Even the most sexually-inclined couple is unlikely to fathom having sex every day for a year straight, but a recent article in the Style section of the New York Times discusses one couple who did just that. Charla Muller decided to celebrate her husband Brad's 40th birthday by giving him the gift that keeps on giving: sex, once a day for a year. And she followed through, too!
While it might be more exciting to say that the Muller's year of sex led to a level of sexual satisfaction neither had ever dreamed of, the results were actually a bit more subtle. Charla refers to it as "a really meaningful lesson," which according to the sex experts is to be expected. The article notes:
Shoshana Bulow, a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist in Manhattan, pointed out that sex is a lot more complicated than frequency. “There’s all sorts of reasons people lose interest in sex with their partner — disappointments, life cycles, financial issues,” she said. “Just having it isn’t going to resolve those.” Nonetheless, sex every day seems to have worked for the Mullers. Charla said:
It required a daily kindness and forgiveness, and not being cranky or snarky, that I don’t think either of us had experienced before.Though the Mullers gained a new perspective, for some, 365 days of sex might be a deterrent to emotional connection, but what do you think? Is a sexual marathon brilliant for a couple in need of a relationship revamp? Are there any circumstances under which you would you be willing to give it a go?
Yves Saint Laurent
you would think it would become less "exciting"
1i like the spontaneity of not knowing the next time we will be able to hit the sack.
Wow!
2did they lose weight?
3Her dedication is unbelievable.
4I would give it a bash
5she has a point - no matter how angry you were or if you were fighting or stressed or grumpy or whatever, you'd have to get over that because most people don't want to get intimate with someone you are fighting with...and there was no chance you'd go to sleep angry so you might get along better...not to mention, to keep things spicy you could spend time together thinking of ways to change it up
i think it's cool!
6I think it would be fabulous for couples who are fighting a lot. It ensures forgiveness and closeness every day.
7I don't think my hubby or I would enjoy this. I think it would start to feel like a chore and less about the connection and intimacy. BUT everyone is different. I definitely give her props for doing it every day for a year. That is some major dedication!
8wow!
i must say that I am appaled at the number of women who DON'T like this idea!
My bf and I pretty much have sex everyday (there migth be an odd day when we just don't have time or with girlstuff) but other then that, if we have 10 minutes even for a quickie, we do it.
It really makes us explore sexually more. We both do things and try things we havent tried with other past partners and it gets to be really fun!
9I want to read her book. I heard her in an interview about 3 weeks ago, and even they didn't actually complete the year.
I doubt I could hang in for more than a couple of weeks.
10kiwi, I agree. I also agree with the spontaneity comment.
That's great that your bf and you have the time for it, but sometimes life really does get in the way. And a relationship shouldn't be defined by the number of times you "do it"
11That's a freaking awesome idea. My fiance has a way higher libido than I do, so this would be such a neat idea. The thing is...I always feel kind of violated, on a small scale if I feel like I am forced to have sex. I think that's why a lot of women don't like this idea. However, it's a cute idea, and 95% of the time I don't feel like having sex I end up loving it!
12"i must say that I am appaled at the number of women who DON'T like this idea!"
What is there to be 'appalled' about? Why are you horrified about someone else's sex life? People do what works for them.
13Admittedly, I had sex daily when I was married. Sometimes... more than that. But I can't say this made me any more or less emotionally connected to him. And obviously it did nothing to benefit our relationship.
14"Even the most sexually-inclined couple is unlikely to fathom having sex every day for a year straight"
Actually, my husband and I can fathom it but thanks for the generalization, Dear. I would be arrogant to think we're the only couple that has sex on a daily basis, more even! And, on girly days, too.
Just as there are couples where both partners have very low libido and can go for years without sex, there are couples where both partners have very high libido who can't go without sex for even one day. The couple who is happy with less sex doesn't love each other less than the couple who is happy with more sex. And, no, it's not a means for the higher libido couple to brag. It's just sexual chemistry.
As for sex being a gift because of my husband's good behavior or birthday, I would never consider it. Sex is something we give each other everyday as an expression of our love and desire for one another. Both physical and emotional intimacy are important to us in our youth. Not one is greater to us. And, by youth I mean that physical intimacy is something we are committed to doing until we are disabled by age. Lol.
15On the note of spontaneity for couples who have sex on a daily basis, oh, it can be done. *cough*theoccasionalsemi-publicpullyouintoadarkcornerofthemallscenario*cough*
16Meike you hit the nail on the head!
I guess that's why I am appaled most women don't like this idea - because I am one of those people with a VERY high libido and couldn't fathom going more then 2 or 3 days without sex.
And I agree with what you said about sex not being a gift! You couldn't be more right. It's what we do to show our love and passion...mmm just thinking about him right now and talking about this stuff makes me want to go crawl under the covers with him and cuddle and touch and explore!
I love it!
17friggin right it can be done
18i find it so weird when people (especially people who live together) so days without doing it
sorry, go* days without doing it
19I know skigirl!
20thank-you! I was starting to get worried we were weird or something hahaha.
My coworker was grossed out by this book when it was acquired ... because all he could think about is how they had sex while the woman was on her period.
I called him an unintelligent prude.
21I think the best way to deal with this topic (frequency of sex) is to just be respectful that not everyone is the same and not to call anyone names or think less of their relationship because the do or do not have the same frequency of sex as you.
just my opinion.
22yo go bengalspice!
23I hate when guys get grossed out by that...
It's a normal human function...
bengalspice!
24very well put syako
I totally agree!
25Um... I can understand why a guy might be grossed out by that. It's perfectly okay to have sex while the woman is menstruating, of course - there's nothing inherently "wrong" with that. But if one or both partners is turned off by it, that's perfectly understandable, too.
Most bodily functions are, in fact, pretty gross. Vomit, urine, feces, mucous -- these are all completely natural, and we don't have to be "ashamed" if they come out of us. But we don't have to enjoy them, either. What the guy said was only bad in that he expected everyone to be like him sexually. But he is perfectly within his rights to be grossed out by it. I am, too, even though my bf isn't! (And for the millionth time, thank God for Nuvaring!)
26For all the girls who like sex daily, I would like to know how long you have been with your b/f's? Reason I ask is because as a lot of us have been in very long relationships. The longer the relationship the more sex gets pushed back. Not saying that is a good or bad thing, trust me I wish we were like the way we were but it just isn't possible. We have more responsibilities, less time and we have grown and changed. So, I am not judging anyone. More power to you if you can have sex daily. But it makes me 'assume' that you haven't been in a relationship that long. Again, I am assuming so don't bite my head off.
27kiwitwist- together for 6 years, married for 2.
28I dont like the idea, does that make me a horrible wife? Too much of anything is unhealthy, including sex. I would think all spontaneity would fly out the door and it would become a chore.
29"The longer the relationship the more sex gets pushed back." I disagree with this statement. I do agree with you that the more responsibilities and distractions a couple has, the more sex gets push back.
It's pretty simple really why my husband and I have sex everyday. Substitute every TV, sports games, or any other unproductive hobby with sex. We're homebodies after work. Also, not having children plays a huge factor on how much free time we have and we intend to keep it that way. No offense to all the good parents.
30My boyfriend of three years does not care if it is that time of the month but honestly...I do (Well at least on the first day of my period) It doesn't gross me out because if I'm in the mood then I'm in the mood but it is painful for me (with cramps and all) So that day is pretty much a no sex day OR should I say a no intercourse day! LoL!! OK...TMI?? Well, all I have to say is that sometimes it's my boyfriend who is too tired to have sex. He works a very physical job that sometimes consists of being in hot attics or underneath houses. He is so funny...he tells me in my ear he's horny and ten seconds later he's snoring
So, this might be a
challenge for us BUT never say never!! But HOORAY for all married couples keeping the sex alive!
31And, Catepillar Girl, "too much" is a relative phrase. Good couples do what is healthy for themselves and their unique relationship.
32bbkf - that is awesome! My hubby and I have been together 7 and married for 4. The only reason why I asked is because you couldn't keep us off eachother for the first 3 years and then we slowly slowed down. Most of my friends have completely turned sex to off. So, like I had said, I assumed it was the norm. Glad it isn't.
Meike - I have been trying to get the TV & computer out of the bedroom but the hubby says "no". He doesn't believe that it affects our sexlife.
33I'm happy to say, my bf of 6 years and I have a "happy medium" situation, not a lot but not few-and-far-between, either. I think I agree with those who stated it might become a chore. I'm happy for those who have a high libido and a partner to match it, good for you!
I recently had to have a hysterectomy (due to very bad endometriosis - I'm 39) and let me tell you, it really improved our sex life because (1) I was no longer in pain, which of course can really hinder sex and (2) no more periods. He never minded having sex while I was on my period, but I sure did, and not just because of the pain I felt (it was worse during that time of the month).
34I think I could do that--although the heaviest day of my period would be a "No Intercourse" day, just too painful--but I don't think my bf would be willing. My libido is quite a bit higher than his!
35Post New Comment
Please share your opinion with our community, but make sure it is on topic and follows our Community Rules. We moderate comments and prohibit personal attacks, threats, spam, lewd images, or the promotion of your personal website.