I gotta give it up to marriage preparation whether it is denominational or non-denominational and do it early so you aren't left wondering for months if this situation is right for you. You two are going through a lot of changes right now in your relationship and it does not sound like you have a solid understanding of each other to make this time more of a breeze. Like DearSugar said, it is not too late to change your mind but you need to find a way to know each other better to make that determination.

When I was engaged I was waiting for the bitter fights to start. I was dreading it, but then we were one year away, six months away, one month away, and the time I dreaded never happened. I hear this is pretty common during the wedding planning stage. I don't know if we simply got lucky, kept a level-head to focus on the marriage not wedding, or didn't carried away with the wedding planning. I hope the two of you figure out what works for you.

I agree with Kia. Go to couples counseling before tying the knot.

For the most part, I think big weddings with all the trimmings are a huge waste of resources and $. But I will say this: planning a wedding together is an excellent litmus test for the rest of the marriage. If you argue over money, family, the color of the napkins, NOW... if you don't handle the stress well as a couple... then you will find everything is amplified and that much worse once you are married.

If your fiance handles this stress by having nasty fights with you - fights in which he attacks your very character - just think how much worse he's going to be when babies arrive and neither of you have had much sleep? Or (if you choose not to have children) one of you gets ill? Or laid off? Or you are in process of making a major purchase, like a house?

The red flag for me is that he's attacking your character. That is not good. Gottman, a famous marriage expert, can predict who's going to get divorced with 80% accuracy, based on how they argue. Yes, all couples do argue. But those that argue and exhibit what he calls "The Four Horseman" - criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling - are 80% more likely to get divorced.

Your fiance is already exhibiting criticism and contempt. Contempt, by the way, is the absolute worse of the four.

If you want my advice? I think it's time to postpone the wedding. Couples counseling may help, but I would not plan on marrying this man until you work through this and see consistent, positive change.

Oh, and there's that thing called "reality" that catches up with you when things get serious in a relationship. There's a lot of pressure at the beginning of a new commitment, so maybe that's what's going on. You're freaking out, he's freaking out, and in a way it's probably normal. You two are just measuring the immensity of your commitment, of your decision, and I think you'd be insane not to be a little scared. There is a probably a ton of adjustments to make in order to be able to live with the same person for the next 50 years - and the first ones are on your expectations. Marriage is tough sh*t. And he's not going to find you funny for months on end, sometimes. And you don't have to demand that of yourself either. The common denominator here is the only important one: do you love each other? Do you want to make this commitment? Are you ready to work real hard at it? Including accepting the fact that it won't always be rosy, like it usually is the first year? If you don't feel ready for all this (I'm not saying "if you're scared", because OF COURSE you're scared!!) then you should wait a bit longer before tying the knot. And yeah, counseling isn't a bad idea. But accepting the reality of what a real couple is, definitely is the first step in my opinion.

i think all the comments above are fantastic advice.

i'd like to add that if you decide to postpone the wedding, PLEASE do not feel like a failure. people may have expectations for you (i.e. you have to get married soon) but ultimately, they will not be living daily life with this man, YOU WILL so screw their opinions.

i honestly think you two need to take a step back and reassess the relationship. i'm not saying you'll break up and never get married, but try and take an honest look at each other and discuss how you plan to spend your lives together and the ways you want to live.

good luck!

Everybody has offered great advice. Just go to couples therapy. That may just be what the two of you need. I wish you all the best of luck.

To me it sounds like maybe you are not quite ready for marriage, at least not with this guy. I've never liked the idea of a couple getting engaged after such a short period of time. I know that many couples have made it work, but I promise you there are others that have not. A wonderful 1st year of a relationship does not mean that every other year will be the same. Marriage is a HUGE LIFE CHANGING EVENT - make sure that you both are ready for this before the wedding takes place.

Being engaged can pile extra stress on top of a relationship, and many couples struggle with more fighting and feelings of unrest. Try some counseling, talk to your fiance about the situation, maybe he's just stressing just like you are. Maybe he's a jerk. You need to find out for absolute certainty before your wedding.

No, you can have a wonderful life with this man...after you postpone your wedding for a few years. Get to know him, get to know your strengths and weaknesses as a couple, and learn how to fight and argue in a constructive way. You learn this through the years of dating before marriage, but if you jump into a marriage, then you will have so many problems and getting hitched won't help them. Weddings are stressful enough and you should have a solid foundation as a couple beforehand.

Why jump into getting married so fast?? REMEMBER THIS: You will NEVER be able to date this man again, or be engaged to this man again, but you will be married the rest of your life (or until the inevitable divorce if you jump into a wedding so early on). Breathe and enjoy every step of your life together instead of rushing through all the good parts. You will likely regret not waiting rather than wishing you did it sooner!!

I agree -- I don't think you're ready to marry (yet). Postpone the wedding indefinitely, and continue dating. Try to get back to the good place you two were act -- re-connect.

My husband and I had a smooth engagement. We were on the same page about the wedding issue -- we both didn't want one. We wanted a marriage, so we cut to the chase. Because we didn't have to plan for a wedding, our engagement period was fairly short.

Y'all did a good job with this one!

I really think you're getting married too soon. I don't think that you're necessarily making a bad decision to get married to this man ever, but it just sounds like you're not ready. I would consider pre-marital counselling ASAP (so many couples go through it as part of the wedding prep process) but put all other wedding preparations on hold and perhaps consider a postponement of the wedding itself. You really need to be ready for such a commitment.

I also wanted to mention that it is definitely very normal to question such a huge commitment, and it's sometimes hard to know where exactly the line is where your worries cross over from normal into red flag territory. I found it really tough when I was engaged.

I would highly recommend the book, "The Conscious Bride" by Sheryl Paul. It's essentially about the negative feelings that women all go through during their engagements but never talk about. I found it really helpful to sort through my feelings at the time.

what's the rush? prolong your engagement and see how it goes. to me this just sounds like you don't really know him that well. and how would you? you've been with him for less than a year!

I agree with Petite---every word she said, that was fab advice! I understand you might be fighting over flowers, but he should still think your jokes are funny, or at least, as my boyfriend does, be amused at their lameness! Just slow it down...you haven't been dating THAT long!

being engaged gets old after about 6 months. you're not single, but you're not married. your not in his family, but ou're certainly on your way. it's not ideal. after the first blush of excitement and picking out colors and places to hold various events the ugly reality of who is paying for what and how strange your relatives seem to each other hits home. how do you stay yourself and blend into something you aren't REALLY part of quite yet.

this is common. you're all unsettled and after the ceremony things will get back to the wy they were with everyone knowing exactly where they line up and where they stand.

Some couples get engaged and/or married during their honeymoon phase and then it turns into a really, deep, loving, wonderful relationship.

Others get married during the honeymoon phase and then wake up 6 months later and realize they don't even LIKE the person they married. I've watched family and close friends go through this and it's very bizarre. It's like they go from being over the moon in love to being annoyed at the other person non-stop.

Because of this, I am a strong advocate of waiting to marry this guy. Counseling is a good idea also.

Calling off an engagement is hard. I know, because I've done it. But don't let the inertia of an engagement get you all the way down the aisle. Sure, some people will be disappointed, but most people will think "wow, good for them for taking a step back before it was too late."

Definitely postpone and get couples counseling.

I agree that couples counseling is the best. I'm in it now and my gracious has it been helpful! If you're honest it is so helpful for couples.