Why do women, married or not, think it's a good idea to "trap" a man?? Seriously...

You're married so realize it's a JOINT decision not just yours. I think it's insane and very selfish that you would consider doing something this decietful.

i AM ON THE SAME BOAT. I HAVE NO CHILDREN, BUT I WANT TO FEEL MOTHERHOOD BADLY. BUT MY FIANCEE SAYS WERE NOT READY. WHICH IS REALLY IS HE ISN'T READY YET. BUT I'M ALREADY 25. SUCKS. GOOD LUCK

That is unacceptable. You have no right to trick a man into getting you pregnant, whether or not you're married to him. I am appalled that women do this. Since you said "another baby," I assume you have at least one already. Learn to be happy with that, and please do not make your existing child(ren) feel inadequate or resented. And if you go through with your deceptive plan, just know that your husband will have every right to divorce you.

Definitely not okay! Give him some time and bring up the subject of having another child later on...maybe he'll have changed his mind by then. "Accidentally" getting pregnant will not work anyway...if you've brought up having a baby at all he'll most likely just assume you did it on purpose anyway.
When you're married you should decide things like this together. Did you not discuss how many children you wanted before getting married? If so, did he change his mind or did you???

Jillerin457 - I agree with you 100%

she not being considerate to her husbands feelings whatsoever. completely selfish. Keep your focus on the children you already have until your husband is ready for another.

Not cool. Not cool, at all. My husband and I are in the same position, but this is not something I would ever push him on, or worse, trick him into. That is an extremely devious and selfish thing to do. A marriage is a partnership all of the time, not just when you want it to be. If he's not ready yet, he's not ready. Keep the lines of communication open and give him some time. If you trick him, he'll be extremely suspicious and then you risk ruining the trust in your marriage, and that may never be healed.

Bottom line, don't do anything silly.

This is so wrong. Whatever happened to making important decisions together as a couple? Personally I would never forgive myself if I betrayed my husband like this.

is it just me or does the post seem to be written by a 16 year old?

you think he'll be a good father to an unwanted child?!!!!

You 'want to pull an "oopsey"'?? You're not mature enough to have the kid you already have.

Wow! I can't believe this!
I am in a kind of similar situation... but I would never even think about doing that!
We aren't married yet (will be in about 1.5 years), no kids, he doesn't want one for about 5-6 years. I know that we aren't ready yet, but I desperately want a child. I am willing to wait though. We have discussed this multiple times and I always reiterate that I am not trying to pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to do yet (I just like talking about our future). The other day I even said you know I would never trick you or 'accidentally' get pregnant right? He said yes. He knows that I would never break that trust. If we got pregnant it would be a true accident - i.e. we would be that 1% where BC fails.
Don't do it. Don't break the trust in your relationship. Discuss as calmly and rationally as possible... try to help him see how much this means to you. If you two have another kids let it be of his (and your) own freewill... not trickery.

That wouldn't be a wise choice.

Hell. Agree with the above posters; "oopseys" are definitely out of the question, unless you wish to completely invalidate your relationship.
I'm in the inverse situation, funnily enough. I don't want a kid, now or even ever - and my guy does. Yesterday rather than tomorrow. I must admit I'm glad I hold the reigns when it comes to BC, when hearing this kind of horrible plans from others.

Sure, just as long as you're ok with an "oopsey" affair on the side that he forgets to tell you about and doesn't really care how it affects your feelings and future.

If you do this, that kid is always going to get the sense that Daddy hates him (or her). I mean, if hubby even sticks around after your little trick proves to him that he can't trust you at all. And then the kid will hate you.

Definitely a bad idea. First of all - if you have a child already, count yourself lucky. and breaking the trust between you and your husband like that would be terrible for you and the kids. Maybe he's concerned about the cost of raising another baby, or the responibility's stressing him out. Wait until your both ready so you don't end up resenting each other, or the poor kid

yadiet - you're ``already 25'' and worried about not having kids?? Enjoy the time you have with your fiancee/husband, without worrying about children. You've got plenty of time.

In my opinion, is NOT acceptable to bring a child into the world who is unwanted by either parent if it can be avoided. That can scar a child for life. Also, your deception would likely ruin your marriage.

Aimee-I just wanted to explain to you that you missed the point of this. The poster was NOT trying to "trap a man," she wants a CHILD. They are different things? She is actually already married, and the issue isn't whether her husband is going to leave her, but whether he will have another child with her.

OP- you already have children with your husband, I am sure he has good reason for not wanting more. Not every couple has to be the Duggars... I might have more sympathy if you were 40 and childless and married for 15 years and your husband HAD promised you could have a child and then changed his mind. But then my advice would be adoption (or sperm donation) and divorce, not an "oopsie!" Obviously you have to talk with your husband about this...maybe in a few years when your kids have grown a little more, or you are in a better financial position, he might want to have more kids.

This is crazy. Tricking someone into becoming a parent is absurd and will bring hurt and pain to both the father and child.

he's going to know you did it on purpose if you have been begging him and he's adamently saying no

marriage is based on trust, .so if you're looking to ruin your marriage you picked a great way.

While your situation sucks, he's definitely going to know that you forgot to put in your nuvaring. I wouldn't chance getting pregnant, unless you want to ruin your marriage. I guess maybe that's what it comes down to..which is more important to you? Keeping your husband or having a baby?

yeah this would end in a separation. I can almost guarantee it. He will be suspicious forever. And it would eventually come to a head.
You'd want to put another CHILD through all of that??? Shame on you. very selfish.

Insanity. You simply cannot have a baby with someone if they are not 100% on board with you. Its not fair at all.

I would never forgive one of my friends for doing this. To me, getting knocked up "accidentally" is selfish and childish. Think if your significant other gave you a STI "accidentally." Could you forgive him if you found out months down the road that he knew? I think I could kill a man over that!

Talk to him and let him know exactly where you stand. Then, find something else to help fill that void! Volunteer - hospitals often need someone to help hold babies in the neonatal unit. Mentor a child. Buy a dog, foster a dog, foster a kid!

You need to talk to him about how you're feeling. And then learn to let it go until he's ready. Will you forgive yourself if he walks out on you when he finds out that he can't trust you?

Is this for real? I don't even know where to start.

It's not your choice. It's a choice that should be made by you AND the father. That is so seriously messed up.

Having been an unwanted child, and being told that throughout my life, I implore you to not do this. The child WILL suffer, and for what? So YOU could feel fulfilled. This is the epitome of selfishness.

I don't agree with the posters who say "your husband will leave you". I doubt that highly. They are already married and married couples (unmarried too) have accidents and have kids they did not plan on. I do not think he will leave her simply because his "WIFE" got pregnant again.

But I do agree with everyone else who says it is very wrong and deceitful to do this to anyone...regardless of whether its your husband or boyfriend. He should not have to take on the burden of another child he doesn't want as I am sure he probably has a reason for not wanting any more...who knows how many they have...2, 3, 4??

This woman should focus on the child/ren she already has and if her husband is ready for one day, I am sure he will let her know.

I agree with Jillerin457. This is appalling.

Personally, I knew a former friend who did this. The operative word is "former." She tricked her husband twice into conceiving two children. Well, her marriage was not boding well for her. Her husband was unkind to the children AND to her. Everybody was miserable, including her. I had no sympathy for her whatsoever. Furthermore, I dropped her as friend, as I couldn't get past her deception -- a big character flaw, in my eyes. She used to call me to vent about her marriage. I couldn't get off the phone fast enough. I simply told her I was hungry, and hung up the phone. Yes, I was very rude towards her, but I had no respect for her whatsoever. She was a big, fat jerk.

i wouldn't want to be in a marriage where one spouse makes fundamental life-altering decisions against the express wishes of the other. if having another child is so important to you and he's so against it, then i think you could do with some therapy to help mediate this situation.

or do what my husband's parents did. understanding that 3 children were enough of a blessing and that a 4th would be too much of a strain on their lives, they got a dog

Talk to him about getting a dog or another type of pet.

He's not ready for another or honestly doesn't want another child: Don't force him to.

Iwas so glad when I voted and saw that everyone agreed with me (mostly). He might have valid reasons for not wanting a child right now and you should listen to that. Maybe compromise, saying I want a child when do you think you'll be ready?

Wow!!! You would really think any part of that is okay. My husband and I have so mu pressure on us to have a baby. But WE aren't ready. Come on think about it for a minute. Come down off of could 9!!!

It is NEVER ok to trick someone into having a child with you. This is bringing another life into the world, and that child should be desired by both parents, if they're to raise it together. An actual accident is a different matter- it would be a situation you discuss and decide on together. Forcing someone to raise and care for a child they had no say in having is completely unfair.

evil.

wow! kinda in the same boat. i want children now... my other half wants children in a few years.
I have had other women suggest I "oopsy" it. I never know how to respond to that. its such a shocking thing to me.

I say DONT DO IT! Bad way to bring a child into the world. Even worse way to treat your relationship.

good luck.

This is utterly despicable. I would reconsider having any more children at all, since this kind of environment is not good to bring a child into. I just can't get over how selfish this is! Why would anyone even consider this? It's completely appalling. There wasn't even any consideration for the child(ren) in the post!
I would also take a good look at my marriage. If you can't be honest with your husband about this huge, life changing decision, you may need to go to counseling.

Couldn't do it...I'd just feel way too guilty and dishonest. I know women who HAVE done this to their husbands though and they never knew the difference. I still think it's pretty deceitful.

Thankfully, my husband wants kids as badly as I do...phew!

This is a terrible idea! Why would you manipulate your husband this way? Yes, people have unwanted pregnancies all the time, but intentionally doing this to your husband is a break in trust and obviously you don't care very much about how he feels if you're even considering this. Be happy with what you have because some people cannot have children at all and you at least have one beautiful child to care for.

I dont think he would ever believe that you forgot to put in your nuvaring for an entire month especially since you have argued about wanting another child now- which means he would know/strongly suspect you did it on purpose and while he might not take it out on the baby, who would be completely innocent in all of it, he certainly would never look at you the same way again.

Not forgivable. That's just insane and evil and deceitful. Why in the world would you completely disregard your husband's feelings on this?? A marriage is supposed to be a lifelong PARTNERSHIP and for you to even think about doing this to not only him but your family worries me. I'd at least look into getting a pet. But tricking your husband....I'm appalled.

That is horrible! Why do people think its okay or a good idea to trap a man this way. Selfish and wrong

So, not only do you not respect his decisions, you think he's dumb too?

Talk to him about why he doesn't want another baby right now. Weigh the pros and cons with him. Maybe its a good idea just to enjoy the child that you have right now.

This is a crash-and-burn plan that's practically asking for a divorce. Unless your husband is a complete fool, I'm sure he'll notice that you had all month to deal with your birth control stuff and you chose not to. I think you really need to ask yourself what kind of person you are if you're willing to lie to and cheat your husband's wishes just to get your own way.

Do yourself a favor and love the family that you have!

I'm not going to bash you because I understand what it's like to want something so bad (like a baby), and have your husband keep delaying it. I'm hoping you both discussed the possibility of having children before getting married, so you're just fed-up with waiting and his excuses.

However, having a child this way is only going to hurt you. If your man doesn't want a child, chances are, when you get pregnant and start getting cravings, having moodswings and gaining weight, he won't be emotionally helpful. He might become distraught and resentful, and this could really put a strain on your marriage. Then, bringing a child into your relationship might further distance him from you, and that's something you seriously don't want to risk.

Okay, I didn't notice you mentioning this is not your first child. So, disregard my inquiry into whether he wants ANY kids...

Sorry...In that case, maybe you should ask if he wants another kid AT ALL, and explain that you want one before it's too late. There's a chance both of you might need to compromise...Maybe you need to save money for a few years (if financial worries are the issue) or ask yourself why you want another child. You already have one or more children, so do you just want a big family or are you getting lonely?

Everything else I said applies.

Unforgivable!!

I'm not sure why people do not discuss these serious issues before getting married. Wanting the same things is one of the most important things.

what a stupid thing to do!