I just started a new job at a video rental store about a month ago. I've met several of the other employees once or twice if they stop in while I'm working, but I'm still getting to know most of them. Last weekend, I was downtown having a couple drinks with some friends when I ran into one of my coworkers. He was alone, so I invited him to hang out with us. We started drinking and ended up getting drunk and dancing the night away. I had a ton of fun.
Things heated up, and we ended up messing around back at my apartment. I'll admit this was a dumb move on both our parts since we work together. As things got more intense, he suddenly stopped everything and said he had a problem. I asked him what the problem was, to which he said, "I have a girlfriend." I flipped out and started screaming at him about what a jerk he was, and how I couldn't believe he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend earlier in the night before things went too far. It ended in a fight and I asked him to leave.
The next day, he text-messaged me apologizing and asked if I was mad. I wrote him back and said that I was upset and felt stupid. And then he asked me if I was going to tell his girlfriend. I was so upset by that comment, I wrote back, "Maybe you should be the one telling your girlfriend!" We haven't spoken since, and we have to work together all next week. I understand that it was stupid to let it go that far with a coworker, but I would appreciate any advice on how to handle the situation now.
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Vanessa Bruno
PRPS
Bloch
Ouch, that's quite a problem. Well theres no way that you're going to be able to avoid him considering you guys work together. I think you should definitely talk to him before you guys have to work together to avoid heated conversation in the workplace. Explain to him that you feel like it was a big mistake for you guys to do what you did. Don't get involved in his relationship by threatening to tell his girlfriend about the incident, leave it on his conscience to do the right thing. If he doesn't then it just shows you what kind of character he has. Hopefully, word doesn't get out in the workplace b/c that could cause a bunch of unnecessary drama and conflict in the workplace. Try not to discuss the matter with co-workers as well.
11. Get yourself tested for STDs.
22. Find a new job.
3. Learn from your mistakes.
Thank goodness he had an attack of 'conscience' before it went all the way. My advice is to just KEEP THE PEACE at the workplace, if he tried to talk to you about it at work, just tell him that you'd rather not discuss personal issue at work. And if you don't want to talk about this any further with him, by all means, DON'T. It's your right to avoid and refuse to discuss this with him.
If you still want to talk to him about it, then just do it outside work and keep it as rational/calm as possible. E-mail or chat online or text or talk on the phone if you don't want to have a 'private meeting' with him.
If that doesn't work, then I'd suggest you go look for another job while you're still working there. It's always good to keep good record of employment regardless, no need to add a black mark to your resume just because of such trivial thing.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
3I think you should chalk it up to a drunken stupid night and let it drop. Don't talk to him about it, don't tell his girlfriend (you don't know what their story is, maybe he has attenuating circumstances; and after all, he did stop himself before going "all the way") and try to resume friendly, yet professional relations at the workplace. The only reason to get mad again would be if he started flirting, but I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson. He's just a coworker; leave that night in the past, and move on with your head high!
4i would just tell him that while you don't wish to be friendly with him outside the workplace, you see no reason you can't have a civil, professional relationship while at work. i would not tell his gf, why get yourself more involved what is their mess. and from now on follow the rule of "don't fish off the company pier"! i.e. find your boy toy's elsewhere!
5Sounds to me like you've done all the right things so far - and you're not in the wrong whatsoever.
I've had a fling with a co worker before (awkward) and the best thing I could have done was tell him I'm not interested and I don't want things to be weird at work, and it was fine.
I get that you're angry with the dude, but just don't discuss it with him (who needs more drama?), don't get involved in his problems at all and leave it at that.
6"Things heated up, and we ended up messing around back at my apartment."
Just say, "We had sex." Geez. I hate the vague terms "messing around", like the whole "hooking up" thing.
Anyway, tell him you're just going to forget that anything happened and that you two can no longer have any type of relationship outside of work. That he should rethink his commitment to his girlfriend. And just try to keep your work relationship as professional as possible.
7who's to say they had sex? there's a difference between fooling around / messing around and having sex.
8You're an adult and if you hooked up with someone, co-worker and all, it's okay. I think you're being too harsh on yourself. You didn't know he was involved. Yes, he is a jerk but this is his problem. I would just try to act as "normal" as you can. Better that you found out so that feelings didn't develop.
And who cares that she didn't actually say, had sex? Sundaygreen is right, what if they didn't? People can be so harsh on here, easy to judge as if you haven't made mistakes! Drives me nuts!!!
9sundaygreen: exactly! i didn't think they had sex because "messing around" to me just sounds like "making out" but a poster above said "get tested for std's" so i think that the Original Poster is way too ambiguous for anyone to help her!
Okay, if you didn't have sex, then I really don't see what the big deal is. You two should be adult enough to remain professional at work and just don't talk outside of the workplace. Don't tell his girlfriend, you don't want to be in the middle of that drama.
10You have done everything right- so props to you. This is his problem now. Looser. If anything ever happens with the girlfriend confronting you and being mad, tell her the truth.
11He should have known that he wasnt supposed to do that!
12I don't know "how far" you went but I'll echo luisa's sentiments about getting tested and getting a new job.
13ah tidalwave i thought you were insinuating they did have sex and so she should just cut the bullsh*t
either way, super awkward facing a coworker after that the next day, regardless of a girlfriend or not.
14i THINK IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT THING GOT SO HEATED BETWEEN YOU AND HIM. HE IS THE ONE TO BLAME BECAUSE HE NEVER MADE YOU AWARE THAT HE DID HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. NOW, IT WAS THE CORRECT THING TO DO AND STOP THINGS RIGHT THERE BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE HAPPENED. NOW, IF YOU GUY DID HAVE SEX THAN YOU SHOULD BE CHECKED FOR STDS. I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD FIND ANOTHER JOB. YOU SHOULD STAY EXACTLY WERE YOU ARE. AND IF HE TRYS TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED AND THAT HE SHOULD BE MORE OF A MAN AND COME CLEAN WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. ITS NOT FAIR TO HER. AND SWEETIE IF YOU GET WITH THIS JERK AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE WONT DO THIS TO YOU.
15Live and learn, I say. You didn't know about the girlfriend. Just try to suck it up and move on. If it bothers you that much, quit.
16I agree with everyone else on here. The guy's an ass! Just try to be civil at work. Good luck!
17Both of you are responsible, You for sleeping with someone you didnt even know and him for cheating on his girlfriend, good luck working together.
18Well I'm glad to read that it did not go all the way. Of course you know now that you shouldnt get drunk because you do not make sound decisions. And you shouldnt feel bad because you didnt know that he had a girlfriend. But staying mad at him will not help dear, because you all still work together. If he decides that he wants to talk about it with you, let him know that its over and done and that you forgive him and you just want to have peace at work and let it be. He is the one who is probably not feeling so good right now b/c he is the one w/ a girlfriend.
19If you never see his girlfriend and you don't know her at all, I don't see why you would go out of your way to tell her.
But now that you know this guy is a jerk, stay strictly professional with him. Don't return his texts, don't speak to him on the phone.
20Treat him as just a co-worker if you want to keep your job.
Hope you've learned your lesson.
21I'd just see how things are at work and tell him you just want to forget about it. If things are too weird or you can't get over your feelings then you need to make a decision. Right now you don't even know what it's going to be like the next time you work together. Be up front with him and see how it goes and worry about it later.
22I am confused by his asking you if you were going to tell his girlfriend. Does she work there too? How would you even know her to tell her?
Anyway, it's not that big of a deal. He was in the wrong, you did the right thing by kicking him out. Remain professional in the workplace, there is NO REASON for things to be awkward unless he tries to flirt with you. If you work with his GF as well, DO NOT TELL HER!! It is not your responsibility, it will just make you seem petty and scorned. You owe her nothing, she is not your BFF and chances are she knows the type of man he is already.
This reminds me of when I worked at a video store. With all the drama we called our life "As the Tape Rewinds"
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