I say forgive. You are going through alot are are rightfully emotional and defensive. I mean you trusted your husband and of course why wouldnt you believe him. Your husband sounds like a jerk and I hope that there is counseling involved if you guys plan on getting back together. I say if the friend is really important to you; then give her time. She will one: realize that you were going through alot and didnt mean to attack her or two: think both of you guys are way too crazy for her and cut you off. I wouldn't beat myself up over it anymore. You made a mistake and tried to correct it.

I voted not forgive. That you acted "fairly immaturely" is an understatement. You not only jumped to a conclusion that was wrong and hurtful, but you went out of your way to damage her reputation among her friends. That's a horrible thing to do and you are too old for that kind of junior high behavior.

not forgive

First of all, your soon to be ex is a jerk. He lied to protect himself and may have ruined a friendship that seems very important to you. Even though you didn't handle this situation in the best way you could have, I would forgive you. You obviously realize that you were wrong in the way you acted .. I think that if you really care about this friendship, you need to go above and beyond to show her that you are truly sorry. If she still decides not to forgive you then at least you really tried, and you can chalk this experience up to living-and-learning. And if you didn't know by now, you can't trust your ex!

Forgive you, not forgive your (hopefully ex) husband.

"Can I ever be forgiven for my attacks and accusations?" NO

This is a tricky situation because on the outside I say yes forgive. You were in a bad place in your life and allowed your emotions to take over without taking a good look at the facts. I know it's really difficult when going through a rough time in life to be rational. This is why sometimes you just have to take a step back and think things over.

Now as far as your question, "Can I ever be forgiven for my attacks and accusations?" NO, you can't. You are a grown WOMAN been married about to be divorced why on Earth would you attack someone through text messaging and on freaking Myspace...are you kidding? This is high school sh*t!

You have to put yourself in your former friends shoes and realize how she now sees you! She probably already knows your ex is a dog and she is shocked that you had the nerve to believe him over her. Then you attack her online where all your friends can see. You went about this as if you were 12 years old! If you've already apologized to her and let her know that your behavior was completely irrational and irresponsible and that you acted like a total ass. If she still doesn't want to forgive you, you have to accept this and leave her be.

Now all you can do is forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes!

Forgive. Although no one would ever admit it, most people in your position would have done the same thing, including me.

I said "forgive." This friend, now that she knows the situation, should be mad at your ex, not at you. As much as you acted extremely immaturely, most people would if they thought that their best friend was trying to get in their ex-husband's pants. Almost everyone would follow up that discovery with a long, emotional confrontation. I think people who say that they wouldn't have confronted her are just lying.. though a public place like MySpace was probably the worst place to do it. Maybe you should delete your accountin case you ever get too emotional w/ someone again.

Sorry not forgive, you acted way way beyond immature. At the very lest your 29 + ( friend is over a decade younger than you/husbnad hit on her - legal age yada yada yada) so you should know how to act. I'm glad the friend realized that she didn't need to be involved with your drama.

See this as what it is, a gift for you to learn from, you apologize which is all you can do.

I voted not forgive. You treated your friend very unfairly and acted immaturely by not asking her for her side of the story and spamming her with nasty texts and myspace messages. Not only is that an inappropriate response for an adult, but you should have kept the problem confidential- not asked other mutual friends to cut her off. Your friend has no reason to trust you now not only because you did not trust her but because you reverted back to 'high school' mode and attacked her without hearing both sides of the story.

ITA hotstuff. The worst part of the whole thing is that you asked mutual friends to cut her off.

Not forgive.

You ask mutual friends to cut her off.

Your ex- is an ex because you no longer trust him...yet you believe him immediately without giving her a single chance to air her side of the story.

Spam texting her and insulting her (publicly) on myspace??

That is unfair and completely childish.

I think if you want to have ANY chance of forgiveness, then the first thing you need to do is get back on MySpace and anywhere else you spread the accusation, admit that you were wrong, explain what really happened. You need your abject apology to be posted as prominently as your accusations were. Encourage any mutual friends who cut off contact with her to reach out with their own apologies for having believed you over her.

This is going to be very uncomfortable and embarrassing, but given the damage you've done to this woman, its the only way I can see to take responsiblity for having jumped to believe your soon-to-be-ex-husband.

I don't know if she'll want to take you back as a friend - what happened was a terrible breach of her trust - but that doesn't mean you should do everything you can to help her clear her name after having smeared it.

Definitely forgive. I've been in your situation, just with a different reason. And I've forgiven the person once she realised she made a mistake. And let's be honest here, you acted like most women would, regardless of age, especially if you're less than confrontational!

Forgive. I would have done the same, in that emotional state of mind. Of course you start to doubt everything and everybody and its easy to just lash out like you did.

I almost voted forgive, because I can understand how hurt the OP must have been. But then I was like, Jesus, she posted mean comments on MySpace and convinced her friends to turn against her? And then like some others, I did the math on how old she must be and that sealed the deal. Grow the f*ck up.

And for the people saying "most of you would have done the same thing," that is simply not true.

send nice flowers with a sincere apology and expect nothing in return. I am sure this one is done but only time will tell.

i chose forgive, but i didnt take into consideration your age. i take it back

You need to give her time, space, and lots of it for a while. Let her cool off and not be hounded by you seeking to apologize. Then when the time is right, you can go and beg for forgiveness, take FULL responsibility for lashing out when you should have been far more mature and come to her first, and let her know you want her in your life and feel horrible for accusing her. And leave it up to her at that point. But you can't keep on pressing someone to forgive you or to apologize too soon after the incident b/c they are still being affected by it,

Not forgive. Why on earth is it so hard for some women to control their impulses and behave rationally?

And I cannot believe how many people would willingly admit that they would behave the same way. It makes me glad I have friends with a maturity level beyond junior high.

The thing is, eve if it had happened, you guys are divorcing. What he does with his time is his deal. So, the fact that he even came to you should be off putting enough because he doesnt need your permission to date, nor your approval. At any rate, what you did was beyond wrong. Also, you're not that site's target audience. Get beyond it, please.

I said forgive. Anger gets the best of people sometimes and it looks like this is the case. The mean messages through text messages and my space were pretty immature but theres nothing you can really do to change it now. Also I'm sure all of us have sent mean messages via text once in our life. I know I have. Your friend should understand why you were so upset after hearing the 'whole' story. I can't believe your ex would do something like this to you, as if you aren't going through enough with the whole divorce! Now he has you at odds with your friends. What a jerk.

I voted to forgive, but not necessarily in the name of the friend. Of course you understand that she has good reason to perhaps never forgive you, but either way you should definately forgive yourself. Not your finest moment, and if you've really learned your lesson it shouldn't be dwelled on forever.

First and foremost, you sound like you're much better off without that husband of yours. Imagine what else he lied about?

I say forgive, but only with a lot of groveling. If I were that girl, I'd try to forgive you, but I'm not sure I'd ever be able to forget, which would change the whole nature of the friendship.

Not forgive. You trusted your soon-to-be-ex over a best friend?? You viciously attacked her and convinced other friends to cut her off, and she was innocent? You mistreated her terribly.

Sorry, a woman like you don't deserve a best girlfriend. You were obviously d*ck whipped. Even more pathetic, you were whipped by a soon-to-be ex-husband, not even a real husband. Pathetic.

My heart goes out to your former bestfriend. She's wise to shut you out. You're toxic.

I would forgive but its completely up to her. it was very hurtful what you did and she really didnt deserve it. she truly was a good friend because she was a good friend turning him down and all. I say if she doesnt choose to forgive you then theres not a whole lot you can do. give it some time though. time really does heal.

what are you...in f*cking high school???? NOT FORGIVE...I would ran up the farthest hill from you...with your kind of "friendship" I rather not waste my time!

I would forgive you and accept your apology but still probably never be close friends with you, but that's just me.

You know you did something stupid, and now you have to live with the consequences...she has every right to not want to be friends with you ever again.

I said forgive...even though I didn't forgive my former best friend for some major wrong she did to me, even after she apologized many times. I feel pretty badly about it now, but I feel like it's too late to mend fences. Your girlfriend will probably eventually feel the way I do, once the anger fades away. Things like this can end friendships for good for these reasons. The truth is, the two of you will probably never be able to have a relationship as close as you did before after what happened. Your husband is largely at fault, in my opinion, because he instigated this entire thing because of his hurt ego! You really should have talked to her about it calmly and found out what the truth was. I suppose in the heat of the moment, though, we don't always do what is right.

hmmm . . .

when your soon to be ex told you this, you texted her nasty messages instead of calling her up and asking to meet up with her to ask if this was true or not?

you went on Myspace to talk crap about her???

are you 13 years old???

you're divorcing homeboy. and even if she did try to hook up with him, i think it's funny you're believing a man who you don't trust to the point to spend the rest of you life together with anymore.

you convinced mutual friends to cut her off????

so they are the type of people who cut folks off without hearing their side of the story??? on a topic that has NOTHING to do with them????

you sound a bit on the donkey-side to me. and so does the friends that cut her off.

if i were homechick, i probably eventually forgive (depending on rather or not we'd have to do social gatherings together int he future).

But i would feed you, those punk-a*s friends, and your ex with a VERY LONG-HANDLE SPOON.

but then again, f*ck y'all. who wants friends who bug out on you like that . . .you weren't even woman enough to go to her house and beat her up/curse her out. Not the classiest, but if you're gonna be a b*tch, do it in person.

Glowing Moon chopped it up! LMAO!

i agree 100%

that d*ck is like crack . . . it's dangerous!

Wow, I'm w/ pop, Glowing Moon and Asia on this one.

Accusing someone is wrong, but what you did is beyond nutty. And no, for the poster who claims that all girls will do this: NOT.

It happened to me w/ my ex-fiancee, and I didn't act like that.

I was also thinking forgive but I came to my senses once I saw that you attacked her publicly. My Space, text messages, and than convincing mutual friends to cut her out of their lives. I am surprised you have any friends at this point. I am one to forgive and forget but if someone ever did this to me I would never speak to them again. Not only did you show a lack of maturity you showed a lack of class. Grow-up.

Also, I would seriously reconsider my friends if they willingly went along and cut a friend of theirs out of their lives for no rational reason.

I always believe in forgiving. But, I don't necessarily believe in forgetting. The truth is you showed a very ugly and vindictive side of yourself when dealing with your former friend. If I were in her shoes, I would totally understand your mistaken anger anger and hurt, but I would not understand why you would choose to retaliate in such an awful and nasty way. Telling other people bad things about her, cutting her off from other people, spreading nasty rumors about her in a public space is nightmarishly immature behavior, and I can sort of understand why she doesn't want contact with you. Your guilt is a natural and even healthy consequence if your lashing out in a rage against this former friend. I don't think she needs to forgive you. I think you need to forgive yourself, learn this painful lesson, and move on with your life.

You reacted as one would if they found out such news! Problem being you trusted your husband, as you should be able to and he lied. It is sad that most likely your friendship is over but I would take it as a lesson learned and move on. Next time your angry, try to stay away from things you wouldn't say to her face...like doing things via text/myspace...they can make things so much worse!

Forgive. You were only acting off what you knew. BUT you should have talked to your friend first about it before flipping out.

If I were your 'friend', I might forgive you but I wouldn't have anything further to do with you. You were completely vicious to her and I wouldn't be particularly eager to ever give you the opportunity to emotionally abuse me again.

What makes you any different or better than a boyfriend who gets angry and hits you? You may be even worse because you didn't just get angry and lash out, you sustained your abuse for an extended period of time. It wasn't just your adrenaline driving you, at least not the whole time. You made a conscious and considered decision to be as evil as you could be to that girl. You made a cold decision to hurt her.

You need to do some serious soul searching. You come across as very self-centered, and you have not *really* taken responsibility for your behavior. You're still quite happy to blame it on your husband giving you bad information. It's all his fault right?

That guilt you're feeling? That's your soul telling you that *you* have done something wrong and you need to change something about *yourself*. You should listen to it.

If you were 15, I could see forgiving and moving on but supposedly you're and adult. Your actions were incredibly childish and quite, frankly, stupid beyond belief - "convinced mutual friends to cut her off"?? You and your equally immature friends should go hang out at the mall and find people to make fun of or something the other teenagers do until you can all grow up and can sit with the big people at the adult table and join the conversation.

Glowing Moon said it exactly as I would have. You are toxic and immature. Sorry but you don't just go texting AND myspace messaging AND convincing your friends to turn against a person all in one shot. This was like hours of anger and plotting. go to anger management- you need help.

You are so immature! I say that she shouldn't forgive you because you need to be taught your lesson, but I hope you learn to grow up and really think before you take any more actions. Your husband is also a creep, but even if she tried seducing him, you could have confronted her directly instead of harassing her behind your computer and your cell phone, then bad-mouthing her to her friends. That was low on your part...

I think its very important to have good friends in life even if you're with someone. Its sad that this happened. I hope you've learned from your lesson.

If you know your friends and you know that they are trustworthy people then you know that you can trust them alone with your husband or S.O.

That being said, I believe everyone messes up major in life. I have made many mistakes in life as well but look what are you supposed to do, feel guilty for the rest of your life? Do you feel bad, did you learn from this mistake, did you apologize to your friend? Then move on.

Just don't do things like this in the future, once people are burned, they rarely forgive.