LOL! I LOVED Dear's response for people who ask you about marriage!

Well done, Dear!

And Bridgette, you're not weird for not wanting to get married. I think if you know what works for you, stick with it. If you're happy, that's all that matters.

Do what you want and don't let the comments of others get you down/annoyed/pressured.

If you are content with what you are doing, then that's all that matters. Everyone is different!

I don't understand why people are afraid to marry someone if they love him/her. Is it fear of committment or what. I don't understand what the big deal is, especially if you have been together for a long time.

What about your husband? When yall got together did he have the idea you were a marrying-type girl? If he did, and now you are not, that us a bit selfish to him. He may have envisioned a wife and kids by now.

I say get married or stay how you are and be annoyed. Whatever you do, please dont bring kids into a situation like this.

It's not fear Northerstar, it's just a different priority. Marriage is simply not important to some people, and why should they spend a small fortune and go through paperwork if they don't want to? Marriage is not for everyone, why is that so hard for some people to understand?

There are plenty of people who cringe at the thought of weddings. You dont have to have a wedding at all. Should (not saying you will of course) you ever decide that you want the tax break or any of the other "life made easier" things that come along with being a spouse, just go to the courthouse- it could all be over with in less than an hour. Of course depending on the state you live in and how long you have been living together you might be considered common law married already.

But just like Im of the opinion that people who dont want kids certainly shouldnt have them, people who dont want to get married shouldnt either- I was just pointing out that marriage doesnt HAVE to mean a wedding.

If you're deterred by the responsibility of marriage, then by all means, do not get married. It's a big change, legally and financially, and if you don't want to do it, don't let society pressure you into it. Like the others said, it's the same as having children. You're not required to jump on the bandwagon, and if you don't even want to, it would actually be *wrong* to bring others (husband or children) into the situation.

I think sometimes, people who marry and have children try to impose their life plan on others just to make themselves feel normal.

Nothing wrong with you at all, OP.

I can relate to the wedding thing as well. I have been with my bf just as long and get asked ALL the time. Northrnstar, I dont think its an issue of fear, its just being ultimately satisfied with where you are in life. Engagements, weddings, and honeymoons are all fun but some people may just be in a happy place and not seem to need the stress that comes along with all those exciting things just yet. I would love to marry my bf but at this point, I am trying to be in a great financial spot so marriage isnt that big of a stress for me. I think ppl fear/worry when someone doesnt follow the "normal" life plan. Whats the big idea??

Excellent response from Dear! Don't let other people get to you. If you do get married, they'll start asking when are you going to have a baby. Then, if you have one, they'll start asking you when are you going to have a brother/sister for baby. Then, if you have a brother/sister, they'll start asking you how many are you going to have. Then, if you have a few, they'll start acting like you're crazy and joking about how you shouldn't have any more. People are weird that way. Do what makes you happy!

I think that it's perfectly normal how you feel. Like Nevaeh said, there is nothing wrong with you. I say that as long as you feel comfortable you're good. But I also think that you should talk to your bf and see what he thinks. As long as there's good communication there then nothing should be wrong. You just need to make sure you're happy.

I also strongly agree with jennifer76!

Live your life however you want, but I don't see why you need to worry if there's something wrong with you. Either way, it really doesn't matter, because that is how you are.
I do think you should take your boyfriend's feelings into consideration though. If the gender tables were reversed, and a guy was reluctant to propose because he "likes the way things are now" I think most of the advice here would be different. Of course, if he's cool with leaving things as is, you're good to go!

I could not agree more with Dear and the majority of responses. You are completely normal in your thinking. I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years and am in no rush to marry. It isn't about fear of commitment, Northernstar, because people don't stay with one another for 4-5 years if they are scared of commitment! Things could be so amazingly wonderfuly currently, and the thought of changing anything at all may not make sense at the time. As long as your boyfriend is okay with how you feel, I think you are just fine. Some people are simply very happy and things are going very well, it just doesn't always make sense to do what society thinks is normal.

Traditional, legal marriage is over-rated and way too casually entered into. I'm with you girl - don't succumb to the pressure. A committed loving relationship doesn't require a legal document to endure, thrive and be wonderful.

Follow your own path...this comes from a divorcee and divorce lawyer, who still believes in love, but not marriage.

I agree with most of the Sugars here. Do what works for you. The divorce rate is far too high so getting married for the wrong reasons seems foolish. It sounds like you have a solid relationship and that is a wonderful thing!

And I object to the poster above who implores that you should avoid bringing children into a "situation" like this. If you want to stay unmarried and have children, that is your choice as well! being unmarried has nothing to do with your ability to provide a stable, loving home for your children.

I have to disagree with the many people here who have said 'don't have kids if you are not married'. That is such an outdated and old fashioned way of viewing things. If you are in a commited relationship, there is nothing wrong with having children with that person. I know many happy couples that are not married and have happy children and a happily unmarried life. Even if you do get married, there is certainly no guarantees that your marriage will last for life. I feel the same as you, I am engaged but in no hurry to get married. It was my bf's idea to propose to me, I didn't really care too much either way. If you are with someone and happy together, then be happy and enjoy it. Also, someone else here said that if you don't want to get married then you are afraid of commitment. That is such bullsh*t. Some people just don't prioritize marriage as the ultimate goal of their life. There is nothing wrong with that. It is better than some desperate girl dying to get married and husband hunting. That is just so pathetic to me. Enjoy life and do only what makes YOU happy!

I will never understand why people feel so entitled to push their ideals on us, like marriage. You'll get married when you're ready, obviously. So, yes; use Dear's great line next time someone asks. That'll shut them up.

I am getting really really really annoyed at the negative stigma surrounding a girl who isn't dying to get married.

I have been with my BF for 11 years now, living together for 10. We have two children, own a house and cars together and all the "married couple" stuff. But we are perfectly happy the way we are. It's just never been an issue for us. To us and our close friends and family, we are married and they call us husband and wife when they introduce us or when talking about us.

Now we have a legit reason for not getting married, which I won't get into. But you have to remember that no matter what your preference/reason is, there is always going to be people who are not happy with the way you live your life. But you know what? They don't pay your bills or live your life for you. SO what they think ultimately means nothing. When people ask us when we're getting married, we tell them we don't believe in marriage (we really do) but it shuts them right up. We're not scared to make a committment to one another (obviously), some times people don't have the same priorities as others. People need to leave the marriage and baby stuff to the people they are questioning and start minding their own business. I don't know why whether or not I'm married make a difference in anyone else's life or WHY they would care or question it? Don't let anyone else decide your life for you. Especially if you are happy......

I'm kinda irked that she says being in a long term relationship is less responsibility than being married. It doesn't make sense to me. How are the two different? Like a previous commentor said, you can just go to court and get married and that pretty much takes care of not dealing with a wedding. Marriage shouldn't equal financial turmoil, and if they are already living together, what difference does it really make? They are already, presumably, sharing expenses.

I don't think it's fair for friends to pressure each other to get married, but I think it's silly to think that marriage is some horrid responsibility greater than living together.

it is isn't broke, don't fix it!!!!

*if* it isn't broke, don't fix it!!
i need a edit button on these things!

In my situtation it would cause financial turmoil. The company that my BF works for requires that if you are married EVERYONE in your family has to be on their insurance. He has a very dangerous job and his family insurance package runs anywhere between 9,000-13,000.00 a year depending on the size of your family (we have 2 children).........We can NOT afford to lose that much money a year right now. It would definitely be a big problem. BUT my situtation is strange.

jennifer76, your post made me laugh out loud! I love it.

I've been in an LTR for a few years and am also not dying to get married. Sometimes I feel pressure to as well, especially when people are like "I just can't WAIT TO MARRY THIS MAN." I'm like, hmmm, well shouldn't I be feeling like that?

But we're happy and we already live together and I'm not into fairy tale weddings so sometimes I'm like, what's the point?

is that supposed to say 'back' account or bank account?

I have tons of friends that live with there guy and not thinking about getting hitched. Its cool just depends on the person and situation. Good luck getting older people(a.ka. grandma and mom) to understand.

My husband and i were together for 8.5 years before we got married. Everyone would ask us when we were going to get married all the time. We got married when we wanted to, neither of us were in a rush and are young, we started dating in high school. I don't see how it's anyones business, i would never ask someone that. The newest question is when we are going to have kids. Umm, when we are ready. I swear my 8 year old neice asks me this everytime i see her! It's bad enough we get it from adults but now from a kid!

I agree with the others. When you are ready you will do it.
For me my fiance and I have been together almost 7 years now--engaged for 2. First it was when do you think he will pop the question, now it is so what are you waiting for. They evem started to get ME anxious and feeling like something was wrong with us! SO SO wrong of everyone! I would never push a friend of mine or ask someone when they are going to get married.
Both him and I know it will have for us because we are in love and know we are both totally committed. We still havn't gotten married yet, but right now it is more about the money to do it than anything else! ) Rough times...

also...the soon to be inlaws have been asking for grand children for years!I don't see the rush, we are still young!

It drives me nuts that so many people think there's something "wrong" with not wanting to get married or have children. Or that, after a certain amount of time with someone, you should get married "just because." Marriage is a horribly outdated institution created when life expectancy was around half of what it is now and women were treated like child-bearing servants.

Do what makes you happy, sweetheart. Don't let anyone pressure you, and be confident in your choices.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with not wanting to be married. Sounds to me like the original poster is happy with her life. If she's satisfied, it sounds like it's the OTHER people who have a problem, not her. Dear's advice is spot-on.

haha..I wish I could borrow some of your "not wanting to get married" feelings!!!

Ah! I don't want to get married OR have kids. I think you're normal

If you don't want to get married, then don't!

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to get married however marriage is far from an outdated institution. If people want to have an official celebration great; if you don’t then that’s great too. It’s whatever makes you happy.

Good point, Bella. Marriage means different things to different people. It's a shame so many people still consider marriage as the only proof that you're in a committeed and loving relationship.

Do whatever makes you happy and don't worry about what they say. I can't help thinking a lot of people who react like your friends decided to get married because that's what they thought they should do, and not because it's what would make only the two of them happy.

story of my life here!
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and are we are basically living together and I have no desire to be married right now..even tho everyone is asking me about it..I have just never been one of those girls that dreamt about marriage..im just happy how things are

I don't think anything is wrong with you. I do believe you are overthingking what marriage is all about. And while it's not for everyone don't let people pressure you into it. Also don't deny yourself the experience. I recently got married and people keep on asking "how is it" I'm like it's the same we just love each other more.

"I say get married or stay how you are and be annoyed. Whatever you do, please dont bring kids into a situation like this."

@ NdHebert; what is that about? No marriage equals no love, or what? Not everyone is as insecure as you seem to be when it comes to staying together unmarried. It may come as a shock to you, but it IS possible to have children outside of wedlock and stay together and happy.
I say it's perfectly healthy to not give in to societal pressure "just cuz" and do exactly what feels right for your situation.

I'm so glad that the majority of the posters are affirming what Dear said and frankly surprised that there were any negative opinions expressed about someone who is happy in a relationship and just doesn't feel the need to change anything.

(And bengalspice - marriage IS different than being in a relationship. There's a whole list of cultural expectations attached to it. No criticism of the people who are absolutely satisfied with living up to those expectations, props to those who marry without feeling obliged to fulfill them - but nobody can deny that "dating" is a much more fluid term than "married.")

I know so many people who don't want to get married! Their goal is just to live together, which is hard enough. My friends say it's less pressure, they don't need a 'piece of paper' to certify their love, and they'll never have to get a divorce. I like the last reason..that is a calming thought! Though I don't agree with the 'piece of paper' reason..I think marriage is more than just that, but I'll keep that opinion to myself! But yes, if you don't want to get married, don't! It has its positives, that's for sure.

Okay this is a subject that's near and dear to my heart. I've been in a LTR for almost 6 years, and was married for 10 years to someone before that. No kids, not now or ever. We live together and are very much in love. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked us "when are you getting married" I'd have enough money to pay for the damn wedding! I'm SOOOOO sick of it! We are planning to get married someday soon, but I think we're going to Vegas to avoid all the headaches that go with a wedding (especially family - my mom's a nightmare). But we just haven't decided when. It doesn't feel right yet, and we're not budging until it does. But you would not believe the crap we get from people for not being married. It's really a pain. Sometimes I feel like yelling at them, "Mind your own business!" I say, get married when you damn well feel like it, and try to ignore the people who are pressuring you. it's about you and your love, not them.

Okay rant over.