In the June issue of O magazine, one reader asks Cindy Chupack, author of The Between Boyfriends Book, if having a partner who is more in love with you than you are with him is actually a good thing. Since I've heard this relationship myth more times than I can count, but never have seen it actually work out, I found myself nodding along with Chupack's answer. She writes:
I understand the appeal of being the person who loves less. It seems safe. How could he ever hurt you if he feels lucky to have you? You've got the power. . . . But at a certain point, when it comes to love, my experience is that you're in or you're out. And if you're out, you need to ask yourself, "Why am I still in?"
I'd much rather be crazy in love then stay with someone just because they're head over heels in love with me, but I do agree that the latter provides a heartbreak safety net. Do you buy into the old adage that it's better to be with a man who loves you more than you love him?
Seafolly
Tabitha
Tamaris
I can't resist unconditional love..love me and i will love you back hahahaha
1This is really interesting. I hate not feeling in control in my relationship, but I've noticed that sometimes it seems like my fiance is more into it, sometimes I'm more into it, and usually it's pretty equal!
2I had this happen once... and while I loved him with what I thought was all my heart, it freaked me out from time to time how he reacted to little things.
3It's a tough break in this situation, and I agree, either you're in, or you're out. Apparently I was out... I much prefer being in the relationship I'm in now, where there /are/ give and take struggles - but we love each other on an equal level, and that level continues to grow.
It's difficult sometimes because I feel like my fiance loves me more than I love him.
4But then I realize that he is just way more expressive of his emotions than I am, so I do things for him to show I care, like cooking his favorite meal and buying him his favorite snack at the grocery. Just things to show I know him and love him for who he is.
everybody does show their love in different ways...that's for sure! I'm in the unconditional love camp... either we love everything about eachother, or it's gonna be a rocky road... i think you have to decide to jump or decide not to jump - or you're just wastin' time...
5other, i can see the appeal but its not how life worked out for me
6This reminds me of that episode of Malcolm in the Middle when Lois (the mom) figured out that Hal (the dad) loves her more than she loves him. And she didn't feel it was right, but then he was all: "Of course I love you more! If you love me as much as I love you, we'd never make it out of the bedroom!"
Ah, TV, a great source of relationship references.
7me and my husband disagree on who loves the other more. i think i love him more and he thinks he loves me more.
so i guess its a two way street for us.
but i almost took the other road once, this guy loved me and pursued me til no end. i felt nothing for him. im glad i found my husband.
8I am absolutely, passionately in love with my husband, but the way he loves me? Good lord, he is a real-life Lloyd Dobbler. I wouldn't trade that for anything. So yes, I am a choice #1 girl.
9Hubbie and I love each other equally.
I've been in relationships where it was unequal, and it wasn't worth it. One person ends up feeling emotionally deprived, and that causes issues in the relationship.
10hes has to love me more - its one of my rules.
11It's nice to think of being adored and being able to say someone loves you more but overall it isn't fair to that person and it could get a little creepy after a while. My husband and I show our love differently, He's very mushy and lovey dovey and I'm much more reserved but we love each other equally. I would do anythign for him and he would do the same for me and that's the way I like it. I don't think i could stand to be around someone who loved me knowing I didn't feel the same way about them
12I think it's pretty equal with my husband and I and I like it that way!
13my mom has always told me - get a guy who loves you more than you love him (and still, make sure you love him a lot)... her reason being that men's love for a woman fades over time, while a woman's love doesn't.. my current boyfriend is more in love than i am with him, but i love him a lot. it's much better than my last boyfriend, who loved me as much as i loved him at the beginning.. but his faded and mine kept on going strong...
14I was just seeing someone who 'loved me more' and since I wasn't as into it as he was, I found sooo many things wrong with him. I realized quickly, it wouldn't last long. So I got out
15No. The intensity of love and passion has to be mutual. Otherwise, the person who does love more will eventually sense his/her partner's apathy towards their relationship.
16Love is better when both people are truly in love. Love is a most amazing thing and I couldn't imagine being with someone I didn't love completely. My husband and I are both completely head over heels for the other one, and it works. I wouldn't do it any different.
17Ditto divinedebris. I'm too tired to have an original comment of my own.
Yawn.
1851:49 He has to love me more by just that bit
19I'd rather be with someone who loves me more because love can be developed over time. Especially, if the other person shows he genuinely cares about you and your interests, in time, you will grow to appreciate and love him in the same way and degree he loves you. Love begets love.
20I've been in a relationship where he was more in love with me than I was with him, and all it did was lead to guilt. After our constant break up/get back togethers, he realized I didn't love him and that I never would love him the way he wanted me to, and he cheated on me and got the girl pregnant. SO in the end, we all kind of got what we wanted...out. I didn't see it at the time, but relationships that are unbalanced like that never end well, however they almost certainly always end.
21oh gosh...i'm having this problem...don't know what to do. it seems much more like it will work with the guy who likes me more, because men can be so much more...transient. but it always sucks to keep looking back at someone else. but it also sucks to be crazy about someone, hanging over their every move, because they're not as crazy about you. but it's even harder to find a perfect balance!!
22in my first relationship, i loved him more than he loved me. it didnt work out. it was a total bust. but the second time (the current one) he loves me more than i love him. and its better that way. i think that the girl shouldnt go crazy over the guy to the point that she would do anything for him. the guy should love the girl more.
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