it's just trying times... you need to be strong for him. if u need supports, there're plenty of support groups around (online & physical)... sometimes, with all these chaos, troubles, angers, fights, the love could be overridden.

Hold on to him, remember the good things you know about him...reinforce those good qualities and tell him you love him as much as possible. Accentuate the positive. He has to absolutely know you won't walk out on him. He needs to know that you won't hurt him. Tell him again and again that you love him and you need him and you won't leave him. If you don't want to participate in the counciling, then take part by bringing him to and from his sessions, then go to a movie. Turn shrink night into date night. It could work!
I've been there, I come from a despicable family (except for my mum) and I can't tell you enough how comforting it is when sh*t hits the fan that my man is there for me, NO MATTER WHAT, UNCONDITIONALLY. Lately, it's been terrible, life in general, but we are each other's support. He's better off than I am in some ways (He worries to himself, I rip and tear and claw my way through life)...but he grew up in a big, loving family, and it makes ALL the difference when you're coping with those trying times mentioned above. Try to not call him names -as hard as that might be when you're pissed, but I'm sure it sends him right back to being a little kid if you're name-calling. If you don't recognize him, imagine how lost he feels.
Maybe get some pictures of the two of you when you were happiest and have them out and talk about those times. Even if he doesn't engage you in conversation, he'll hear you and see you happy, not bored or sad. Even people built on crumbly foundations can have strong walls if their support is tough enough to hold them up when they need it.

I wish you two much happiness.

SMR862 again I dont agree with your advice.

Why should she stay with him? She's not happy, eventually this will make him unhappy and then they will be stuck together for the rest of their lives living in absolute misery because neither of them got the courage to break up with the other. They are not happy. Simple.

Poster, dont stay with him if he doesnt make you happy. Dont force yourself to stay just so you dont hurt him. You should never sacrifice yourself for someone else! Yes, it might hurt him but he will be FINE and so will you. He will find someone who loves staying at home just like he does and you will find someone who is confident and outgoing just like you are.

This relationship has run it's course and you've realized it's time to move on. Dont let anyone hold you back.

Move on.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Frankly, it sounds like you are being selfish. Presumably he has been a homebody since you have known him, so it is not fair to suddenly get on his case now because you are bored. Do you have hobbies or friends of your own? It is not healthy to look to your mate as a sole source of your entertainment.

That said, counseling is a must. He has some family and anger issues, but it sounds like he has been good to you all along. You say you don't know who he is anymore, but I don't see how HE has done anything diffenent. Good luck.

Fallen, truce! All I can say is apples and oranges.

I can relate to the dude (and the poster as well)...but then again I'm most likely much older than this couple and when I was younger I would've walked- and did. So I'm coming from the complete unconditional love point of view. That's the difference. If you can't/won't/don't-know-how-to-and-aren't-ready-to work THAT HARD on the relationship, then you need to move on, as Fallen has so eloquently stated.

However, if you're just bored then you need a puppy or a betta fish, not a new man.

I'm a loner (insert smartass quip later, I'm ready!)and my husband is a people person. We do fine with the opposites thing. Couples argue. They even may push each other. Once. If it happens cause he got grass on the new berber or she dented the Subaru, well, then it's time for the therapy fund to get used.

Good luck, really, to you both.

Love isn't about being excited all the time. Make it clear though... Are you bored with the situation (where he's always tired, shy and can't spend QT with you) or are you bored with HIM? People can change, but only so much... If he is willing to go out with you despite his shyness and insecurities, would it be good enough for you? You compare him to your ex, but just because he is better doesn't mean he's the best for you.

On the other hand, I think it sounds like you handled the argument pretty well, especially by telling him that he has to go back to therapy or you will leave.

Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.

You need to leave him now, or you will be just another divorced couple, and cause undue harm to him in the meantime. Don't get married when you are not sure that you want to stay with him already. Lemme guess your thinking: if it doesn't work out we can always get divorced. Was I right?

I really do not mean this to be as insulting as it will appear, but I would not want to be in a relationship with you. He works long hours at a physical job to support you at school and you're complaining about cooking and boredom? If you are so bored, it's not because of him, unless he keeps you chained to a pipe so that you cannot leave. Most people have a hard time accepting just how much control they have over the quality of their own lives, and it sounds like he's your scapegoat. I think it would be a good idea to end it, because you sound pretty focused on yourself and very dependent on him, and I think it would do you some good to be on your own for a while.

If deep down you know you want to leave him (and let's face it, when you know you know - strangers at a website shouldn't influence your choice), you should do it sooner rather than later.

However, if you love him and you think the relationship is worth saving (in other words, you don't want to be with anyone else) - you have to try a different tact. You knew his baggage when you got together in the first place, so either help him or cut the cord.

DCRoamer, a hearty round of applause to your comment. OMG, people who are always "bored" and must be entertained are so tiresome. Especially when they get sick of their long-suffering S.O. because the S.O. isn't being entertaining enough. Jeebus. Is he stopping you from going out with your own friends and having a good time of your own while he unwinds at home after a long day of work? I'm sure you would have included it in your post if he does do that, so I'm guessing he doesn't.

Eh, you might as well get out now while the going is still good. Before the two of you get in any deeper.

I don't think you should be in a serious "going-to-get-married" type of relationship with someone until you learn to take care of your own finances and entertain yourself. Seriously, I have heard that marriage can be dull and a lot of work. Ditto for children, if that's in your goals for the future. Just thought it'd be good to forewarn you long before you're a divorcee with emotionally scarred ex and kids because you got bored and boinked the mailman or something.

You deserve better. Don't be ashamed to admit that to yourself. Of course you love this man. But you shouldn't marry him because you know it's not looking good and he can't be a good life partner for you. So cut it off and whatever you do, don't feel guilty for making the right choice for yourself. Continue to support him and be good to him, but don't reduce your quality of life just because his sucked.

by the way, I agree with DCRoamer that boredom is an iffy reason to leave a relationship. If your fiance is tired and doesn't want to go out, then it's silly to leave him if he's a good man. But I suggested that you reconsider marrying him because he isn't just a homebody. He doesn't help you at home (sure, it's not his fault his job is demanding, but all the same you still have to deal with that by doing all the housework, which is just going to make you bitter in the long run). He fights with you, and made you feel like you were in physical danger. That is not OK. Thinking twice after that is not being selfish.

My husband is a homebody too. But he isn't THAT bad. I am very independant though, so he doesn't mind that I go out with my girlfriends. Lots of times, I just go out by myself (which I like). He does need emotional support, and nagging him to be something else is not right. I think it might be better off if you leave him though because it sounds like the both of you aren't on the same page, and not so much your match. I know how it is, you meet a guy and the chemistry is bouncing around from all angles, but in time you have gotten to know him, he isn't so much your soulmate is he? You need to find someone that likes to go out a lot. Maybe you should start looking for guys at bars, I hear there's plenty of those.

When I met the man that is now my husband, I was going out to the pubs and clubs all the time. I was drinking heavily, and abusing some drugs. I left the city life to live in a slower paced town, and I love it, not going to clubs all the time, and living healthier. Also, I think the older you get the less you feel like you have to go out to have a good time. Not that you shouldn't go to the clubs or bars, but you tone down your life as you settle with that special person. You should be able to go out on your own if you want to, and not drag someone that isn't comfortable with it. And it's normal!

Good Luck. And be patient if you stay.

before you make a decision to stay w/ him or not, ask yourself what do you want in your life? can u see yourself spending the next 10 yrs 20 yrs w/ him? what is your career prospect look like? your age? kids? if he doesn't fit into your 5 yrs plan, then its better to cut him lose now... if he does fit into your plan, but things just difficult right now, then stuck it out, becasue it's hard to find a good man.

Why are you bored? You can go out with your friends! There is so much to be taken from this relationship, from what you are saying, and nobody is perfect - so he's a homebody - get the excitement of going out with your girls, and enjoy the rest of him that sounds like it's really fulfilling you on all the other levels! No one person can fulfill every one of your needs, and that's why you need to have a rich life outside of your relationship. It sounds like he's got it rough, and maybe he's going through a tough time right now as well. Counseling is a good idea, for him, and for the both of you if you want. But apart from that, I agree with SMR862. When you love, and marry (or commit to marry) someone, they are family. Is your family perfect? Do they give you everything you need? Probably not. Does that mean you would like to switch parents? It's the same you should expect from your partner in life. I say, ride the wave, try to fix it in constructive ways, be understanding of the PERSON he is, and see where that goes. As long as you love him... LOVE HIM... then you should stick around and be supportive. Our grandparents didn't get divorced every 20 minutes like our generation does because they knew that their marriage was more important than their level of entertainment. I bow to that.

I think you want to leave and you are looking for validation. I think its shady that hes been supporting you this whole time and now you are "bored" and want to leave- let me guess you are about to graduate? You will be getting a new job after graduation, making your own money and you wont need him anymore- so youre looking for an excuse to be free. IMO

Key sentence: "...have time invested in the relationship."

i cant take violence in a relationship honestly, the moment he hits, thats it.

All I have to say is this "You cannot just give up everytime you are mildly unhappy, there are highs and lows in every relationship." I am so tired of reading advice where everyone says "leave him if you are unhappy." Hello why do you think the divorce rate is so high. Obviously there are a lot of situations that require divorce but c'mon girls, not everything.

It sounds to me that when you started dating him, you compared him to your Ex. Just because a guy is not-your-ex doesn't mean he's the one for you.

It sounds to me like you two are not a match. He's not necessarily the "bad guy," and you're not exactly the "good guy," either. It just seems like a case of conflicting lifestyles and temperaments. I agree with kiwitwist -- "leave him if you're unhappy" is way overused lately, but in this case, it's not just that. I think it's a truly poor match, and you both can do better.

I don't know...I don't think you should have been grabbing him in the first place (hello trigger)...especially after all the abuse you said he's been through and has seen growing up!

I do think you have every right to be upset if he doesn't clean up (because I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend and it's beyond annoying), so maybe you guys can work on that.

But as for you getting bored with him, you need to just find a hobby outside of the relationship. Or if you want to go out with him, then talk about it ahead of time and try for once or twice a week (movie night or go to the bar and chill). But being in a relationship is all about compromise, so if he doesn't feel like going out or does go out but doesn't feel like socializing, don't hold it against him. I mean, when you start working hard (especially when it comes to physical labor), all you want to do is relax and not waste your time getting drunk or going out all the time.

You guys need to try and find something that will be fun for the both of you. It's all about compromise.

I hope things look up.

You know, she's not married yet. So if she leaves because it's not a good relationship it's not like she's breaking her wedding vows.

It sounds like this guy was a rebound and she fell "in love" and then when they honeymoon phase was over realized it wasn't what she wanted. That happens all the freaking time. Just be glad you didn't get married while you were still feeling ga ga about him.

That said, take your mom up on her counseling offer. You need to find out if you truly love this man or if you loved the idea of him and now you're ready to move on.

If you have the courage to tell all of us about it - you can tell a couple's counselor. I don't think anyone is in the position to tell you what to do. Relationships can be complicated, I would advise you to seek couple's counseling especially since your mom wants to help with the costs and support. Good luck!

I don't think abuse in a relationship is at all OK, but you said he didn't hit you and nothing you said indicates he is verbally or emotionally abusive either. it sounds like you had an argument. I know you have only been with him for a year so this may be the first big fight you have had. It just sound s to me like every other relationship. You aren't always going to get a long perfectly and sometimes there will be conflict. If you are thinking of leaving because of this then I would say maybe you a re not that committed to him. I understand living with another person can be frustrating and take some getting used to but you can't always have it your way. If the man does hard labor all day long it's understandable that he may not want to go out. If he also has social anxiety disorder it is probably a lot harder for him to be in social situations than you will ever know. He may not physically be able to go out whenever the whim hits, it sometimes takes a lot of mental preparation for people with anxiety diorders to be out in public. Try being a little more understanding. Sure he may not clean up after himself and you may have to do all the cooking, but he's supporting you and maybe you ought to start looking at the things you do as pulling your weight in the relationship. I don't think this is necessarily a bad relationship, I think maybe you just need time to cool off. I hope things work out for you

You need to get a job and become independent. I seriously don't see your point in being such a cling on when he clearly doesnt enjoy the outdoors.

Wow, there are some very valid opinions here - like "don't depend on him for entertainment", "you shouldn't have grabbed his arm to begin with", "maybe you're close to graduation and seek reasons to get rid of him" and "you should appreciate the amount of work he does".

All I can add is that I, too, think that you are at fault here just as he is. You mentioned a big fight but did not mention why *he* was mad at you. Was it just the nagging or is there more to it? Maybe he envies you for your spare time and finds it ungrateful that you nag at him for being exhausted after working hard most of the day? Maybe he, too, would like to attend college and have his partner's support instead of having to work so much?
If him not going out is such a problem then why don't you get a job so he can work less and relax more with you? Also, it sounds like his self-esteem is rather low, making him want to look good in front of other people at all times. With the way you're behaving I don't see that improving. If you'd be more sensitive, understanding and talk to him openly about *everything*, maybe you can achieve something. Especially if you make your lives revolve around the both of you and don't single him out as the lone source of problems.
Set goals for the both of you, make arrangements, set dates that you can stick to and plan for. Work as a couple. If you can't do that, you're not ready for serious commitment, sorry to say.

As I see it, you have two options:
1. Stop taking this guy for granted and support him despite his flaws. Also, don't be so unforgiving of him for wanting downtime. If you worked a physical, full-time job, you'd know how tiring and daunting it can be.
2. Get a job, cut out some of your more lavish expenses, and learn to support yourself.

I agree with Karlotta. I just can't get over the fact that he supports you, works long hours at a physical job and you think he's boring because he comes home and sleeps and watches tv. Hey, if you have so much energy and time, why don't you go out with your friends? My boyfriend is a homebody and I love my time with him, but we don't do everything together, you don't need to either. If you don't want to cook, stick to Pasta Roni and frozen veggies. Seriously.

I agree that you should also start working, and please don't get married if you don't think he's the one for you. But really, I don't know what you expect out of him.

Remember this: people don't change.

Your main gripe is the long hours he works doing physical labor. Is he taking steps to get an education, or is this his entire future? He's only going to get older and more tired as the years go by, and the hours may get longer. He's still going to be tired and lazy at the end of each day. That is, until he's injured on the job, at which point he'll lay around on the couch, barely getting by on disability while you frantically try to make a living for the both of you.

I've seen this scenario play out many times with my friends and their husbands. My brother is even a guy like this, and I feel sorry for his wife. They have a daughter and my s-i-l is essentially a single mother, stuck with the kid all day, then again all night when my brother kicks back in front of the TV.

Wow, that last comment I found rather insulting to those people who choose to work in jobs that require manual labor. A man could just as easily get an education and then get a job that requires him to never be at home, traveling all the time, causing his chick to be "stuck with the kid all day." You are supposed to marry the person you are with because you love him, not because he makes enough money to take you to fancy places, and buy you fancy things. Maybe the man likes his job, even if it does wear him out after a long day. Or, perhaps, a woman shouldn't rely on a man to support her, especially if she doesn't appreciate it, and will probably walk out on the man in the end, anyways.

I agree with hanging out with friends and not always depending on him to entertain you, but dont forget that if you are actually going out that he is also footing the bill for that, so barhopping and going out to eat with your friends while he is home sleeping exhausted from working all day to support the both of you is probably not a great idea, stick to things that dont cost anything.

I agree with hanging out with friends and not always depending on him to entertain you, but dont forget that if you are actually going out that he is also footing the bill for that, so barhopping and going out to eat with your friends while he is home sleeping exhausted from working all day to support the both of you is probably not a great idea, stick to things that dont cost anything.

Like most of the posters have already stated, I'd look into getting a job. I'm pretty sure that once you start getting out of the house and actually working, you won't be as bored. And if that still doesn't work for you there's always the girls to hang out with as well. I don't blame your S/O for wanting to lounge after work though. I used to have to wake up at 4am and didn't get off until 4:30pm. All I wanted to do was jump into a pair of jammies and relax. Give the guy a break. I mean, I know you're not obligated to stay with him but I don't think you're giving him enough credit here.