Dear Sugar,
I have recently landed a great new job. The most important thing is that I have worked really hard to get here, but my friends are super negative about it. It has gotten to the point where I lie about being happy in my job just so they'll back off. Though I never go into detail, this seems to make my friends feel better, but the truth is, my new job is really hard, and I love the challenge! How can I relay this message to the people I love without making them uncomfortable? I want to be honest without bragging, but every time I say anything positive, I get serious backlash. Please help! — Actually Happy Annie
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Dear Actually Happy Annie,
Since I don't know much detail here, I will just say that it sounds as though your friends are simply jealous of your new job. Finding something you love to do that presents a welcoming challenge is no small feat, so you should indeed relish it! Lying just to appease them can't last forever, so the next time one of your friends gives you any flack, just be honest with them! Tell them that you're sorry that they don't understand, but you actually really enjoy your job, and leave it at that. Chances are, they'll feel stupid for making you feel guilty for feeling otherwise, and it'll never be a topic of conversation again. You should be proud of yourself for working hard to get to where you are today, Annie, and if your friends don't understand that, you might want to reevaluate the role these people play in your life. Friendship is all about love and support and from the sounds of it, you are getting the exact opposite reaction.
Triumph
BHS
Mishumo
They sound like pretty shoddy friends.
1I think there is so much peer pressure to hate your job. I think its popular and addictive to b*tch about work. Negativity really multiplies if you let it get out of control.
I have had this same problem since I started working 6 years ago. Eventually my negative friends stopped talking to me about their jobs because I couldnt relate to them. Either that, or they've "copied" me in a way and found things about their jobs that they can be satisfied with.
I dont think you should have to lie about liking your job. If you start there, where is it going to stop?
When you have an awesome husband and children, are you going to have to pretend they suck, too?
Some people are just never happy. Stay positive; when they b*tch about their jobs, just say I'm sorry you're unhappy. If they ask you about yours, tell them you're very happy where you are and leave it at that.
Maybe you will eventually inspire them to become positive and get new jobs. Maybe you just need to get rid of the negative people in your life.
2I'm already jealous....
My job is just seriously awful, and maybe your friends have really awful jobs too! Still, I would be really happy if one of my friends had a great job! Maybe suggest they change careers if they hate their jobs so much...that's what I'm hoping to do!
3I dont understand why the friends are giving her a hard time? how are they being negative? "I hate your new job" or "your job must suck" or what? i dont get it.
4I think DearSugar hit the nail on the head: they sound jealous. I suggest staying upbeat. You have something that most people only dream about; a great job that you love!!
My sister experienced the same thing with her new job. She loves it, but she is constantly at work, causing her to miss get togethers, showers, teas, etc. with friends. They all are pretty negative towards her about it. Its really sad when people are so unhappy with their own lives that they feel the need to bring others down with them...
5Yup, they are most likely jealous, and who wouldn't be, it takes some serious hard work and luck in finding a job that you LOVE. Just don't talk to them about work anymore you know where they stand and you should let them know where you stand and leave it at that!
6Hmmm is there some information we are missing. Is there something about this job that concerns your friends like you having to move or work insanely long hours or work for a questionable or unethical company that you aren't sharing? Maybe you need to ask your friends what their issue is. If they can't give you anything constructive - you need some new friends to go with that new job.
7I personally think you might be talking about your job too much. While they may be jealous they also just might be sick of hearing about your job. I have a friend that was going on and on about her job and I finally asked her if we could talk about something else because it gets really old. There is more to someone than what they do for a living. Don't fall into the trap of defining yourself by the company you work for or what you do for a living.
8Honestly the moment I read the title I was like WTF?, I mean who cares if they understand or not? Is it their job? Is them who have to do the actual work? No. So just get on with your job and ignore them because you don't have to justify your career choices to anyone, least of all your friends.
9Something is off about this...what job do you do?? Are you a stripper? haha kidding kidding. I just find it odd that ALL your supposedly good friends are this way. Please provide more details.
10I am really not understanding the "problem". Who cares if you love your job and your friends dont? Are you a hooker, stripper, coke dealer? Even if you were one of the above who cares? It's your life...screw it up as you see fit.
Tell the to shut the hell up and pass the nachos...
11They sound like a bunch of Negative Nancy's.
12Listen people are always going to try to make you feel bad about having something good in your life. Every job has some negative element to it, but I'm sure the reason you go this awesome opportunity is because you know how to look at the negatives as challenges instead of just complaining about them. I have sort of experienced the same thing at my job and at first i felt bad that nobody else was happy for my promotion. Then I thought about it and realized that I worked really hard to do a great job and other people noticed, there's nothing wrong with that. Enjoy your job and don't let them make you feel bad you earned it.
13Your friends sound toxic. They're unhappy because you're happy? WTF?? So they prefer you to be unhappy with your job? That would make them happy? With friends like that, who needs enemies.
If I were you, I would re-think these friendships.
14knee jerk reaction: they're jealous debbie downers.
they're probably just bitter about their own jobs. if they're your friends, they should be happy for you.
i'd say call them out on it or hang out more with the friends that can share in your happiness. telling them to stuff it will only make them think that you're just rubbing it in their faces.
15Hey even if you were a stripper, why is that so bad? My friends didn't like it either when i became one, but only because i was so busy. And yea they were jealous that I could do it and still respect myself and make lots of money. Once I started taking them out to lunch all the time and buying us lots of wine, they didn't seem to mind it too much. But seriously they're probably jealous.
16I'm confused...
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