Maybe she's right? Maybe your boyfriend put you through a whole lot of hell and she was there helping you pick up the pieces and when she thought that you were going to move on you went right back into the arms of the horrible person who broke you into all of those tiny little pieces before. Now she is upset because she saw what happened and she thinks he hasnt changed and she is just trying to protect her bestfriend who happens to be completely blinded by love.

Have you read any of the other posts on this site? Like the ones about the girl who was in a horrible and abusive relationship with a man who convinced her that all of her friends were against her and told her to stop hanging out with her friends etc etc and then a year and a half later the girl wakes up, realizes all of her friends were right but all of those friends had been so alienated from her life that now none of them would even talk to her let alone be friends with her again? Maybe thats you. Maybe this boyfriend of yours is a complete slime ball but you're so crazy about him and you put yourself through so much sh!t with him that you're blinded by reality.

You said "And I know for a fact that no other girl except for myself would have stayed with him through all the things he's put me through." Well... why would you stay if no other woman on this planet would have stayed? You like the abuse? You like losers? You feel like a "good woman" because you stand by your man when he makes really bad and hurtful decisions? Thats bullsh!t. If your best friend in the whole world hates your man then wouldnt there be a really good reason?

Trust your best friend, dont trust the man who hurt you badly enough in the past that your best friend would hold a 5 months grudge that is slowly tearing her best friend away from her. Wake up and smell the loser. Your friends will always be there for you, your man already proved that he wont be, right? So why would you throw away the one person you can rely on for someone who has already hurt you?

Smarten up. Dump your boyfriend and call your best friend.

Good luck, you'll need it.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

If your best friend hates him, she is probably onto something. I hate to say it - but she knows you with this guy and without him - so it might be the person that you are when you are with him - and not JUST that he sucks. That has been the case for SO many people I know.

And if that is the case, she will definitely have a hard time respecting you.

If your friend has only turned against you because of your boyfriend, it should set your alarms off. She loves you and cares for you, but sees you with a guy that can potentially hurt you. Of course she is angry. Of course she will bash him and try to talk you into doing better. She's your friend - that's her job. It would be easy for her to nod and say, "I respect your decision", but she's taking the hard way because she wants what's best for you.

And you seem to know very well for yourself that this guy is trouble. Your best friend sounds like a great friend to me.

Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.

It's VERY hard to see a close friend ruining her life with a lousy guy. My best friend has been married to an alcoholic for ten years, and it's torn us apart many times. Our friendship isn't nearly as strong as it was before. It's hard for me to see her accept bad treatment when I know she could do better and be happier.

Your friend cares about you and frankly, I don't think your boyfriend deserves her respect, which is EARNED, by the way.

Agreed with all of the comments. Try to truly analyze the situation, for a moment, try not to focus on her behavior but focus on what she's trying to say.

I have a friend that always falls for the wrong guy and my best friend is always there for her when he decides to treat her badly and then when she's single all she does is complain about men and then she gets together with another guy that will do the same thing...an endless cycle.

I think your friend is tired of your endless cycle.

She probably heard your stories about him and what he did and that's all she has to go on. When she sees him or hears about him, it won't matter how many times you say he's changed or that he's a good guy now, she will always remember when he was a bad guy.

So now you have a Mexican standoff. Are you going to leave him or will she have to get over the fact that you're with him? Both of you believe that you're right so what I would do is either write or tell her that you love her and that she means well by not wanting you to make a mistake BUT IF it IS a mistake this is YOUR mistake. You know damn well if he goes back to his old ways you'll be hearing "I told you so" from her and you're fine with that but right now you feel this is right and you have to live your own life. You respect her decision to not like him but since she doesn't respect that you will make your own decisions (being right or wrong in her eyes) maybe you should spend time apart. Remind her that this isn't something you want but when you're with her you don't feel like she's your friend but someone that is just judging her. Ask her what she would do if the roles were in reverse. The most important thing is that she knows how much you truly want her in your life and how this is hurting you as much as it hurts her. I know with time everything will go back to normal but for now you have to live your own life.

First: No real friend will call you stupid while talking to you about something as serious as this. That's unacceptable in a friendship to me unless I'm joking around with that friend. That, in and of itself, is disrespectful and shows she thinks she's better than you, better than your boyfriend, and she's power-tripping*.

Second: What are screw-ups to some people are mere learning phases to another. Maybe the dude isn't that bad and his errors are relatively minor-did he blow off his cell phone bill or did he break the law? Use drugs? Hit you? etc., etc.,etc., and your "friend" is being a nosy butt-in and overly dramatic and mouthy because she sees you as weak-minded, and she's gotten away with it perhaps with another pal**.

Third: Trust your gut. Trust your instincts. Trust that little voice in your head that lets you and only you- know what's right. Please do not make a decision based solely on any outside friends' opinion***.

* She could be just plain jealous of you, also...I could be wrong but I don't think so.
**I would ask around about your friend to see if she treats other friends like this.
***You haven't been with the guy long enough to really, really know him! Please, get rid of this chick and figure out for yourself if he's good enough for you!

Good luck to you and stay strong!

Im not sure- as your friend it is her job to protect you -but she also has to let you make your mistakes. I have seen it on both side- I have been with jerks and my friends were there for me even though they warned me but I had to see it for myself. I have also seen friends go back to bad ex-boyfriends and while I did not support them I knew they had to do what they had to do. So try to listen to your friend but tell her that you need to make this mistake on your own (if it is a mistake that is). She will be unhappy but she should eventually understand. And IF she is right- tell her you are grateful for her friendship. A true friend will be there for you when things arent going well.

Im not sure- as your friend it is her job to protect you -but she also has to let you make your mistakes. I have seen it on both side- I have been with jerks and my friends were there for me even though they warned me but I had to see it for myself. I have also seen friends go back to bad ex-boyfriends and while I did not support them I knew they had to do what they had to do. So try to listen to your friend but tell her that you need to make this mistake on your own (if it is a mistake that is). She will be unhappy but she should eventually understand. And IF she is right- tell her you are grateful for her friendship. A true friend will be there for you when things arent going well.

sorry for the double post!

I thought the exact same thing Fallen did...

Of course, I wouldn't necessarily trust the opinion of ONE friend (I have an old high school friend that refers to my boyfriend as a "drug dealer" because he smoked pot in high school, which was, ya know, 5 years ago) but even you seem to be thinking there is something wrong with him if "no other girl would stay." There are other guys in this world...

I'm not saying she is handling it in a great way, but she seems really frustrated. How does your family and other friends feel about this boyfriend? If they all think he's great then fine, just drop her. But I suspect they don't like how your boyfriend has treated you either, and are just too polite to be acting the way your friend is.

i KNEW that tons of the comments here would revolve around "she probably knows something you don't know...break up with your boyfriend" because that's always the official party line around here...but it sounds like your friend is being immature and potentially jealous (not of your man but that you're in a relationship)...this happens all the time (at the risk of sounding ridiculous, um LC and Heidi?)...but frankly i think that sometimes guys do dumb stuff but in our gut, if we can find a way to forgive, then we can move past it, and oftentime i think its the family and friends that have the harder time moving along...so i think that while it sucks that your friend is being shotty, you haven't known her that long, so i would say, let her be a baby and just live your life - just make sure that you hang out with other girlfriends incase stuff with this guy goes sour, you don't want to have your entire life revolving around him

geebers, i agree, a good friend will let you make mistakes and will be there for you through the relationship and after!

What skigurl said. She doesn't sound like a true friend, especially if she's being nasty to you. Why put up with that? You made your choice, if she doesn't support it, so be it.

It's hard to be supportive when friends are dating jerks, and you admit yourself that your boyfriend has been an ass. You're going to get burned (again) in this relationship and hopefully your friend will be there to help you pick up the pieces.

Some people here say good friends should keep their mouths shut. Others say good friends will speak up to try to help you.

I don't think it's one or the other.

SMR862 your advice is to dump her friend and figure out if this guy is good enough ebcause they've only been dating for 5 months? They've only beed dating for 5 months because when they dated BEFORE he cheated on her.

Skigurl, you think her friend is jealous because she's in a relationship? It mentions her bestfriend's boyfriend (who also hates this loser) so obviously her bestfriend is in a relationship.

Once again Team Sugar edited out those points. That her bestfriend would call him a jerk and a cheater and that when the poster goes to her bestfriends house her bestfriends boyfriend gives her sh!t about him too.

Way to go TeamSugar.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Fallen - I'm just curious, do you have a link to the original post? (Prior to TeamSugar's edits?)

OP, although I sympathize with your frustration, I'll give you some perspective from a girl who has already been through this situation. It's incredibly difficult to sit back and watch one of your best friends date someone who has, in the past, treated her with disrespect.

I suggest cutting your friend some slack because in the end she is trying to look out for you. I completely disagree with posters like skigirl and sporky who believe your friend is acting out of jealousy. Friends do not always have to support their friends decisions, and just because they tell you so does not mean they're jealous.

I know that listening to each other's heartaches and problems is in the "friends" job description, but it is incredibly draining to have to sit back and listen to "he's treating me like crap" over and over - particularly if you don't listen to our advice.

As I previously said, I've been in this situation. I've been in your friend's position. In the end, I did get tired of being the one to pick up the pieces, and now my best friend and I no longer speak. Of course I miss our friendship dearly, but it was no longer worth it to me to sit back and watch her be emotionally and verbally abused. (If that makes me a jerk, so be it).

If your boyfriend has truly changed, I think its time for him to prove it to your friend. While that statement might not be fair, if your friendship means as much to you as you say I think he would respect that and make a genuine effort to prove that he is no longer an ass.

Okay I need to amend what I said, she may not necessarily be acting out of jealousy (who knows for sure, their friendship isn't that old for her to know what her friend's thinking?) but a friend treating YOU crappy for YOUR choices and calling you stupid, that's no friend. Just my opinion.

Fallen, I never saw the original post. I only read the one that is(apparently)edited. Regardless, if he cheated on her and they then, as adults, chose to be exclusive with each other, well...what can we rightfully say? That's not what she brought to the table. She brought the issue of the "friend" verbally attacking her and her guy. The "friend" seems to be so demanding and nasty that she talks crap about her supposed friend(in need, mind you)to her family and mutual buddies! Besides all that, they work together. It sounds to me like this "friend" doesn't even like the poster. One bit. The only bigger problem is the poster keeps on talking to this woman, trying to be her friend! And yes, a woman can be jealous of another woman for many reasons (looks, wealth, status, to name a few) just because Ms. Nasty has a man (that poor soul) doesn't mean she can't be jealous of her.

The more I read the post, the angrier I become!

One more piece of advice to the poster: Please stop telling this woman anything about your life. It is YOUR life.

It's one thing not to respect your friend's decision and not want her to get hurt again, but it's an entirely different thing to call her stupid to her face for making that decision. Neither your boyfriend or your friend seem to be great people. I don't think she's acting out of jealousy, I think she's simply acting in the same way your boyfriend is...like a jerk. If she's not willing to offer constructive help, she's not worth it. And if your boyfriend really didn't change, he isn't either.

There is no link to the original posting because team sugar edits the original posting to cut down the size, spell check it and remove useless details. Unfortunately, they often remove very important details that they see as useless.

SMR862 you're only looking at the surface detials here! You're looking at it from 100% the poster's point of view. Unfortunately with this type of situation we can only look at the small hints that the poster gives us about the other side of the story.

From her best friends point of view it's like this:

- The friends have known each other for at least 2 years and consider each other BEST FRIENDS
- The guy and the poster already dated and it didnt work out
- The guy is considered a complete jerk (and the original posting said the bestfriend called him a jerk and a cheater)
- The poster ADMIT thats "no other girl except for [her] would have stayed with him through everything" (in the original posting it said "everything he put me through" meaning that he hasnt had some intense life changes but instead that he put her through alot of sh*t and she still stood by this loser) Most women wouldnt stay with him through everything because most women are smart enough to leave it alone after the first time they broke up. OUR EX BOYFRIENDS ARE OUR EXS FOR A REASON, LADIES!
- The bestfriend has become increasingly more abusive towards the poster's boyfriend because she kept trying to talk sense in to her and the poster kept turning her away. The bestfriend is getting desperate because the poster keeps complaining about awful things the boyfriend is doing. The best friend is being a good friend and the poster is pushing her away.
- The poster only sees her friends now at work, where the boyfriend cant control her. The poster stays at home and hangs out only wiht her boyfriend now because she has aliented herself from all of her friends because they dont like him.

Does this make any sense to you? He is not a good guy, her friends (and family!) see this but the poster cant so instead she just avoids everyone. The poster realizes she misses her friends but what she has to do is start listening to her friends and TRUSTING them. He hurt her once and men dont change.

Poster, my original advice stays the same... get away from this loser and apologise to your best friend. Trust your friends and family, they jsut want whats best for you, your boyfriend just wants whats best for himself.

Good luck.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

I have a best friend since 6th grade (about 17 years or more) Her Boy Friend is a complete Scumbag. I can't even begin to explain to anyone the things he's done to her and her children over the years. BUT I speak to her about it and I do not disrespect her or make her feel like any more of a fool than I'm sure she already feels anyway.

No one says she has to like your BF. But if she values and repects you and your friendship she wouldn't act like such an ass. There is no reason for behavior like that from a grown woman. Also she should realize that just because she sits and bashes him doesn't mean you're going to leave him, it's just making things worse for you AND her.

It sounds to me like either she really doesn't care about you like you think she does, or she's jealous and just uses him as an excuse to treat you like crap.

if you do fix your friendship with her, refrain from even bringing your BF up in a conversation. If she is the one to bring it up, just tell her you are enjoying her company and you'd rather not talk about things that are sore subjects.

BTW, Fallen do you have some type of special privileges that we are all lacking somehow? I'm confused as to where all this extra info is.....

just wondering.

The way it works is that DearSugar users write in to GroupTherapy and those questions get posted here: teamsugar.com/grouptherapy. Sometimes DearSugar chooses to pull from that area and post the question on the main DearSugar site (like in this case).

During that process, the post gets edited and the original version is no longer available.

So what happens is that some people get to see and comment on the original post before DearSugar changes it, since most of the Group Therapy posts are around for a few hours (or even days) before Dear edits them.

I have stated many times before that I think that changing the posts does a disservice to the poster, and to us, who are trying to provide what help we can.

More and more it seems like this site isn't about helping actual people. If it were, we wouldn't be wasting our time commenting on "Divine Caroline" articles from April of 2007.

I agree it's sometimes fun to hypothesize about what he might do in a situation, but when it's framed like we're actually helping someone - and we're not - I get annoyed.

I can see and understand both sides.

To be "put through" sh*t is a relative term. That is solely dependent on what her tolerence level/moral code is. Yes, cheating on her was horrible, terrible,and completely fictional since it's not in this post anywhere... but if (it actually happened and) THEY'RE past it, then whose business is it??? Not mine. Not Ms. Nasty's. I say good luck in the future, and dump the b*tch OFF your back! For some people it's not a deal breaker, they actually work through it.

"No real friend will call you stupid while talking to you about something as serious as this. That's unacceptable in a friendship to me unless I'm joking around with that friend. That, in and of itself, is disrespectful and shows she thinks she's better than you, better than your boyfriend, and she's power-tripping."
I am not sorry to say that my best friends and I do not call each other names!!! Those aren't best friends. Those are not friends at all, however they are rude gnats and that's what those big fly swatters called front doors are for! Don't let it hitcha! Men and women CAN and DO change. We call it growing up. It happens as a matter of course, naturally. Some of us change for the better. That would include me, arguably. Some change for the worst. If we change for the better when we're adults, then, to some, it's deemed "enlightenment".

We with higher brains and opposable thumbs have a tendency to overstate our circumstances when we seek help. If "no other girl except for [her] would have stayed with him through everything", wellll, she may not have really meant to be so across-the-board about him in that statement.

I stand by what I stated 100%.

The chick in the picture looks like she could kick some serious a**!

Thank you Popgoes...I thought it may be like that.

Cute kitty.

I have a friend right now that is going through the same thing.
This boy Sean has cheated on he before and she keeps
going out with him even though this is the 5th time he cheated on her.
We all kept trying to tell her not to go
out with him anymore because she was going to get hurt.
Maybe that's what your friend is trying to tell you.
I think she just doesn't want you to get hurt again.
I still don't agree with your friend being so negative.
Try confronting her with your feelings. And if that doesn't work wait a little bit.
Give her time.
She will deffinetly come back to you.

Yea, what popgoestheworld said.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

I think it's hilarious when some girl says that another must be jealous, you're not that special, dearest.

If you guys are best of friends, then I'm not too surprised that in the end she's just so damn frustrated of you and your whining, complaining, crying and being a 'doormat' to your bf that she started to call you 'stupid' when you go back with him.
At least, she's honest about it. You are being stupid, but it is YOUR life, so you're more than allowed to be stupid, since most likely, you'll be the one suffering the most.

But don't expect her to stick around and be a garbage can for you, as in: you can't keep whining, and be totally upset when your so-called bf hurt you again and expect her to just take your whining, complaining and sympathize with you and totally put herself in your position and invest deep emotion in your hurt.

Be honest, OP, you probably have shared with your best friend about this man before (when things didn't work out), you've cried your eyes out, she's been there for you, being mad at him, cussing at him for breaking your heart (not saying that it's the right thing to do, but some females are more aggressive than others), tell you how you deserve so much better and to dump his damn ass.

Then you actually broke up the first time, and I'm willing to bet again, she was there when you whined and complained to her about how horribly he treated you (y'know how girls rehash bad relationships again and again to their best friends and frankly the reason we usually do it for each other is because most of us do it after a break up so you understand).
Then you started to miss the jerk (since you're not honest with her that you're not really over him). And you probably hinted at her, and she got so upset after all the energy she put into getting mad at him (for you), for trying to keep you as distracted when he broke your heart, etc etc.

So I can totally understand your best friend's position.

Since I've been in your best friend's position (way more times than I'd like). For example: my best friend (whom now is totally drifting away from me) kept going back and forth to a guy whom she knows isn't good at all for her. We've talked about him like so MUCH and I tried to distract her, and she finally said she's over the jerk and got married to a guy who truly adored her. Then, voila, when I became a mom so I had less time for her in the beginning, she told me that she got back together with that guy/jerk again WHEN she's still married. Ha! And they're still seeing each other by the way, and she's 'suffering' all the way right now. She's still unhappy, unsatisfied, etc etc (oh the drama, which I'm so happy to not dwell in right now).

The only difference is eh, I'm not as 'rude'/impolite and as emotionally invested in the friendship the way your best friend has been. Plus I'm a big believer that everyone is responsible for their own action: so if you choose wrong guy, YOU pay for it, not I.
So when I have the time and she wants to talk, she's more than welcome to b*tch and moan about her sucky relationship.

OP, my advice is to stop with the 'attempt' to convince her that your jerk bf is the best man for you after you've most likely whined and completely bashed him yourself in front of your best friend *repeatedly*. Just be cordial, and let the status of best friend slip into 'just a co-worker.'

And when things don't work out with your bf, well...good luck to you, maybe you have another set of friends you can turn to.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

Unfortunately (for you) I side with your friend - maybe her behaviour overall isn't acceptable and it's hurting you, but I think you should see what she's trying to say.

I have been in the same position as your friend a few times - seeing my best friends fall for losers and then they go back to them time and time again REGARDLESS of any advice their friends & family give them. Watching them as they think, "Hey - I can change this guy. I'm going to be the girl who sticks with him no matter what." Haha! Sure you will.

I don't mean to sound crass - but that's exactly what's going through your friend's head right now. And if I was her, I would also be distancing myself from you.

At the end of the day, I was there for my friends when they finally dropped their toxic boyfriends (verbal abusers, drug addicts, drop outs, a**holes, whatever) - and I gave them emotional support when they were putting their lives back together. Now I'm happy to see them with good men who treat them well - I bet that's all your friend wants for you, too.

Oh and to whoever pulled the 'jealousy line' - ha ha! That's EXACTLY what one of my best friends said to me when we were having an argument about her boyfriend. "You're just jealous!". You're right, I'm totally jealous of your sh*tty boyfriend and I envy everything he puts you through.