I think you deserve a man who would be so excited to be with you that he would want nothing more than to show you off! Why is he even inviting his ex to his B-day celebration? Mutual friends doesn't even make sense as to why she would be there. Obviously he's not telling you the whole story and he still has feelings for her.

It sounds like you invited yourself to this. I think this guy is shady and you just may be a backup chick. He's laying down the rules of this relationship and your following. He's going to date you in private and do bf gf things with you in the dark but hide you from his EX gf of all people? Quite frankly you should be offended. Don't settle for less.

I agree with hotstuff. He is not telling you the whole story & don't settle for less.

I would wonder that he may be hoping to reconcile with his Ex. Why else would he insist that the two of you show no affection? He and his Ex broke up months ago -- or *did* they, really?

There is no good reason for him to hide you. Period.

It's HIS birthday, not a friend's b-day so she should not be there. Even if they remained friends and she came that should not affect your status. Tell this chump to hit the bricks. If he's not ready to be open then you are moving on....

agree with hotstuff.

There is defiantly more to this story...I wouldn't trust it and its not going to be worth it. Ditch his game and find someone new!

ouch! That is no way to treat a girl you like. I agree with hotstuff and the other above. What kind of relationship does he want from you? He chose to invite his ex over you? Why would she even want to be there? This doesn't sit well and you should really move on or clearly show him that doesn't work.

Sounds like he doesn't want you there.

Go out with friends that night and meet someone worth your time.

He sounds kind of shady. You're probably not getting the whole story about his ex. You should probably move on because this guy doesn't seem like someone you should want to get involved with.

I really would not want to meet the ex girlfriend this early on in a relationship, but if you did go and he introduced you as a friend, you can try and get all the info on him from her and see if he's worth sticking around for. It would be so funny if another guy or one of his friends started flirting with you because they didn't realise you were together. He'll be mingling so he wont be able to keep an eye on you the whole time.

He could be shady, but you've only been on a few dates so I would have thought he just hadn't told his friends he was dating someone yet and didn't want to have to introduce you to all of his friends at his birthday, because then it becomes official and serious, he might just not be ready for it.

Something's shady.

he's still sleeping with her. i'm sorry.

Wow, I must be getting really cynical. My first reaction when I read 90% of the group therapy/dear sugar questions is: dump the jerk!

Seriously sweetie, I'm not saying he needs to jump on a couch and profess his love for you on national television, but if he doesn't want his ex to know that he's seeing someone else, it's probably because he's trying to keep his options open. If you don't feel that you're getting the respect and recognition you deserve, then either bring it up with your man or, you know, DUMP THE JERK!

GIANT RED FLAG!!!!

There's a right way and a wrong way to deal with ex-girlfriends and new interests, this guy picked the wrong way. It doesn't seem unreasonable that his ex would show up if they still have a lot of mutual friends (pointedly uninviting just her might be either rude or awkward and he sounds pretty non-confrontational). But as for considering her feelings, he's taking it too far. My current bf is still friends with his ex precisely because they had a lot of mutual friends (same group in college) and they agreed to get along without really talking to each other much anymore after they split. She still wanted him for a long time after that and it was awkward for him, especially around new girls he wanted to date. When we first started flirting I know he didn't want to hurt her feelings because she still wanted to date him, but rather than hiding me like this guy when he realized he really liked me he made it a point to tell her up front that he liked me and we were going to start dating so she wouldn't have to find out another way.

I can't tell if this guy is a jerk, still sleeping with the ex or just a wimp but I think you might be better off walking away. Or, at the very least don't put yourself in the situation of going along unless he agrees to treat you as someone he is dating. If he's not ready to go out as a couple yet that's ok, it's only been four dates. But as much as I hate to say this if he's that excited about you I think he would most likely be wanting to introduce you around to all of his friends. Don't settle for someone not into you or who is still putting his ex-girlfriend's needs above your own.

He's just not that into you.

Seriously, his ex is invited, but you, the new chick in his life, aren't? Even though you guys only went on 4 dates, at least he is showing his shady side early on. So, you don't have much to lose.

Once again, Team Sugar edited the post and manipulated the information. I asked this for my friend and never anywhere did I write "he didn't make a point to tell me he wanted me there". In fact, he DID tell my friend he wanted her there.

She ended up going and things were okay - he paid a lot of attention to her and she says the ex was crazy. Unfortunately, he also gave my friend the "I'm not looking for anything serious" line, so I told her she should probably forget about him and start looking for other guys to date.

luisamapacha, that's a shame the info gets tweaked because with very limited info every word does matter! I'm glad she's able to start looking for other guys to date. I'm also glad to finally get a update, I often wonder what ever happened.

I think dear should allow some anonymous way for original posters to post an update to their problems! That would be fantastic!

He still has feelings for his ex.
Doesn't mean he doesn't like you, but he's not over her yet.
I think it's best to move on from him!

That's horrible that they edited the information so much, especially adding incorrect information.

The headline alone makes me think... RUN! November was what, over 6 months ago?

luisamapacha, that's a shame the info gets tweaked because with very limited info every word does matter! I'm glad she's able to start looking for other guys to date. I'm also glad to finally get a update, I often wonder what ever happened.

Agreed, i'd love updates on all of these question that this site gets.

Also, im glad the op is looking for a better suitor.

i cant stand guys like this. hes basically ashamed of you, break it off n get someone better girl.

There is absolutely no reason why he should care what his ex thinks. In fact, most men would be happy to have you there, in order to show their ex that they have moved on. Why would he not be able to be affectionate with you? This makes no sense to me at all. The only explanation is that he is still involved with his ex and trying to hide your relationship from her, or he wants her back or still has feelings for her. Either way, he is making the situation really uncomfortable for you. He purposely made you feel not welcome because he knew that meant you probably would not go. I know it already happened, but if I were you, I would go and find the chance to talk to the ex alone (girls bathroom trip? Could you genuinely compliment her so that she feels more comfortable talking to you?). I am betting you will find out some important info about this guy from her that could determine whether you continue seeing him. Obviously he is not ready to move on if he is making the choice to spend time with his ex over you on his bday. I hope you find out the truth. Good luck.

OH my gosh....This seriously happened to me too about a few weeks ago. Freaky. Except my guy came out and said he just wanted to be friends but still wanted me to go to his party. He'd also been the one to break up. Except this guy was just out of a relationship of 3 years, and I didn't know this when I started dating him.

What I did: I went to the party with a friend. Pretended like nothing was up and I was just a friend, even though it hurt me a little bit. But what ended up happening is that I met 2 new friends. It was hard to meet his ex too. I think that if he is concerned about what she thinks he probably just feels bad, but there is complicated history there. I might even warn you to forget about him for now. In my experience guys need about 2 years of time between relationships.

I think you should go and meet his friends. If you're a fun person his friends will like you, maybe start talking to you more...and if nothing else you can meet some of his guy friends that might not be as screwed up. (Note: if he is just out of a relationship, he is probably screwed up right now) You need to give him time and showing you can be cool around his friends and ex would show him you are comfortable in your self. PM me if you want to talk more! This is crazy similar.

No way. If a guy feels ashamed of me then why would I ever want to date him? Life is too short. I want to be with someone who is excited to be with me and isn't afraid to tell his family and his friends that he is with me. So what if his ex will be there? They broke up for a reason and they need to grow up. If they can't be friends and accept that they are dating others after the breakup then they just should go separate ways.

Hello,
I will cut to the chase on this one - DONT TRUST THAAT MESS HE IS GIVING YOU!!! He's going to tell you that you can come if you 'want to' so that you wont feel like he didnt invite you at all. But then he turns right back around and says he can't be affectionate since his ex-girlfriend will be there. I understand they have mutual friends and all, but if this ex-girlfriend is really just that, then she and all of the other friends should know that he has a new lady and he shouldnt be ashamed of that. And its not like if you went with him yall would have to be all kissy kissy or whatever, yall could just be hanging out. But I dont know. For this time, I personally would go to the b-day thing with him and his friends. But when you see him again, you should tell him you dont trust it and let him know how you feel (that you believe he doesnt want anyone to know about your relationship). But I've been there, and that feeling for me (thinking my bf was still messing around with his ex - who they had mutual friends) never went away...
--Best of luck to you!!