There is nothing to be forgiven, as you were only trying to help someone. Your boyfriend should commend you rather than be mad at you. But for your own sake, stay out such matters in the future. People will make their own mistakes and unless its someone super-close to you that you're trying to protect, let them do their thing.

I said forgive. While your friend is going to be pissed (you knew she would be if she found out) you were just trying to spare another friends feelings and since he didnt listen to you (which you had to know there was a good chance he wouldnt) there is nothing you can do now but step back and let things run their course. Im sure youll get a sheepish "sorry I should have listened to you" when she starts treating him like crap.

That being said, I find it interesting that he didnt listen to you at all and told her, what did he think she was going to do, confirm it for him?

I think you should be forgiven, you were just concerned about a friend. But I think you should learn not to interfere, even if it is with the best intentions, because things like this happen and you get caught in the middle. However I don't expect you friend will forgive you, her behaviour suggests that she's pretty self-centered. She probably didn't like hearing the reality of her behaviour, but thats her problem.

I understand the instinct to protect those we care about. That's why I always admire the people who can ignore that instinct in favor of letting people make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons.

Mind your own business. And, apologize to your friend. Or, since you obviously don't respect her on some fundamental level, don't apologize, and just go your separate ways.

I forgive because your heart was in the right place. But as popgoestheworld put it so well, letting people live their lives and make their own mistakes is an admirable quality.

And I have to say, that pop also hit the nail on the head in her second paragraph. There is some part of you that doesn't respect your friend on a fundamental level. So you should give that some thought, too.

What I saw from your post is just you get to experience firsthand what can happen when you try to interfere in other people's affair when it's unsolicited. Yes, you meant 'well,' but of course, "good intentions paves the pathway to hell" on this one.

The guy (your bf's friend) you were watching out for, ended up telling your friend (and since there's tension, I'm assuming that he doesn't hear your warning and still goes out w/ your friend anyway, so you can see where his loyalty lies: with YOUR EX-FRIEND), and then your friend gets mad at you for being nosy and basically bashing her to her new boy toy, and now your bf is mad at you because his friend gets all 'cold' at him.

So basically, your action just brings you what you 'deserve.' What do you expect to come out of it anyway? They've been dating for awhile (albeit a short while, but I'm pretty sure they have 'bonded') so of course his loyalty will be w/ her (your supposedly jerky friend) who's the object of his affection instead of the gf of a friend whom he doesn't have any romantic ties with. And yeah, what do you know, it could've been a really great relationship with them despite her past (you don't know that), what makes it your business that the relationship should end before it starts? It may be different this time.
As for your friend, hey, I think she is more than deserving to get mad at you. I mean, if it were me finding out my good friend telling my bf that I was a bad material for a gf, I'd be extra pissed off at her, so forget about getting in her good graces anytime soon (or forever--which I don't think you need her friendship anyway since you don't like/respect her to begin with).

I know you mean well, but next time, you need to STAY OUT of other people's affairs. This is a great lesson to learn, imho. I'm not saying to be a complete jerk, UNLESS someone tries to involve you in their affair or ask for your help/opinion and you feel so inclined to help out, then stay out of it.

I'm sure it'll blow over w/ your bf (whom I don't think should get mad at you--I guess you're wrong about his friend too--he is not as nice as you think if he's cold toward your bf now).

Good luck to you.

forgive!

I think that next time you just need to MYOB....sometimes we think we are helping but in the end it just hurts things, I understand your concern, but she is her own person so let it be that way. Now just apologize to your friend and I'm sure things will be okay in the end.

"This, too, shall pass."

I put not forgive even though I know you meant well. Fact is people can change and sometimes it takes the right person to make them change. This boy has the potential to be the right person and i dont think you had any right to do bash your friend to this new guy. If you were my friend I'd walk away and not look back.

i say they should forgive - but saying that, i do think that your secretly jealous of the attention she gets from guys by the sounds of it and you decided to lash out and try to destroy her image, its a classic jealousy tactic of women. believe me i knw first hand, girls always try and bullsh*t about me cus i get lots of male attention, but then again im not a man abuser like your friend.

Ack! Let him suffer for his sins.

forgive; I have a friend like yours. Luckily, she's not been involved with any of my friends.

I put not forgive for the same reason as brookrene. You never know how those previous guys really treated her. They may have treated her not so great behind closed doors and that is why she acted the way she did. Also, you say that she is a good friend and you describe the guy as your boyfriend's friend. While he is obviously a friend to you too, it seems like you are closer with her and that your loyalty should kind of be towards her. I learned a long time ago that it's a no-win situation to interfere with a friend's love life. You need to apologize sincerely ASAP and don't do it again.

You have to let people learn from their mistakes. Maybe your bf friend could really give your friend to change her ways. He may just be the guy she needs. But your probably ruined it for them. I know your heart was in the right place, but the only time you should but in is in a life and death situation.

On the bright side, maybe this will push her to be nicer to this guy just to spite the OP, then it'll either turn into something real and they'll be too happy to be mad anymore, or it'll crash and burn and the OP would be proven right.

I say forgive because I think most anything should be forgiven. however, I do think you were in the wrong. Sometimes you have to just butt out. If this is how your friend is, then her boyfriends should find this out on their own. Perhaps this one would have been different, perhaps this would have been the one to turn her around - not likely but still a chance. Especially now since it's also affecting your relationship with your boyfriend (because it's put a rift between him and his friend), I thin, maybe this is a good time for you to consider any control issues you may have and work on them.

It's best to just stay out of it no matter what. It sucks because you were just trying to help your friends but they don't want to be helped and you screwed yourself.

he'll figure it out for himself eventually except now he'll see it sooner because of your warning.

Forgive. Your intentions really were good, I think. But I also agree that your friend DOES have the right to be angry with you. You don't need me or anyone else to tell you that it really wasn't your business to get into. I don't know about what others have said about this one possibly being different, because in my experience, those kinds of patterns are REALLY hard to break (even when her actions are a response to her being hurt--they can get ingrained and she can respond that way without any trigger, out of fear that he WILL start hurting her if she doesn't get him first).

If there was the possibility that this relationship would be different, then there'd be a problem, because your words would likely cause friction between them that would eventually split them up. But I honestly believe that it will turn out the same way anyway, and hopefully your warning will prime him to get out before he gets too into her.

But I really do think, as others have said, that you should re-evaluate your relationship with your friend.

Not forgive, only because it seems like you really went out of your way to destroy your friends reputation with her new man. HE isn't your good friend she is, so that's why one has to question why you REALLY did it.

Clearly she can't be all that bad a person if your still friends with her. Besides, how do you know what really went down with all her men? She probably tells you how she drops them just to save face!

I can totally see why he told her because GUESS WHAT your not his friend, it sounds like your nothing more than an associate and your man is his friend. He's just warning his girl that she has a backstabber as a friend!

Next time stay out of it unless your protecting a true best/close friend otherwise I don't know what else you expected to happen.

Well, it wasn't really your place to get involved, but I understand why you were concerned for him. I think it's forgivable...I'd just keep my mouth shut in the future, unless someone is really in danger or something serious like that..

So, let me get this straight: You went out of your way to ruin one of your friend's relationships b/c your opinion of her is that she is no good. And now you don't understand what she is so angry about?

I wouldn't forgive you, but mostly b/c by warning her boyfriend about her you revealed how little you respect her and how much you judge her. And you tried to get in the way of her happiness. That is something a rival would do, not a friend.

I'm with Pop.

I've come to realize that sometimes people have to experience certain mistakes to truly understand the lesson. That's what keeps me from interfering, and helps me mind my own business. Of course, that principle applies to me, too. Sometimes I insist on a certain decision, in spite of everybody's warning. If it's a mistake, I will deal with it.

Truthfully, I sympathize with both sides of this situation -- the OP and the upset girlfriend. Actually, personally, I've been on both sides.

If I was the OP, I would have LIGHTLY warned about my girlfriend. I would have told the guy, in a light manner,"Be careful. She's a heartbreaker!" followed with a smile. And I would have left it at that. When I was single, I had friends refer to me in that way (with me right there!), and it was fine. My feelings were not hurt, and the men continued to pursue me.

I've been in the same situation ... some of my friends, although they don't always mean to be, can be quite toxic around men.
It's very difficult to see one of your friends jerk another one of your friends around.

The last time this happened, I didn't mention anything to my guy friend, but pulled my girlfriend aside and told her exactly how I felt. Least to say, she wasn't happy, but apparently what I said got through to her because she cleaned up her act after. And we're still close friends ... which we most certainly wouldn't be if I'd gone straight to the guy.

I think it's only fair to give your friends a fair warning and a chance to do something about it, before you step in yourself. You should have talked to her, before anything else. And nothing in your story suggests that she was treating him badly, you just suspected that she would in the future ... perhaps correctly, perhaps not.
You were probably right to be wary, but this doesn't give you the right to meddle. What was your plan, run up to every guy she starts dating to warn them?

Appologise to both of them, explain yourself to your friend and consider this a lesson learned.

The guy was a total douche for sharing that YOU were the one who told him this stuff. Maybe they were a match made in heaven! I would have done the same....FORGIVE! Actually, in my opinion, you did nothing wrong and there's no reason for anyone to have to forgive you.

I am undecided. Hopefully, you have learned a much needed lesson which is to MYOB and let people make their own mistakes. I 100% agree with Pop and all of the not forgive posts. How would you feel if your girlfriend did the same thing to you and your boyfriend? I suspect you would be seriously pissed that she went behind your back and said something to your BF before she said anything to you. I do think what you did was awful and I wouldn't be surprised if your apology does not go far.

well that's when you have to decide which friend is more important to you becuase now that you've done this you WILL have ot pick sides with these friends. Boyfriend should calm down but your girlfriend may not, and you may never be friends with the boyfriend's friend again.

good point by Kimpossible. I can definitely imagine that happening! Since it is your boyfriends friend it might have been better to talk it over with him, especially if he has seen her treat guys the way you'd seen, and let him know that you wish there was someway to warn him. Then your bf may have subtly let his friend know without involving you and hopefully without letting the girl know. That sucks that he told her right away! As if either you wanted to start sh*t or she would be ready to fess up! weird guy who was not worth protecting hehe

honestly, it seems like you stabbed your friend in the back. A good friend just doesn't do that. You say you've discussed it with her before, and that should be where it ended. But instead you went behind her back and bashed her to a guy that she really likes. If a friend did that to me.... well, I would definitely realize that person was never really my friend to begin with. They are both adults who should be able to have relationship experiences and learn from them, no matter what happens.

I dont think you did anything wrong... I had a friend who was the exact same way. I loved her dearly we'd been friends since the 5th grade. But she was a terrible gf (a could be a terrible friend sleeping w/friend's exes and whatnot-never mine though... anyway....) She started to date my BF friend and I let him know what was up. He continued to date her and felt really stupid in the end. You did the right thing. You are friends with them both...I dont think your loyalty she have been with only her.

He will regret it and it will be his own fault...

Not forgive. What if he was 'the one' and she really wanted to give it a try this time? AND your her friend! Why would you go behind her back and try to sabotage something? Ugh.

Forgive....I believe you had nothing but good intentions.I would also apologize to him ASAP if he's a good friend of yours.

That being said it was wrong for you get involved, even a little, because what happened to you happens to most people....it backfires in your face.That's absolutely the one line i won't cross when it comes to my friends.They're grown ups,they make their own choices, and they learn their own life lessons.If your friend can't see the type of person she is, then there's really nothing you could possibly say that he'd be willing to listen to.He's a big boy, let him find out on his own.Stay out of it but let him know you're there for him when he eventually figures it out and needs a friend. Good Luck.

Harsh. Not forgive

Forgive ♥

Oh honey-what were you thinking? What you SHOULD have done is approach your friend first and tell her that this guy does not deserve to be treated the way she has treated her past boyfriends. Don't you think as her friend you should have approached her before damaging her relationship? Suppose she did hear what you said to her in the past and decided to change and here you go behind her back and "tell" on her. If my friend did this to me I would be very hurt and end the friendship.

i said not forgive. your loyalty should have been with your friend--someone you decribe as your "very good friend".

if you were at all concerned with the situation, why didn't you talk to her? what was the point of talking to your boyfriend's friend about it? it not only made her look bad, but you too for speaking ill of a good friend.

in the future let nature take its course.

If your friend is as crazy as you say, then you need to warn as many men as possible. She won't listen to you because she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and of course exes won't come back to tell her off, so the best thing is to make her realize her problem. When guys stop coming around, then she might get the clue...It's truly for the best!

I think she did the right thing in trying to warn her guy friend. I just want to know why would you be friends with someone whose ethics were corrupt?

I have learned to stay out of such situations just because I don't want it to come back and bite me. If someone is a corrupt person then I believe that sooner or later others find out about them.