Out to dinner and drinks with friends, you meet a group of guys that seem really cool. They chat you up at your table for a bit, and you find yourself flirting with one in particular. They head back to the restaurant bar and you and your girlfriends finish your meal. You get up to use the restroom and decide to pass behind them on your way, only to catch the one you had your eye on talking about you with his friends. Would it be worse if you overheard him say that . . .
This: You're really beautiful but don’t seem to have much to say? He may like to look at you, but now you know he won’t be flirting with you because he’s interested in your personality.
Or . . .
That: He thinks you're amazing to talk to, but as far as looks go, you’re just not doing it for him? You know you’re probably just not his type appearance-wise, but still, it hurts.
Which is worse?
Torrini
Ben Sherman
Miss Sixty
Two words: Beauty fades
1It's not even close for me; I would be much more hurt if he thought I was dumb. Everyone likes different things physically and I value my intellect more than my appearance.
2Well, I picked the first option. I know i'm quite shy and come across as arrogant just because I don't talk much when I don't know somebody that well. He could think i'm dumb for all I care, because I know i'm not. And if he bases that on getting to know me...his loss!
3I'd rather go with the first option. A quick conversation wouldn't make him much of an authority on my intellect or personality. But appearances are pretty easy to evaluate quickly, so that would be a more valid opinion.
4Yea, it would be pretty hurtful it I heard a guy say that he didn't think I was pretty, but it's just one guy's opinion. I'm sure that other people would think that I'm pretty. However, if you're dumb then you're just dumb.
5First option is worst. I rather be bright than beautiful.
6I don't mean to sound conceded, but I know I'm intelligent -- I'm working towards a Ph.D. in science. If someone thought I was dumb from a 5 minute conversation, it really wouldn't bother me, because obviously they haven't gotten to know me very well, and frankly when I'm at a bar, I'm not there to act smart and use my IQ.
But the way I look when someone talks to me for 5 minutes is the way I will look long-term, and there's not really anything I can do about that. It would be a much bigger hit to my self-esteem if he is complaining that I'm unattractive.
Of course, all this assumes that he's just an average guy. If we're talking about some famous scientist and he thinks my research is stupid and I have no future in the field, then I'd much rather him think that I was hideous but with scientific potential!
7I couldn't hear that I was ugly. It would hurt my feelings too much. Plus, I would still have time to win him over and prove to him that I am not stupid.
8I couldn't take hearing that I'm dumb. I know my body isn't the best but damn if I can't carry an interesting conversation with a guy I like.
9I wouldn't want to be considered ugly but I'd take that over being dumb. Looks are more subjective than smarts. If someone doesn't think I'm smart than they must be really smart.
10The "I'm not so pretty" but I can deal with the smarts thing. Sometimes I say stupid things, so its my fault. Id hate for people to think I was too dumb, or too ugly though to be honest.
11I picked the first option. It's fairly easy to show someone that you're intelligent. Generally, all that's needed is to, uh, be intelligent. But if he's lacking a physical attraction to you, that's a problem--you can't prove to someone that you're attractive.
Then again, if I overheard a guy say either of those things about me, I wouldn't be particularly interested in him, anymore. So it's sort of a moot point.
12I know i'm very smart, but i tend to have blonde moments at times. It wouldn't bother me too much if he thought i was dumb bc i do sometimes give off that impression at first haha. At least i'm aware of it.
13You can convince someone your not dumb over time. It would be harder to convince someone your not ugly over time. I chose the first option
14I feel confident that I'm not stupid, so I wouldn't mind if he thought I was. That just means that I can show him (through conversations and such) that I am brighter than he thinks I am.
On the other hand, like some have already said, it's harder to attract someone with features that they don't particularly like.
15he could think i wasn't smart but over time he'd find out how wrong he was. if he's not attracted, he'll never spend the time to know i'm smart & how wrong he was. of course once he found out that i'm a complete pkg i'd end it w/ him cause his shallowness would always be there reminding me.
16he could think i wasn't smart but over time he'd find out how wrong he was. if he's not attracted, he'll never spend the time to know i'm smart & how wrong he was. of course once he found out that i'm a complete pkg i'd end it w/ him cause his shallowness would always be there reminding me.
17I'm not too sure on this one. I think for me personally, both would hurt a lot and make me quite insecure.
18Sometimes it's advantageous to be underestimated in the intellect department. Especially by foolish, foolish men who think you're just a pretty face. That makes him a prime target to be played for fun and/or profit... Mwahahahahaha!
19Just wanted to add: Either way I'd be very, very insulted and write him off for good. But it'd be easier to have a little fun at his expense if he's attracted to my looks and underestimating my intelligence. *more evil laughter*
20Well since I know I'm definitely not dumb but am not all that secure about my looks(maybe this changes when you're grown up
) I would much rather here him say I seem dumb ^^
21#2 would be worse. With #1, he never said I was stupid - he just said I didn't have much to say!
22I had a guy or two in middle school tell me I wasn't attractive, but I was smart. I felt it hurt a lot coming from the "hot guys" because they dated dumb girls who weren't even attractive, but slutty, so deemed "hot." Plus, I've never felt the sting of being called dumb, and even if I had, I probably would have acknowledged it was a "dumb moment" and moved on.
23I'm with you, Jude!
24I'm pretty confident in my own intelligence, so if anyone ever says or implies that I'm stupid I fairly quickly write them off as a pig-headed moron. However, I probably spend a lot more time than I should assuming that I'm not attractive enough for certain guys, so if a dude I was trying to flirt with confirmed this fear I'd probably be really hurt.
25I voted that I'd rather be considered smart, but I'm not sure if that was totally honest. Now that I think of it, I suppose it would be easier to deal with hearing him say I wasn't very bright... That would just be an oversight on his part.
26i'd rather he thought i wasn't too bright...because he was only talking to me for a couple of minutes...i know i AM bright, and he will eventually learn that with time, if he takes a moment to notice
in further encounters with other people, i'd like to know i was good looking, as that is what first attracts a person...i know i am smart enough/have a good personality to carry on a relationship
27As a late bloomer, I have heard both. As a preteen/teen eccentric nerd, who looked way younger than my age, had braces and wore very plain and modest clothing, I heard boys comment that I was not cute. I felt fairly invisible, except amongst the super nerdy boys.
Once I did bloom (about the age of 21), most people confused me for a sorority girl and along with it came the assumptions that I was dumb. I will admit to being blonde, flighty, and absent-minded, but I am no dummy.
Both hurt a little, but at least I can prove I am intelligent. I wish I had the self-esteem to just not care either way.
28I wouldn't take the smarts comment too badly. I mean you're at a bar how can you REALLY show someone how smart you are in that setting with your friends.
29If I heard a guy say either about me, it would kill any attraction to him I may have had. There wouldn't be any point in proving my intelligence or amping up my attractiveness, because he wouldn't be worth my time.
30Yep, smart dumb-sounding girl right here...the "I'm not so pretty" comment would definitely sting more for me.
31I know a lot of smart dumb-sounding girls too - and I am SURE many people think I am one of them. As confident as I am, a blow to my looks is worse than a blow to my intelligence. 5 minutes doesnt bother me. I know I am smart and capable and successful so having some random guy say he thinks I am dumb would not bother me at all. I think calling me unattractive would sting (but again, Id get over it)
32I would rather hear that he thought I was dumb. I'm a bit reserved at first, and can be nervous and even silly when meeting new people. His opinion would surely change once we talked more. Plus it would mean that he's looking for someone who is more than a pretty face (Unless he's the snobby surgeon type who thinks doctors in other specialties aren't as smart).
If I had heard him say he thought I wasn't pretty enough, that would make him shallow and not worth my time.
33The intelligence comment wouldn't bother me, but whether or not I was attrative would really hurt. I am way too self conscious for things like that to not bother me.
34I'm confident in my own intelligence, so it doesn't really bother me if others see that or if they don't. I do have a tendency to make dumb sounding comments though, and some people probably write me off for that. I'm not at all confident in the looks department, so it would hurt me a lot more to be written off as plain or ugly.
35the second option would definitely hurt more. i can work on my conversation but what i look like is what i look like.
36I heard this on cosmo radio this morning!
Id def rather be considered "not smart enough" than "not pretty enough".
But then again I know for sure that I have the brains, the jurys still out on whether I consider myself pretty or not
37Both would make me feel hurt and I would avoid him for the rest of the night.
38I honestly wouldn't care what some random guy thought. I know I am decent-looking, if I put a little effort into my clothes and makeup, I can look pretty good. I am definitely book-smart, but I only get involved in conversations if I am genuinely interested in the topic. If someone judges me based on how much I was talking in the five minutes I have known them, then starts talking about me behind my back, why would I value that person's opinion anyway?
39This, first judgements are about looks. I'm more confident about my brain then my looks
40I know I'm smart, so it wouldn't really bother me to hear otherwise. But to hear that I wasn't pretty enough would really hurt my feelings.
41Both would hurt- I won't lie. But to hear that I was dumb would hurt more.
Either way, I'd write him off. But, I'd dick with his mind first. Shallow jerks like that need to be taught a lesson, and I'd teach it hard.
42I'm undecided. In my book, they're both equally bad.
But honestly, I think I'm pretty strong in both departments. On top of that, I'm creative and artistic, and I have a good heart. I think I would be hard-pressed to find a man who would make either comments about me.
43As shallow as it sounds, it would be worse if he thought I was ugly. I know I'm pretty intelligent, so if he thought I was stupid I'd think it was just something about him- however, I have a lot of issues with my appearance so a negative comment about how I look would hurt me more.
44gar! T'would be much more disturbing to hear someone say I'm not attractive, since I know I'm well above average in intelligence. It would blow my mind to hear someone say I wasn't pretty though, because my entire life I've never heard anything other than how gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, etc. I am.
45I'd have to check him for cataracts!
highsociety, same here!
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