I am really sorry to hear that your parents are unsupportive and not expressing any excitement over your impending wedding. It sounds like you are marrying into a great family! Maybe you can brag to your mom about what a wonderful help your new mom in law was and all the great support she gave you! Some people are just dense and self-involved! Congratulations on your marriage!

Have you been living with your boyfriend? It sounds to me like you've been acting married for so long, this wedding lacks the authentic excitement of beginning a new life together.

Congrates on your upcoming wedding. These are my ideas:
a)Maybe your parents don't "know" how to be involved(they might have watched too many episodes of bridzillas and think maybe you would rather be in control). Invite them over to help you make/do something for the wedding preps or to come shopping for some item. If you are doing heaps of stuff with your mother-in-law, maybe they have mis-understood this that you don't need their help??? Anyway, try and explicitly involve them.
b)if this doesn't get some action, you should talk to them about how you are feeling because it's obviously distressing you. You need to do this diplomatically because you don't want to offend them, especially if they don't even realise how they are making you feel. When you are talking to them, avoid making accusations, instead phrase your concerns explaining how you feel. For example "When you say you don't want to help me choose my wedding cake, I feel hurt because I feel my wedding is not important". Emphasis that a wedding is special time and you want to share it with them. Ask them if there is something going on you are unaware of and if you can help overcome this. Avoid getting heated because this won't solve anything. End the conversation with a commitment to take action, for example, if you know you are picking out flowers on the weekend, ask them to come along with you.
Good luck
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Find something good in every day.
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Have your parents always been like this or is this something new?

Either way, you can go ahead and tell them that it hurts you that they are not being supportive. But really, who cares? Get over it and start spending your energies with friends and people who do care about you.

Parent's don't always care about their children in the way we think they should. Hard to believe but true.

I strongly disagree that living together pre-marriage makes a wedding any less important, exciting, or special...thats kind of an ignorant myth

You have been at odds with your parents for "some time" did you think because you announced you were getting married that things would suddenly change and they would be there for you. Unfortunately that is not the way it works, sorry if that seems harsh but it is reality. It sounds like you have a great future MIL and I would just share the joy with her.

I'm so sorry to hear that your parents aren't excited for you. My fiance is going through the same thing with his family and we don't know why either.The only thing I can say is surround yourself with people who are happy for you because you don't need the extra stress while you are planning this important day

luisamapacha - how can you expect her tone to be super excited about her wedding when she's feeling down about her parents? And the issue is that her parents don't care about her wedding.

Ash_marisa, it is not an "ignorant myth" to recognize that the older, more traditional generation will not be as excited about their daughter's wedding when she has been living with her boyfriend as husband and wife for years. Especially if the she went against her parents' wishes when they moved in together to begin with.

My guess is that her parents are Baby Boomers and she's part of Generation Y - a.k.a. the entitled generation. They have little regard for tradition, custom, or the feelings of their elders.

luismapacha I think you're being a little hard on the OP. Maybe you have a bias against people who live together before marriage but not everyone else feels that way. And either way isn't a huge part of being a parent being able to love and support your children in their lives and in what makes them happy regardless of your own feelings. Who's really feeling entitled here? I don't think it's too much to ask that a mother be happy for her daughter on a day that is extremely improtant to her. She never even said that she was living with her boyfriend and even if she is are you saying she deserves to be ignored because of it? Boy I'd hate to have a mother like that, I hope you would extend your own children a little more consideration

Did I miss where it says they live together? The only statement that made me stop was that she has been at odds with her parents for sometime. There are other issues that we do not know about so to assume that they live together is wrong.

Just because it is typical in one's eyes for Baby Boomers to feel that way about the marriages of couples living together before marriage, does not make it correct or not ignorant. Certainly I know of many more of that generation that actually feel quite the opposite (very excited for their children despite them living together before the wedding), than those and oneself who take away the significance-card for such couple.
Weddings and marriage are a happy and exciting time for any couple, regardless of living arrangements. I do not understand one's stereotyping of whole generations. I know many young coupled who are having very traditional weddings incorporating their parents customs and new ones of their own.
I am sorry that one feels such a way.

To the poster-- Possibly your parents do not know how to voice their enthusiasm? Are they usually more closed off emotionally?
I am sorry that you do not feel appreciated by your parents. Maybe you need to sit down and speak with them, let them know your concerns, and feel out their thoughts on the matter. I wouldn't assume anythign until directly speaking to them
Good luck with this as well as your upcoming nuptials!

there is more to this story than we know.

she probably never had a great relationship with her parents in the first place.

i hear what Luisamapacha is saying. i think some of you are getting too hyped up by her statement.

also, i think if a parent doesn't like something, that's usually when they act assey towards you. not everyone's parents turn the other cheek and smile.

this may or may not be the OP's case. we don't know because she wants us to say "oh that's horrible. your parents should be there for you no matter what. you're a great daughter. . . "

y'all know that's why she's posting this on here .

it sucks. but personally, i don't get all twisted up when my parents don't support something i want to do. i'm grown, and i'm going to do what i want. either they can be there and support, or they can miss out. they'll get over it. in the meantime, i'm doing what makes ME happy.

be glad they are showing up at all.

My intial response was asking if they lived together already. I never assumed they were. I was simply offering it as a reason why her parents might not be super excited.

Also, I did not say it was "typical" of Baby Boomers to feel a certain way. Nor did I imply I was in agreement with the more traditional views. So before responding and assuming how I'll treat my future children, you may want to read a little more carefully.

All our responses are based on personal experience, mine included. I have seen in many cases, including with my two younger brothers AND the daughters of a coworker that some parents just aren't as excited about a wedding when the couple has already been living together.

And that brings me back to my first point - I was simply suggesting that IF they have been living together, her parents' lack of excitement may be due to the fact that they've been "acting" married for years already.

Oh hon, I'm sorry. I know what you are going through. I was married this past January and my family was less than supportive. My mom was busy dealing with my step-father's health, my dad was busy helping my sister raise her kids, and my sister was busy being a hot mess. I had no family support and was super bummed about it as I was planning.

At first I used an online source so that I would have folks to talk "wedding" with but after a while I just stopped talking "wedding" to anyone because I really wish my family would even acknowledge it and "strangers" were not a substitute.

I did end up having a great wedding. My planning process could have been more fun but I consistently kept my mind on my goal that I was planning one hell of a party to kick off a marriage with my husband. He is my family now. So it was worth it.

My advice to you is to keep an eye on your goal. You are prepping for a marriage, your life with your husband. It doesn't matter how sh*tastic your parents may act as you plan your wedding, you are taking steps now to build a life with him. You may not be able to do or say anything to change their attitude (or they may just be busy like my folks were) so go through this process with grace and enjoy as much of it as you can.

I know how you feel. I am my parents youngest daughter and when my fiance and I got engaged, my parents weren't too happy. They would never bring up my upcoming wedding or ask how it was going. It was really bothering me so I invited my mom out to lunch and asked her why she wasn't interested in knowing about my wedding plans. Turns out, she was having a hard time letting go and thought my fiance was going to take me away from them. After reassuring her that i wasn't going anywhere after I get married, she started treating me differently and being more involved in my wedding plans. Sorry my comment is so long, but I thought maybe my experience could help you.

cubadog is exactly right...if you have been "at odds" with them for some time now, then they're probably not going to change just because you're getting married...

there's alot more to this story than we're hearing, I'm sure, but all I can tell you is to keep your chin up and be happy that your fiance's mother is happy and eager to help

you know it never hurts to just ask. i mean they are your parents. you should be able to say anything. you might not get the response you want but at least you'll know

This actually sounds ideal to me, but if you are bothered by it then you should say something--especially if this is out of character for them. However, if you've had problems with them before the engagement, it's unlikely that a wedding is going to change you into a happy family. You need to work out the underlying issues.

Maybe because you haven't been close with your parents over the last few years, they just aren't sure how much you want them to be involved. I know when my brother and his fiancee got engaged about 2 years ago, my mom talked to me and expressed some concern about how she wanted to be involved in the planning, but wasn't sure what they wanted and didn't want to step on anyone's toes, so she hung back and waited for them to ask her to help out. After the talk with my mom, I kinda hinted to my brother and fiancee how she felt and they had no idea she wanted to be involved and were more than happy to include her in the planning.

Maybe next time, you talk to your mom or dad, talk about how you are trying to make a decision regarding the wedding and you would just wondering what option they liked the best. It is a small step, but it will show them that you want them to be more involved. I'm sure if they are more involved in the wedding, they will be more excited.

If you've never had a close relationship with your parents, then it's kind of a fantasy to think that will all change now.

If you once had a close relationship but it's only been on the rocks since you've been dating this man, then there's a strong possibility they don't think you shouldn't be marrying him. Do they object to him? But they are showing up at the wedding, so that is something, it is a start.

But you need to keep in mind that you are starting your OWN family now. You've made your choice, and it sounds like it's a good one for you. I highly recommend the book, "Dance of Intimacy" for you.

Meanwhile, one other possibility: when I got married (the first time) my parents also seemed less enthusiastic and involved - at least, compared to how involved they were when my older brother had gotten married. It was like they were going through the motions. Turns out, my mother was going through a breast cancer scare, and didn't want to tell me because she thought it would throw a pall on the festivities.

So you never know.... maybe it's not about you and your wedding at all... maybe something else is going on with your parents that you know nothing about?? An illness? Marital troubles? Etc.

To play the devil's advocate here, is there a possibility that your parents see something (being on the outside of your relationship) that you do not see?

My husband went through this with my his mother not even a yaer ago. She didn't like it that her baby boy was marrying a single mother. Did I mention that my first husband died? She acted like I needed him for his money, yet he makes less than me and I built my own house and drive a brand new car that I pay for. He got sick of her behavior and told her to either jump in wholeheartedly, or to stay her rear end home. It worked. Maybe you need to give them an ultimatum. He told her that she would not ruin his special occassion and that it was her choice, but that he was not going to feel bad for her behavior or let it affect our happiness. Needless to say she threw me a shower, participated, and has really been good to me and to my son!!!

Ash i know plenty of people who say thier wedding was less than exciting because they were living together before hand......its not a myth it just isnt the case for everyone.

There could be a million reasons that we're not hearing...

marrying too young...
living together against parents wishes...
traditional family...
cultural background...
wedding's more than 1 yr. away...(some people don't think weddings require that much planning)
and the list goes on!

go back to WHY your relationship with them hasn't been great lately and you might find your answer.

My "wedding" is coming up next year...we eloped and now we want to give the families a party after about 5 yrs. together...his parents think is a waste of money...my side of the family is already planning what to wear! People are just different!

It must be hard planning a wedding that your parents don't even seem to care about. You said you've been at odds with your parents for a while that could have a lot to do with it. You didn't say what it was about and if it has anything to do with your man there is your answer.

They also could be happy about the wedding but just aren't really showing it because they don't know what to say. They might think that you've got it taken care of. I suggest talking to them and telling them how you feel. It will make them understand even if it doesn't change things. Also, thank your future MIL for being so nice and helpful with the wedding.

I echo SydneyC..is there something being left out? He sounds great but is there ANYTHING else that you've failed to say? If not then maybe its just "hard"for them for their only child to "grow up". Its the same with my Mother in law...I feel I am a GREAT catch...educated...professional..no drama HOWEVER my husband is an ONLY CHILD! Need I say more..no one would ever be "good" enough for her son...so dont take it so hard. Enjoy planning your wedding...and revel in this moment!

I went through a very similar situation.... My husband has never done anything negative to either one of my parents. When they found out we were getting married there was no excitement. Also my parents never married. My husbands parents were a little more excited but there had been an on going battle with his step mother, because I was never good enough for him. On the day of my wedding I stayed at my parents house the night before, my aunts and uncles came up from Florida. That morning my Dad left for a car show, and my Mother sat on the couch while my aunt and cousin helped me with my hair and make up. My aunt drove me to the church. My parents were 35 mins late getting to the church, so we waited on them to get there before we got started. I had asked my dad numerous times if he would walk me down the aisle, and he never gave me an answer, until they got there and i asked him again.... he said no. I walked myself down the aisle... my ceremony was beautiful. My parents left as soon as it was over. My husbands parents stepped up and helped out with whatever I needed, exspecially his step mother. I do not have one picture from my wedding that has either one of my parents in it.... its sad, but pictures are suppossed to remind you of all the good beautiful things that happened that day. So if your parents decide to be that way, just keep your head up and smile..... Its your day not theirs and dont let them ruin it!!