hes insecure about himself. He probably thinks your too good for him and cant understand why your with him. Im sure you already show him how much you love and care for him. This is something hes going to have to get over. He needs to realize how much of catch he is (assuming he is) and deserves you. When he reaches that point the nightmares will go away.

Theres really nothing you can do, you can tell him that you love him and will never teach on him til ur blue in the face. This has to do with his self esteem.

this happened to me: i woke up and my (at the time) boyfriend said "i'm mad at you" and i said "why?" and he said "because i had a dream you were making out with Ryan"

i've also had dreams which scared me: one in which the same boyfriend as above was cheating on me and everyone said "oh yah, you didn't know? we all knew" and also once that my dad was cheating on my mom with a girl my age....and both times the dreams bugged me for about a week...like affected my real life...it's kinda scary!

Until he deals with what's bothering him in his waking life, he will not stop having the dreams.

Wow that is dead on. I have had dreams in the past about my hubby cheating on me and basically laughin in my face when I cry. I tell him about them and he thinks I am just being insecure and unsure about things. So very true.

There's not really much you can do. If he has insecurities then he needs to get over them. He could see a therapist to talk about underlying issues, or a sleep therapist might be able to help him, or a hypnotist!

Perfect advice martini.

i, too have been in this situation.

he probably feels insecure, but there are also other reasons for why he might be having those kinds of dreams.

ive had the same kind of dreams before too and i've found that although in the dream, the one cheating is my significant other, they are less representing themselves, but rather are a reflection of me. in other words, they were not the ones who wanted to cheat at all. i was the one who was thinking about cheating on my significant other. i've found that these dreams usually occur when im having those kinds of thoughts and feelings and i'm thinking about being with someone else.

i hope that is not the case with your boyfriend.

I agree with others who said it is insecurity. I once had a boyfriend who had the same kinds of dreams, and it actually began to annoy me because he would call me at all hours when he would wake up after having one - crying! There's nothing you can really do about it, because it's in his subconscious. He needs to resolve his own personal issues.

I've had these sorts of dreams with every guy I've ever dated. Luckily with the current bf they seem to have died down because I've gone to come counseling and am just in a better place. It's really hard to deal with when it happens (seriously ruins the day!) but I know in my own case it was because of some deep rooted fears and insecurities about men stemming from some family things and later exacerbated by one really bad breakup with someone who really hurt me. Talking through these issues with a professional really helps, your boyfriend may want to deal with it that way.

I also think the poster who said sometimes it's a reflection of the self is actually on to something as well. I know there have been moments when I've met other people I'm really attracted to or had casual crushes and sometimes it translates into me getting paranoid with my significant other and projecting that he must be feeling the same thing. Again, counseling can be really useful and it's not something anyone should be ashamed of going to. Even if you don't have past traumas or anything, I think it can help you understand yourself better and eventually be a better partner as well.

I wouldn't spend as much time "comforting" and "reassuring" him, as I would gently asking him what he thinks the dreams are about. If you ask in a non-judgmental and supportive way, in a way that means you are there and listening, "Hmmm, what do you think that's about? What is it that you think your subconscious is trying to work out with those dreams?" And then just listen, you might be able to help him get to the bottom of that.

I had those kinds of dreams about my now fiance and faceless strangers about a year ago, and that was what he did. And then he said stuff like, "I'm so sorry you are having dreams like that - that must feel horrible." And then would just sit there and hold my hand, and look at me, and I realized on my own that they were me worrying that he didn't love me as much as I loved him, and they stopped.

I think I would have been more worried if they had been about him with people we knew - I might have grown suspicious if that was the case, but they were just me being insecure. The important thing I think is that you just be there and listen, and try to understand how these kinds of dreams must make him feel - I bet if you put it in that way - the "Wow, it must be so upsetting for you to have these kinds of dreams, I wish I could do something to make them stop." with a loving smile on your face, they will stop on their own. Good luck!!

haha thats actually kinda funny im sorry
i know when i've had dreams about my husband doing those things i'd probably push him or kick him at night HAHA but eventually get over it

my husband had a couple of dreams like that b4 we were married, but he got over it like the next day

he should really calm down. tell him its ridiculous to let a dream affect his treatment towards u.

OMIGOSH! My boyfriend just started having those dreams again. We're coming up on our 5 year anniversary and we've talked about marriage a lot, so I speculate that he is mentally making a change in himself and is afraid that if he just let's himself go, (meaning just give into the fact that he wants to be with me forever) I'll leave him. Totally not the case, but that's what I attribute it too. So when he wakes up and tells me, I hug him, ask him what it was about and then talk him through how I'd never do that, I'm here, I love him, never cheat or leave, blah blah. But I think it's *him* who has to convince himself, there is only so much I can say before he believes it. He did this at the beginning of our relationship too, I think it's because he liked me so fast and quick, that he was afraid again, I'd leave him. Good luck, but just talk to him and just know he needs to convince himself.

Ugh, bad dreams are terrible! I haven't really had ones exactly like these, but I can kind of relate to how they must make him feel.

I suffered from terrible dreams/nightmares for a long time during my 20s...I was even prescribed sleeping pills and an anti-depressant because I was having SUCH a hard time getting a good night sleep, and I would wake up crying almost every night from whatever dream I'd had.

I think it was because of the tumultuous relationship I was in and things going on in my life at that time, because as things changed for me (for the better), I slowly stopped having these terrible dreams.

this happened to my ex a lot. I'd wake up and he'd say, "I'm mad at you" (in a teasing way), and I'd ask why and he'd say because I cheated on him in his dream. It happened a lot. He'd wake up pissed and tense before realizing he'd been dreaming.

But it never effected our relationship. Because he knew that I'd never do that to him in a million years.

But, I think the reason he had those dreams/was a little paranoid about it, was because HE couldn't be trusted. Ends up, he had cheated on me.

Anyways, yeah.

What do you guys typically do before bed? If you're watching TV or movies with an adulterous theme, I'd say stop that immediately. No more Desperate Housewives after 8pm! It seems like most dreams stem from thoughts experienced right before a person falls asleep, so try to focus on positive themes/activities before bedtime.

Also, try rearranging your room. Get new sheets. Buy a new air freshener. Frame a cute pic of the two of you and put it up somewhere. Tell him you ran across it and it sparked a good memory, so you wanted to see it more often. Do little things to make him feel like you're invested in the relationship (even more than I'm sure you already do.)

Another suggestion.- When he tells you about his dreams, try to react with empathy and consolation. Instead of saying "That's ridiculous!" say "Wow, that's horrible. I can understand why that would upset you. Poor thing! I love you!" Then give him a big hug or cuddle for a few minutes before you let him get up. I mean, maybe you're already doing that. That's the reaction I'd want if I was having those dreams about my boyfriend!

Sometimes significant others need you to put forth a little extra effort to reassure them of your commitment to the relationship. If you see this guy in your future, this sounds like one of those times that you need to search your mind for ideas!

Good luck.