Are you serious? Why the hell wouldn't she invite him???
I've never heard of a "no ring, no bring..." policy.
While I don't wanna be a B**** about her decision, this is
still uncalled for!

Chances are that your friend does have the sort of restrictions that Dear mentioned and that played into her decision. Also, keep in mind that when she made up the invitations, you two had probably only been together a couple of months and didn't seem serious. Either way, it's ultimately her decision, and I'd definitely wait until you cool off a little.

I'm sure it was intentional. If it really upsets you that much, try offering to pay for his meal/attendance. Otherwise, have fun with your female friends and catch up with your bf after you get back. I don't think it's absurd to not allow dates for guests, especially if they've only been together a few months.

4 mos isn't really that long of a time to be "serious". It's her wedding and she can do what she wants. Plus, each person is an expense and maybe she doesn't even know your boyfriend. Just have a good time with your friends!

"No ring no bring..."

Seriously that is so rude.

arent invitations usually a given with the "Jane Doe & Guest?"

The bride isn't being a b*tch at all. Etiquette-wise, you only have to invite dates with guests who are in long-term, serious relationships, such as those who are dating for year, living together, engaged, or married. It's actually MORE common to do it this way than the reverse (inviting everyone with a guest, which does not fit most budgets). If she's only been dating him for 4 months, no matter how serious she thinks the relationship is, a 4-month relationship tends not to fit into this category. Especially if it is a DESTINATION wedding, usually only those extremely to the bride are invited, with very small guest lists (typically 30 or less)....why would the bride invite someone a guests only been dating for 4 months, when shes most likely excluding friends and more extended family?
The MOH is the one being out of line here. Its ok for her to be hurt, but the bride has to apply to same standards to all her guests, and if shes not inviting others with casual guests, she cannot make an exception for the MOH.

You should never ask to bring someone that wasn't explicitly invited - that is incredibly rude. You've only been dating him 4 months, that isn't really all that long. If you can't survive a weekend without him, thats unfortunate. As the maid of honor, you should realize that your role right now is about supporting the bride, not causing problems and putting her in an uncomfortable position of having to say "no" to your face (remember, she's already said "no boyfriend" once by not including him on the invite).

The general rule of etiquette regarding guests is that you always invite married couples together, and in this day an age, that extends to couples living together as well. Just because you are dating some guy for 4 months, there is no rule that demands the bride invite him as well

lol!! you've only been dating for four months, of course you're inseperable! If you two were married you'd be thanking Ceiling Cat for the 3-day break!

and its not rude at all...if you had a guest list, I'll say 150, and you invited everyone with a guest, depending on the number of non-committed guests you have, you could end up having 50+ guests you do not even know...why pay for casual guests when you may not even be inviting other friends and family as well? Its a very kind gesture to invite everyone with a guest, but it certainly should not be expected. Some brides either do not have the budget to do so or only want a small wedding those that she is close with to attend.

missbanana, actually, it should never be "Jane Doe and Guest" because you should take the time to figure out who Jane Doe's guest will be, and put their name on the invite. I know that almost no one does it this way, but the idea is that it is less impersonal than "and guest."

Four months isn't that long. You may feel it's very serious but that may not yet be apparent to people around you. And it's not like she made up the guest list the day before she sent the invitations out. She probably worked on that for a long time - maybe even before you and your boyfriend started dating.

Since you are the maid of honor, I don't think it's too totally out of line for you to talk to her. Say something like BF and I are getting really serious and I'd love to have him there with me. Is there any way we can squeeze him in? But, if she just can't fit or afford another person, try to be understanding. Your relationship feels very serious to you, and hers feels very serious to her. Try to let her wedding be about her, not you. She is your best friend after all!

so rude! Talk to her about it and let her know that you really want your man there. Being that you are a her maid of honor, Im pretty sure shes hear you out and make compromise for you.

This whole "no ring, no bring" is beyond rude and tacky IMO.

my bf and i had been together for 5 months and he wasn't allowed to bring me to his friend's wedding.

I was with my boyfriend for over a year and he was invited to a wedding of a close family friend and I was not invited...I was allowed to go to the rehearsal dinner, but not the wedding for budget purposes. We had been together for over a year and moved in together a few months later and I wasn't even invited! SO I highly doubt that she is going to let you bring your boyfriend of only 4 months ESPECIALLY since it is a destination wedding. IT never hurts to ask though, just remember to be really polite and delicate because you don't want things to turn sour before the big day!

I agree with the posts that said it "wasn't rude". A destination wedding can get very pricey and the bride may just want an intimate affair. Anyways, as the maid of honor, you can always ask her because I'm sure your thoughts counts but keep in mind, if she says no...not to get upset. It's her day not yours and you're job is to help make the wedding smooth and as painless for her.

Haha, tidalwave.. that is definitely true!

I agree with kgtg. I also think that Irate Izzy is forgetting that her friends wedding day isn't about Izzy, it's about the friend and her groom. They can invite who they want for whatever reasons. I also agree that if you do decide to talk to the bride, wait to cool off. But I personally think that is what's rude - asking if you can bring someone when the invitation clearly states that it's intended for you only.

If she is paying for everyone's travel expenses then no it was not rude. If they B&G are not then yes she was rude and politely ask. If they are paying for everyone's travel expenses ur BF can pay his own way and I think that is acceptable.

All the wedding invitations I've received have been "and guest". When you get your RSVP's that's when the caterer get the final head count anyway

"no ring no bring" is classless and tacky!

Maybe its out of the budget for the wedding. Weddings are very costy. And maybe she just wanted to keep it between family and close friends. If you have any doubts. Just ask your friend why she couldn't invite him.

I don't think she'll get upset. Good luck

Yes, is the "bride's day" but being in a wedding is time consuming hard work and MOH is a huge responsibility (which is why giving gifts to the WP is a customary thank you). I say all this to say. The wedding party should be "and guest" always...

I also agree with the comments that the MOH is the one out of line in this case. And before you even ask her if you can bring your boyfriend you need to really know what you're getting yourself in to.

I had a destination wedding and we invited 35 people. One of those people decided that they would make it a family vacation and invited about 5 other people. When he told us about it, my husband and I felt obligated to invite those 5 other people to the wedding since they were staying in the same hotel! So, we had only family, a few REALLY close friends and then 5 random people. Makes for some weird pictures. BUT, it definitely did not ruin our wedding or anything, but it did put a lot of unnecessary stress on us before and in budgeting. So if you're friend is not the type to say "no" you may want to consider what I just wrote...

I agree with the girls who say the bride is not being inappropriate at all...this day is about HER and not YOU. If I were planning a destination wedding, I would only want my closest friends there - there is no reason for your boyfriend to be there if she doesn't really want him there, just suck it up and deal with it! Again, this wedding is about her and her future husband, not you and your boyfriend. If you guys want to go on vacation together, do it and leave your friend's wedding out of it.

Weddings are expensive, especially destination weddings...plus for some people they're really personal occasions that they only want to share with their closest friends and family. She also probably wants you there for her as her MOH, because if you and your BF are "inseparable" while you were at the wedding location, that would be extremely rude to her considering you said you'd be her MOH and it's her wedding. If you can't choose your girlfriends over your boyfriend - especially one who loves you enough to pick you to be her MOH - you really need to take a step back and think about a few things.

And LOL TidalWave...you're exactly right!

It's her wedding, she can invite whoever she wants to invite. Period.

I'm sure if it was yours you wouldn't want to be bothered by everyone asking if they can bring so-and-so when you have already made the decision not to invite them. She may not think the relationship will last - why waste money on a guest that she may not ever see again?

destination weddings are normally cheaper, no? you pay for your own trip and your own hotel, which normally includes food...i think she should have invited your boyfriend, granted she knows him (which, if you're the maid of honor, i assume she's close enough to you that she would know him by now...)

and what's for everyone else to decide what is considered "serious"...ash_marisa says one year is the general "rule"? well what if you're at 10 or 11 months...is that close enough? i know 4 months isn't super long, but the "no ring no bring" policy excludes those who will never get married and who will live in happy coupledom for years to come...

i would just ask her casually, without accusing...she will probably either give you a good answer as to the reason why he's not invited, or tell you it was an oversight and to please let him know he's welcome...

woops. i guess not everyone does it that way! mah bad. its just my family does it that way, so do all my friends. i guess thats why the list goes up to 500. haha.

ive been to destination wedding for my sister, and we paid our own way there, and it was actually cheaper for my sister because everything was included in the price. she saved a whole lotta money because the rates were cheaper too. i dont think the bride is paying for everyone to fly there!

skigurl! it was definitely cheaper for my sister and it was more lavish than most weddings i went to

It is even TACKIER to ask the MOH to bring him...its not tacky at all, if the bride only wants to invite people close to her then shes allowed to. Its a personal choice. The day is about the marriage of the bride and the groom, and those people that are near and dear to them witnessing this event.

It is not tacky to only invite long-term, committed people with guests. It is tacky, however, to write "sarah smith + guest", unless the person's actual name is "guest guest", and even tackier to confront the bride about someone not on the invitation (unless she forgot to invite your fiance,wife/ husband, which would be againat etiquette on the bride's part).

The bride is rude. Honestly, as a member of the bridal party you're already paying a lot of money to even be there. I agree with missbanana about invites. Try to compromise with the bride, offer to pay for your boyfriend if money is the issue. if she still says no then shes just being selfish. But wait to talk to her until you've cooled down.

skigurl...i did NOT say one year is the general rule...i arbitrarily picked a number of 1 year...I said long-term. Long-term is whatever the bride designates as long-term. Some brides will say 6 months, some a year, some engaged at minimum. Its up to the bride. I hardly think 4 months would be considered "long-term, committed", but again, thats a personal call. In this case, obviously the bride does not consider 4 months long-term, and this is the case we are dealing with.

wow. i dont think its tacky to have a date at a wedding.
esp. if you were invited but dont know anybody else in the guest list, that way you can go to the wedding and not feel uncomfortable.

i guess i just dont get it, its not like the bride and groom doesnt get their money back on the presentation, i guess that its really just because the bride doesnt care for your bf!

I've never heard that destination weddings were cheaper???

sorry, i didn't mean to single you out - a lot of people have been making similar arguments

in my opinion, i don't think 4 months is technically considered long term either, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors....maybe for this particular couple, they are about ready to move in together...i just don't think it's the bride's place to decide what is considered committed enough or long term enough to be granted an invite....your boyfriend is your boyfriend regardless of how long you've been dating. you shouldn't have to apologize for not having been together quite long enough to "count"

well I think it's a little presumptuous to assume, missbanana, that the bride doesn't care for her boyfriend. It could just be like the many other reasons people have already mentioned, not enough money in the budget, doesn't want to extend an invitation as an exception, she made the guest list before the two were together and probably sent the invites before they hit the four month mark, doesn't want people at her destination wedding that don't know her or the groom well, etc. etc.

i think that's why most people choose to do desintation weddings - they are much cheaper for the particular couple

of course, the travel costs for all guests are normally absorbed by the individual, which is why the guest list is smaller (because not everyone will say yes), but for the couple-to-be, it's much much cheaper

(don't have to rent a hall, the bar is already 'open' at an all-inclusive resort, don't have to pay for a limo or flowers or DJ etc.)

I think the poster is the one out of line here. Its the bride's day. She is not being rude at all to not invite your boyfriend of only 4 months.. I agree with people saying that especially for a destination wedding it is prob. a small wedding where the bride only wants her close friends and family, she doesn't know your bf like you do, he isn't close to her. And the bride is prob. paying for all of this, if not the travel expenses, then the food and other small costs at least, which is another really good reason she shouldn't have to invite people she doesn't want to be there just because you want them there. And I wouldn't ask the bride about it either, she made it very clear with her invitation that only you are invited, it would be rude to ask again. And is it really such a big deal to spend 3 days with a bunch of your friends!!! I mean really, its only 3 days without your bf, I think you can manage.

I agree with ash_marisa. Its not rude or tacky for the bride and groom to only invite who they want, not everyone wants a bunch of people they barely know to witness and celebrate something so important to them.

I completely understand her for not inviting him. It's her day. She wants you to be there, be here friend, and not have to worry about what your boyfriend is doing, where he's at, and all of that. Like some people have said, 4 months isn't a long term committed relationship. You said you were inseparable, which is probably part of the reason she didn't invite him. She wants you to spend time with the people you've possibly been neglecting for the past couple months. I don't want to sound mean, but I know a lot of people that just fall in love are like that. Frankly, I wouldn't invite someone to my wedding who I barely knew for 4 months, especially if it's a destination wedding. It's only three days, it sucks he's not invited, but you shouldn't question the bride's judgment on the situation. I'm sure she did it on purpose.

Tidal Wave, I lol'd when I saw the ceiling cat reference

but when you think about syako, this is your best friend thats your MOH. MOH.. not just a regular guest. shes helped with the wedding plans, spent a whole lotta money, somebody you truly want to share your wedding with and you trust enough to be your MOH.. you should know her enough about how she feels with her bf, if shes crazy for him.. and i dont think its definitely out of line to WANT him there.
and if you were the bride, yes sharing your with the people you love and care for is important but dont you want the ones you love to be happy to be there too? and not be bitter that they couldnt bring their partner that they might love too? thats what bugs Izzy i think. is that shes being trusted to be MOH but not important enough to have her feelings considered. I personally want my party to be happy on the happiest day of my life too!!

soo with that.. maybe it was just an oversight? gah.. lol

i don't understand the poster about "its not like the bride and the groom don't get their money back"...is this talking about gifts? Because technically the only place where gifts are required is the bridal shower, which is in itself a gift-giving event (to shower the bride with gifts). Giving a gift for the wedding is a great gesture, and while usually done, is far from required. You cannot "recoup" wedding expenses in gifts.

The MOH can always bring the boyfriend for a vacation, just not to the wedding if that is what the bride chooses.

ash_marisa.. i guess this is all new news to me.. usually the weddings i go to i always give presentation witha congrats card. I make sure that i put enough and more money to pay for the dinner i ate at the reception. like if my boyfriend and i go to a friends wedding.. thats $100 X2 in the card. maybe it differs with other ppl?

Irate Izzy, I am so mad for you!! I don't have much to add that others haven't already said though. I just think it is so wrong because you have probably done a lot for her as her MOH already. I think weddings and many events suck when you don't have a date if most other people do. However, at the risk of ruining your friendship, I would offer to pay for his meal/expenses and ask if he could go. I can't imagine she'd say no, and frankly, if she did, I don't think you'd be wrong to throw a hissy fit.

well my destination wedding was NOT at an all-inclusive resort and we did have to pay for each and every person there including a church, reception hall and everything else. So they aren't always cheaper. And I also don't think that the bride is being inconsiderate, I think the moh is being whiny.

missbanana....generally you are right...it is pretty un-classy not to give a gift when invited to a wedding...but people do do it for various reasons, many cannot afford to give gifts, or there is a lot of variability to what constitutes a large gift (for example, a $150 bedding set may seem commonplace for one couple to give, but a $25 toaster may feel very generous to another couple to give). Etiquette-wise, a gift is not an automatic, expected thing, and the cover-your plate rule is not actually accurate, just somehting thats been spread around and people assume thats what your supposed to do.
And even if everyone gave large gifts, it would still generally not cover the total wedding cost, maybe at most the food, but thats only a small part of the total cost.

I agree with missbanana:

"this is your best friend thats your MOH. MOH.. not just a regular guest. shes helped with the wedding plans, spent a whole lotta money, somebody you truly want to share your wedding with and you trust enough to be your MOH..."

Ask politely and nicely - and hopefully the worst that will happen is that she'll say "No." If that's the case, I'd let the matter go. If you bring your boyfriend without the blessing of the bride, you're just asking for a bunch of awkwardness and anger -- not to mention your boyfriend will probably feel left out when you are attending the wedding, rehearsal dinner, the reception, etc.

lol. to each their own i guess.

ash_marisa, thanks. that makes sense now. thanks for the explanation, im beginning to understand i guess how expensive it can be.

I think the bride should have invited the MOH's boyfriend--some exceptions to the serious relationship rule should be allowed for your close friend who is helping you out with your wedding. However, while that would have been the extra nice thing to do, I don't think she is being rude and I don't think the MOH should say anything. Just go & have fun with your girlfriends. Also, I wouldn't bring him along on the trip b/c you will probably be spending most of the time doing wedding stuff. (unless he came for a vacation after the wedding).

If you can't be away from your boyfriend for 3 days, then that's a whole other issue. This is the bride's decision. Weddings cost a ton these days. Be considerate and smile.