Just as some of us have a tendency to rock the boat in order to add drama to our lives, others have a strong desire to avoid conflict at all costs. In fact, for many people it’s easier to apologize for something they didn’t do in order to end a dispute, rather than argue their own side.
While I don’t think this method of managing a conflict is always the better choice, it can certainly quell many unnecessary arguments. But unfortunately, it also avoids the necessary ones, too. Fighting may be unpleasant, but it's still a way to communicate grievances and avoid resentment. What are your thoughts? Is taking the blame for something you didn’t do worth it to avoid a pointless argument? Or is it better to battle it out?
GUESS
Tod's
Giuseppe Zanotti
I am not a confrontational person at all...I get along with almost everyone I meet and like to keep things light and friendly.
However, I would NEVER take the blame or apologize for something that I didn't do just to avoid a conflict. I am not afraid to stand up for myself and what I believe in.
1im with emalove
2No, it's not worth it. For one thing, if I did that, I would be lying. I would be pretending to be sorry for something I didn't do. That's not a REAL apology, is it?? I would be disingenious.
Secondly, if I did that, I would be manipulative. Basically, I'm trying to get the other person to be nice by saying something fraudalent. I don't play those kind of games.
I always try to be truthful and sincere. The only time I apologize is when I commit a mistake, and I'm remorseful. My apologies are genuine, not fraudalent, or manipulative tactics.
3Me too. I couldn't do that I have too much pride.
4I'm not confrontational but I would never apologize for something I didn't do. I'll just stop talking and walk away b/c if I'm just talking to a brick wall I won't waste my energy.
5I agree with GlowingMoon. My bf sometimes tries to make me apologize for things I say that hurt his feelings, but if I'm not sorry, I'm just not. I can't fake it; to me that's worse than whatever it was that I said in the first place. He totally disagrees, though, and usually ends up being the one to initiate reconciling after a fight.
6Yeah, I'm pretty much with everyone else on this one. It's okay to be a non-confrontational person (I certainly am), but it's a whole other thing to let yourself be walked all over. I agree with GlowingMoon in that apologies should be genuine. How can you build a relationship on dishonesty?
7I say it all depends on the person you're in conflict with and how well they deal with conflicts. Say for example, it's your best friend, you've done nothing wrong, she's angry, and with her personality you guys won't speak for months until YOU apologize and calmly explain what the problem was. In such a case, I'd suck it up and apologize for the sake of the friendship. Some battles are just not worth fighting!
8So the way I see it, it takes 2 people to fight. You don't necessarily have to apologize for everything... you can just start with, "I'm sorry I raised my voice, let's talk about this."
At some point, one person has to stop the fight and start the apology process. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's him.
9I always say, if what you are arguing about now won't mean anything to you in a month, year etc. then just let it go. It isn't worth the aggravation.
10I would not apologize if it wasn't my fault. Sorry but I am not a door mat.
11Yeah, I agree with kiwitwist. If it's something small and isn't really worth fighting about just do something to end the fight. If it's something that needs to be discussed then you need to talk about it, but not when you are both mad. You need to find a way to talk calmly, otherwise neither one of you will listen to the other.
12This can only take you so far. After a point, the person doing all the apologizing is going to harbor lots of resentment towards their partner because their partner is going to think everything is alright and just fuel more arguments. Sometimes, communication might be key. You should never deny yourself that and just give in.
13I will. But it all depends on with whom and the situation. I'm not going to apologize if I didnt do anything wrong, but that's not the point. I would apologize if I get into an argument with a mate and I know its not going anyway (the argument) and it was unnecessary. Then I will apologize. But in my last relationship, I was apologizing for things I didnt do or start up and sometimes I wish I would just have 'had it out with him' and made my point(s). But that's over with.
14But as far as with friends or co-workers. If we had conflict and there is still tension, I may apologize for my ways (I have a bad habit of getting upset quickly) just to calm the tension down. I can take conflict, I just dont like the tension afterwards. LOL
I don't like confrontation at all.I'm pretty easy going and friendly but i'm not a doormat either.I would never take the blame or apologize for something I didn't do.
15emalove, I couldn't have said it better. I stand up for myself!!
16i used to do this with every fight.
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