It's tradition...is supposed to be an honor to be an attendant at anyones wedding...modern brides do pay and do offer to pay for all or some of the cost.

* I have to say tho...that if some bride was insensitive enough to ask everyone to spend $500 on a dress and another $500 on shoes...I would be out of there in a second. That's just crazy!

The bridesmaid should pay up to an extent... They get to keep the shoes and the dress after all of it is done.

I think that it is fine to make the attendants pay as long as you choose a color for the dress and they can get whatever dress they like! I've always liked that idea.

If the bride is being reasonable with prices for the attire, the bridesmaids should pay. If the bride wants all the bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup professionally done, the bride should pay for this.

Personally, I picked out 2 different style dresses in the same color from the same designer, reasonably priced and not really bridesmaid-sy with my MOH, and told the girls to just wear black open-toed heels (which they all already have). I told them if they wanted to have their hair and makeup done professionally, I'd make appointments for them in my area (they are mostly OOT), but I didnt have a preference in what they did.

Dresses are $175 and $180 for the 2 styles btw (which i think anything under $200-250, depending on your area, is reasonable

I split the cost w/ my bridesmaids and bought their shoes. I got married in Vegas so they did have to pay for all the trip on their own. I was a bridesmaid for 2 of my bridesmaid and I paid for everything on my own but they got married locally.

In my culture, it's the brides and grooms that pay for EVERYTHING (and yes, the bridesmaids and groomsmen get to keep everything). So I was surprised that the bridesmaids traditionally pay for her own in US.

I had my girls in a simple, cute tea length black dress and cute black pointed toe rhinestone heels. Both of which they could definitely wear again. I left their hair and make up options up to them, as no one really wants to look totally the same. It worked-everyone looked beautiful and it let their unique personalities shine through.

I've been in a wedding where the dress was $250 then I had to pay for my airfare and a hotel for 2 nights. I think is is unreasonable and it made it very hard for some of her other bridesmaids to fork over the cash.

I was a bridesmaid once and she had the bridemaids pay for the dress and shoes and she bought the jewellery. I was going to school at the time and had no funds and she really wanted me in the wedding so she paid for half of my dress. It all ended up costing me about 200 bucks still.

I think that up to a certain point, the bridemaids should pay since they keep the dress and shoes, but if the dresses the bride picks out are unreasonable in price, she should either pay or split the cost.

I like what pugglelover did.

I think the bride and groom have to pay for everything. Why pay for some ugly dress the bride wants you to wear??

I am kind of on the fence with this one.
I was in a wedding last year for a friend I have known for 16+ years. The bridesmaid dresses were Vera Wang to the tune of $500 (not including alterations)Which ended up being another $150.
Plus air travel to Georgia, plus hotel accomodations that had to be for 4 days and 3 nights because there were required events we attend before and after the wedding.
Plus a rental car.
Plus the required hair and makeup done by a professional. (And we were required to have our hair done a certain way). Totaling $100
Plus the obvious gifts.
The whole thing ended costing me over $2k!!!! And that's just not something my bank can handle at this point in my life.
Had I known that to begin with I would have NEVER said yes!
And what's worse? Once she said her "I Do's" none of us have heard from her since. Not even a Thank You card! Southern debutante my butt!

In Ireland the bride and groom cover the cost of outfits for bridesmaids and groomsmen. I'm not sure about accommodation. I just presumed it was like that everywhere

I have always liked the idea of picking a color and then leaving the style up to each bridesmaid. If you can pick a dress that flatters your body type and that you feel good in and can wear again then I have no problem buying the dress. But if you end up with Bridezilla on your hands and she wants you in lime green taffeta tube dress with plum accents, sorry babe, I don't want to buy that hideous dress! It's enough that I have to stand up in front of people in it and allow myself to be photographed...haha

i like sugarbritches idea. color themed

I actually posted a private blog about this earlier. Im lucky Im even getting to have a wedding. I pick the color they can pick the dress and if they cant do it then they just wont be in it. Not everyone wants to or can spend thousands of dollars on there wedding.

I just had my bridesmaids wear black dresses...any length. A couple of them already had dresses, but the others were excited to get one. They definitely were able to wear them again and I still get "thank you's" for doing it this way 1 1/2 years later.

I think this is really hard. The cheapest dresses these days (even on sites like David's Bridal) are $175. To me, that's a lot of money. I don't own any clothes that were $175 a piece, and I have pretty nice clothes! Plus, no matter how hard you try, most bridesmaids dresses aren't re-wearable because most of them are chiffon or a chiffon/satin mix... which isn't exactly the most in style thing. Plus the shoes and jewelry and hair and makeup and travel... it's really hard on people who aren't well off. I have a good job, but I'm 24 and live in LA... I have no extra income!! I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first wedding we had to pay for everything and the dresses/shoes were lavender chiffon. Certainly never wore those again. The second wedding, the bride bought the shoes and jewelry, which was really nice. The dresses were strapless brown chiffon dresses and though it was pretty, I'm not likely to wear it again. In my wedding, I will only have two bridesmaids who are a similar size. I think we will just go dress shopping at a department store. I make jewelry though and want to make the set that will go with it.

Gosh i don't know... i am the MOH this year for my BFF's wedding and GESH! i sure could use some $$ help.

but i do know that its tradition that i pay for all "my" expenses. although it doesnt seem fair.

there is no way i would pick out a $200 dress for my bridesmaids! its almost rude and a slap in the face. oh well.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask the bridesmaids to buy their stuff if the dress/shoes/etc. the brides wants are at a good price. That's tricky though because everyone has different levels of disposable income. A couple years ago I only spent $200 (plus gas for the 2 hour trip each way) on outfitting myself for my cousin's wedding, but my budget suffered for a couple months because that was a lot of money for me at the time. For my wedding I'm only having a Maid of Honor so I just told her to wear whatever dress she already has that she feels hot in. That way we BOTH look good no one has to spend much extra money!

I should mention too that my cousin paid for any alterations the dresses needed and paid for us to have our hair done, so I do think that is a good balance for the bride to pay for the extras.

I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. My sil bought us jewelry and we bought our dresses. I actually was able to wear my dress again. She also just requested we wear black heels, which of course all of us had. My mother (so mother of the groom) paid for the hair and make up for the maid of honor, but that was it. Our dresses were simple red long dresses from David's bridal, they were around $200. I believe I'm the only one who ever was able to wear theirs again though. I think this is a tricky subject... brides need to be up front with their attendants about the expected cost. It saves everyone from trouble, grief, and surprises in the end.

When I agree to be in a bridal party, I go in it expecting to pay my own way. If the bride/groom and their families will be picking up the tab, it is a pleasant surprise -- but certainly not expected. I do, however, think that it is important to be considerate of the financial situations of the bridal party and find something that even the worst-off financially can afford. I was once a bridesmaid in a wedding where the other attendants were all older and established, and could easily swing a $450 dress and $250 shoes, plus pay for hair and makeup -- and I was a first year graduate student straight out of undergrad. It was a huge financial setback for me.

That said, for my upcoming wedding, the bridesmaids are mostly paying their own way, but I have done everything possible to keep costs down. I found gorgeous dresses originally $220 on sale for $88 each, they are each allowed to wear whatever black, formal shoes they want (heels, flat, open toe, closed toe -- I don't care, because this way they don't have to buy something specific and spend more money), whatever jewelry they desire, and we are paying for their hair and makeup.

My husband and I had my legal wedding done in the U.S. We're having our ceremonial one held in Europe with the sole intent of weeding off almost all of our extended family off the guest list. Attendants will pay for their flights and hotel while the groom and I will pay for everything wedding related including our maid-of-honor/best man and one bridesmaid/groomsman. Our guest list is expected to be no more than 40 people. We're going for intimate elegance with select close friends and family only.

Proper etiquette would dictate that THE BRIDE AND GROOM COVER THE EXPENSES OF THEIR ATTENDANTS.

And let's be honest... If you were a bridesmaid, would really choose to buy a dress like the one the bride chooses for you, on your own? probably not. So saying, "But they get to keep the shoes and the dress after the wedding is over," is a crap excuse.

I have never been, nor will I ever be a bridesmaid. (I refuse to be.) And when I got married, I paid for my bridesmaid's (i only had one) dress and shoes.

I'll probably wind up just telling my MOH and BM the color and let them pick the dress styles. I'll only have the MOH and 1 (maybe 2) BMs.

I'm getting married in August and my bridesmaids did pay for their dresses, but I searched forever to get one a good price. The dress I loved was $160 most places but I found it on-line for $115 if I ordered all 5 together. I was also in the wedding of 3 of my maids and paid for their dresses, so it seems like tit for tat. But if your maids are short for cash, that is when you have to offer to pay. One of my friends that I was in her wedding she paid for the dress b/c I just couldn't afford it. Now that she is in mine, I paid for her dress. Also do things like letting them find shoes that they are comfortable in and pay for their hair/jewelry.

If the bride and groom can afford it or are having a huge expensive wedding they should pay for it. Under any other circumstances the attendants should pay. Hopefully the bride will pick something everyone can afford.

Hey rusha313 that wedding sounds exactly like one that one of my close friend attended in Georgia and she was in the wedding party. My poor girl was pissed because the bride picked this vera wang dress that wasn't that special for the crazy price it was AND it wasn't the best made dress either. I think she spent about the same as you in total for the whole thing and she is still also feeling it to this day!

My bridesmaids paid for their dresses. I picked the color and they chose the dress. I think it is completely reasonable. That is why you ask them to be a bridesmaid. They are able to pick their shoes/jewelry. I am buying all of them nice gifts and paying to have their hair/makeup done. I have been a bridesmaid on several occasions and have always had to buy my own dress and I never minded.

the bride and groom should have to pay. it's not the end of the world to have a small wedding party, and if you've got a big one, you're bound to have a bigger budget anyway.

really? you asked them to be in your wedding because they could afford the dress? if the dress in in inline cost wise with what the individual attendent would pay for a nice dress then fine, she pays. if it's more expensive than any dress she's every had (not including other weddings) then the bride can chip in.

i'm all for supporting the bride but i have a budget.

No, you ask them to be a bridesmaid because it is taking on a responsibility including a monetary one. I didn't choose ridiculously expensive dresses and if any of them couldn't afford it I would help them out.

I think the answer to this question is different depending on the monetary situations of the bride and groom and the attendants, as well as the cost of the dress, shoes, etc. the bride wants them to wear. The bride should be upfront about the cost when she asks her friends to be bridesmaids so there are no surprises. If the bride can help with the costs then she should. If not, she should pick very reasonably priced things. I'm in a small wedding this summer and everyone involved is pretty strapped for cash so the bridesmaids are just wearing dresses of their own choosing. The most important thing is watching your friends get married!!

I've honestly never been a bridesmaid, but if I had to spend $2K like Rushka313, I would be bitter, and rightfully so!

However, I always thought that when I got married, I wouldn't have bridesmaids because it seems sort of unnecessary (I guess I don't understand the tradition behind it). I said I would want them to pay for it, but I do think it's unreasonable to ask a bridesmaid to spend more than $300 at the very most.

Gosh I have been in way too many weddings - including two of my own.

For my first one, my mom bought fabric and sewed all the bridesmaids' dresses. She did this also for my brother's and sister's weddings. So expense was just the fabric but my mom put in hours and hours.

I do think I asked my attendants to buy matchy white satin shoes though. Back then everything was tacky.

Jewelry - I just said wear pearls (could be fake) if you have them. Makeup - my girlfriend was selling Mary Kay at that time, so she volunteered to do all of us. Hair - oh, that's right, I made them wear these totally gay hairpieces. What was I thinking?? I think they bought those (and probably threw them in the garbage immediately after!!). Meanwhile I did my own hair... which was a huge mistake. UGH.

I have no clue what I got them for gifts... this was ages ago. I'm sure I got them something though. But you know most of the time those gifts you get for being an attendant are pretty lousy. Except for the pair of dangly earrings from my gf with excellent taste. She tucked them into a purse that matched our bridesmaids dress (and which I never used again). But I still wear the earrings.

For my second wedding, the two attendents were my daughters, and I bought their dresses on e-bay. My oldest had just become a teen, so she got a strapless number. The youngest got something a little more precious. Both in red. My own dress came from the sale section of Macy's. We all had our nails done the day before - my treat!

I would say the attendants should pay, HOWEVER when your pretentious friends want you to spend lots of cash on looking beautiful, then they should pay up for some of it. My friends wedding last year was a combination of ceremony at St Patricks and the reception at the Waldorf, and I spent a total of about $2000 on everything.

My other friend wants to have her wedding at the Natural History Museum. It's too much to spend, and I hope they don't get remarried in the future.

NOBODY. People should show up and have fun at your wedding, not have to f*cking pay for it. Argh. This topic makes me mad every time.

I think that if the bride is really picky and wants all her bridesmaids decked out in designer attire, she should foot the bill. If the dresses are affordable for all attendants, then maybe the attendants can buy the dresses and the bride could help out by paying for shoes or jewelry. I've had to buy a couple bridesmaid dresses, but since they were within my price range and the bride was a close friend or family member of mine, I didn't mind paying.

If the costs are REASONABLE then the attendants. If they are insane then the bride and groom. When we did our destination wedding our guests covered their airfare, that was it. We did lodging, most meals (communal kitchen in the attendant house), and attire.

i would say the attendants pay, because everyone has their own day, and what goes around comes around...your best friends will do it for you and you will do it for them

however, i like the ideas of the girls who pay for the makeup and hair for their attendants, or buy the jewellery, or pay for the alterations...it's nice to do a little gesture that makes your attendants know you arent taking advantage of them and "expecting" this of them..that you appreciate their services to you

I don't know...I think it should be the bride and groom who pay for the dresses. Because I honestly think it's insulting to ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then foot them with the bill. It's like saying hey...I want you to pay to be part of MY special day.

I expect to pay my own way, and like the others, am pleasantly surprised when the bride offers to cover some of the costs.

One of my friends bought 10 dresses in various sizes off the sale rack at Ann Taylor for her 8 bridesmaids, and just mailed us the size closest to what she thought we were. The dresses were marked down to $30 a piece! That was awesome.

I don't have any friends that would even consider forcing their friends to fork over $500 for a dress so that won't be an issue for me thank god. Honestly, who feels _that_ entitled?

If/when I get married, I plan on either doing something similar to my friend and buying something cute off the sale rack, or asking people to wear a black dress or something.

If I go nuts and decide I must have expensive matchy-matchy bridesmaids or my wedding will not feel complete, I'll just buy dresses and shoes for everyone. The chances of me having more than a small handful of people stand up with me are pretty low anyway.

kiwi you had to pay 2k?? Good lord I would NEVER do that!

popgoestheworld- unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of people who feel that entitled. Being a bride changes some people, it's horrible.

I've been a bridesmaid twice, and have one more go at it coming up. The first wedding was great- the bride told me to buy a dress in either green or purple. I did, and paid 30 dollars for it. I've worn it easily ten times since that wedding.

The second wedding... eh. Was my stepsister. I don't remember the exact figure, but the dress itself was easily more than 200 bucks (which was a lot for me at the time) and was this shiny magenta satin monstrosity, with puffy sleeves and a big bow over the butt. I actually had people tell me that I'd be able to wear it again, and I couldn't believe it- all I wanted to do was burn the darn thing!

Gah...my bridesmaids are paying for their dresses, which are $89.99 Canadian and quite cute..... from Sears actually...lol. Shoes, accessories and hair are entirely up to them because I want them to be comfortable. I'm going to have gift baskets done up for each of their hotel rooms, plus I'm getting them all gift certificates to their favourite places as a bridal party gift. So all in all, I think it's a fair deal. But I think it's unfair to stretch a friend's budget to the limit for a dress they'll wear for a few hours and then shove in the back of their closet.

http://www.sears.ca/gp/product/B000V0A77K/sr=1-2/qid=1209047280/ref=sr_1...

For my wedding the girls paid for their own dresses but if for any reason any one of them couldn't afford it, i would have gladly offered to buy it for her.The only thing i decided on was the color. I let the girls pick whatever style flattered their body shape and it also allowed them to have control of how much they spent.Everyone was happy including me. I loved the dresses and they all looked beautiful.

I am going to be in my 3rd and 4th weddings this summer. I've never had a bride pay for our bridesmaid dresses. However, for one of the weddings last summer, she did pay for the out of town bridemaid's hotel rooms and for us to get our hair professionally done. It slightly made up for the $250 dress. The other one, the girl was supposed to get married 2 years earlier and had postponed the wedding. Since we bought $200 dresses for the first time, she picked out $50 Target dresses for the second time around. This summer I've paid $150 on one dress so far, and expect the other to be about the same.

Needless to say, I'm not having bridesmaids when I get married (hopefully next spring). My little sister can call herself a "bridesmaid" if she wants to and wear whatever she likes within the color scheme. Cheap, expensive, I don't care.

I think that it's bs to pay for your own dress. But I only have 1 best friend and she is the only one I will shell out the stupid money for. I think it would be nice for the bride and groom to split the cost with the bridesmaids. I think it is only fair because you are doing them a favor by being a part of their wedding.

I covered half the cost of the $150 dresses for my girls. Shoes, makeup, hair and jewelry were their own choice.

Though I LOVED my bridesmaids, if I could do it again, I would only have one so that she could pick whatever she wanted and be done with it.