He's embarrassed. Mortified, actually. Completely emasculated and all of this has absolutely nothing to do with you.

He probably drank too much wine and psyched himself out. In the morning he was probably so terrified that it would happen again that he refused to try. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness. If he didnt think you were hot he wouldnt have tried to sleep with you in the first place.

Let him make the decisions from now on until you guys are comfortable with each other again. Dont pressure him, just support him and do not talk to him about what happened unless he brings it up.

Good luck.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Fallen is right, it has nothing to do with your attractiveness.

Remember, just because a man is younger, it doesn't mean that he's going to be 100% stallion (always erect, 100% problem free etc), not every guy is the same. He may have some physical problems you don't know about.
I said this because he seemed very interested to have sex w/ you to begin with, it's really not emotional for him (he found you attractive, desirable, etc), it's HIS physical problem.
It can be psychological as well (if he's only used to sex without feeling), but I hardly think this is about you if he wanted to have sex w/ you in the first place.

I agree w/ Fallen, just let this go, and let him approach you for another try (although I kind of doubt he will--due to his feeling emasculated). Remember it's NOT your fault.

Good luck to you, sweetie.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

It was either the wine or his nerves. Whatever - it happens to all guys at some point. You trying to seduce him only put the pressure on and made it worse. This has nothing to do with how he feels about you, so you can stop thinking that.

This happens. It probably has nothing to do with you. Could be the wine, a medication he's on, or nerves. But you absolutely need to stop bringing it up (oh, no pun intended...) This is mortifying for guys, and he probably is scared to death that his Little Man will pull this shenanigan again. He may well avoid you for a while now. Honestly, and I don't say this often, the best thing you can do here is pretend like this never happened.

Another thing you need to realize is that if you make a point of telling him that you don't feel attractive now it'll not only put more pressure on him, but also seem like you're needy or insecure, which guys don't dig. Do try to buck up and just blow it off (jeez, another pun) and I'm sure things will be just fine next time.

Oh, and if this ever does happen to you again (and it will - it happens to us all!) simply allow him the pleasure of satisfing you in another way - there are many. He'll feel like a man again, and who knows, if there is a case of nerves involved he'll probably be so turned on by what a strong, confident woman you are that his guy will decide he wants to join the party after all.

Happened to me a few years ago. The guy left, never to come back again.

I'm confused as to why you thought it would be a good idea to discuss it in the morning and then initiate sex afterward. Of course he's going to deny you then; he's embarrassed, ashamed, and feels like a lesser man because of the night before. Make sex random (and sober) and see if that works for you.

wow!! sorry to say but its plain and simple u just couldnt turn him on.

I disagree, dollhouse. There are a lot of factors involved in arousal, not all of them have to do with the other person.

That's BS dollhouse. He was turned on enough to initiate sex with her.

The whole penis not working thing is common...and it has everything to do with nerves. My boyfriend and I have had this happen and while we didn't handle it well at the time...since then we've talked about it and he said that his nerves were getting the best of him..he wanted to do everything right and he was worried about how I'd like it, blah blah blah. I told him to stop thinking so much and just do it = ) Things are great now, but there are still times when it's not up to playing = ) Just gotta roll with it and either A.) try some things to get it up...extra effort goes a long way or B.) Let him do his best at pleasing you in every other way.

Good luck to you.

Yeah this has nothing to do with you. He shouldn't have stayed over at all. He was definitely nervous, if you two really like each other - it will all work out.

Wow, Dollhouse. That was a really stupid and b!tchy thing to say. Please, never ever give me advice or I'll end up shooting myself in the foot.

You should not be giving advice if you have no idea about the situation and cant open your eyes to the reality of sex, men and what happens behind the rose coloured glasses in the bedroom. Obviously, you dont have nearly enough experience with real men... y'know, the ones outside of the frat house?

That was a really rude and ignorant thing to say. You're cut off from talking.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Don't take it personally. He was just nervous, it doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. Just try to be understanding and nice to him about it. Knowing men, he definitely feels embarrassed about it. Chances are, if you two try to do it again he may be even more nervous about it and he may not be able to get an erection then either. Just make him feel comfortable and relaxed and don't take it personally if he can't get an erection. Give it time, it seems like he really likes you is afraid of messing it up. Good luck!

it DOES happen to all guys. just as us women sometimes cant get aroused when we're overthinking, stressed etc..... sometimes it happens to men too. but the difference is we can still have sex if we're not aroused and if we dont really feel like it we'll roll over and say we have a headache. on the other hand, men have alot on their shoulders. if it cant get up, they are emasculated, they feel like a failure. just give him a break. hes either too embarrassed to ever see u again, or give him time to feel more comfortable with u and things will go more smoothly.

in any case it has nothing to do with u or how attractive or hot u r.

dollhouse is just an arrogant and ignorant little girl.

This happens all the time it doesn't mean that he is not into you. I agree Dollhouse your comment was out of line. Sometimes nerves with a combination of alcohol really do get the best of guys and since this is a new relationship it was probably not the best idea to have a conversation about it the next morning then try to intiate sex a conversation like that kills the mood and he was probably more focused on OMG my thing doesn't work.

well sorry for being HONEST, am a very blunt i stay things like it is. didnt mean to offend anyone.

and where in the post did she say anything about the guy DRINKING anything??? oh wait u all assumed he had been drinking.

Indigo= where does it say that he INITIATED it??? just cause you talk about sex with someone isnt always the same as actually wanting to sleep with someone!

Well actually, Dollhouse, Team Sugar has a very bad habit of editing posts after they were originally posted and deleting bits of information. So, most of these posts (mine included) were put up before Team Sugar edited them and therefore you missed the part about them hanging out and drinking wine all night.

Also, you're not being honest or blunt. I dont know if you've read any of my advice but I am often honest and blunt, Luisamapacha is definitely honest and blunt, many other posters here are honest and blunt. I respect their advice, understand their opinions and consider them before giving my own advice whether it is agreeing or disagreeing with them...

You, on the other hand, are being ignorant, annoying, arrogant, immature and rude. You did not give advice, you were not being blunt or honest, you were being an immature and uneducated b!tch and you gave an uneducated insult to go along with your attitude. I suggest you grow up and read a few advice columnists and learn what is helpful and what is useless before you attempt to "HELP"(for lack of a better word) any of your peers.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Don't listen to dollhouse. It is NOT you, as many prior posters have pointed out that a lot of dudes tednd to psych themselves out from time to time, even if they're not drunk or high.

However, if I were you I would be concerned. Since this kind of problem in a man so young is usually psychological, and seeing as he totally shut down the next day, he seems kind of immature and insecure. Also, in my limited experience, men's penis problems usually don't get better, especially when they have defeatist attitudes like this guy. So unless you want to chase him around and coddle his ego only to be let down again (literally), you should probably move on.

Poor guy!

Cheers to you Fallen85. You said what I did not have time to type at work.

LOL, that is really cute.

So, yeah, you did do something wrong - by trying to initiate sex after having a discussion about his lackluster performance. It's actually pretty funny, and it's because you're young and you don't know better. A woman initiating sex is a teensy bit emasculating, since here we are, taking control - so in the case of a guy who's already doubting his masculinity, it's just the cherry on top of his very flaccid cake.

But not to worry. Unless it was the wine (and it probably partly was!), he couldn't get it up because he likes you a lot. So it's not the last you'll hear from him. The secret now is to NOT make a big deal out of it. Preferably, never talk about it again, because being awkward is... awkward; being understanding is humiliating; being insecure makes them feel guilty; and being disappointed is just plain horrible. So... the best thing to do is just shrug your shoulders and - "whatever! No biggie! Next time!" with a very genuine smile - then play a fun game to take his mind off it. Anything. Monopoly, even. He needs to enjoy your company and see you continue to enjoy his despite his sexual inadequacy.

And DON'T try to initiate next time. Actually, my father taught me this, but when a guy is sort of "stuck", the best approach is to make them believe they wouldn't get any anyway. As soon as you take the option away from them, they really want it. So say you're under the weather, and you just want to hang out. Or you have your period. Or play coy. Whatever strikes your fancy, but if there's a good sudden obstacle between the guy and your pants, he's gonna get back into hunter mode in 2 seconds flat - and there we go.

Just, don't give in.

Wait until the next time. Or even the next!

The mistake you made was trying to initiate it again. He already felt like total crap about the situation, and he was worried it would happen again. It was not anything to do with you at all, it just happens to guys sometimes, especially when drinking. I understand that you felt rejected, but it really was not about you at all. I would email him and say that you really like him and apologize for asking him to leave, that you made a mistake. Just leave it at that. If he likes you enough or is not too humiliated, he will call you again. I agree with Karlotta, just hang out with him and don't make a big deal about it. Also, allow him to initiate next time (hopefully this does not happen when he has been drinking). Good luck to you.

Dont worry about it, girl! It was probably just nerves. The first time I hooked up with my now-boyfriend, we had similar issues. Although he didnt tell me at the time, he did admit later that he was just so nervous about everything being right - he over thought the entire deal. I agree with a couple of the other posters - dont make a big deal out of it and everything will work out.

Plus, if you cant have sex, there's always foreplay.

He was just nervous or had too much to drink. And now he feels like sh*t. You should call him, tell him you understand and it's cool, you were super nervous too If you really like him, keep trying .. Eventually things will get more comfortable and everything will work like it should

Next time it happens, go down on him. Guaranteed to work

It happens to everyone eventually. Making a big deal of it is probably not the answer, yet, neither is acting like it didn't happen the answer either. So many "illusions" and unrealistic expectations we're all supposed to live up to. Women aren't supposed to be "unladylike", men are supposed to be "So Manly". Just drop back and punt, and say "what the hell". Just make sure you do it together so you're on the same page. Humor really is the best medicine. Going to a job interview, meeting hi-brow intillects at a party, having to impress someone you're really starting to care for, ad infinitum...all are condusive to causing us to feel "threatened to perform" just everly so perfect. Eventually, "performance anxiety" can be overcome...pressure is not the answer, relaxation is. Perhaps, if his mind can handle it, joke about it, or reflect on how that's happened before (even if it hadn't)..make him feel like it's okay to be "just human". Eventually, nature will take her course. The unrealistic pretenses and pressures new relationships undergoe, eventually fade, as well as infatuation...Just get close, or intimate in other ways as well as sex, the other stuff is just as real and valid, and the "pressure to perform" will give way to the desire to participate in some wonderful lovemaking that is the gift we've been given. Also, open up the conversation, and explore ideas. Close lipped approach may be a sign of eventual impending disaster, even if this impotence thing hadn't stumbled in. Also, let's not forget...their's more than one way to "Skin a cat"....and more than one way to "Tame a kitty!!" ...Wink, wink!!

I think he psyched himself out- I think yall talked about it so much (plus the wine- a fact that apparently was edited out) that it just happened, and judging from his reaction, this was the first time it happened. Havent you ever heard of whiskey d*ck? Ive had it happen a couple of times back in the day when I was dating. And there is really not much to be done about it except time. The first guy that this happened to when I was with him he was such an arrogant tool that I never called him again (and obviously thought it was hilarious that arrogant tool guy couldnt get it up) but never had a guy freak about it. If he really likes you he will be willing to try again- and next time take it easy with the booze.