting. ESPECIALLY since it's not even a steady boyfriend - she apparently just drags in whoever will do her that weekend. Definitely not classy, and it shouldn't be your problem.

I would try everything possible to get out of that living situation. I know it's cheaper to have roommates, but from the amount of roommate-hell-related questions I see on here, The Vine, Dear Prudence, Natalie Dee, etc., etc., I just don't believe it's worth the trouble. Personally, I'd rather live in a motel room alone than with a nasty skank who uses my bed as a promiscuity den.

Nasty. I would just move out if the other roommate (the one with the 2nd bedroom) isn't backing you up. Yes the alcove situation SUCKS... but she did agree to her living arrangement and is paying less rent...

NOT FORGIVE...no matter what..that's just disgusting!

get a lock for your door if you haven't already.

Pubic Lice. That's all I can think of now when I read this. I voted not forgive. Yes, her living situation sucks but it gives her no right to do her business on your space. If she wants sex, she should do it at the guys' place.

Remember that tidbit of info on here a while back about how crabs can live for 48 hours without a human to cling onto? Burn the sheets. Or at least drown them with disinfectant.

Yes, put a lock on your door if you can. Another thing you can do is put in a wireless security system that'd blast a loud siren and call your phone if an intruder is in your room. You can find this for pretty cheap on ebay (look up "wireless security system", here's an example: http://cgi.ebay.com/New-Radio-Shack-Wireless-Home-Security-System-w-dial...)

Not forgive! That is both disgusting and wrong! If she's bringing home guys she barely knows to have sex in your bed, goodness knows what sort of stuff could have infected your sleeping space. She chose to live in an alcove rather than finding her own housing elsewhere, so she has no one to blame but herself for the lack of privacy. I would have confronted her the same way you did!

If totally agree with looseseal: put a lock on your door and keep the key with you at all times. And encourage your roommate to go to these guys' places if she wants to get down and dirty!

Don't forgive. She needs to apologize, at the very least.

It's YOUR room. You might feel bad for her because she doesn't have an entire room to herself, but you said it: She's paying less. She's paying for what she's getting, and trying to take a lot more than that (your bed) for free.

I would rather have my roommate have sex in the living room than sneak into my room to do it. That's unhygienic, an invasion of your privacy, not to mention just plain unpleasant to think about.

Definitely go to your local hardware store and pick up a lock w/ a key(they're inexpensive). And don't feel bad about it- you have a right to your privacy. Easiest drama-free solution!

ewwwwwwwww Thats NASTY!! I said Not Forgive!! They is a total breech of roommate trust and WAYYYY stepping over major lines when it comes to living with others. Thats just dirty! I don't blame you for being disgusted and to be honest, you will prolly be much happier with NOT having someone living in your living room!!

It would help if she apologizes~ and and washes your sheets lol
If she won't apologize or does it again I would put a lock on the door, if at all possible. She chose to live there in the alcove and paying less rent, and she should have asked you if it was ok to use your room when you were gone.

Not forgive! That's just gross. I agree with other posters in that you should get a lock ASAP, and insist that the offending room mate buy you new sheets, possibly all new bedding, if that helps.
My sister's old room mate in university did the same thing to a friend of theirs; she snuck into the room when the other girl wasn't home and proceeded to use her bed as she saw fit. Then tried to play dumb when confronted. The girl who's bed it was bought new sheets and gave the offender the bill, and locked her door. Didn't feel bad about it for a second.

that's really rude!

I might decide to let it go, but I'm not sure I could Forgive. It's not like it happened once, which I *could* forgive. I agree that you should get a lock for your door and that will solve the problem. Then let her figure out where she's going to have sex, but at least it won't be in your bed, which is all you really have an issue with anyway.

hope neither of them have crabs. that girl needs to go and if little miss pass-on-informatio-for-gossip-purposes-only doesn't agree maybe she can go too. you are entilted to be respected by your roommates, very minimal standard. just ewwww!

I don't see how anyone can feel sorry for her living in the alcove - no one is forcing her and she agreed to pay much less rent. I voted not forgive and honestly, you should not lose your ground on this. 1) You need to throw away your sheets 2) Get a lock and key 3) Make sure she apologizes or just ignore her - think about it, you pay a lot more rent for you to have your own room, that is disgusting and completely wrong for her to use your bed. If she admitted that she did use your bed, she owes you rent for those nights too. Who does she think she is?

Thats super trashy but... Where she sleeps are there windows? Could people see her while she was doing her thing? If so, its only natural for her to want a place where she could do her business without crazy peeping toms looking in on her.. It is nasty though and she should have used the floor or gone to the guy's place! It was pretty disrespectful of her but you have to look at it from her POV too if she doesn't have much privacy where she sleeps!

if she's going to stay, you should get a lock. you could let her stay for convenience and financial reasons, but she needs to apologize and you guys can make some house rules (not that she had any reason to think that what she did would have been ok)

AFRY - I don't care how much privacy alcove-girl lacks. She completely disrespected the OP's privacy by entering her bedroom.

FORGIVE!!!
This is NOT something to end a friendship over! I'm sure if she knew how bent out of shape you would get about it then she wouldn't have done it. I admit, she is kind of stupid to agree to live in the alcove and its her own problem, plus she could always do it at the guy's place, but if she really is sorry then I doubt she would do it again.

Plus, how is everyone so grossed out over this? We've slept in hotel beds and dorm beds where you know a lot of things have gone on. I've slept on my parent's bed where as much as I never want to think of it, ummm... "things" have happened there. I subletted my apartment to a close friend once, and I was in town a weekend and was shocked to find a drawer full of condoms in the bathroom, but I guess I knew she had a bf so of course they would do it in my bed, and it was weird, but NOT a big deal! Chill out people!

Uhm. She agreed to those living arrangements, so she gets no sympathy - or forgiveness - from me. If the she wants to get some THAT bad, she can go to the guy's place. She paid for a small space, not a bedroom. Not only was she out of line, she took advantage of your trust [in the most disgusting way...pass the lysol, please].

Honestly, I'd charge her for new sheets, and I'd either kick her out or get a lock on the bedroom door. Also, your other roommate is horrendously two-faced. Told you about the inappropriate behavior, then tells you not to do anything. Huh. I'd be just as pissed off at her as the other.

Do NOT forgive. Your roommate is not only rude but just plain nasty. It would not matter to me if she did apologize. Your roommate is not a child and knew better than to go behind your back and do that in your bed.

smugirl this situation is incomparable and grosser than the examples you provided because 1) in hotels, they wash/dry sheets, at least the ones I've stayed at, 2) in dorm rooms, you use or own protective mat and bedsheets unless roomies have violated the space, 3) your parents are monogamous and don't bring 'anything' to their bed.

This is a girl's bedroom, her private refuge and her roommate is quite possibly bringing random guys to the bed regularly without her knowing. The actions are inconsiderate and I doubt the offender helps with cleaning the sheets afterwards.

First off, yuck. Secondly, I am SO glad I don't have room mates anymore.

I don't blame you for wanting to kick her out. I would too. It seems like financially you need her in your apartment though. If I were you I'd just put a lock on my door and lock my door when I left. I know that's a little drastic, but that would ensure that she couldn't get into your bedroom.

Get a lock and key, use it everytime you leave the apartment, and tell her that the problem is over with and to grow up.

thats gross. i said not forgive. and i dont care if she doesnt have her own room.. she pays less rent, so its fair. and especially since its like strange guys and not a bf or anything thats soo sick.

Don't forgive her!! First of all, that is disrespectful to go in your room at all without your permission, and secondly, to do something such as use your room for sex is just completely rude and uncalled for. I agree with cokerad, get a doorknob that you can have a key for to lock it when you go away.

I would forgive & change the sheets & warn her never to step in my room ever again.

EWWWWW!
NO FRAKKING way I'm going to sleep on someone else's bodily fluids. I can't imagine it. I just feel that it's not sanitary for me, especially if I'm paying for the amount of rent that can warrant me a PRIVATE bed (and I do mean: NOT PUBLIC bed).

You're not being a drama queen. You PAY a different amount of rent to get that room and get that PRIVATE bed. She's paying for her own futon, so she can just kiss your ass. Did she ever admit it anyway?

Action-wise, if I were you: I'd buy new bedspreats/sheets, buy a lock (and key) and LOCK the room continuously when you're not home.

And in addition to that, I'd still kick her out. But if economy isn't allowing, advertise for a new roomie and then, after you get one, give that lady her 30 day notice.

And your other roomie can just kiss your ass, seriously. How about tell the disgusting-bed-using roomie that it's your other roomie who clued you in on her 'using your bed.' And let's hope more tensions arise for those two. Maybe then, your other roomie can get off of her high horse and try to find a new roomie as well.

Dear god, you people are hard and unforgiving.

There is a difference between being entitled to be angry at someone and just not forgive them.

Yes, the behaviour was uncalled for, yes it's not exactly sanitary, yes her private space was violated but you're all acting like she pushed her mother off a cliff.
Be angry, set boundaries, but forgive her after that as well. I wouldn't blow up a friendship over this, especially not if she's sorry.

That is horrible! You could be passive aggressive and put a lock on your door, so that you can lock it from the outside when you leave. But, I think you should still confront her! At the very least, she needs to replace your bedding. You don't sleep with guys in your friends bed on multiple occasions when you are sorry. She had the chance to stew and feel bad after the first time she did it, yet it didn't stop her from doing it again. I think she has no conscious. The only reason she will act sorry, is because she was busted.

You need to move out.

NOT FORGIVE!!

Yes we've all slept on a bed that SOMEONE has had sex on. But we also had sheet and blankets on the mattress. For her to have sex in your bed on your sheets and leave it for you to come home to is BEYOND TRIFLING!! The B*TCH needs to go... She is obviously untrustworthy and disgusting.

She chose her living arrangents and accepted a lesser amount in rent for the inconvience. She should have thought of wanting to SLUT around before then. I say slutting around b/c if it was a BF she prob would not have to "sneak" him out in the a.m.

You are completely justified and the other roommate needs to STFU...if she does not see it as a big deal she should have never told you about it. Tell her to offer the girl HER bed when she wants to have company and see how "Okay" that is...

If they can't respect you then get a lock on your door and start looking to move

That is beyond disgusting. I would be horrified if I were you! I guess you should forgive her, just for the fact that you have to live with her for now. Get a lock on your door and lock it every time you leave the house please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this girl says anything about it, tell her that it is unfortunate that things had to come to this, but obviously she has no respect for you.

Install a lock on your door and lock it whenever you're away. Problem solved. If she is still bitter, tell her to find her own place to live.

Not forgive! So gross! That is just disgusting. If she wants more privacy than her alcove gives than she can move. If you haven't done so get a lock on your door.

I would not have a problem with what she did, had she apologized and gotten me new or cleaned sheets. It's the not telling you about it that bothers me. If she were my friend, I'd understand as long as she were respectful about it, since you're not around much on the weekends and she'd like some privacy. But if I were her, I'd make sure your room and bed were spotless, you know? Otherwise it's just plain rude and she should move the hell out.

There's no need to kick her out.
Put a lock on your door.

Disgusting! There's no way you can fully forgive her and make everything go away... if you do, you're still going to be uncomfortable leaving your house and that's going to lead to more confrontations and tension. I say she needs to leave and it's ok if you can't let go of it -- that's a pretty big deal!
Good luck!

Not forgive. She was completely disrespectful and disgusting. Get a lock for your bedroom door asap.

Uck - it's one thing if she wants to get an STD, but she's putting you at risk for pubic lice and crabs - do not forgive!!