Back in the day, the Chuck E. Cheese [1] restaurant chain took itself seriously. Way seriously. The employees playing the Big Cheese were given exact instructions on how to walk, wave, dress, embrace a child, read people's minds, attend to their needs, and ultimately, win them over. In short, Chuck E. had to be a perfect politician. Which was great and all, but let's cut to the chase: How did Chuck E. plan to address rising pizza prices and the growing arcade game deficit? Mmmkay.