Not forgive - as silly as a comment like this may seem to you, it was obviously something that she was really self concious about. I would not be able to forgive my boyfriend, and weight isn't even that big a deal for me. Something that YOU KNOW, weight or otherwisse, bothers someone should NEVER be brought up, it's cruel and unessecary.

While it was obviously NOT a nice comment, hopefully your girlfriend can understand that you said it out of anger. If she was attacking you and saying things that are hurtful to you, she can't really expect you not to retaliate.

Because let's face it-- whenever anyone attacks me with their words, I don't sit there and take it either. No self-respecting person should have to take it.

Even if she does forgive you, though, she will hold it against you for the rest of your relationship and probably bring it up in every argument the two of you ever have in the future. Just so you know!

I am undecided. I don't think the comment was necessarily unforgiveable, but, well, like you said--you meant to hurt her. And that was probably the best way to do it. Especially for someone with body image issues, hearing something like that is REALLY devastating. Particularly if it's coming from someone whom she trusts with her body, someone who's always tried to make it known that he thinks she is beautiful. So on top of everything, she might feel like you've been lying to her as well. (Emphasis on "might".)

Hate to say it, man, but I'm not sure if you can dig yourself out of this one. It's the kind of thing you can never really get over. At the very least... you're going to have to do a LOT of work.

It just seems so unnecessary - although you wanted to hurt her, you said you think she's beautiful, and even if she had put on a bit of weight, I don't see where that fat comment came from.

I don't really think it's that big a deal. I mean if girls are allowed to be b*tchy why can't guys. But, saying something to her to hurt her in the heat of the moment is pretty mean, I think if you apologise enough she should forgive you.

But it annoys me when people moan about something and don't do anything to change the problem or change their outlook. Maybe she needs to be realistic and either get her body the way she wants it or learn to love her body like you do. You could try sitting down and talking about why the comment upset her so much and start to help her build up her confidence again.

Good luck, you'll probably need it.

Okay, I would be so mad if someone said this to me. I agree with the "good luck" comment!

I think lambsauce got it 100% right. I was one of the undecided votes because people say things in anger and should be forgiven, but if you have body issues hearing the word "fat" from the one person you are really vulnerable with your body....honestly I don't know if I could handle it. I would wonder if you have always disliked my body and lied about it.

I agree with the comments above. On the one hand, anything should be forgivable, especially when said in anger. But on the other, if she has that much of a self-esteem issue, I don't know that she'll ever trust you again, and you may have set the recent development of her self-esteem way, way back. Even though you accept her, it seems too like deep down inside you accept the cultural stereotype that there is something "wrong" with fat people. It's completely a cultural construct (in cultures with a death of food, fat people are in, and we're doing the opposite).

Anyway, now she'll suspect you of staying with her because you can't find anything better. Which will come with the worry that once you find something better, you'll leave. You have a lot of begging and convincing to do. I think you should have no pride whatsoever--beg and make huge romantic gestures. If she's struggling with self-esteem, she'll need lavish assurances that she's loved. Good luck!

It's not like she asked you if the pants made her ass look fat, and you said "yeah." She had serious problems with this, you knew that and you STILL called her fat. I'm really thinking she is definitely NOT going to feel comfortable sleeping with you now. She finally had gotten more confident about her body, and that is the moment you chose to call her fat...really bad timing.

It sounds like a moment of pure immaturity, like the fights I used to have with my bro when I was 7, you knew one of her weaknesses: her weight, and you used it against her. OUCH. It's forgiveable, it could have been worse, and that doesn't make it right, so prepare to face the consequences - which may include major less points on the trust & love scale and/or the silent treatment, and who knows what else. The tongue is such a dangerous weapon!

Even though you said it out of anger, that does not make it ok. You said the one thing you knew would hurt her and cause her lasting issues.

ouch!
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad move on ur part.
come on buddy, thats like the worst thing u can tell a girl... even my 8 yr old nephew knows that!
u can forget about her "picked up sex drive"
she'll probably be in sweats ALL the time now
now if my husband ever said that to me (hes smart enough never to) i'd probably forgive him EVENTUALLY but i dunno if id ever forget.
if u really love her and want her back u have to pay the consequences.

not forgive-how would you feel if she told you you had a small penis?! really.. i mean you never ever mention a girls weight...

Well, I forgive you because I've said some things in anger I wish I could take back, too. So I can relate.

Unfortunately, I don't think your girlfriend she will be able to forget you said that. It's her most vulnerable issue, and that particular word coming from you is the most hurtful thing you could probably call her.

I also wonder if there isn't some small part of you that does care about her weight, since the thought even occurred to you. Just a thought.

I FORGIVE!

If I had a b*tchy girlfriend with image issues and I go above and beyond to make her feel better and she snaps at me after I deal with all her sh*t!....I would "snap" too...no one is perfect and it was a heat of the moment thing...regretable...YES...mean...YES...unforgivable....NO!

I hope one day your new gf will think your PENIS is way too SMALL for her and that you're A BAD, selfish lover then CALL YOU ON THOSE during an argument that doesn't have anything to do with your penis size and lovemaking ability.

And she can also be calling you 'Gay' too during an argument because she secretly thinks you're way too 'flamboyant' or 'feminine' for her.

Then you'll probably have a hint on how it feels to be called names.

Like NONE of you have EVER called somebody and name and REGRETTED IT! as if...high horse and all...liars...

I think forgive because come on we all say nasty things sometime to hurt the other person. if she struggles with her weight she needs to do something about it and this could be the trigger to dealing with it.

but you are a butthead and if you were my boyfriend you would have received a swift kick in the nuts

The reason I'm so harsh is because the OP has the potential to be verbally abusive.
He's noticed how insecure she was, and has actually NOTICED that's it's been A MONTH since she's been insecure, and seems more sexually confident. That's pretty detailed notice, like you've paid a good deal of attention, and it can be a good thing that you cared, but then again, you used her gaining confidence (and some weight) as a WEAPON.

I think that the OP may like being a CRUTCH and being NEEDED by the gf that when she's starting to have her confidence back, he just HAS to attack her w/ the low blow so that she'll crumble again.

It may be deeper than just immaturity. You may have abusive and 'superiority' tendency.

She's not going to forget this although she may forgive you, so you get what you want again, the gf who's timid and possibly won't dare to talk back to you or bring to your attention what you did WRONG in the relationship. OP, you are FAR from perfect, stop using name calling for covering up your horrible attitude/behavior in a relationship.

This is hard for me because if my boyfriend called me fat I would be devastated. Weight and self image is a huge thing for women. Ultimately I believe she will forgive you but you might have lost her trust. She won't feel comfortable around you because it will always be in the back of her mind if you are thinking that she is fat.

...I'm really cracking up over all the penis comments here...

not forgive..worlds are like swords..once they make it marked..its hard to heal.

*its

No way. I've struggled with weight/body issues, and if anyone said that to me (especially someone I had been intimate with) I would never speak to them again.

People who say things like that "in the heat of the moment" have maturity issues, IMO. I've never said anything just to hurt someone I was angry with, and it's sad there are so many people who just accept that kind of character flaw without trying to change it.

I think that most likely, she'll talk to you again. I struggled with this one. I wanted to choose 'forgive' because probably, on the surface, she'll forgive you. but I chose 'not forgive' because you hurt her much deeper than any other comment could've gone, and you purposefully knew that. the damage from this isn't going to be made okay in one day or one week- you're probably going to have to regain her entire trust back.
also you need to work on your level of maturity. as well as your temper. you just wanted to hurt her feelings. well, good for you, you did it. now you're probably going to have to deal with never having her back the way you want her to be.

If I said something that hurt my husband just to be intentionally cruel I wouldn't expect to be forgiven anytime soon. I would challenge him about the serious issues we would have if he said something intentionally cruel to me. Really think about why you said what you said. And expect to be in the doghouse for a while if you are forgiven.

This was a hard one, but I said to forgive because we all say thing out of anger that we come to regret later on. But you NEVER call a girl fat. NEVER EVER!!! Your going to have to do a lot of begging and apologizing for her to forgive you. She might not, even if she does, like others have said before me- she will always remember it and bring it up in future comments. Next time, try to be sensitive and watch what you say.

I say forgive but she will never forget. I know when my boyfriend says something stupid I forgive him eventually but I never forget it. (Althought he's never been stupid enough to throw my insecurities in my face.) IF she does forgive you, you'd better be prepared for her to bring it up whenever you're arguing. No matter what you're arguing about, she's going to remember you called her fat and no matter what, you'll be the jerk in the situation once again.

You jerk.

LOL...funny how is OK...to laugh at the penis comments...but NOT OK...to call somebody fat....names are names...if it was a girl who had called her oversensitive bf fat...everybody would be cheering her up and giving her ideas on how to win him back....double standards.....

If somebody hanged over my head this stupid situation forever...i would just move on...life to short to be fixated on stuff like this....if she has self-esteem issues...get her counseling...

Goodbye, increased sex drive. Actually, goodbye sex in general for a while for you. You knew she was feeling more confident and whipped out your trump card (maybe to get her to shut up so you wouldn't have to listen to her argument anymore?). You NEVER call a girl fat, EVER, especially when you know she has self-esteem issues. Chances are, she knows she could stand to lose a few pounds. What would you do if you contributed in driving her to an eating disorder?

I'm not sure if the poster is a female or male. Honestly, It's up to your girlfriend to forgive you but in my opinion it's forgivable. I think anything can be forgiven but the reality of the situation is you took her self esteem down to the sewer. It was mean that you said it to hurt her and obviously the weight gain has bothered you. If you're a man you don't understand that the female body is different and It's very hard to stay thin because we're naturally curvy. Unless we stay on a strict diet or have high metabolisms which the majority of women aren't so lucky to burn calories that fast.

It was really vindictive and nasty what you said to her. Even if she stays with you I'm sure she'll never forget. If you want the relationship to work the best thing you can do right now is to talk to her about how you don't think she is fat but have had a problem with how she has been so insecure inside and outside of the bedroom and you hit a boiling point. Tell her that you still think she is incredibly attractive with or without a few extra pounds.

Whether she forgives you or not, that comment will always stay with her. It won't matter how many times you tell her you think she's beautiful, she will always believe you actually think she is fat. Whether you do or not, isn't going to matter.

We've all said things we regret while angry, and lots of us have lashed out at another person in anger and intentionally hurt them. I'll admit that I have. It doesn't make it ok, though.

I guess I'm going to have to vote undecided. I don't think it's forgiveable yet I'm guilty of the same.

I am totally weight conscious and my boyfriend knows that. I have said some really cruel things to him during fights but he knows (as should the whole male species) NEVER to bring that up. You obviously had an issue with her moodniess, so you should have talked to her about it not pent it up then explode. You need to work on communicating with her. SOOO MEAN!!! I think you need to give her some time to think about things. Stop harassing her. When she's ready to talk to you, she knows where to contact you. Good luck buddy you're gonna need it!

Well, I've got some good news and some bad news for you. The good news? There is a chance that you can be forgiven for this. The bad? It's going to take time, effort, patience and a great deal of understanding. Winning back her trust isn't going to be easy, and it may be longer than you think before she's totally "over" this, but if you love her enough to put that kind of energy into the relationship, in the end, I think you'll find it to have been worth it.

I'd like to tell you some about what I and other fat women I know have experienced and the emotional context into which your words fell. My hope is that maybe understanding the kind of things she's had to deal with might help you find a good way to approach her and begin to earn her trust back. While I'm never a bastion of brevity, I hope you'll take a few minutes to read through this.

Em113 hits the nail on the head with her comment above:

I would wonder if you have always disliked my body and lied about it.

I've been on your girlfriend's end of this kind of situation before, and, while a lot of people may find it silly that she's this upset about it or that she would be upset for any length of time about it, if she's been dealing with weight issues for most of her life (and from what you said of her reaction, my guess would be that she has,) there there are a LOT of very deep seated scars that never really heal - or if they do, the wounds get reopened again before too long.

I have been dealing with my weight my entire life, and have tried all my life to learn to love myself as I am. It's really hard to do that, though, when the people around you - especially family, friends and lovers - nag at you about your weight and how worried they are for your health - even if you aren't having any of the health problems that are supposedly the resut of being fat. And then you have the news constatly bleating about how this study or that says being fat is bad, including one that allegedly shows that fat is "contagious" between friends (for an excellent debunking of the reports on that study, click here. It AMAZING how little evidence there actually is in the study itself for that "fat friends make you fat" claim. Yeesh!)

Some so-called friends don't want to be seen with you in public out of fear that the hot new guy in town will find out she had "fat friends" and think she's not cool enough. Worse, not only are most decent guys not going to be interested in you at all, some - more than you might think - of them will be outright OFFENDED if you express any interest in them - as if it somehow maligns their masculinity or attractiveness to "real" women if a fat chick is interested. And when a man does express interest, odds are he's either incredibly desperate (and since, as a fat woman, you're obviously even more desperate than him, you should be flattered by his attentions and will to do whatever he wants) or playing a cruel joke. Over and over and over the only message coming through all the noise is that fat people aren't worthy of being loved - and at times it seems they're barely worthy of being considered human. It's not hard for the drumbeat from all that to block out any self-affirming thoughts you might have.

I'm telling you all of this because to one degree or another, this is what your girlfriend has likely faced for as long as she's been struggling with her weight. So when you finally find a guy who really seems to love you just as you are - who thinks you, as a person, are not only more important to him than how you look, but that you're more important to him than what the rest of the world might think about *him* because of how you look, it's a wonderful and exhillerating feeling. At the same time, though, it's terrifying because its so hard to believe it might actually be real. You want to enjoy it as much as you can, but there's always the feeling that you're going to wake up from the dream any second now. I've been married for 13 and half years to a wonderful guy, and while I know *now* that I can trust him with every fiber of my being, it took a while before I stopped watching for shoes falling in my path, even after we wed.

I hope that maybe gives you an idea of the context in which she heard your statement. Here you'd been telling her that you thought she was beautiful - and I'll take you at your word that you genuinely meant it - but it had probably taken her a while to let herself even just *hope* that you were being sincere, let alone truly believe it. And all of a sudden, the one thing she's MOST afraid of - that maybe you never really meant it at all - came roaring back full force with one statement hurled in anger. The impact of something like that is hard to describe, but, for me, it brings up a whirlwind of fear, rejection, self-loathing, confusion and utter humiliation.

I can't tell you exactly what to do to try and make it up to her - she's not answering when you call, you said, so you'll need to find another way to reopen communications. Maybe you could start with a letter - a real, handwritten one - either sent through the mail, slipped in her door or put somewhere else where she won't be able to miss it. The main thing is that you want to find a way to get the message in front of her telling her that you think she's a very special woman, one worth the time and effort needed to regain her trust. Try to mention specific things that will let her know you've really been paying attention to her, but in a tone that will sound genuine and heartfelt. Tell her that you know what you did was wrong, you know that hitting her in her most vulnerable spot was even worse, and that you genuinely want to continue your relationship with her and do what you need to in order to regain her trust.

Good luck to you, I hope you're able to work things out!

You know, the messages never look that long in the wider box when I'm typing... Yikes!

Forgive only if she was using destructive words and insults to attack you. Then you were allowed to do just the same although I fail to see the relevance of your particular insult in your argument with her.

this is insane. i have read everyone's comments, and this is what i have to say;

i have never gotten into an argument where i resorted to saying childish things (i have arguments often, it's in my nature). i NEVER hit below the belt. i mean, i'm a b*tch, but i'm not a immature brat that calls their significant other "fat", "ugly", or "stuuupid" when i'm not winning the argument. GROW THE F*CK UP!

now, it seems that the OP had issues with her weight because he noticed the recent weight gain. come on . . .

if she had been changing her behavior, appearing happier, and giving a bit more sucky-sucky, then it seems to me she probably got to a place in her life where she is comfortable with herself (for the time being).

she probably felt, "dang, i got a decent life, and my man loves me the way that i am . . .the hell with this weight obsession! i'm going to love myself and ride my BF like there's no tomorrow!"

and then you pick the scab that hasn't healed yet.

you are such a great boyfriend!

if i were her, i'd feel that you probably ALWAYS hated my body, and was just hanging around because i was an easy lay. just like how some men tell their women that the dress is ok, just so that they can stop the shopping madness and go home.

and if she is REALY insecure, she might think, "maybe he's with me because i'm always doing things for him, but he really has some hot skinny b*tch on the side."

i wouldn't answer your calls either!

is what you did forgivable???

i suppose, but only because it's the "mature" "take the high road" thing to do.

but to be honest, it wouldn't leave her mind, which might eventually lead to you guys breaking up. and i'm always a cut to the chase kind of gal.

if she doesn forgive, she's gonna become weight obsessed again. and even if she gets to her goal, she's going to try to maintain that at any cost, because she never would want you to feel the way you feel about her now. do you see how damaging your words are for the long term???

ITA w/ Neveah and Asia

That is a rough comment but in a fight people lose their heads and say things that they do not mean. I would forgive you but only after a lot of compliments.

If she does not come around, then it is more of a reflection on her than you. It is clear that you made a mistake but she will be the one making a mountain out of a mole hill - which refects how much work she needs to do before getting into a relationship.

Good luck.

Two words - Fine jewelry

gossip- i wouldnt say ive never called anyone names but ive never called anyone i loved names... there is a difference. if you love someone you don't call them names, esp if they already struggle with things.

and a man worrying about his penis size/love making abilities can be comparable to how women are self-conscious about their weight.

I reckon you're only issue is was her sex drive or lack thereof? Because well, as long as you're being taken care of, everything else can go to hell, right? That explains you're attitude towards her having the 'audacity'(your own words) to call you out on your mood.
I mean, she's supposed to be the damaged one here, right? You're the golden boy, you just walk on water. Congratulations on showing your true colors and screwing it up.

If it had been me, I would'a slapped you before I stormed out.

Don't expect to be forgiven for this sh*t - you said something childish and rude and she didn't stand for it, quite rightly.

I'd recommend apologizing, and then going away. Tell her that you likely understand that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and that you accept it - if she agrees to take you back, get ready to kiss some serious ass for months and months. If she agrees that she no longer wants you in her life, bow out gracefully. It's up to her whether or not she forgives you.

It's really immature that he would use childish things to hurt her feelings instead of talking about the real problem. I'd be really upset for a long time and he'd have to do something great to get me to come back to him. I'd always worry that he was going to say it again. I hope that the rest of the relationship is great so she actually want to come back. If not I hope he realizes what he's missing.

LOL - you're in so much trouble.

I once told a BF who was picking an insanely annoying argument about my being friendly to the neighbor, that maybe I wouldn't be so friendly to other guys if he weren't a premature ejaculator.

That shut him up, alright.

Then until the end of our relationship, he never managed to last more than 20 seconds.

So... she'll forgive you, of course. But is it ever going to get out of her head? Probably not.

Good luck with that!

I completely agree with thorswitch and Asia. And I think karlotta put it very well too.

yes you are a jerk and you need to own up to this and apologize beyond belief....and yes, you need to buy her a nice gift and get down on your knees and tell her ALL The things you love about her and hopefully she can eventually come to terms with it

I think we all sometimes say something in the heat of the moment and really not realize what we just said. Think about how you're NEVER gonna say that again, its like her telling you your penis is too small. It hurts no matter what. Give her a few days to herself, and then start groveling. If she truly loves you and you love her, both of you should be able to talk this out. Good Luck!