Dear Sugar,
I have a close friend who is a guy. Over the years I have become friendly with his wife: We do things together as a group, but I never call her or do anything with her separately. To be honest, I don't care for her very much; she can be rude and very hard to have around. I have recently tried to distance myself from them, but I just learned that they are having a wedding "renewal" ceremony next year. It's going to be a big to-do — the wedding she never had — and she's planning on asking me to be a bridesmaid. I don't feel close enough to her to say yes, and truth be told, I don't want to spend the money or time on such a commitment. But how can I say "no?" I don't think I can use money as an excuse since the wedding is so far away. My husband and I are planning on starting a family; could I use that as an excuse? — Want to Decline Deborah
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Dear Want to Decline Deborah,
If you're not a fan of this woman or don't even consider her a friend, the right thing to do is to say no to being her bridesmaid. Knowing off the bat that your role will feel more like a burden than an honor is reason enough to decline her offer. When she asks you, I think you should simply tell her that you won't be able to offer up enough of yourself to be a good bridesmaid, which is the truth. As someone who's looking to have her dream wedding, chances are she'll appreciate your honesty. To soften the blow, ask her if you can help be a part of her wedding on a smaller scale — ask to read a poem or help take guests to their seats on the big day.
Standing up at someone's wedding is a huge honor and something the bride won't take lightly, so if you don't feel up to the challenge, taking the high road and opting out is really the best thing you can do. Remember that time is of the essence, so don't procrastinate giving her your answer as she'll probably need to ask another friend to be in her wedding party. Hopefully she'll understand.
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