I think it's important to live healthy. If my bf is putting on some weight, I would say "dear, your @ss is getting too big. It's blocking the TV" LOL... JK

I actually don't mind the extra pound on my guy... there is more to love.

P.S. The guy in the picture certainly needs to lose some weight ... hehehe...

Instead of saying anything about extra weight, etc., I would just suggest more active things we could do together (long, romantic walks, bike rides, or going to the gym to work out together). And sex is great exercise!

sex is a great exercise! I agree martini!

Maybe its not fair of me to say so but to me weight gain signifies that a person is not taking care of themselves. Health and well-being are very important to me so I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't taking care of their physical health.

I'd try to promote a healthy lifestyle over the physical issue, this shows that you care about them as a person not just how they look as a physical object. Cook healthy meals, encourage healthy eating and suggest spending quality time together doing physical activity like biking, walking, hiking. And martini Lush is right about the sex.

My bf went through a rough period with his schoolwork, which caused him to eat more and gain weight. I didn't say anything, but anytime he wanted to get intimate, I made him chase me around the house and he had to catch me first. lol, it worked.

In the ten years that my husband and I have been together, we have both gone through a period where we gained a lot of weight. For me it was the year after our daughter was born. There was never a question about that situation, I was very vocal about wanting to drop the weight, and he was very supportive and never seemed to lose interest in me, sexually. About a year after that, he put on a lot of weight. He talked about dropping it a little, but after a few months it became apparent that it wasn't a priority for him. So I told him I wanted him to. I don't know if there is any way to be honest about that without the other person feeling embarrassed and/or hurt. But it is very important to me to be attracted to him, and so in the last year or two he has slowly lost most of what he gained. We are both much happier now.

I have been living with my bf now for 2 years and I have gained like 20 pounds. I would tell him i am fat and he would never respond to my complaints he would just say he loves me no matter what. Either way, one feels they could look better to feel better. One day he just told we should go and do something about it though, and to eat healthier things.

I didn't take it offensively. In fact I was excited.
We have started to go to they gym.
Now I am 20 pounds lighter again and loosing and my baby is looking more cut. hehe.

Most people know when they've gained weight, and it only hurts them if you state it directly. I think it's fair, and probably more effective, to suggest fun activities you can do together, and whenever possible, choose/cook healthier foods. The average person will get the hint without feeling offended.

I agree with jillerin457. People already know when they gain weight, and a lot of people are probably sensitive about it.

I think it would work best to make it a health issue if your partner has gained a lot of weight and maybe say you'd like to do more active things. But I agree if I gained a lot of weight, I'd know and probably feel bad about it and not need it mentioned that I had. But an offer to be healthier together would probably make me feel better and more motivated.

I'm having to deal with this right now. My husband & I just moved from NYC to Chicago, and in the 9 months we've been here we both put on some weight since we're not walking nearly as much as we used to and because the food in Chicago is deliciously fattening. I come from a family that really values physical fitness, so when I started to feel dissatisfied with my body I joined a gym. I'm happy to say that I'm in much better shape now, although I still have some work to do before I'm where I want to be.

My husband, however, keeps gaining weight. I've mentioned several times that I'm worried about his health, I cook healthy meals at home, and I congratulate him on healthy choices he makes. When he's not around me, though, he'll scarf down 2-3 Arby's sammiches for lunch, or have 2 chicken biscuits for breakfast. On top of that, he has a desk job so he never gets any exercise. I'm to the point where he's becoming unattractive to me (I know that beauty is only skin-deep, and I don't mind an extra few pounds, but he's medically obese). He blatantly refuses to go to a gym and turns up his nose at physical activities I suggest doing together. He says he wants to bike, but he refuses to buy a used or inexpensive bike, and unfortunately a new high-end bike just can't fit into the budget right now.

I'm at the point where I have to be less-than-subtle with him, mostly because I'm worried about his health. Any ideas on how I can bring it up without crushing him? It seems to me like he's just making excuses to sit on his booty.

I weigh exactly the same amount as I did three years ago when I met my husband...in fact, I've pretty much maintained the same weight since I was in high school/college. I would never let myself go or stop caring about how I look just because I'm married. I suppose some people might do this, and they may gain weight, but I don't think it's a good generalization to make. People can gain weight at any time, in a relationship or not.

And if my husband started to gain weight, it would not change how I felt about him. I'd try to help him get back in shape by suggesting activities we could do together and I'd buy only healthy food. I don't think I'd try to have a convo. with him about how he's gained weight...people KNOW when they have and are usually pretty self-conscious about it.

I just wanted to say that during my first 2-3 years of college I gained about 30 pounds. I kept lying to myself saying it was "normal" and part of "growing up"

So I think saying that everyone knows when they're gaining weight may be true, BUT not everyone thinks it's bad/abnormal/or something that needs to be reversed.

So sometimes a wake up call from a loved one really is needed (which is what spurred me to lose 28 pounds!!)

We tend to work out together and tend to really feel like we need it at the same time. We're both slim but athletic, but when we don't feel as fit or in shape (and ate tons of delicious foods) we'll totally openly talk about it.

There does tend to be a weight gain a lot when people settle into a relationship. There just seems to be more food involved in that whole scenario. Dinner every night, and at first, we like to make these elaborate meals. After awhile that calms down - at least it did for us. But the weight gain happened for me. Fortunately, it didn't last and I lost it all and more.

I can't see saying anything to anyone about a weight gain because they already know it; it's their struggle not mine, and I love them for who they are, not what they look like.

My boyfriend used to be tiny, so he acknowledges any weight gain. He's still barely normal weight, so I can't complain.

If he starts gaining as much weight as his parents (they're not big, but they're short, so gaining 30lbs makes them balloon up.), then I might say, "Look, I know you prefer the internet over exercising, but lose weight or lose me. Just kidding, but seriously, hit the pavement!" We talk to teach other like that, so it's totally fine.

In my last relationship I was the thinnest and in the best shape ever. I don't ever do any exercise when I'm outside of a relationship. It must be the sex.

I think its just bad when you are no longer physically attracted to them because of their weight gain of like 30 lbs or more for ex. So I basically try to stay fit for myself, but also for some special man in the near future haha.

Some people think that just because they are in a relationship they can "let themselves go" and their partner will still love them because that is what we are supposed to do...

This being said... I started dating my ex-boyfriend while I was at my heaviest. I have always been self-concious about my weight because my weight tends to flucuate greatly and I knew I wanted to lose weight but it was always hard for me while in college. All was fine up until a couple of months into the relationship when he started saying commenets like "maybe you shouldn't eat that" "why don't you work out more" "you were so much prettier when you were smaller" "I think its so funny that your sister and you used to be the same size". This forced me to become REALLY self concious and lose over 30lbs very unhealthy ways and I felt better about myself for a little while until I was 120lbs and HE WAS STILL SAYING THE SAME THINGS! There was no pleasing this guy! The relationship later got abusive, but goes to show that you have to lose weight for yourself, not anyone else or you won't be happy.

Wish I could, but the irony is that while I've gained some weight while we've dated, he's gained to the point of being severely obese, and the problem is... he has no sexual interest in ME! Oh the irony. I even lost 30 pounds last year in an attempt to make him notice me (which put me underweight) but it didn't work. I give up.

When I met my husband we both gained a ton of weight by eating out and doing really lazy things around the house. The time we used to spend working out was now spent driving 6 hours to the other's house. Our priorities shifted and neither of us really realized we'd gained all that weight. I know I didn't notice it on him and he swears he didn't notice it on me. Point is now we're both overweight and unhappy with our bodies and have to work on that. It would have been so much easier if we'd taken the time to stop the weight gain in the first place instead of gaining it all and having to lose. In a committed relationship there is no reason that you can't say to the other person honey I think you've gained weight. They would want to know before they put on a ton and need to lose it.

I would never say anything I would just make suggestions as far as meals and exercising. I like to help in a positive way and by being supportive.