I'm sorry to have to say so but it doesn't sound that this man can be part of an honest relationship, at least not until he wants to be completely accountable and transparent and he clearly seems to not be there as of yet. I hope you'll find it in yourself to walk away. You deserve better than this. I'm so sorry you have to go through this! Hugs!

Hmmm...we all have fetishes to a certain degree...HOWEVER they dont normally interfere with our life. His fetish seems like it does because he is being deceitful. I know this might sound harsh but you have several options: request counseling to address the obsessions that he has, accept this as a "flaw" and live with it, leave him. It sounds to me that you care for him so are you willing to stand by his side as he gets the help that he needs. It really sounds like he needs professional help and together you all should look for a counselor who specializes in different fetishes but who also can deal with the relationship aspect. I hope it works out for you but I wouldnt compromise if I were you.

Run for the hills, NOW!

His fetish isnt an issue - my man has one as well, and happens to have it for MY feet. So, theres alot of play happening there.

I think he's crossed the line, I think he's slimy and deceitful and I think you should pack your bags and get to moving on.

He's gross.

Like the above poster said, it's not his fetish that is the issue. It's the fact that his actions are deceitful and dishonest. Trust is an absolutely essential element of any relationship, and he has betrayed yours by doing things deliberately behind your back. Especially where he is spending your mutual money on his fetish - this betrays not only your trust, but also your potential financial stability. And not only that, but his actions (i.e. password protecting his computer) continue to be suspicious enough to raise further questions in your mind about his trustworthiness.

The bottom line is, do not marry someone that you cannot say, with absolute certainty, that you trust 100% (someone who you know will always be forthcoming and honest with you). If you are having nagging doubts about his truthfulness now, those will likely turn into serious misgivings and potential fights in the future (again, especially where he is risking your financial stability).

You have to choose how to resolve this problem before the marriage. Perhaps seek counseling. If the problem cannot be resolved, please consider calling off the wedding. As difficult as it might be, it will still be easier than enduring a divorce somewhere down the road.

I feel like this should be sent straight to Dan Savage for advice!

Anyway, I agree with the others that the fetish doesn't seem to be the issue - it's that he's hiding stuff and going behind your back.

Only you know what your limit is. I would go to him and say "look, this is what I can handle, and this is what I can't handle. I'm not interested in having a lifetime of catching you doing x, y and z despite the fact that you promised you wouldn't do it. So this is it - no more lies. You either accept my terms, negotiate now, or we part ways."

I know that seems harsh, and perhaps it is, but like I said, you know your limits and if what he's doing is a deal breaker for you, then you need to stand your ground.

colombiansugar hit the nail on the head.

I think you have problems that are far more substantial than getting comfortable with his fetish, it's called honesty.

If he loved you, then he wouldn't even think about touching another woman's feet. I think he is using his "fetish" as an excuse to cheat on you.

"If he loved you, then he wouldn't even think about touching another woman's feet."

I disagree with this.

I think many men want to f*ck other women, while still being in love with their wives etc.

The difference between a good guy and a cheater isn't the lack of those thoughts - it's their decision not to act on them.

I guess I said that wrong.

But think of it this way, how many of you would even consider the following:
"honey, you know i love you, I just have this thing. where. touching a breast really turns me on. you know, it's really my thing. and you have been really great about this. and i love touching your breats. but this woman, she has gorgeous breasts and i really would like to just spend one evening with them. this means nothing to me, she means nothing to me, it's merely her breasts that I am interested in."

C'mon! Of course a guy stares at other girl's boobs all day, but he would never have the balls to ask his fiance if he could pay to touch them!!

and i am being serious here... because this guy is looking at feet, the way most guys look at boobs.

Tell him to grow the f*ck up and stop acting like a hormone-crazed teenager. The fetish itself is fine...everyone has a right to like different things, I get that. But the problem is, he's rebelling against you right now. By password protecting and covering up his tracks, it's pretty obvious that he's still carrying on with her.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you...because I probably would have flipped out on him about this by now if it were me. If one thing, I would definitely put a hold on planning the wedding if you are...if there is no trust, equality, love and commitment coming from both ends, then I guarantee you that you will be in an unhappy marriage.

Girl head for the hills, this guy is only get worst.I always say there is four sides to a person that you are with 1.when you both just start to date 2.when you actually start see each other exclusive 3. wneh you are in a relationship 4. when you get married here is where all the pretense falls aways because how long can you pretend for. Right now you are able to deal with one side of his fetish but from the sound of it, it's getting worst.If you marry this guy don't expect him to change ok. Remeber you come first.

dump this man before he ruins your life..

wow, i would get out now. or go to couples therapy if you want to salvage the relationship. if you really have been fully open to his fetish (which, good for you, not everyone would want to deal with it you must really love him) and he's said that he's satisfied then there is NO REASON for him to be seeking out other women. especially when he has to pay them, and talks to her/buys her things. to her, he is just another chump who is paying her bills. and he is just DISRESPECTING you, your relationship and your intelligence really by password protecting and deleting things. he isn't five years old.

I agree with TidalWave, to him its the same as boobs.... and would you ever let that happen!? You need to do something (no matter what that something is) about this. Tell him he's d@mn right that you don't trust him (when he gets upset talking about it). Then, ask him why exactly you should trust him...he's been lying, hiding things from you, using your mutual money to buy things for himself that you are not ok with, talking to another woman about your relationship and who knows what else. I don't know of course, but it kind of sounds like he wouldn't want to go to therapy if you asked him to. He is being extremely immature, and he is cheating on you (by your definition, which is the one that matters!). I also agree that you should put any wedding plans on hold (figure out if this is going to get fixed or if you are going to want out before planning anything) and maybe that will show him how serious you are about this issue, since he seems to not care so far.
I agree with popgoestheworld too, that you should talk to him and tell him to deal with it now, or you are getting out, but you have to be serious about it and actually do what you said you would if it comes to that. Good luck!

You're on a slippery slope, and I highly recommend you put the wedding on hold till this mess is sorted out. Having a foot fetish is one thing - and a very common thing, I might add - but paying for online fantasy services and connecting personally with a woman who he's paying to connect with him is not okay.

And it's even worse that his hiding the evidence after you said something is a huge red flag. Right now, you can't trust this guy. Get some counseling together before deciding if you want to move forward with him.

Change the bank account and separate your money. There's nothing wrong with a foot/shoe fetish, it's how you act on it. Get the heck out of there. I feel his fetish is the more important then you. As for getting help, you can't make him go or stick with it. If he's deleting the conversations and changed his password, is there really any more proof you need? Do you really want to cause yourself anymore insecurity, pain, confusion, loss of your self-esteem? Hasn't he disappointed and hurt you enough? Since he has already proved he can't be trusted and definitely a sex addict, be careful of him using your vulnerability to manipulate you into staying and putting up with even more of his deceit. He's a slippery one.

The funny thing is the foot fetish lady probably gets shoes and money from everyone who visits her site. He probably isn't even chatting with her. He might be chatting with someone who has ugly, fat feet and wears "sensible shoes", like my 60yr old mother...lol If I were you, before I left him, I would strike up a chat with her, too see if she's the same with everyone who visits her site. I'm sure she does. Then as I was walking out the door, I would give him the transcripts and laugh my ass off. You wouldn't have to say anymore.

Run away as fast as you can!!!

The others are right the fetish is not the issue...the fact that he is disrespecting you and your relationship IS. This is a huge problem now and he is not changing. Going through with the marriage is not wise. This issue will only get larger once that bridge has been crossed and it will tear you apart whether you think it will or not. Especially because you have already been over this with him.

He is definitely still talking to her behind your back, and may be doing other things you don't know about as well!! Leave him!

AHH i love the drunk lady's comments!!!!! You should DEFINITELY do that! great idea!

Don't make a commitment to someone who is not honest with you. That is a huge red flag!!!!!!!!!

Dump his ass now,this is cheating.

Both of you should join a foot fetish club and you should nurture his passion for other womans feet. He could very well be the next online legend...WTF? This guy has issues and you should do what just about everyone else on here is suggesting...dump this dude.

Like a lot of people have said, this is not even about the fetish itself. This is about the honesty and trust issue. He should be able to tell you these fantasies and not have to find other people to talk to about them. I wouldn't put it up there with cheating, but it still doesn't seem right.

Talk to him and tell him that you are not at all comfortable with his actions and that if he wants to stay a part of your life, there has to be something done about this.