The answer is so obvious that it hurts. Leave. Go find one of your old friends, tell her that you're sorry and need her help to get away from your emotionally abusive loser boyfriend. Then the hardest part... STAY THE F*CK AWAY FROM HIM!

Go into counselling, surround yourself in family and friends, CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER ASAP and cut off all contact between you and him.

Get away, NOW.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

I totally agree with Fallen85. Leave!

Woah - you think his friends are the problem? No way.

This guy is abusive and you need to get out now. Leave him. NOW.

i hope you recognize that the wonderful perfect guy he was in the beginning was just an act. the real him is now showing and let me tell you, he is a nightmare. i think you just need to be strong and just go. don't let him screw with your head by saying things will change...they won't. if you're living with him, go stay with someone else--friend, parents, close co-worker, find someone to help you through this. make a point not to be alone with him because he'll just try to talk you into staying. just remember-the problem is HIM, don't try to blame any of the issues on anyone else. good luck.

He's telling you he doesn't love you and you still want to stay? get counseling. Grow up and stop blaming his friends.

This is textbook abuser behavior. It wouldn't surprise me if the relationship continues and he starts to hit you. I absolutely agree that you have to leave. He'll probably beg and maybe cry and say that he'll change, but it's just an act because he's good at manipulating you so please don't be a fool and fall for it.

And it will probably be hard to end it, but that's tough. You have to do what's right, not what's easy. He's shown you his true colors and if you stick around do it without complaining because in the end it's your choice, no one else's.

His friends are your main problem? get out of there now! There is no reason you shouldn't be allowed to cut your hair or dress the way you want, and the second you can't have your friends around is the second that this relationship should be nipped in the bud. Follow through on your threats of leaving. He wants to challenge you to leave him? well than do what he wants you to do and pack your bags.

First of all you realize that he treats you badly. Most people in your situation would just pretend that nothing is wrong.
Your boyfriend is just plainly abusing you. You should talk to your father, brother, cousin, uncle or a guy friend about what is happening. And like everyone else says, LEAVE. If you don't feel safe, have your guy buddy come along with you to get your stuff and go. Don't stay around any long. LEAVE, before he gets any worse. Don't have any contact with him or his friends.

I agree with the comments above. You need to get out ASAP.

I agree with all of the above comments. I married an abusive man and stayed for 4.5 years before I finally dredged up the courage to leave. Leave now before you get deeper in and hurt physically and before the emotional pain gets so deep that it takes years to heal from. First thing you need to do is realize and admit you are in an abusive relationship and know that it will only get worse from here. Please leave quickly and have a good support system behind you, friends, family, therapist, whatever it takes. This pains me so because I've been there and it's so easy to get sucked into it and stay, I truly hope that you leave soon and that you have a beautiful life from this point forward.

"Advice in breaking away."

Unless this "man" has you chained in the basement with pitbulls guarding the cage he's trapped you in, I don't see the problem in regards to how come you can't "break away"!

Be honest with yourself, you KNOW you've been giving him empty ultimatums and you look for a million ways to change your mind in leaving.

If you are serious in leaving this abuse. Then tell him for the LAST time that you want absolutely nothing to do with him. Don't answer his calls or meet up with him. And if he comes by your place or harrasses you call the police and get a restraining order!

The bottom line is people only do to you what you allow them to.

No more excuses GET OUT NOW!

You received some excellent advice.

Leave -- just do it. It's difficult, I know, but you'll be better off in the long run. Your boyfriend is very toxic, and he mistreats you. He does not deserve to be in your heart, or in your life.

Look after yourself!

You have given this guy way to power over you. You need to walk away and DON'T look back before things go further down hill. Also, you need to stop saying that you're going to leave him and leave the more you do that your just showing him how much power he has over you.

Hahahaha "Just leave" is terrible advice! The poor girl knows that she needs to leave, she needs help about *how* to do it. OP, I understand it is tough. The world around you is awful but it seems so scary to just leave without a plan--you are likely to go back.

Show this website to 3 or 4 people you trust like a mother, friend, sibling, coworker, etc. Explain that you know you may not have been in contact with them much recently (due to this guy) but that you need their help. The fact that you mentioned that you are not allowed to be alone scares me a lot.

Pick a date that you will leave and mark it on the calendar. Decide what things you absolutely cannot live without that can fit in a handbag. Have three friends come over to your place to "pick you up." Explain calmly that your relationship is over and you will be leaving with your friends. Then walk out. You can make a plan to have your friends pick up other things later. Stay the night with these people for the next week, at a minimum. Give them your cell phone and instruct them that you are not allowed to answer it. He will try to say all sorts of sweet things to try to win you back, and you must not pick up the phone to hear them!

Once you are at a friend's house, change your email address, change your cell phone number, buy a few new outfits, and for heaven's sake, get your hair cut! It sounds like you want to.

After a week or two, he will get that you are serious and your friends/family will help you keep your word. If the situation is more serious, and you do not think that this plan will be enough, contact a battered women's shelter to ask for help in formulating a plan.

Geez, are you dating my high school bf (and he's an EX for those reasons!)?

The others have imparted good advice. You need to listen and start reforming your friendship and family relations, don't let him isolate you, that's abuse and unhealthy behavior. He's trying to get you isolated so that he can do what he wants to you and if you have such a low self-esteem, you'll be apt to be a victim of domestic abuse.

You may want to look into counseling too. Good luck to you.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

Sunnyheart has said it really well. You DEFINITELY need to leave, but you also need a plan. If you try to do this impulsively, at the very least, he will talk you into staying, but I wouldn't be surprised if he hurt you... or worse. The only thing I would change with the above plan is how you tell him. It's probably safer just to quietly get all your affairs in order, move as much of your stuff as you can while he's at work, and do the breaking up over the phone from an undisclosed location. This may seem like a lot of effort but I'm pretty sure it's what you will have to do to get away. And you do need to get away.

I don't know maybe some here are psychic or I'm missing something. The OP doesn't say that she lives with the creep, she doesn't say that she's married to him, she doesn't say that she's tied down with kids and a mortgage to worry about. And if that's the case then she CAN just leave and stop comimg up with excuses about the situation.

It's much harder to leave someone that we still have feelings for than anyone here is really realizing. The OP still has feelings for the guy she met who was so perfect - and she's having trouble distinguishing how the f*cking nightmare she finally found herself in is actually the real him, and not the sweet man she first met. She's hanging on to hope, and habit, and is afraid of heartbreak and loneliness - and of making a mistake. I know that feeling, a lot of us do. Once the love has grown, it's very hard to make it go away, even if the person stops deserving it. The thing is, OP, once you have left, you will suddenly breathe; you will be free, and you will look at yourself and start loving YOURSELF again. Full on. With an unlimited amount of great things to do, great people to meet, great plans to make. So if it's not possible to go get therapy because you're being watched too closely, start out by calling your friends and family like others have said, and tell them you need their support. Also, please make a list of all the things you really would like for your life. And realize you will be able to start having them once you have passed that door and not looked back. You need to look forward to things, even things as mundane as cutting your hair, and once the balance tips towards the amount of projects you are dreaming of, you will be okay leaving that douche behind. You are worth a million times more than him, and he doesn't deserve one more minute with you. You are a whole, complete, beautiful being, and he's preventing you from accomplishing what you are. Even if it's just by a little (and it sounds like it's by a lot!) it's unacceptable. There is a great guy out there who will make you happy, make you feel like a million bucks every day, and will support you throughout your life and endeavors, and you deserve THAT guy. But first, you deserve your freedom. I know you don't hate your boyfriend, but remember that your feelings for him are 1. feelings for the guy you thought you met, not the real him; and 2. amplified and warped by the fact he's rejecting you. I know that feeling of despair when the object of our affection is rejecting us; we want what we can't have, and we put ourselves in a passionate state of mind that makes us cling to our feelings in a very unhealthy way. That is what you are doing right now. Be strong, keep your head way up high, and think of all the great amazing things you want to do. And leave that guy behind in your dust; you're going to shine so bright once you're gone, and be so happy and so free, and you will NEVER look back and regret that decision. You're going to be relieved, and I'm sure very well surrounded by the people in your life who love you and will support you through this. Don't worry - you're going to be just fine. Just remember who you are. And feel really really really proud.

Good luck! we are all with you

I'm going to use a movie as a reference. Have you ever seen the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez? Well if you haven't, her future husband was like Prince Charming. He was sweet he took care of her, he bought her a house even though it wasn't for sell. Then all of the sudden he turned and started to hit her and cut off her relationships with her friends and barred her access to his bank accounts. In short, I'm telling you to end this relationship now before you end up getting hurt or even killed. You're way better that what this jerk off can give you.

Ooh jillerin good point... she may want to leave when he's not there if that's an option. But if he's just an *sshole and the situation isn't so dangerous, sometimes it can be fun to just once say the big **** you straight to his face!

I didnt even finish reading the post. I dont have to finish it to tell you that you gotta get the hell outta there. The reason why he says yeah go ahead and leave me is because he knows you wont do it. Tha is no way to be treated and this are the first signs. What he is doing to you now, verbal abuse, you need to wear certain things you cant be alone, is just small things. soon it will get worse. leave till you can. you will find a guy that will treat you like a queen from the begining till the end not a jerk. good luck

What else are you going to take from him before you leave! You need to run for the hills. Seriously. No one EVER deserves that treatment.

Holy yikes! I agree with everyone here. You obviously realize that this guy is a psycho so now it's time to take the step and BOLT. Yikes, good luck and stay safe!

Everyone has pretty much given you the obvious answer - LEAVE!! But, YOU are going to have to realize that this is NOT what real love is. Even if you havent had anyone but this guy. LOVE is patient, kind, sweet, understand, blameless, and will not hurt the next person. Sure, you do have problems and blah blah blah, but no one will talk to you like that if he/she loves you. I was in a somewhat similar situation to you. I thought the guy really loved me, but then he would say hurtful things about my body. Or, if we got into an argument, he would call me ugly - and then turn around and say he meant my 'attitude' was ugly - NOT!! And as far as resolving issues - NOT!! I was always the 'wrong' one. And he would cuss at me and carry on like I was one of his homeboys. I ended up breaking up with him (and at that time he said some things I care to not mention), but I went back to him. But it took this second time around for me to really see that this was not LOVE, and I'm not sure what it was, but I knew I had to leave him and leave him alone for good. So, do what you have to do to get him away from you. And (dont make the same mistake I did - going back) DONT GO BACK TO HIM. CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION. In due, time, you will see whats real and get over the past.

Best of luck to you dear...

Well, you could wait til he starts beating you, or accidentally strangles you... You need to tell someone what's going on so that they can give you the strength to leave, because you don't seem to have it on your own.

Leave Him.

Do not tell him, do not set a date. DO NOT give him an opportunity to change your mind.

Start saving as much $$$ as you can. When he is out with the boys, pack your bags quickly and leave to some place safe even if it is a battered women's shelter.

If you aren't currently living with him--- but it sounds like you are due to the degree of his manipulative control---- just let him know that you are visiting family. Then GO. Stay with an aunt, uncle, cousin or previous friend. Just GO.

Then change your phone number, e-mail addy, and any other contact info he may have. Change jobs if you need to, but GET OUT OF HIS CONTROL.

And get counseling and stick with it.

You deserve so much better and better won't happen until you are far far away from him.

I have been in such a situation all the times till i decided to take control. Recently, when i was in Canada, i met this guy for two hours. We exchanged email ids and then i returned back to my place of work. He contacted me within a week and we soon became good friends. He also confessed his love for me in three days only. He was emailing me atleast 10 times in a day and would chat regularly. Then came the real part. His emails became less and less and finally dimnished. He was sending me only i - 2 IMs everyday and all teh times claiming that he is so busy and will catch me later. Then one day... I told him if he was so busy there was no point of dragging me into his life. And then i bid him good bye without saying much. It really hurt me tons but this time i was adamant to take control. I decided not to be treated as a doormat anymore. I love myself and i wanted to show him that i am not interested to settle for anything lesser. Guess what. He mailed me after 12 days saying that he missed me. I wrote back also saying that i missed him too and that's it. I will take it easy this time and will not overdo anything. I am sending this message to everyone that i am a princess and you got to treat me like one.. otherwise who needs you.

you obviously know what to do now.
Goodluck.

leaving someone is the hardest thing in the world to do.
i PRAY for you [and i'm not even religious]

he is clearly abusive, and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. find someone who does that! and do it for yourself by ending it with him.

I dated a guy like that. He kept challenging me to leave, and knowing that I would never do it made him feel like he had even more control. Once I finally realized what a loser he was, I broke up with him, and while I was in the middle of that, he actually tried to propose to me! These guys will say anything to make you think that they're sorry, or that they actually do care about you. I will say, once you're over them, the sense of freedom is amazing, and so is the realization of how obvious it was that they were losers in the first place.

I know it's hard to leave, but admitting that something's wrong is the first step - I'm sure there are tons of women who haven't even made it that far. Now all you have to do is act on it. I know that, emotionally, this is easier said than done, but you've been given some great advice above. You need to get out of this relationship, and I would recommend a restraining order - my ex started stalking me after the breakup.

He is an abusive control freak. THAT is who he really is. He will never change. He calls you on the leaving because he knows that you won't. I would suggest you tell your close family members and friends exactly what he has done and is doing to you. Do not let the abuse be a secret any longer. And do not break up with him when it is just the two of there, because I am scared about what he will do to you. Go to stay somewhere that he does not know about. I agree with alliallialli. After you have left, you will think why the hell did I stay with that loser for that long???? Let this be a lesson that you need to get to know someone better before giving all of your heart to them. You will get out of this, and you will be much happier after you do. You just need to take the first step. But don't do it alone. Don't ever let a man or anyone else control you or treat you this way again. Please consider counselling. Good luck.

Last night after reading this I actually had a nightmare...

I have talked with a girl that had a bf that was doing the EXACT SAME things to her. When she finally broke up with him, she got a restraining order. But then he hired people to drive around and follow her wherever she went. He ended up calling her when she was at a guy's house and asking what she was doing there. He is still stalking her to this day, and I am scared about what he will end up doing to her.

Please leave carefully. Talk to the police if you have any feeling that he may get violent. Some people in relationships like this need to change their identities and move to another state. Whatever you do, choose your words carefully in your final goodbye with him, and then cut off all contact with him or anyone who knows him.

Good luck.

RUN AWAYYYYYYYYYYY!

Walk away QUICKLY.
Change your email, change your phone number, and forget him.

This entire situation sounds like my very first boyfriend. In the beginning he was super sweet and since he was my first I literally thought that the way he became was just "normal." I too lost all my friends, I was an unhappy person and mean to my family. I WAS MISERABLE! Do yourself a favor and be a better person and walk away while you can. Even if he BEGS you to stay if you propose a breka-up, just remember all the horrible things he does to you and stand your ground. My ex pulled that stunt and I took him back but a week later broke it off because I knew things would not change. You cannot change a person and even if you care about him a lot know that you guys just aren't good for each other. There are people out there who like to be controlled because they think they're being taken care of. And good for them. But it's obvious you are not one of those people and this situation is unhealthy. Call up an old friend and reconnect with people you've lost touch with. If they're worth being friends with they'll be there for you. And remember next time to never lose touch with your own life...big relationship mistake! Cuz if it comes down to a break-up, you have to rebuild your life entirely. And that's hard enough on top of a break-up. GOOD LUCK!

He is very selfish. If you don't break it off now, you will get hurt in the long run...

Hire a hot male gigilo like in the Wedding Date. Even though you technically paid him, having some hot guy swoon all over you and be super attentive will help you get your self esteem back to dump this other loser dude.

Reading everyone's advice to "just leave" worries me precisely because you said you dont have friends anymore thanks to him AND you know you need to leave but are asking how. Clearly telling you to dump him and leave is not helping you. What about family? ANYONE?? I guarantee if you reach out to your former friends and tell them the truth they will do what they can to help you. If you do not have anyone- please read this website:

http://www.safehorizon.org/page.php?nav=sb&page=safetyplan

This is far more informative and written by professionals who know what they are doing. I dont know if you two live together or what the deal is but you must have a plan and you MUST follow it. You have taken the first step in asking for help and realizing you need to leave. That is a huge step forward belive me. You can do this.

run and do not turn back.

Add up all the comments and the answer is ---get away from this guy as FAST as you can RUN! Please Google and read --Profile of a Sociopath! They are incapable of love. They can/will resort to violence if they think their control is challenged. Let him move on. He is a predator.

In other words, it is a consensus - please listen to what your gut & your heart is telling you--leave the LOSER!

1. The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to leave.
2. The longer you stay with him, the worse he will get (his behavior toward you).
3. PLEASE read "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. You may have to hide the book or keep it at work or whatever. PLEASE read that book. It will give you the strength for your first steps.
4. Others have mentioned this, and it bears repeating: make a plan & WRITE IT DOWN (but keep it where he canNOT find it). And refer to it anytime you feel the SLIGHTEST bit like going back to him. Have a plan for what you'll do in those weak moments. Such as: whenever you feel the urge to call him - and that urge will be VERY strong esp. in the beginning after you've left him - pick up the phone & DIAL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS INSTEAD. Girlfriends who are supportive & know that you are trying to get & stay away from him. They can "talk you down" and stay on the line with you until you're back in the frame of mind of staying away & of remembering why you left & why you should NEVER GO BACK TO HIM.

We are all supporting you in your leaving him!!!

One last thing:
5. Don't get into another relationship for a while (a year really does go by fast when you're staying busy). Get into counseling - and let them know you were in an abusive relationship. And work on building a life for YOU, before you start letting a guy fill it up. Fill it with the wonderful things about YOU. Gardening? Music? Dance? Crafts? Bicycling? Babysitting neighbor kids? Dog walking? You will now have time to nurture your interests.

Again: once you get out, and you start feeling lonely, DO NOT CALL HIM. CALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS INSTEAD.

Did I mention: don't call him? Okay, good.

You can do this. Step by little step. Don't give up. *huge hug*

Don't let any man treat you like this. You need to get away from him and not let him treat you like this. It's going to be hard because you don't have any friends to lean on but that should have been your first clue that he wasn't going to be a good boyfriend. Lean on your family and use it as a time to make new friends and grow as a person.

yeah my ex-boyfriend was exactly like that. at first he was great, charming, sweet, loving, but then he cheated, hit me, kissed someone else while on a school trip and humiliated me in front of other people. he made me cut my ex-boyfriend before him out of my life because i had dinner with him even though i'm not even remotely interested in him in that way. he accused me of cheating on him with someone because i was spending a lot of time doing a project with him (yeah i'm still in high school).

nothing i could do was right and even if he did something wrong, like let my "best friend" take advantage of him FIVE DAYS after we broke up the second time (we broke up like, at least 10 times over the course of 2 years).

suprisingly, it was hard to leave this douchebag. he had broken my self esteem, my trust in other people and in him, and pretty much screwed me up really bad. i finally decided i was going to leave once and for all and get over him completely. now that i'm over him, he's all like, "i love you, come back, i was wrong, i'll change." (don't ever believe emotional abusers when they say they'll change. they don't) and so on and forth. this is both sweet and annoying at the same time. i'm pretty much repulsed by him so now he's the huge leech.

i recommend you to do what i did, move on completely from him. staying will not benefit you. talk to your friends, they're probably telling you to drop his ass too. they're right. do it. you'll be much better off. good luck! really.

I used to be in a relationship that was very similar. I waited a long time to walk away and it almost cost me my sanity. It still affects the great relationship I have now.

Please leave now. You will never regret it. I promise.

Lots of luck to you, remember you deserve the best.

I hope this girl left with her sanity. After a week, I wonder how she is doing.

Sweetie, I hate to state the obvious again, but this is NOT a healthy relationship, and you are NOT going to be able to fix that. The only answer is to get support, and leave.

We all think we are too smart, to progressive, too informed to get into an abusive realtionship. You may not immediately recognize this AS an abusive relationship as there isn't any yelling and there aren't any bruises. That's why it's SO dangerous - an emotionally abusive relationship destorys you from the inside out, and you are the last one to know.

Passive agressive behavior (the I don't love you anymores and then apologizing, the hurtful comments, etc), the control issues (not allowing you to cut your hair, wear what you want, etc.), isolating you from your family and friends (who might alert you to this behavior not being okay, or simply threaten him), ALL of this is emotional abuse. Eventually it will wera you down to a shadow of your former self.

I left an emotionally abusive realtionship much like yours - one that started out wonderfully, I thought I'd found my soul mate - by the time we were married it had degraded into a constant battle of wills and I left with my daughter and a drug addiction out of self preservation.

2 years clean and almost 3 years out of the relationship and I am still trying to pick up a shadow of my former self - allowing someone to slowly steal your confidence, your self worth, your life, is NEVER EVER okay.

Stand up while you still can and walk out the door before it gets worse!

I can really relate to you on this issue because i just got out of a relationship like that my self. Whatever his reason may be for his behavior there are two ways to go about this situation. First, you should try some time apart from him aand see how he reacts to realizing that one day you can actually leave him or second you can go with the more dramatic way and do all the things he does not allow you to do and see if that pushes him to be a little more realistic. if that doesn't work then i highly advice you to get out of that relationship.... GOOD LUCK!