DearSugar --
My soon-to-be husband and I are getting married in May and we have a baby due in September. One of our co-workers, who he works more closely with, recently told him that she wished he was marrying her daughter and having a baby with her. It was like my bubble was burst. He is happy with me and excited about the wedding and baby.
I think she was out of line and horribly rude. He just brushed it off and told her he was happy with me and that her daughter would find someone one day. How do I handle this situation? It infuriates me, but I do not want to cause a scene at work. Help me!!! -- Stung Stacy
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Dear Stung Stacy --
It's difficult from your note to gather the history of other experiences with this co-worker, if there's been tension, rudeness, or friction in the past. And I can't tell if your fiance reported the conversation to you or if you were in the room at the time. Barring those nuances, I wonder if she may have meant this as a compliment to your husband -- a statement about his qualities and character? If she hasn't be unpleasant or catty to you in the past, Stung Stacy, there's a good chance she didn't meant that she'd rather he marry her daughter and not marry you, only that she'd like a man like him as her son-in-law. In her own way, she could have been expressing concern for her daughter's future or choices within that sentence, too.
If you believed she meant this remark literally and hurtfully, I can understand why you would be so upset. But until we know her intentions, I suggest giving her the benefit of the doubt and trusting that the statement was in no way a reference to your worthiness or suitability. You have many exciting and wonderful things happening right now. A baby! A wedding! And the man who will soon be your husband! Please don't let this one incident damage your work environment or interfere with your domestic adventures!
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J Brand
DAY Birger et Mikkelsen
Rick Owens
hormones are raging girl friend. relax, this woman probably meant it as a compliment. she thinks your husband to be is great. trust me, there's not a woman alive that would wish their daughter would marry a man who had gotten another woman pregnant. it's kind of a worst nightmare scenario.
1I agree with Valeri. I can totally see someone offhand saying, I wish my daughter had picked someone like you.
It's almost too absurd of a thing to say to someone literally. And if she did, I would try not to let it make you so angry. I know that might be hard, but if she really said that, she's just crazy and it's not worth letting her get you down.
2I would imagine she didn't mean it the way it sounded. She was probably just saying how great she thinks your boyfriend is. That's how I would take it.
3I wouldn't get upset about it, take it as a compliment! She thinks your man is a great catch and can only hope that her own daughter meets someone as wonderful as him. People say silly things sometimes and I'm sure she didn't mean anything against you by her offhand comment. Clearly she can see how happy you make him, I'm sure she is very happy for you both. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and baby
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4I'd have to agree with everyone else.
Take a spa day, you need it and deserve it!! Treat yourself and the baby and try to relax.
5i agree with everyone above and i'd also add that your fiance brushed her off! you know you have a winner because he defended you and said how happy he was with you and that the co-worker's daughter would find the same happiness someday. sounds like he defended your honor in a respectful manner that hopefully diffused the situation. Congrats on the baby and the wedding!
6I also agree with everyone here the important thing is that he loves you and he put her in her place. That was just an ignorant comment on her behalf and she probably doesn't even realize it.
7You know what forget about the comment. It was silly and she probably didn't know it has upset you. Just pretend you didn't know anything about it. Act normal and just brush it aside really.
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