just my 2cents worth, not sure if it's any good, but here it goes:

he's probably not serious about her, otherwise he would at least mention her at some point. some people might not want to move in with their boyfriends or girlfriends because they come from conservative backgrounds (like me, heh) so i wouldnt read anything into that. but i WOULD take the fact that he never mentions her even when he has the chance to as a sign that he's obviously looking for something other than her. and that would make me run from him, because...and this is where you might disagree with me...but my line of thinking would be that, if he can be so flippant with his current girlfriend, he could be the same with me too. and if youre fine with that thats cool but if youre not (cos you do seem really interested) then its something to consider as you make your decision now, sorry for being a nosey parker, but thats my response, hope you dont mind!

what in the world is a 'nosey parker?'

Maybe he and his girlfriend just started dating. He might like her quite a bit (enough to be called his girlfriend by other people)but maybe he is not 100% sure about her yet. Or, maybe he likes her very much but also likes to flirt with other women, even if he wouldnt consider choosing that other woman over his current girlfriend. OR, maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend and thats why he's moving into another apartment. Or, maybe you're completely misreading him and he just sees you as a nice colleague rather then anything romantic.

Regardless, you wont really know unless you ask him. When you're chatting with him or joking around say something like "Oh man, I bet your girlfriend says that all the time!" or "Did your girlfriend try to drag you out to see the new Sex and the City movie? I think every guy should see it!" and if he says "oh, I dont have a girlfriend" then elaborate by saying "How is that possible? You're such a great guy!" or he might say "No, she's not into girl movies, she dragged me to see Rambo, though!"

I agree with musicalhouses when it comes to the fact that if he is attached, he is doing a pretty good job of keeping other women interested in him. Could you trust him now that you see what he's like with other women when he's in a relationship?

Good luck!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

I don't think you can trust the guy to bring up his own girlfriend in conversation with another woman whom he met not long ago and sparks seemed to be flying. Even if he's not serious about the girlfriend you shouldn't cling onto that as hope that he'll leave her for you or if this is your chance to start your full offense toward the guy. I agree with above, you should ask, see what his move is instead of guessing around.

What do you mean you can't tell if he's single or not? How about you just ASK him if he's single or not! Is it really that hard? Especially after the fact that you've already heard that he has a girlfriend. And don't try to excuse away his relationship by saying, oh they don't live together so they aren't serious. That doesn't even make any sense. There are people engaged to be married who don't live together. Don't make any excuses to flirt or cheat with this guy.

I wouldn't assume anything until you actually get it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Fallen85 has great ideas about how to broach the subject of whether he has a girlfriend without being too weird about it.

The info from the grapevine that he has a girlfriend would give me pause, but then again, info from the grapevine can't always be taken at face value. So proceed with caution, I guess. I don't know if he'd tell you he has a girlfriend if he does in fact have one and intends to two-time her. I'd be prepared to drop him like a bad habit immediately if it is true that he has a girlfriend. A guy who can be "not serious" about someone at actual "girlfriend" status would not be for me (because seriously? Either it's serious and she's an actual girlfriend, or it's not serious and she's not a girlfriend. A guy who can't make up his mind one way or the other and relegate someone to some bs "not serious girlfriend" limbo is too waffly for my tastes.), but your milage may vary.

I agree with hotstuff.

You've only met him for a few weeks and I'm sure that if you totaled up all the hours you've actually talked would still make you a "stranger". I wouldn't talk to a "stranger" about a bf or any relationship for that matter. So, you either ask him or move on. And, never assume that because he doesn't talk about his gf that he wants someone else.

It's possible that he might be interested in you, but do be wary of how much this may be wishful thinking on your part. Just because he doesn't live with his girlfriend that means nothing. I don't live with my boyfriend and we are going on three awesome years. It's just a personal choice and I wouldn't rationalize anything by saying he must not be into her. It's true that he may be somewhat interested in you, but he also might just be excited to have a new potential friend who shares an interest.

I've definitely been in the situation of starting a new job or at a new school and not announcing my relationship right away. It's not because I don't love my boyfriend dearly, it's because I just want to get to know people and I want to tell them about myself (and my relationship) in a natural way. He might truly be enjoying having a new friend and yes maybe likes the attention and is worried that you won't want to talk to him anymore once you find out he has a girlfriend. I've definitely been in situations in which once I mention the bf, the guy I'm talking to doesn't even seem interested in being friends anymore and that can be a huge bummer when you really just enjoy someone's friendly company.

Also, just ask him. If yes, then you know and if no, well then you can ask him out! Don't be passive aggressive about it, guys hate that.

How about just asking him straight out, "Do you have a girlfriend"? Beats wondering.

Some people don't actually think it's appropriate to discuss their personal lives at work. If the relationship is new, it may be going well with out his being ready to talk about it yet. Guys don't think like women in that way, and as someone above points out, you don't really know him yet, so why would he confide in you?

UPDATE! I'm the poster. I saw him again last night and apparently the girlfriend was with him. The events I see him at are usually happy hours or concerts, so it's not exactly "work."

Anyway, the girlfriend is overweight with short curly hair - not at all what I pictured!! Even though he talked to me and she was right there, he didn't introduce her to me or anyone else, so I thought that was strange.

He's not super flirtatious and he doesn't buy me drinks or anything, and I would NEVER do anything with him while he's in a relationship. I'm just trying to figure out what kind of situation is going on. I didn't see them kiss or hold hands or anything.

Weeeeeird... I mean, it doesnt matter that she's not the image of perfection that you probably imagine but that might give you a hint that maybe thats his type. If it's his type maybe he's slightly embarrasssed or her or maybe they're WASPS and dont like to show any public emotion. He might not like the idea of mixing business with pleasure by introducing his girlfriend around to his work people. Either way, if you like the non-PDA type then maybe he would be a good guy for you but even if he broke up with her, you've seen first hand how he would treat you in public.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Please also keep in mind that the "grapevine" might also be interested in him, giving you false information to make you back off. The rest I'd say at this point would just be a repitition of Fallen85's comment, so I'll leave it at that.

Seems like a no brain-er here. Ask him. If he is with a girl serious or not back off! Why do you want a guy who is with another girl? Even if she's not the one for him give them the chance to figure that our on their own without you interfering. I'm not sure why so many women think they can find "the one" when he's attached to another one? Come on people let's use some common sense have some self respect and respect other peoples' relationships. Would you want some other woman sniffing around your new boyfriend?

Oh, I didn't see that the OP replied. Well, in that case I'll go and say that she's not what he wants and that he's looking for others to be with. Sure, maybe he's not PDA-y but when looking at the big picture it seems clear to me that he's not in love with her.

If I were you, I'd approach him at an opportune moment and see if I could score some private time with him (i.e. going for a coffee). Yes, that is borderline cheating but in my opinion the only way to find out how serious he is about both you and his supposed girlfriend.

Also: has he ever been hitting on you - by complimenting you or stating that he enjoys the time spent with you, for example? If not, I'd chalk him up as emotionally cold and move on.

He's a shy guy. He looks down when he smiles and doesn't usually initiate conversations with anyone. Instead, he'll walk up to a group and stand there quietly, or stand quietly next to one person, just drinking a beer and not doing anything else. That said, he has a great personality once he opens up.

He doesn't compliment me, and I would never ask him out, but he does smile and laugh a lot when we talk.

If you think he has a girlfriend, and you've heard rumors of such - then odds are he probably does. That puts you in someone else's territory.

^Then I read the last post - -

He is with her. If he didn't want to be, he would move on to someone else.
Let him be - don't push it, and since he does have a girlfriend give him a little space.

If he wants something more, he will go for it.

You are the type of woman that all girlfriends worry about. You hear he has a girlfriend, but yet you become persistent and start to like him and begin to get attached (even looking him up all over the web). Its also not fair to evaluate the 'worth' of their relationship by trying to gauge his interest (not mentioning her, not moving in together, etc). Just ask him if he does! If he does, please please stay away.

just b/c they aren't moving in together doesn't mean they aren't serious. my bf and i have been together 4 years and we have yet to move in with each other. It just hasn't been right for us yet b/c of life-school, geography, etc. but that doesn't mean we aren't committed to each other.

I agree with Le Luxe - you are definitely the type of girl that worries and annoys girlfriends. So this guy just happens to be a nice guy with whom you can have a great conversation, and from that you wonder whether this guy is interested in you? Are you serious?? Besides, like other posters have said if this guy was giving you suggestions that he likes you while he has a gf why would you want to date such a loser anyway? You say you would never ask him out and he clearly is not going to ask you out. Move on already!

Ask him.

I agree with the poster above me. It sounds like you might be the type that over thinks the simplest and smallest things. I mean, just because he laughs a lot when you talk doesn't really mean much. I laugh and smile a lot when I talk to other guys I know but I'm not about to leave my s/o for them. Anywho, you saw who he was with and what he's probably into. He might just be the type of guy who likes to keep his private life to himself. I would never talk about my private life at work especially if I didn't know the person very well. Work should stay at work and home should stay at home. And say he was trying to hide the fact he was in a relationship, why would you want to date a guy like that anyway? I would just move on. There's plenty of guys out there who are completely single.

maybe you are in denial you may want him more than you want to accept, and you are trying to find all these things against the guy and his girlfriends relationship to give you a bigger chance to get him, just an observation, what do i know

It's pretty shady to be scheming on a guy with a girlfriend, no matter how he acts around her. Respect them and whatever they have going, and look elsewhere. I can't believe we're even having to tell you this.

Plus, if he's the type of guy who can be seduced away from his current girl, he will do it to you, too. Obviously.

Why do you have to wonder if he is serious or not. You know the answer but you are already to hot on him to care that he is seemingly willing to date you even if she is still in the picture. I say: Big fat warning signs and get out of there before he does the same thing to you as he is doing to her.

Why are you even asking what to do if he has a gf? If you wanted to be sure, you should have just asked if he is seeing anyone -- it'll answer two questions at once: whether or not he's single and whether or not he's interested because it's simple conversation bait that he'll take if there are any sparks.

But now that we're sure he does have a gf, you should just leave the whole thing (and the guy) alone. Who cares what kind of relationship they have? He's not your friend and he's no longer a potential candidate for a relationship. Forget about him.

Holy cow - what have I done at all that is "persistent" or signify I'm getting "attached"? All I did was see if he was friends with any of my friends, through the organization, on Facebook and Myspace. That is very normal, and I do that even with girls I meet. It's a quick way to find out who a person knows, where they work, etc.

And as far as "leaving him alone", I don't even do anything. HE approaches ME. And I'm not trying to "seduce" him away. I would never get involved with a taken man.

All I asked was how to tell if he was in a serious relationship. Keep in mind I asked the question before I saw them together.

Luismapacha -I think you should just ask him in the way an above poster mentioned: "Hey did your girlfriend make you see the SATC movie?" or just ask him if he wants to go the happy hour and if he is brinign the girlfriend. That is his opportunity to say "I dont have a girlfriend" or "no she isnt coming". End of story!

Also who cares what she looks like? So what if she is overweight or has curly hair? Doesnt matter what her physical appearance is! Anyway that was just weird that you mentioned that.

viridiana...
JUST AAAAASK HIM... AND YOU WILL HAVE AN ANSWER... Honestly is a great quality on human beings... if he is really in to you and has a girlfriend... you will eventually know how to sort things out... if he is elusive... you should just have funny little and flirty talks when you meet him at these events, and you will meet someone else who will be available... don't waste your time... if he is single you just got the Jackpot!

He might see you as an acquaintance. I only know of women to go around blabbing about being in a relationship. This guy barely knows you so that information doesn't seem like something you can share with just anyone.

I'll try the above remarks - did she make you see SATC, etc. But asking outright "Do you have a girlfriend" is WAYYY too forward. I just thought that by talking about our weekends, and specific dinner plans (including one night I knew he was going to eat with his girlfriend) he would have mentioned her by now.

Well, I still wouldn't date a guy like that. If she's his girlfriend but he doesn't outright say it then he'll probably do the same with you if things between you two go further. Been there, done that. Crappy situation. It's your decision though.

To confirm if the girl he brought was his gf, you could always mention about the party and said, hey was that your gf, I didn't get a chance to meet her. What's her name? And then you can talk a little bit about the SATC movie, be all like, so did she make you watch that movie with you or what? Or if you meet him next time, ask about what he does during weekend/weekday/for fun/during his off-time, you can always slip in the SATC if you don't want to be too obvious.

The thing is: Well, just because he didn't introduce her to a lot of people, it doesn't mean a thing ESPECIALLY if he's a shy guy. It may not occur to him to introduce her to a lot of people. He probably introduced her to some/few people who stopped by at their table or whatnot. The kissing and hand-holding aren't quite 'required' especially if they're out of their honeymoon period and they might have a bit of a fight too so they're not lovey dovey at the event.

My rule of thumb to know if the guy is interested in you is always when he's showing attention to you and at least ask for some personal info of yours (phone numbers, e-mail address, im chat, face book or whatever), then actually follow through w/ contacting you. You may end up chatting for quite awhile before he decided to finally ask you out (esp. if this is a shy guy), since he's testing the water.

Even if she's not his girlfriend (how do you know if she's his gf or not anyway. I think you know (if you're a Rules person) that he has to be the one who shows his interest in you and makes the first initiative.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

i like nevaeh's ideas-very clever. was going to say that what i would do if i liked someone who had a girlfriend is just keep crushing on him but not expect anything to happen (date others and DO NOT wait for him, if its meant to be it will). if it does happen and he goes after you, find out what happened with the girlfriend as soon as you can and get to know what kind of guy he really is-and protect yourself.

Ha ha - I'm totally a Rules girl! That's why I kept saying I'd never ask him out or be forward.

Just because they don't live together doesn't mean anything. Like a poster above mentioned, there are a lot of people who come from conservative families where that sorta thing is frowned upon. Also, you don't know her living situation. Maybe she's locked into a lease or contract or something or she just loves her independence.

And just because he doesn't talk about her much doesn't mean that they're not together. They could be very private people, def. not the PDA sort of couple. And ITA w/geebers, find some off-hand way to ask him if he has a girlfriend. If he does, then I know it's hard, but do what you can to back away until you feel confident that you can resist thinking about the two of you as a couple.

If you're SURE (and not just by rumors, you'll have to casually bring it up in a convo) that he has a girlfriend, then you should stay away from this guy.

He might not have brought up his girlfriend even when you gave him the chance because 1) he's looking to have some fun on the side (why would you want a guy like this?) or 2) he's a private person and prefers not to talk about his love life at work. Neither one is proof that he doesn't like his girl, unless he openly flirted with you, in which case, you probably don't want to get involved with him because he's not loyal.

It kind of surprised me that you assumed he's not serious about his gf just because they aren't living together - their workplaces could be too far, she might be waiting for a lease to end, or HE might be ready to move in together but SHE wants to wait? Or it might even be religious reasons that they don't want to live together before marriage (I have a friend like this.)

It sounds to me a little like you are hoping to catch problems in his relationship so you can go for him with a clear conscience, but you shouldn't avoid the truth - take good care of your heart.

Just ask him to confirm if he's seeing anyone. Why would you want to mess around with someone in a relationship anyway? It says something about his character if he's sneaking around.
Just because he's not moving in with his girlfriend doesn't indicate a level of seriousness. There are some people who don't believe in moving in with one another until they're married.

BTW: thanks for saying that jillerin457

Uh, "I know he's not too serious with the girlfriend or he'd be moving in with her"

How does that follow?

Some people just dont want to live with people until they're married, or engaged.

They could still be quite serious, and maybe he is helping out the friend. There could be a million reasons why people in a serious relationship would still keep their own place and get a roommate.

Also, some guys are just really nice, to members of both sexes, and maybe he saw you sitting alone or saw that you were uncomfortable and that is why he was paying attention to you. Because he has good manners.

I hope not all guys that I talk to think I'm trying to ditch my boyfriend for them.

Why dont you just ask him, or better yet, stalk her down on myspace or facebook and ask her.

i think u should ask him and according 2 the answer u get u wil definately know what 2 do!

ask him...but keep in mind dat dependin on d type of guy e is e mite lie.
xoxo