I definitely don't think you're being irrational or unreasonable AT ALL. I wouldn't be comfortable with my boyfriend doing this either, just like he wouldn't be comfortable with me living with two random college guys.
You need to tell him how you feel. He may have no clue that you feel the way that you do about this and it isn't really fair to just expect him to read your mind and know. If you talk to him about it and tell him how uncomfortable it makes you and he still does it, that's completely disrespectful of both you and your relationship and something like that, for me at least, would put a huge strain on the relationship.

I know the majority of Dear Sugar commenters disagree with me on these jealousy questions, but to me, either you trust the guy or you don't. And if you don't trust him, either you have unresolved issues, or he's untrustworthy. If it's the latter, then why are you with him?

That said, if it makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to express that. College girls living with a 30 year old could create an uncomfortable environment, and not just because of a jealousy issue. Since he doesn't like tantrums, be as calm and reasonable as possible when you tell him. Also, you do have the issue of him breaking his word not to consider living with women. This makes it fair game as something for you to bring up. Good luck.

You are in no way being irrational! I would probably have already thrown the jealous tantrum by now, lol. First of all, a 30 year old man has no business living with 2 college aged girls as roommates. He may be too lazy to move, or he may be afraid of the commitment of moving in with you...but he needs to be reasonable here. I don't really know how he expects to keep you as a girlfriend by letting these girls move in, but then again, men sometimes have no idea about what is appropriate and what is not. If he does this, you and I both know your relationship is going to fail because you're constantly going to be pissed off about the situation. You really need to just take a very calm stance one evening and sit him down and talk to him about it. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable with him living with these two younger girls, and also you feel a little hurt that he would choose to live with them over you. Good luck with it! If he chooses to live with them after you talk to him about it, he's not worth the stress.

i hate how men have us women PETRIFIED of saying anything in fear of being "irrational". however, if the tables were turned and u were considering 2 college guys as roommates, he'd make an issue out of it and expect u to have enough common sense to reject that on ur own.

tell him in ur calmest, yet most serious tone that this situation is simply not acceptable. i personally think that by 30 he has no business "needing" a roommate, i think that says enough about him. and the fact that he's even considering 2 college girls gives me both the creepy vibes and tells me he doesnt have much consideration for ur feelings. this isnt about trust. its about being appropriate. roommates are subjected to all sort of situations (seeing each other naked, half naked, etc. etc.)

if he refuses, i think u have a very clear reason why he's not exactly a great man for u.

OH HELL NO... that's all I can think when I read that! Like everyone else said, that is unacceptable, I don't care how much you trust him. Calmly explain to him why this makes you upset, and if he won't listen to you or consider your feelings (and by consider your feelings, I mean actually do what you're saying and NOT live with any other girls, college or not) dump him NOW. If he looks hard enough, he can find a great apartment on his own. You need to put your foot down on this one. Good luck!

You need to air out your feelings about him living with two college girls. It is a matter of trust but, the trust was broken when he said the only woman he'd live with is you and now there are two girls looking at the apartment. Ask him why the change of heart and if he even considered your feelings. Ask him why 2 college girls! He's 30. That's just ridiculous. Has he even looked at getting a new apartment? How hard did he really try to find 2 guy roommates? Did he specifically say that in the ad? I just don't understand why he can't find his own place. I don't do the whole moving in together thing. So, if my man was thinking about having 2 girls move in with him then that's an argument waiting to happen.

Move in with two hot college guys

Sorry but I say grow up! Just b/c he's possibly going to have 2 college girls as roommates doesn't mean that they are going to be all over your man. I mean come on, don't be so insecure. And I commend him for not moving in with you when he obviously isn't ready. It isn't rooming with a woman that's the problem, it's moving in with you. so either he doesn't want the future with you, isn't ready for that big of a step, doesn't like your place, or doesn't want to move into a one bedroom quite yet. From the way you are overly complaining about this situation, I seriously don't blame him for not wanting to. So just realize that he doesn't need to have a leash around him and you shouldn't just assume that these girls are just hoes out to sleep with your guy. And if he does need a "leash" then you think that keeping him at your place will do the trick? He will either cheat or not, but you can't just assume it's becuase he's living with other women that he will, and you can't hope to stop him from cheating by removing the means.

I find the fat that two college girls even want to live with a 30-year-old man a little creepy.. unless they're underage and want to befriend him as a means of getting alcohol. Sadly, I'm in college and I've seen situations like that happen.

I don't balem you for being pissed about that. If you're not cool with him living with two college girls, you need to let him know that. If he can't understand why that would bother you, then maybe it's time to move on to a man who can act his age. He's 30 and it's time to grow up!

Moving in with you would be different then moving in with these potential roommates. That's what you need to understand.

Threes company people...it will be fine unless it bugs you because the relationship is unstable to begin with and that's why he won't move in with you...of course it's not the ideal situation but if it were up to him he probably just want this roommates not to leave in the first place. Living with some one is a huge deal and if he's in his 30's he may have done this already and won't do it again until he's married this time around. And why does it seem like everyone thinks these are girls gone wild and hes gonna be the next Joe Francis??? They may be a lesbians, book worms , ugly or maybe college students who need an affordable place to live near campus!

I don't know about this--it sounds a sketchy. First, he's 30 and needs roommates. Sometimes this is OK or it's a necessity, but even my poor public interest employee friend has his own place--in the city in a nice location. Sure, it's small & isn't super nice, but I just think once you get to a certain age, you should be able to live alone. Why can't he find his own one bedroom apartment?

Second, two college girls is kind of a slap in the face after declining to move in with you. Moving in after a year of dating sounds crazy fast to me, so I commend him for not doing something if he's not ready for it, but is the solution 2 college girls? It's really sketchy for a 30 year old to want to live with 2 college aged girls. It would be one thing if he knew them, but it just sounds weird. What are his motives? I'm almost 30 and can't imagine living with anyone in college. Those are 2 different places in life & I want the college lifestyle as far away from me as possible.

I will say that it's perfectly possible to live with people of the opposite sex without any problems. I never hooked up with any of the guys I lived with, but I also have a guy friend who slept with every girl he ever lived with. So yeah. Part of this is about you being able to trust him, but the bigger part of this (IMO) is about him being ready for a committed relationship. If my 28 year old boyfriend wanted to move in with some 19 year old girls, I would take that as a sign that he isn't really interested in a serious relationship.

Of course, they could be returning students in their late 20s or 30s, super shy bookworms who never leave the library, &/or lesbians. The least he should do is have you meet them before they move in.

No sure what to comment here. I live with a guy right now. Just the two of us. We are just friends and we have never had any kind of relationship! We get a long great. I like living with a guy! Maybe the two college girls are desperate (like your boyfriend is to keep his place) for a place to live and they are willing to live with a complete stranger.

On the other hand, I think you have every right to be upset/jealous in this kind of situation. It's never easy to get turned down (especially in a living situation) by someone you love. Like I said before I live with a guy who is just my friend, and EVERY single new guy I meet they have 101 questions about why I live with a guy? Is he my boyfriend? Do you have a thing for him? And eventually as the relationship progresses I find myself trying not to talk about my roommate because the guys get sorta jealous. It's inevitable and extremely annoying...

I suggest talking to him about it and truthfully tell him how you feel and see where things go from there. If he totally disregards everything you say then I would suggest re-evaluating your relationship.

Good Luck!

I agree with fantome. and really this question needs to be asked of him, not DearSugar. I think it would be very beneficial to you to talk to him about this.

Id say tell him that you arent comfortable with the situation and your breaking up with him. Leave him completely alone, dont call him. If he's at all worth keeping around he'll call within the week.

I find it very disrespectful that he's even entertaining the option. He's already stated he wouldn't live with any other women besides you, however when two college girls want to move in with him, and he's open to it - something's up, and I wouldn't trust him.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. Maybe he just really likes his apartment and doesn't want move. Combine that with the fact that he might not be ready to move in with you and you've got your reason. Now all you have to do is let him know that you'd really not appreciate him living with two college girls. Tell him how you feel about it and why and suggest that he get male roommates or older women (if you're okay with that.)

javsmav, you nailed it.

what's important is

1. His motives (is he excited to live with them because they're young, or just settling for it cuz he needs roommates? And why can't he keep looking for 2 male roommates?)

2. The 2 college girls' motives (like the other posters have said, they might be looking for someone to buy alcohol for them, and if not why are they/and their parents OKAY with them moving in with a 30 year old?)

3. Trust. You should know him best. None of our comments are going to matter unless YOU know where HE stands. Maybe he feels that 2 girls are going to be less messy/troublesome than 2 guys. But before you give him the benefit of the doubt, you need to ask yourself is he the kind of person that will mess around? He's already disrespected you by turning down your offer to live together. And the posters above are right. Why can't he afford to live by himself?

Well, one month is a short time to look for roommates - for a lease!

Maybe he is just settling for ANY body who applies and is willing to come in. He has not yet made a final decision has he? So wait till he does.

Next, NOT all college girls are wh*res who want to sleep with your boyfriend. Infact I can bet that 99.9% dont want to.
College girls are not those you see in the girls gone wild videos so calm down.

Since he has been living there for 5 years and it is really cheap and in a great part of town (probably rent-controlled)...I completely understand why he doesnt want to leave that easily - I am in a rent controlled myself!

I say lay off the poor guy..

He doesn't want to live with you...Deal with it and don't push your issues onto him

He's been in this place for 5yrs he likes it, he's happy... Maybe he's a social animal and doesn't want to live by himself because it would be lonely.. But he doesn't want to live with you because that's a level of commitment that he's not comfortable with just yet

And I disagree with the person who posted "i hate how men have us women PETRIFIED of saying anything in fear of being "irrational" - I think women have put this restriction on themselves not men..And a lot of women do freak out over little issues.. And emotions run how a lot of people respond to issues and if you can't communicate without emotions clouding your words then I would dismiss you too,..

It is quite creepy that he is going to live with two college girl and he is 30. I think you should tell him that this is not acceptable. If you already did. It seems like he doesn't want that commitment of living with you. If he is concidering two chix I mean common sense. If you two are serious tell him NO. If he goes for it anyways it tells you a lot, which I don't think I need to mention. Good Luck to you.

I think the fact that he said he wouldn't live with any girl(s) but you, and is now turning around to do just that, tells you all you need to know. Keep him if you want, but just know that he's not someone who sticks to his word!

Also, I agree that there is something wrong with a 30-year-old guy who so desperately needs roommates. Time to grow up, dude!

he probably said that crap so he wouldn't hurt your feelings . . .but at the end of the day, rent is due.

and the fact is college students get financial aid, money from parents, etc. Therefore, rent is more of a guarantee.

i think you're just a bit miffed that he doesn't want to live with you.

if they were 2 older gals (late 20s-30s) would you be b*tchin' then?

you're not paying the bills, so get over it.

He's 30 and wants to have 2 college girl roommates? I'm sorry, but thats a little sick. It seems like a fantasy thing. But, I dont know him personally, so its just an opinion. Nothing more. Moving after 1 year does seem a little fast. He might just not be ready for that.

I get him being upset about losing the apartment he loves so much but he doesn't seem as concerned with you. Honestly, the guy is 30 years old and wants to live with two COLLEGE girls. I won't make a rush assumption that all college girls like to party, drink and have sex but it's sort of the life they lead at that age. I mean you would think at 30 years old he would make a decision on if he wants to settle down with you already or move on and live the bachelor life. I think it would have been a great idea if he moved in with you. It's close enough to the area he loves and it would be a natural step. Unfortunately it looks like he is more interested in the bachelor life and you need to move on if that's the case.

Also, all the ladies telling the poster that she is being irrational are out of their minds. If any of you were in the same situation you know very well you would be freaked out and uncomfortable.

I am not saying he should have chosen to live with you - that is a big step, moving in with a girlfriend. Once you go down that alley, it is sort of always going to be that way - he is saying goodbye to having his own room, own personal space, privacy etc. and the only way that situation will change is if he moves out...and that usually means something went wrong. I just don't see how hard it is to find 2 guy roommates. How old are the girls? If they are 19-20, it is definitely creepy that a 30 year old man, in a committed one year relationship would want to live with them. Remember, when he started the roommate search, at first he said the only woman he'd ever live with was you, why did that change all of a sudden? Also, I applaud girls who would 100% be fine with it - I would be uncomfortable with it, and trust me, it does not have to do with trust at all. I'd think my boyfriend himself was a creep.

this has 3 way written all over it. he's not ready for a 1:1 thing (if he goes through with it, maybe he's just lookin). be glad you only wasted a year.

Ok, i'd be quite annoyed and pissed off in this situation as well. But I know my guy wouldn't do something like that, even entertain the thought of living with other women as roommates.

So what if he doesn't have much time to find roommates? If some older ladies showed up at an appointment to view the apartment, do you think he'd say: cool, come live with me? No, he'd be more inclined to tell the college girls to move in.

Also, he told her that he wouldn't live with other women other than her. And now he goes and changes his mind? And I agree with the other posters that at the age of 30, you shouldn't need roommates. Does this guy need constant companionship? Is he earning minimum wage? I have friends who earn less than $28K a year and they can still afford to live on their own. In Los Angeles. Where rent is through the roof.

I don't care how much you trust your guy, this just isn't right, and he should know it. And if you constantly have to remind him how you feel about the situation, or actually, the fact that you have to bring it up to him, is already messed up. He should know better!

And also, I don't think you're upset that he doesn't want to move in with you. You offered him a solution, which any gf would do.

In the meantime, he put an ad on Craigslist looking for two new roommates. He's set up a bunch of appointments with different people to come over and see the place and as it turns out, one of these "appointments" is with two college girls, and he's 30!

THEY'RE JUST 2 OF A BUNCH, STOP FREAKING OUT! IT IS WHAT IT IS HE WANT TO STAY IN HIS PLACE AND HE'S NOT READY TO LIVE WITH YOU, UNDERSTAND THAT IS OK. You can always ask if you can interview with potential roommates with him.

Oh geez! Nothing is set in stone, those women are/were merely prospects.

personally, i don't date guys who have roommates . . .at 30!

i kinda think you should be able to handle rent by yourself by then . . .i mean, if i can do it now in my mid 20's . . .

even if he picks so guys in the end, i think the OP would still be weired-out because he rather find strangers to live with him than with you . . .because you have a cool apartment, and you guys spend most of the week together anyways . . .

sounds like u need to tighten this boys leash darling.:]

sounds like u need to tighten this boys leash darling.:]

I don't blame you for being concerned. Calmly express your concern with your boyfriend and talk it out. Part of it depends on who the college girls are. They may be perfectly sweet individuals who would never dream of going for a 30 year old who was in a relationship or they could be the village bicycles. Big difference. Just keep an open and honest dialogue with him and do your best to trust him even though it may be tough.

It seems that your BF isn't ready to live with you. The not living with a woman thing is a bit upsetting, but you cannot control who he lives with.
I would calmly express your disappointment that he wants to live with other girls, but that is all that you can do.

I don't think that his living situation is a deal-breaker. If you don't trust him in that situation then your relationship probably isn't very strong anyway and you aren't ready to live with him either.

I got an idea - why don't you move into his place?

I'd be really unhappy if I was in your situation too. I don't think you're being irrational. Plus, it's kind of creepy that your boyfriend is considering moving in with two college kids. At 30, you would think he'd be over that kind of life style and a little more together than that.

I think the real issue is your hurt that he is not ready to live with you. I have you seen the people you find on Craigslist, I have been through the Craigslist thing and some of them are really sketchy or they just simply do not show up to even look at the place. I can totally see why he changed his mind I have a strong suspicion that they were the best to come along. The age thing is not a big deal at all please that is just an excuse. I lived in a similar situation in college and it was great. Who wouldn't want to live in a great apartment for a great deal. According to your post he hasn't even said yes to them yet it is only an appointment. If you are having these kind of trust issues after a year than you need to look at yourself and your relationship a little more closly.

I agree with Javsmav. Although I would be upset at first, I think you should discuss this with him. After all, they could be returning students or something. Also, keep in mind that these are two of probably a lot of room mates. If his place is great and affordable, lots of people will be applying. Voice your concerns to your boyfriend, but try not to hold a grudge that he's chosen to stay at his place instead of moving in with you.

i honestly think that your 30 year old boyfried still thinks he is a 22 yr old college frat boy. I think you should kick his loser but to the side and find yourself a real man that doesn't have to think about moving in with his girlfriend

I wouldn't like this at all.

He obviously isn't ready for the kind of relationship you are or else he wouldn've taken you up on the offer to move in with in. So instead, he goes in the complete opposite direction and is hoping to set up a college dorm scenario. I wouldn't stick with this guy at all just because of how he's handling this whole thing. It's very telling of where he's at.

My husband and I went through a similar situation when we were dating. We had been living together for awhile and he felt he needed a little space, that we had gotten too close too fast. So he got himself an apartment in the same complex. About a week after he moved into the apartment he told me that he was going to have a roommate. The older sister of a friend of his had left her husband and needed a place for her and her daughter to stay. I immediately told him that while I understood that he was my man and he did not want anyone else, the fact that he was going to be living with another woman gave me a feeling of insecurity. Neither him nor her were looking for a new relationship, but something about the whole situation just felt wrong. He laughed off my fears and she ended up moving in anyway. I was constantly going to his apartment with the fear that I was going to catch something going on that shouldn't be. The only thing I ever saw was them watching t.v. or eating dinner together, but I felt like those things should have been mine to share with him. The insecurity that you are feeling is completely rational and you deserve to be able to voice your feelings without fear of him lashing out at you or walking away. If he loves you as much as he says he does, then he will listen and do what it takes to make you feel secure in your relationship. While this may not mean that he will move in with you, he should be willing to at least understand that 2 college girls living with him should not even be an option.

Honestly though I think you have a right to be disappointed that he isn't ready to move in with you, I really think you are overreacting. I've been dealing with trying to find summer housing on Craiglist and honestly sometimes you don't have a lot of choice in who responds to your ads. It's not like he put out an ad saying "looking for hot college girls." He's just trying to find people to fill the empty rooms.

As to the fact that he is 30 and still has roommates, it's all about priorities. Just because someone can afford to live alone doesn't mean they feel like doing it when they can save money by living with people. Some people have college loans, credit card debt, something they want to save for. I don't think he is creepy or a loser simply because he has roommates. We should also remember that many men are resistant to change on principle (at least in my experience). He's been living in his place a long time, he probably doesn't want to pack up his stuff or deal with the hassle of finding a one bedroom someplace. He also isn't ready to move in with his girlfriend and most likely feels that not moving anywhere is the path of least resistance. Except of course anything he does is going to make her feel bad because he's just not ready and she is.

I also think the assumption that an attached guy shouldn't have female roommates is very strange. Just because people live under the same roof doesn't mean they are best pals, or even close at all. Many of them just coexist, particularly in cities where rents are expensive (I'm bound for DC for the summer and from what I can tell half the young professionals in the city live in random group houses of 5 or 6 people, usually half male and half female). It's not that weird, and it really doesn't mean anything fishy is going on. It's just means he's looking for two people to pay the rent with him. It doesn't mean they are going to be having sex or seeing each other naked or even coming within close quarters at all. It's just a living situation. I'm guessing the OP feels upset because he won't live with her but is willing to give other girls a shot. This is going to sound like twisted logic but he is ok with living with female strangers because they are just that-women he doesn't know. As his girlfriend you are the one that scares him, the one that there is potential for things to become serious with. He probably doesn't know how to handle it, he wants to be inert for just a while longer which means staying in his comfort zone (the apartment he loves) and finding new roommates. Gently tell him that your feelings are hurt, that you hope one day he'll be ready to live together, and that you would be more comfortable if he chooses to live with other males. Then drop it and see what happens. And if he does end up living with college girls or any other females, just make friends with them and make the best of the situation. Odds are they aren't scamming on your man and hey you could make some new friends. Good luck!

It seems as if you think he's choosing these girls over you.... and you just cannot look at it that way. Moving in with someone after only a year of dating can be very quick for some people... and if he's not ready for it, then he's not ready for it. You need to respect that. He's not choosing them over you. He's just choosing to not move in with his girlfriend yet. Which is understandable.

Also, the only description you gave for these new roommates are that they are "college girls".... well what the heck does that even MEAN? There are a HUGE variety of college girls out there.... not to mention that there are MANY college girls in their mid-to-late twenties. And these girls could be respectable and easy to get along with. For all we know, they both have boyfriends also! I live with a guy... and he's the BEST roommate I've ever had... and we are JUST friends/roommates. Nothing awkward, nothing sketchy. Just friends that live together. He's gotten along great with every guy I've dated and it's never been an issue.

And..... as of now.... these girls are only ONE of his many appointments, right??? I can't blame him for wanting to explore EVERY possible option.... finding decent roommates is hard!

So honestly.... I think you're overreacting. If you don't trust him..... well that's another issue entirely. If you trust him, then there shouldn't be a problem. For all you know, you might meet these girls and enjoy their company.

I think this is irrational. Yeah it's kinda weird for a 30 year old guy to be living with teen girls, but I have lived in mixed situations and lived with just two older guys, and it honestly wasn't weird.

Okay, I have had 16 roomates in 8 years let me tell you this, you never see your roomates. No one is ever home!!

I think it's reasonable for him to not want you two to live together because you've only been together a year! That's nothing and moving in together would probably hurt your relationship. You just have to trust him. Do this, go meeet the girls.

I mean this sincerely. My friend was in a similar situation, but after meeting the three girls, she told her bf she was cool with him moving in with them.

Besides, you don't know for a fact that he will be living there.

This is an instance where I say: Don't worry about it until it happens.

I don't care what anyone says, it's definitely what it seems like. I have a large group of male friends ranging from ages of well over 30 all they way down to college guys. If I asked them what they thought of this they would tell the truth and they would all agree, he is taking the appointment. with them and it's probably more than 90% because they are 2 girls, college age, and wants to see what they look like.......

All of the people who are trying to act like they are so confident that something like this wouldn't bother them, I just don't believe you. Yeah you might act all cool about it and go along with it, and most of us would probably eventually get used to the situation if it were us, but seriously it's natural for ANY woman to put her guard up in a situation like this and I can't belive anyone that says they wouldn't. Trusting or not.

2000% agree with forestrygal.

I currently live with two guys and another girl. When we first moved in, only one of those guys moved in. At the time, he was dating a girl who lives elsewhere. (The reasons they broke up were COMPLETELY unrelated to who he lived with.) I have no interest in either of my guy roommates. (The second one who moved in was actually dating the other girl prior to moving in, so she does, but that's a different story.)

As someone who has lived with many guys, here is what I consider before moving in:
1) How much is the rent?
2) Is this guy creepy?
3) standard roommate questions (I am a messy person and have often found that living with guys is simpler because they have a smaller tendency to care much about cleaning.)

I never, ever consider if I'd want to date a guy before moving in, and due to the craziness that could create, that would make me LESS likely to want to move in with him.

Finally, I think you are justified to want to live with him. This is a TOTALLY different situation, though. To live with someone with whom you are romantically involved is WAY different than to live with someone with whom you are not. I'd say at the worst, you and he will make friends with these girls.

I think he sounds very immature to even entertain the thought of having to college aged roomates at his age. Maybe someone wants to relive his glory days!!!!

I think you're forgetting one very important issue here too...along with most other posters. College girls are ALL ages! Why are you assuming that they are like in their teens (like one above poster)? Are you forgetting about graduate school? Those are college 'girls' too and can be also in their late 20s, early 30s. Did you meet them? They could be in a very stable relationship of their own, or they could be huge into school, or fugs lol:) Point is that you are freaking out before you have all the facts. I live with my boyfriend who's almost 30, but seriously looks like he's about 25. I'm almost 24 and look about 18. We live in an apartment and have a roommate b/c we don't want to move for one, it's an amazing apartment that he remodeled the inside of it (he's been here about 9 years through his schooling, he's going for his PhD right now) and well, we could just have the room empty or use it as an extra room, but hell we'd rather have help on the rent! People get comfortable where they are and don't necessarily want to move.

Also 1 year together isnt' that long, and if you two break up, then he's screwed! Plus things really change when you move in together and he may not be ready for that, and in addition, guys rarely like to pick up and move in with a woman that they are dating b/c it's giving up their sense of establishment and 'power' if you will; it'll be your place and it's hard for him to feel like it's his at all.