I think a second chance is in order here. Just remember that there's no such thing as "only a little." If you require him to quit drinking, he has to quit 100%.

2 black eyes and a bloody nose?!! That doesn't sound like one accidental punch.

i'd say don't get back with him immediately or just yet. see if he really goes to therapy and does all the things he said he would do. then maybe, just maybe you could give him another chance but he has to really prove it to win your heart again.

It sounds like all of you are at fault. Combine alcohol with cohabitation with family and you get a bloody mess sometimes.

If you have really left him, and want to start over again, than you both need to not live together and stay away from the alcohol.

I'm not sure how one punch could result in two black eyes and a bloody nose. But if he really hit you accidentally, then you could have a chance to reconcile. Take things slowly. See if he makes the changes, and maybe you should too, it would probably be good for both of you.

I just have one question, how did you getting in the way result in a bloody nose and two black eyes. How many times did you get hit --three times. Was your brother on the floor at this point. B/c I know my brother and myself and the bf would have been on the floor. I can't answer your question, to me alcohol gives people the balls to do what they always wanted to do and I know your going to stay with him. Please note: if he can do this to you when he is drunk and it's "accident", what could he do when he is sober and you two are alone. I wish you luck.

I agree with the others that two black eyes and a bloody nose isn't the result of one accidental punch. I just don't see how that's possible. This is way, way worse than the person who recently posted who got slapped. This is much more violent.

If you are set on giving him a second chance, don't let him back so easily. Have him show you for a month or two that he's not drinking. Don't just take him at his word.

Good luck.

It's difficult to say. I mean, two black eyes and a bloody nose? Sounds like more than just "accidentally"...

When you're sure he was actually after your brother - which isn't better, but I assume your brother is rather your bf's weight class than you are - anyway, when you're sure it was an accident, you maybe should give your bf another chance.

But, if you have the slightest doubt of it you should stay away from him.

Do what you feel is best for you in your own heart. Trust your gut. I can't tell you what to do because I cannot even imagine being in this situation so I won't pretend like I know how it would be. All I'm saying is make sure you ask yourself whether you would be happy in whichever you choose. Good luck

Lots of times when people are hit in the nose, especially when it bleeds, this results in having a black eye or two. Easily done with one punch. Sounds like a complicated situation...I cant say what I would do if this happened. However, probably need to figure out why he went after your brother for something so small...and make sure he wont do it in the future if a little thing happens again! Good luck!

If someone broke her nose she could easily have two black eyes from one punch... I say if it was a one time thing, alcohol and a brother's heated temper, let him sweat a bit then take him up on the therapy offer. If it's happened before, show him the door...

Was he awake? I have almost gotten punched waking someone up before and I have also (according to my husband) hit him (not hard) and argued and been generally belligerent while asleep (without alcohol).

If he was awake, I say you've got a pretty big problem on your hands.

NO second chances. Just leave. There are better people out there. No matter what, a MAN SHOULD NEVER HIT A WOMEN! NEVER!

I kind of feel that if you had to reach out to strangers to talk to (in this case, us), then he's done this before and it's now become a problem that now everyone can see (two black eyes and a bloody nose).

If HE wants to start therapy, there's a good chance that he thinks that he needs it, and you should do it together.

I was going to say that I understand how hard it is to just up and leave, but if you were able to do it in the first place, maybe you should try attending the therapy together, and work towards getting back together from there.

But being a woman, I have to agree with Montreal_Babe - let him sweat it out for a bit. In my experience, guys tend to need to have the BIG LESSON taught to them before they change, they don't just learn from the threat of the big lesson.

Oh, also, it's very common to get two black eyes if your nose is broken. It's not like he punched her once in each eye and then again in the nose!

Oh, and one more thing (I feel like I'm being so absentminded, making three posts in a row), don't set an ultimatum to never drink again - it's unrealistic, and you were drinking that night too. Instead, both of you should make a pact to drink less, but don't eliminate it altogether (unless he's habitually a belligerent drunk)

Wow, I say leave and never look back. This isn't a slap or a push -- he gave you a pretty serious injury. You don't provide a lot of details, but it sounds like he has a serious temper problem that can't be entirely blamed on the drinking. Attacking your brother alone is grounds for leaving, I'd say. Anyone who results to violence so quickly and irrationally is not safe to be around.

You're right, you do sound cliched. And as usual, an apologist. When you're an adult, honey, there are no more excuses.

Don't take him back girl

WAIT AT LEAST 6 MONTHS before getting back together. If someone needs to address a drinking problem, that is the minimum amount of time that he needs to stick with therapy and sobriety to prove a commitment to this change. (This is advice I was given by a therapist when I was dating an alcoholic who frequently promised to quit drinking, start therapy and AA, and then would change his mind as soon as we were back together for a few weeks. I strongly recommend books called "Dance of Anger" and "Codependent No More" which can say a lot more than I can write here - even if the titles are a little cheesy.)

If he's a great guy, as you say, then he will want to make these changes with or without you. He needs to do it because he knows he has a problem, NOT just so he can keep you. If that's his only reason, he'll start drinking and getting physical again as soon as your relationship is stable. Leave him alone for a while. In 6 months you'll see where he stands. And maybe you will have gotten over him by then, anyway. My honest hope is that you decide you'd rather not be with him at all, but I know that advice isn't helpful and you need to make that decision on your own.

I teach teens about domestic violence every day, and they always say alcohol and drugs make someone abusive. there is NO excuse for violence, the only thing that makes that person abusive is their CHOICE to behave in that way. You are very strong for leaving, and it can be very hard to leave someone you love, but abuse is abuse is abuse, and you do not deserve it "accidental" or not, so stay strong!!

i'd need more information. like when you say accidently- was he swinging towards your brother and you jumped in front of him, giving him no time to react. or were you already in front of your brother and then he swang. two different scenerios. in the end its a judgement call on your end as to what happened. i'd be curious to know what your brother thinks, being that he was there. but well if you do decide to take him back, therapy isn't a bad idea- neither is watching your alcohol intake and setting guidelines. my ex-bf was a huge ass one time when he was drunk and after that i set the guideline that i reserved the right to walk out of any party, bar, bedroom, etc that i thought he was too drunk at and leave him there alone and he couldn't be mad. after that he was much more conscious of his alcohol intake.

"You're right, you do sound cliched. And as usual, an apologist. When you're an adult, honey, there are no more excuses."

Bravo! Could not have said it better myself.

Um...he tried to come after your brother, and gave you two black eyes and a bloody nose. Shouldn't that be an indication that this guy has some serious issues and that you need to get the hell out of the relationship???

If any guy I dated said sh*t about my family, let alone tried to hurt them, I would end it right then and there. I've done it before after one of my ex's made a couple of rude remarks about my parents and brothers.

If any guy were to hurt me like that, i'd call the police on his a*s.

The best guy in the world wouldn't want to hurt you. Not even accidentally. He should be heartbroken and ashamed - and you shouldn't feel bad that he feels that way. The way he reacted isn't normal at all, and he can't be excused for being drunk!

i thought you were going to say that he hit you in his sleep (bad sleeper).

but how the hell you catch two black eyes and a bloody nose???

i'm visualizing the whole scenario. and in my mind, after he lunged to punch your brother and you jumped in the way, it seems like a h* woulda got the hell of of the way and let the men duke it out.

so i'm more inclined to believe he went to town on you.

i'm not even going to say what you should or shouldn't do, because the fact that you're even considering taking him back means you're gonna let that crap slide.

next time, learn to duck.

Ahahaha "learn to duck"

That's the best advice yet.

Seriously, we all know she's going to stay with this guy.

Ok .. let's back this train up some before you decide to lynch the poor guy

a) all you ladies getting all pissy cuz he hit her accidentally should back off.. If two guys are about to come to blows you stay out.. I hate to break it to you but men are stronger then women in most cases.. And if he just hit her the wrong way it could result in the two black eyes and the bloody nose..Especially if he got her between the eyes.. This poor guy is not abusive and doesn't deserve the silent treatment

b) She woke the poor guy up..Especially after he had been drinking.. Riddle me this ladies of the court how many of you wake up out of a sleep especially after you have been drinking and have been totally coherent? My other half who wouldn't hurt a fly has swung at me once when I woke him up.. Not because he's abusive but because he was in the middle of a deep sleep..

So let's see.. Drunk guy passed out..You come to bed and try to take his covers when he's cozy and warm..There is some arguing and he's being a prick BECAUSE YOU WOKE HIM UP! ..... and your brother comes in and starts sticking his nose in it.. And your boyfriend. Annoyed because you woke him up from his cozy sleep and now he has some jerk makng comments..and so he gets out of bed and takes a swing at your brother that hits you..

I don't think it's anybodies fault, and I definitely don't think he needs anger management counselling or AA.. I think it's an honest mistake.. and I am sorry that you ended up with the brunt of it.. But i don't think it's worth ending a relationship over

I agree with cuteaholic, your ex-boyfriend may deserve another chance, but not before addressing his own issues in therapy and recovery. You don't need to be a part of that until much later in the process and he doesn't need the distraction of having to fix a relationship as well as himself. Let him get his act together and then see what he has to offer you to return. He exploded over sharing his blankets with you and even the presence of someone else didn't deter him from initiating a situation where you were hurt. What's going to happen when you fight over sharing something important like your life?

Yeah, if you're lying to us (and yourself) about how many times you were hit and the situation around it, then you have serious trouble and you know it. But to everyone else - it's totally possible that one punch to the nose resulted in 2 black eyes.

I have to ask, what possessed your brother to go barging into your bedroom?
Either he has no sense of boundaries, to take it upon himself to go univited into your
bedroom to referee a "silly" arguement..
Or he heard something that alarmed him and made him feel a need to come
to his sister's defense..
Why would this be?...Have you mentioned to him in the past about an incident getting
out of hand?
Just wondering ...Seeing as your family LOVES your bf so much..why would your
brother have this REACTION/OVER-REACTION?

I agree with pretty much everybody. I don't know how you can get two black eyes and a bloody nose from an accidental punch when you just "got in the way". Alcohol can be a factor, but it only intensifies feelings and actions that are already there. It is ultimately your decision but in my opinion, I would have him go through with everything he has promised. Therapy: Absolutely! Stop drinking: Definately! Only after he has completed those things, would I consider taking him back...

good luck!

I was actually in a relatively same situation. My boyfriend and I got hammered one night, and got into a stupid argument (we never really argued otherwise), and when i tried to leave the room, he blocked the door. So, I pushed him, and he pushed me back, but when he did (I know this doesn't make sense, but it was how our room was shaped) his elbow caught my lips, and my lip just split. I know it was an accident, and that he was just too rough with me. I've never seen someone so repentant. He was beyond horrified. We realized then we were a bit more combative when intoxicated, and we made a mutual promise to stay at a good drunk, if we drank at all.

I decided to forgive him, because I honestly felt it was an accident, and I felt as though he was truly sorry. I know he is not a violent person, but the situation got ugly. I think your boyfriend probably deserves a second chance. He knows he's on thin ice.

Unless you think he truly has a severe and dangerous drinking problem, I agree with others when they say complete abstinence from booze is probably not realistic. I think if this doesn't teach him how to work with alcohol boundaries then nothing will.

I was never hit again. He still apologizes for it. He still feels guilty everyday, even though I have accepted it and moved on. He is so careful with any alcohol consumption. I don't think someone should be condemned automatically.

*i just think i should clarify because i do have real-life friends on this thing, this was not my current boyfriend. and the one i am speaking of - we did not break up in regards to this, or any similar situation, i just moved away for school.

Typical abuser. Get out now! ONE accidental punch doesn't usaully lead to a bloody nose AND TWO black eyes. He has major rage issues for going after your brother about something so juvenile, but at the same time, unless you brother heard you screaming for help, it wasn't his business to butt in.

Also, if drinking seems to cause a trend in your life, leading to arguments and fighting, do the smart thing and stop drinking. It only makes sense to remove the negatives impacts from your life. Just because it's the legal drug, doesn't mean it doesn't make you a total idiot (or in his case, a violent rager!).

My boyfriend accidentally broke my nose 2 weeks ago (yes, one hit gives you 2 black eyes!!! And my BF is the frail type - it doesn't take much to break a nose...). It's been a running joke between us since the first day at the hospital, waiting for x-rays in a room wallpapered with "spousal abuse" posters - even though he's deeply ashamed and I was hurting like a mofo for a while; but still, when you know (and YOU know) that your BF isn't an abuser and that it was all just an accident, why in God's name would you:
1. break up with him;
2. ask him to stop drinking;
3. send him to therapy??

If your BF's dog threw itself under the wheels of your car and you accidentally ran it over, WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF HE DUMPED YOU??

WOULD IT MAKE SENSE?

I understand that you got in the way, but your boyfriend was violent towards your brother.

You said that "everyone loves him, including family and friends." What do your family and friends think? What does you Mom say?

I agree- what do the others think? I dont know enough but from what you wrote, 2 black eyes AND a bloody nose sounds very very off to me. If you must take him back -and you will- then you should be prepared to hold your end of the deal. Don't the girl that he knows will "come around" when he acts like a dick.

I think you need to step back and think really carefully if he is actually the kind of man you say he is. I'm sure there are already red flags that tells you otherwise. Regardless of who the punch was for, no one should be throwing punches? I usually see that a man who easily starts to get physical will usually end up hurting you because it comes so easy to him.

Oh, I love these "understanding", codependent broads on this website. Nothing says "I love you, please wipe your feet on me" like staying with a guy who puts his hands on you.

I dont care HOW many drinks he had, there is something in him that allowed him to put his hands on you. Its in his nature, he surpresses it when he doesnt drink - and when he does, Bam! You got to see the real him. Ever notice how people get REAL honest when they are drunk? They lose their filters, he lost his and you got the beat down.

As someone who has been on the receiving end of something like this, there is no way in hell Id ever contemplate staying with the person who did this to me. Why? Because Im noone's punching bag or doormat to wipe their dirty feet on. I deserve better and got it for myself.

Im sorry, I dont feel bad for you one bit. If you are contemplating forgiving him, and wanting to make a go of it - you need to stay so that he can work some more magic on you.

Pfft

"If your BF's dog threw itself under the wheels of your car and you accidentally ran it over, WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF HE DUMPED YOU?? WOULD IT MAKE SENSE?"

Thats the most ignorant ass sh*t Ive read in a long time.

I dont even understand the logic behind that one. Honestly, some people need to sit on their hands instead of spewing this crap.

This guy drinks too much, is too selfish to share the bed covers, explodes into violence, is willing to attack your own brother, and gave you two black eyes and a bloody nose.

Personally I recommend therapy for *YOU.* Why do you pick men like this? Why do you make excuses for them? Why do you think this is a good man? He's not. You deserve better.

Please, get yourself into therapy.

There are things you should put up with in a relationship and there are things your shouldnt. You broke up with him for a reason. He hit you whether he was drunk or not! I wouldnt give him a second chance because there are many awesome men out there that we love me unconditionally, get drunk and know better never to lay a hand on me.

Your ex as issues, question is are you willing to help and support him through all of that. This change wont be over night and he may slap you a couple of times before hes better, or he may not. Are you ready for that?

Hey Karlotta - two thumbs up for your attempt at wit/low blowing, but you fall short.

Actually, no I didnt take too many slaps from an ex. I took one and left. Sorry to disappoint.

I dont believe Im on a high horse, I strongly believe however that some people should have a little bit more self worth and leave when a situation presents a bunch of red flags. The girl in this post however, has flares lit up all over the place. I dont care if the guy was sleeping and was woken up - fact remains he acted in a violent way towards two people - one of them being his girlfriend. I dont think there was any accident, I think he was acting out and I also think its an indication of something deeper.

I also think this :"If your BF's dog threw itself under the wheels of your car and you accidentally ran it over, WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF HE DUMPED YOU?? WOULD IT MAKE SENSE?" is pretty ridiculous. I dont think its relevant to the topic and I think it also cheapens what could be good dialogue on the topic.

Carry on.

karlotta, I totally got the point of the dog analogy. Alisha, you need to calm down and reread karlotta's post because it does make sense.

I think a lot of people are operating under the incorrect assumption that the boyfriend directly attacked HER. From the poster's description of the incident, it sounds like there might have been some drunken flailing or pushing/shoving between the boyfriend and the brother, and the girlfriend caught an accidental elbow in the face.

And like many posters have clarified, you CAN get two black eyes from a bloody nose. The capillaries around that area of your face are very delicate, and swelling from getting bopped in the nose can easily result in bruising around the eyes as well.

To me, it sounds like an unfortunate drunken scuffle that got a little out of hand, resulting in some accidental injuries. And please, Alisha, don't even try to suggest that I'm a girl who makes excuses for my boyfriends, or lets guys walk all over me. I've made boyfriends cry while reaming them out when I'm not pleased.

Thank you sunshower, I did think I was being reasonable and rational. After ACCIDENTALLY getting my nose broken by my own boyfriend, who wouldn't hurt a fly, I know that freak accidents happen and that it's not always abuse. I feel like a lot of people here are crying wolf, and if the OP's boyfriend was definitely acting like a total drunken idiot, I can't imagine calling him an abuser (if what happened really is what the OP told us.) And the dog analogy makes sense, if, as she told us, the OP PUT HERSELF in the way of a flailing drunken guy!

some of you are attacking each other. give me a break! no bueno.

I'm sure he is a great guy, but that's just what happens when people are drunk... if he's promised to quit drinking (and al anon, or whatever), there's no reason for you to leave him. Alchohol just drastically changes people's behavior!

Like everyone else I questioned how you accidentally got 2 black eyes and a broken nose but I do believe accidents do happen I think of some of the things I have done and I can honestly see myself jumping in between 2 people to get knocked in the face. Also when your nose is broken you generally end up with black eyes so I am not surprised that it could happen with one punch. I give him a lot credit for realizing that it went too far and that alcohol is the main issue now you need to recognize the same I think you both need to attend therapy and AA because there is never reason drunk or otherwise to allow things to go this far.