Dear Sugar,
I met this guy on a dating website, and we were together for about two months. He totally led me on by saying he thought we were headed somewhere, but after two months of being casual ( I'm 30 and not getting any younger), I touched upon exclusivity. He completely freaked out, and I didn't hear from him for a month and a half. When he finally contacted me, he told me that he often thinks about me and wanted to make plans to get together. I told him that coming and going out of my life wasn't an option, and I asked him for some space so I could think things through.
Two weeks later I reached out to him, and he seemed really excited to hear from me. He's been making an effort by calling more regularly and asking to make more plans, but last weekend he went right back to his old ways. We had made tentative plans, saying we'd play things by ear, but I haven't heard from him since! What is this guy's deal? Is he interested or not? When we are together, everything is great, but then he pulls this stuff that makes me so confused! Should I pursue it or just let it go? — Being Toyed With Tommye
To see DearSugar's answer, read more.
Dear Being Toyed With Tommye,
It pretty clear that this guy doesn't know what he wants out of this relationship. If he was that spooked by the idea of being exclusive, I'm sorry to say that he might not be worth pursing even if he is interested in you.
I'm sure I don't need to remind you of this, but relationships are all about mutual adoration, so if this is already a one-sided relationship, chances are it will always be that way. Now of course people can change, but I'm with you Tommye: Going radio silent for a month and a half after only knowing each other for two is just unacceptable. Though this might not be the answer you want to hear, I think you should just let this one go. The sooner you move on, the sooner you'll be able to find someone who wants to be with you all the time. Good luck.
Comfort
Camilla Skovgaard
L'Autre Chose
get out while you can! he's unreliable, which only shows what's to come. and if he really liked you, he'd be consistent with his contact. it's too early for this type of behaviour. get out!
1Oh wow. You do not want a serious relationship with this man. Not speaking for almost two months? That's ridiculous. He's obviously really afraid to commit and not ready for a serious relationship. I would tell him that you don't want to have a relationship with him if he's not willing to commit to you. Plus, I'd never stand for being blown off weeks at a time. That's just not respectful.
2Find some self respect and kick this loser to the curb! You deserve better.
3Ditch him.
4I agree. He may be a nice guy, but he's obviously not ready to move to the level where you want to be. If you're at the point in your life where you want a committed relationship, you'll definitely want to find someone who's on board with that.
5It's already been said: ditch him! Not worth your time.
6Definitely give him up. If he couldn't even discuss exclusivity with you to the point of hiding two months, he's not magically going to change his tune for your sake. I know Ive tried to think so in the past, and it just never happens. That is not a reflection on you, either. Save yourself some heartache and get out. And ahat if you did somehow get this guy to marry you? Is he going to run away for two months every time you fight?
7Not only that, but his long-time disappearances make me wonder if he's either seeing someone else or already married.
8ditch ditch ditch!
9Everyone has said it: LET HIM GO. He just wants someone to occupy his time when he needs it. That's all. And you are wanting something totally different, and that's ok. So, find someone who is on the same page and level as you and you'll be a lot more satisfied. Let it go and good luck!
10If he doesn't make the effort - he isn't worth your time.
11It's so obvious he can't seem to make up his mind. Do you honestly have the time to sit around and wait until he does?
When you care about someone you make it a point to spend time with them not disappear for almost 2 months.That should tell you something.
I agree with Dear. Move on. You're putting too much effort into a relationship that is currently not working for either one of you.
12He's definitely afraid of commitement, or like others have said, makes me wonder if there's something else he's focusing on while focusing on you. Maybe he's trying to decide between a few different women. Either way, this doesn't sound like something you should continue to pursue. Unless he's really THAT amazing of a guy and you can't stand to give it up, I say move on!
13I think we may have been dating the same guy. And, as hard as the last month or so has been for me, I have to agree with the others and say it is best to move on. Why waste the energy and effort on someone who clearly isn't willing to give it back to you. We deserve better and we will find better.
14Not worth your time! And the others are probably right - I bet you're not the only one in his life. (Not that you're really "in" his life...)
15Forget about him -- he's not worth the trouble.
16Duuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmp!
17look around, date others, let go in your heart as much as you can but don't burn your bridges! you never know whats going to happen or why he acted like that. let him come to you if anything, but it will probably only happen when you're TOTALLY over him
18Post New Comment
Please share your opinion with our community, but make sure it is on topic and follows our Community Rules. We moderate comments and prohibit personal attacks, threats, spam, lewd images, or the promotion of your personal website.