If you can accept that you might have to raise these children completely by yourself, then you can have kids. But otherwise, I would wait.

I'm sorry to say this but I don't think there are really "signs" that you are ready for kids, you either know or you don't.

I think the fact you're asking on here for signs may be a clue into the fact that you're not ready.

I think until there is a good stability for each of you and as a couple it's not fair to bring a child into this world.

Try not to be judgemental b/c I cannot throw stones but how about you get married. Planning to bring a child into an unmarried relationship is....

Anyway..give it a full year of stablity on his part. How much longer does he have for school? You might want to wait until he is done. The added stress might cause a relapse.

I agree with Sugar - there is always the possibility for a relapse. You should be prepared for the worst case scenario, and hope that you never have to experience it. In a way it is good that you have seen him at "rock bottom" - just imagine going through that again with a child in the picture. Ask yourself if you think you can handle it. Or, if necessary, could you afford to leave him (permanently or temporary) if he were to slip back into his old ways.

I know it is horrible to think about planning your escape from him and from the situation, but it is much better to be prepared for something like that and never have to go through with it, than to need a plan and not have one.

I agree with jaxon. You should probably wait until he is out of school and has a steady, stable job for a long while. Also, you need to make sure he is going to stay sober or you are going to wind up a single mother.

Is "no" too mean of a answer? I ask myself this question all of the time and I have been married for three years to a wonderful guy and we both have stable jobs. 10 months sober is not that long. IMO, this is not a situation that screams 'baby ready' to me

I'm going to tell you the absolute truth as if you were my sister. There is no way on God's Earth that any woman should consider bringing a child into the world with a man with this much baggage. If your really concerned about your ticking clock then leave now so you can find a stable relationship with a man who isn't battling addictions at 35 years old. If you think your going to bring kids into the world with him and your children won't suffer when he relapses your fooling yourself. If you can take that risk with good conscience and have a baby with a man who is battling drugs and barely recovered then so be it. Truthfully if I was going to go ahead with this he would have to show me at LEAST 5 years of being sober.

Oh and if I am to really keep it real my question to you is... ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!! Why on Earth are you even considering THIS! I wish I could just shake you right now! Good luck.

I'm going to say no. My younger sister went through this same thing...had a baby with a recovering addict...well, now she's going through a divorce with her 3 year old son because her husband not only relapsed, but became physically abusive, crashed the car, went in and out of jail and etc. etc. etc. So yeah...it's pretty ugly.

If you DO end up having a baby with this man, protect yourself...PLEASE. With the added stress and commitment that a newborn requires, he could very easily be pushed over the edge and relapse again. Always, ALWAYS have a back up plan if things turn sour at that point. The last thing you need is Child Protective Services knocking on your door and taking your child away because your man is taking drugs.

And remember, once you have that baby...that man is no longer your first priority.

I am going to say no, and not just because you guys arent married. I know your clock is ticking, and being mid 30's you (like me) are in full awareness of the issues late age pregnancy brings, but they are nothing like what bringing a baby into a nonstable relationship/ recovering drug addict situation could turn into. Above all think about the baby, not about "its getting too late" or "we might have fertility issues" those are all YOUR hang ups, the baby comes first, and your not ready by a long shot.

You've only been together for 2 years..If you are wanting kids this early on then it's a good chance of you two not making it together. You need years together to learn and grow and appreciate the relationship before bringing in kids to the mix, plus just like marriage, things should be going as perfectly as possible for a very long time before making the next step. If you go in with problems, it's likely they will never be resolved or just get worse. Plus if you just want them now b/c of fertility issues, it's not a good option either b/c that issue right there will put a lot of stress on a relationship and he'll need to be there for a very strong support system as you go through ups and downs with trying to get pregnant in the first place. I would go (by yourself) and talk to your GYN or a fertility specialist and consider all of your options, like freezing your eggs! That way you have plenty of time and you don't have to think of the stress later on. Plus what happens if you have a child with this man due to fears of future fertility problems, then find the man you are a much better match for 2 years later. You'll be kicking yourself that you put so much into this. Plus it sounds like he'll end up being a second child for you rather than the supportive father figure you'll want.

i think if you even have to ask someone else if your ready then there is your answer...

I too wonder why marriage isn't in the discussion? If you or he chose not to commit to marriage, then why commit to a baby??

Honestly, no.

If you are a happy, loving couple than that is absolutely wonderful. If you are financially stable, that's great. But I would still say you are not ready for a baby.

He is in recovery. He had a relapse after 1 year, so why would 10 months be the end all of his battle? And when you have a child, you do not want to have the fear that he might relapse. Having a baby is stressful business, and I know someone who has relapsed after a new baby...my dad.

My mother had her 2nd child (first with him) when he was sober. Within a year he was back on drugs. But did my mother leave him? No, because she felt that she owed it to her child to make their relationship work. Then she had another child with him, and lastly, she had me. Still, he was doing drugs. He spent all of the money, lost his job, sold drugs from our laundry room, and his idea of watching us while my mom worked was sitting us in front of the tv with a bowl of ice cream. She might have continued to stay with him, just for us kids to have a father (although I do not think of him in that capacity whatsoever), if it had not been for a night when I was 5.
My mother and him had gotten into an argument before she went to her night job (she had 3 jobs to support us and his drug habit). All I remember after that was being woken up from bed by my older sister wrapping me in a blanket and carrying me outside. My two brothers were already out there and I could hear my mom and dad screaming in the house. My sister made us get into the car and all four of us huddled in the backseat. I didn't know what was going on, but I was scared.

When I was 15 (9 years after my mother left him) I finally asked what had happened that night. My older sister (she was 13 at the time) had called my mom at work to tell her that my dad had threatened to torch the house. When my mom got home my dad was outside with a can of gasoline in his hand.

I tell you this story so you can see how having a child could end up. If my sister had not taken the threat seriously, or had been too scared to do anything, we could all be dead now. I'm not saying that it is like this with every recovering parent. I know people who have made amazing turnarounds when a child came into their lives. I just want you to see what COULD happen.

PS - Sorry it is so long...I'm just very passionate on this subject!

I say no, only because you need to give it longer. If you don't feel comfortable with having a baby with him to the point you need to ask other people, then the answer is no.

AND I'm not sure why everyone here thinks that being married is going to make your relationship more stable? That confuses me... Not like marriage is going to keep him sober, better your relationship or make a difference of whether or not you will be able to care for a child responsibly.......disgusts me the way people will push marriage on others. That wasn't her question

Nobody said marriage would make their relationship more stable, but having a children means they would be in each others lives forever, and I agree that it's a little curious that they wouldn't want to make a commitment to each other before making a commitment to a child.

Personally this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Please don't have a baby with this man. When you're making a decision this big there has to be more on the table than just, "I love him." That kind of crap is for high schoolers.

Absolutely not and certainly not with him.What were you thinking?

I agree with Hotstuff 100%. She took the words right out of my mouth.

I'm sorry, it sounds like there is not enough stability in your lives to even be considering having a child. Plus, I don't want to sound preachy or old fashioned, but if you two were in a position to include a child into the equation, then why aren't you two married yet? It's just my personal opinion that if you are "planning" for a pregnancy, then you should bring that child into a solid family unit. I'm not saying that single parents can't raise a child succesfuly. I just think that if you were going to plan something like this that you would want to plan the best you could. And if you two are already in a relationship, then you must be headed towards marriage, yes? I would just focus on your relationship first and getting it to the point of marriage, then a think about a baby.

As far as the fertility issues are concerned- if you've got a family history of dificulties, then chances are that you will too at ANY age. You are still young, and shouldn't let age be the deciding factor on this serious issue.

It sounds like your boyfriend has a longgggg way to go before he is emotionally healthy and ready to take on the job of being a parent.

I think it's great that you're on the same page about wanting children, but I STRONGLY feel that emotional health and mental stability are ESSENTIAL to being a parent.

I'm sure your boyfriend will get there, but it doesn't sound like he's quite ready yet. Being clean/sober for 10 months is wonderful, but the fact that he's just started to try and heal himself and get his life back on track (10 months is not that long of a time), makes me feel that he's not at a good place for children yet.

People with addictions do recover, and the more faith you have in him, the better he'll do. However, maybe it hasn't been long enough... I understand that you're anxious about your biological clock, but I would give it another year or so. You can look into getting your eggs frozen... just in case! But a few more months probably won't make a huge difference in your fertility, while it may answer your question, which is really about whether your guy will pull through. Don't hesitate to let him know that you support him 100% and believe in him with all your heart, but that you want to hit the 18 months / 2 year sobriety mark, or whatever you think you will be comfortable with, before bringing another human being into this world that HE WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR. Maybe his feelings will be a little bit hurt, but I'm sure deep down he'll understand. If he's a recovering addict, he KNOWS that he screwed up; and if he relapsed... he knows he may screw up again! So I'm sure he'll get it. Just a few more months, honey!

I think you need to ask yourself the question if you'd consider having children with him at this point if there wasn't the issue of age. I'm guessing no, since 10 months isn't a long time at all and since he relapsed before, there's really no guarantee he won't relapse again (especially with the added stress, financial pressure etc. of a new baby).
I know it must be frustrating seeing time tick away, knowing that it'll probably be that much more difficult each year to conceive but if you truly want what's best for him, your future baby and ultimately yourself, you'll give him the time to really get his life on track. This means graduating, getting a job, holding that job down for a while ... generally turning into a responsible adult.
My bf grew up without a father (not because of abuse issues, his parents just weren't together) and even though he has a lot of respect for his mom for raising him on her own, he says it was often very difficult for him growing up without a dad and that sometimes he feels like his mother made the choice to have him, without ever really considering what it would be like for him.

When you're considering this, be honest with yourself on whether this is really the best possible choice you could make for the child you're bringing into this world.

I think you guys need more time to heal from all that the relationship has gone through. Having a child is a very big step and although most women want to have a child of there own. If you are unable to you can always adopt when you guys get stable all the best.