My fiancé of two years — we've been together three years, and plan on marrying next July — admitted to me that he has a foot fetish, something I was really pleased he felt comfortable enough to tell me. I've done my best to be supportive and try to incorporate this into our sex life, and he says he's happy with things. But I've recently discovered that he's talking online to a woman running a foot fetish site (she puts pics of her feet and shoes online for men). If he was just looking at the site it wouldn't bother me, but I found out that he's talking to her about his preferences and our relationship, which I don't like at all.

He was talking to her about fantasies that he's never spoken to me about. I've made it clear to him from the beginning that I don't have a problem with looking at pictures, but a personal connection with someone is cheating in my book. In one online conversation he said he'd pay to see her feet and to tie her sister up (it's not as creepy as it sounds as its part of the service she offers) and it seriously bothers me. Am I being too sensitive about it? How do I talk to him about it? I've broached the subject and told him how strongly I feel about him talking to her, but now he's deleting the conversations and password protecting his computer, so I don't know whether he's stopped or not. I love him, and he loves me, but I can't spend my life pretending I don't know this is going on.

I'm not jealous, but I find myself always wondering what's going on. How can I fix this? I want to go back to just trusting him and knowing that he loves me. He gets upset when we talk about it because he says he feels like I don't trust him, but he's doing all of this behind my back — talking to her, buying shoes (with our money!), and goes out of his way to hide it all from me — doesn't it sound like I have grounds to wonder what's going on? What can I do?

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