This same thing is posted on dearsugar and I voted there that I wouldn't wear it, but I like the confrontational approach. It's just not for me. I guess I'm just not that brave. But I like that it refuses to allow people to pretend that something doesn't exist, doesn't happen that often, only happens to deserving women, etc.

I understand the need to bring the subject out into the open, and to help people not feel shame, but this seems to both trivialize and aggrandize the issue. Your rape shirt is out in the public with political and rockband shirts and at the same time, you're labeling yourself by an awful event in your life. It isn't who you are, it's something that happened.

well THERE is an awkward social experience! It's fine if she wants to run around talking about it to everyone who'll listen, but I don't. I'd kind of like to hang on to those shreds of dignity by not giving the entire public a mental image of what happened! Or, explain that what happened happened after I'd had two margaritas. With someone I trusted. I wasn't raped, but I nearly was. When you come out with bruises on your face, people ask questions, and it sure is hard to avoid!

I am happy to talk about it, but when I choose. She has her coping mechanism, and I have mine. And seriously, how does she want this conversation to start? It would honestly offend me if someone walked up wearing a t-shirt that suggested I talk about it to them. I can see a therapist for that, and hang on to my privacy in the mean time.Just because this happened doesn't make me or any victim less private about sex than they were before!

I never thought of it like that Stephley...I felt immediately relieved when I saw the shirt and did not at all feel confronted as much as alleviated, lightened. However, I do think it in some way can make the topic lighter than it should like "I was molested by a relative" or "I witnessed a hate crime" or "I was assaulted because I'm ..." yeah I can see how people would be like COOL SHIRT DUDE I WANT ONE!

That is insane. I think it's TOTALLY inappropriate, but not because it "victimizes" the wearer. It's not a lighthearted thing to talk about and I don't care, I wouldn't want to be advertising the fact that I was violated! Also, it's certainly awkward for the people who see the person wearing the shirt to know something so personal.

If a rape victim wants to wear the shirt, I am not going to think less of her for it.

Sadly, I have known many women who have been raped. Some were childhood friends, college friends, children, teachers...so many women. So many situations. None of these women told me their story because I asked if they experienced that. Many of them told me in very random situations, as if it was something they needed to vent from their soul.

When she says that "So many people who’ve been raped tend to doubt the experience", that really rings with me. Even though the situations for the trama were so varied, each person expressed a similar shock that this happened to them. That a stranger, a boyfriend, a family member, a confidant could do this to them. I think that we help women when we enable them to work through these feelings of ambush.

Some times people just need an ear. I would never judge a woman for how she handles that situation, or how she find that ear.

I can't see why anyone would want to wear a t-shirt like that. I mean, how awkward for everyone? Surely you couldn't feel comfortable wearing it yourself, not to mention how it would make other people feel. All that aside, I really can't see what she hopes to accomplish with this shirt....?

Good point foxie. What do you say to someone wearing that? "I'm sorry that you were raped. I hope it didn't hurt too bad." It seems more for calculated effect than actual practicality.

To me, it doesn't seem like she's trying to make light of the situation or just get comments.

For me, it would be a way to "come out of the closet" about being raped and find a way to stop the feelings of shame.

I've never been raped. I was, however, molested by two different people that I trusted very much as a child. I didn't tell anyone for over seven years because I was so ashamed and to this day, I still have so many issues because of it.

To me, wearing such a shirt would, in my opinion, lead to less shame and basically say "This happened to me. This is happening to billions of people the world over. We need to stop it."

Does that make any sense?

Everyone has their crosses to bare. I think this is inappropriate. Should we all start wearing t-shirts advertising our demons? "I was beaten as a child", "my boyfriend hit me last night", "I cut myself when nobody's looking." ...etc...etc...etc I think that it sensationalizes it and leaves room for idiots to be very insensitive. If that is what this particular girl needs to get through it, then of course let her do that. BUT I don't think this should be encouraged as a coping mechanism. I think that it's much healthier to talk about it with people that care about you and people that you trust. I have my own issues, as does everyone, and I am very candid about it, BUT I don't think it should be forced upon people that had nothing to do with it and don't care.

I just read the full article. The designer of the shirt is not a victim of sexual assault or rape herself. She designed it for shock value. Almost as a social experiment. The actress who wore the shirt as a test case was a victim of rape, but she is also a performer and an extreme personality. She even went to pick up her child at preschool with the shirt on. This was totally done for shock value and I SERIOUSLY don't think this should be encouraged. I'm actually kind of disgusted that this non-victim is profiting off these shirts.

harmonyfrance I saw that too, but I took that as a plus rather than a minus. If I detach the original person from the shirt itself, and leave it as a shirt anyone can wear, I see it as an attempt to put the conversation front and center rather than relegated only to those that have experienced it. But I'm open to all views.

If it helps someone who was raped feel less vulnerable and violated. thereby helping them heal, then good. I do believe there is a stigma associated with being raped, and the fact that it exists empowers rapists. If victims of sexual crimes want to try to take the power back, then I can understand the psychological empowerment of such a shirt for certain personalities.

The fact that the designer wore it for shock value (if true) gives me an uneasy feeling. But the fact remains: if it helps just one woman, then it was worth it. I can't see how it would hurt any women because they can choose not to wear it. If it upsets them what other people choose to do to cope with their own horrific event, then they have other issues to deal with and will probably, unfortunately, take much longer to heal than the wearer of the shirt.

That's just....strange. It would make me uncomfortable and like others said, I wouldn't know what to say. It does seem the person wearing it would be doing it for empathy. And yeah, if a young child asks about it, then it puts you in a strange position as a parent to have to address it right there.

i think it is a lot harder to understand the value of the shirt if someone has never been raped, obviously it is going to strike differently with different people. I went to a party my freshman yr in college and had 2 beers, two beers should not have an inebriating effect. I have no idea what this man looks like, all i know is that I had sex with a man behind a house. I lost my shoes my underwear and phone, i got back to my dorm an just cried. Even when someone who hasnt been raped wears the shirt i think it makes a good statement. This happens, rape happens so much more than we all think it does, and its never looked at as appropriate to talk about it. I think that is what helps the most, sharing the experience, other people empathizing what you went through.
And i agree with Matdredalia,
I think rape is something that should be adressed and talk about because far to many women have to bear that same cross.

I think the shirt is totally inappropriate. It's a shame that it happens, but the bottom line is that unless the person who was raped doesn't come forward, then no one will know. If the person who was raped was too frightened to come forwad, this shirt isn't going to help them. I would encourage anyone who was sexually assaulted to come forward, just don't go before that idiot judge we read about a couple of days ago...

it's a form of branding. it is a very one dimensional identity category. it will turn people off. if you want to do something real, there are plenty of other opportunities to be effective on this issue. it's like a rubber bracelet, but more in your face.

Inappropriate.

I really think discussion about sexual assault is important. This t-shirt isn't about shock value, it's about starting discussion on a very important issue that's sadly far too common, and it's about removing the stigma away from sexual violence. Like the original post noted, we live in a society where some people won't call a rape by it's name - we need to start having honest and open discussions about sexual assault, we can't let it become a "dirty little secret".

I hadn't seen that the designer wore it to pick up her child at preschool - to me, that's highly inappropriate. And I think the problem I have with her idea is the total randomness it invites. Catch me with your shirt when I'm picking up my young child and I might give you a thumbs up and then hurry off with the child I don't want casually exposed to that reality. Come up to me at a coffee shop when I'm relaxing, I'd be willing to talk.
I think it's too in your face, Harmony's right we all have our crosses and if we all start wearing them on shirts we start battling for attention. I think something more subtle, like the AIDS ribbons originally, that invites questions and conversations is better than a declaration across your chest.

Stephley - Please don't think I'm trying to be rude or say your opinion is wrong or any way....I'm curious though..

Why is it that you wouldn't want a child to understand that so that he or she could better protect themselves in the future?

I literally knew what rape was at 5 years old. The same time my mother gave me the birds & the bees talk (I was actually 4, it was two months before I turned 5), including condoms, birth control, STD's, etc. she gave me the rape talk.

I've never been raped. I was one of the last three girls in my graduating class to lose her virginity (by choice), and at 20 years old I've never had an STD or pregnancy or even a scare.

My question is, why do we feel are children are so fragile that they will break if we explain these things to them? What is it about children that makes us think they shouldn't know these things until they're "older", whenever that is?

No offense taken - I objected to the idea that someone else would choose the timing to raise this issue with my child. I've talked with my daughter about inappropriate touching, about her body being her own, since she was very young but I was aware that sometimes too much information increased her anxieties. I don't want my child to live in a bubble so that she's unprepared for the ugly things that can happen; on the other hand, I don't want her to be over-aware of evils. She was five on 9/11, and knew a little of what was happening - I've let her lead me on giving her more information as she got older.
I know the reality is that any terrible thing can happen to you at any time, but as a parent, I think you need to ease your child in to that reality as much as life allows.

I wouldn't wear it, and I think someone wearing it on a t-shirt would just make a bunch of people uncomfortable.
However, I do see this as a bold statement and I admire whoever designed this.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and I completely understand that. I just find it a little sad that some people are against the shirt because it would make THEM as an observer feel uncomfortable.

That shirt is [not inappropriate] at all!

Looks like a cry for attention to me.

The shirt is brilliant...

Why?

Because look at the discussion thread on this posting... Many people are talking about rape, and acknowledging that it is a problem.

We don't train men to understand completely what it is, and how they can easily commit it. And we don't train women to understand how easy it can happen and that they need to report it right away.

And I think rape is something that should be discussed with children when you have the sex talk. And in my opinion, the sex talk needs to happen very early. By the time you send the kids off to kindergarten, they need to understand how to deal with any kind of "harassment" or "assault" in the event that it happens to them by their teachers or school mates.

As far as little children seeing it, or children old enough to read, can't you just wear it only in places that little kids aren't? Like college campuses?

Where are the conservatives on this issue? Cabaker? Cine? Syako? Just curious.

Stephley - AH! Thank you for explaining, now I understand. I can definitely understand what you mean about not wanting someone else to choose the timing. I do believe that parents should have the right to decide when their child is/isn't ready for such a thing, and having someone else decide for you, especially on such a godawful issue, would be pretty harsh.

Remedios - That was actually my thought as well Have some respect for parental prerogatives, but at the same time, get the message out.

TheMissus - I agree that men are most definitely not trained to see how easily they can commit such a crime, sometimes without even realizing they are doing so. Hell, when they had a speaker come in to talk to the girls about how to prevent being raped, they actually had the guys leave the room and go watch TV in the teacher's lounge instead of pounding it into their heads that "NO MEANS NO!"

There is a line from an Andrea Gibson poem, where she says several times "What would you tell your daughter" referring to if your daughter was raped. What would you say to her, how would you help her cope? And at the end of it, she's referring to a friend who was raped, and she says "Tonight she's not wondering what you'd tell your daughter, she's asking what you're going to teach your son?"

I think it's one of the biggest problems concerning rape. We put the worry, the fear, and the responsibility on the girls shoulders instead of the men. And I'm sorry, but I think it would go a lot father to prevent rape if we actually dealt with the attacker instead of the victim.

While we don't train them on a mass scale, we do, to some degree, train our daughters, but we train them to be afraid instead of being empowered. We train them not to walk alone at night, to carry mace in their purse or on their keyring, to learn self defense moves, to keep their drinks covered at parties. In high school, the aforementioned speaker had the gall to tell us that we shouldn't wear revealing clothing because it could "encourage" someone. Gee, nice way to say "You're at fault for being raped if you wear revealing clothing."

Between acting as if the girls are somehow responsible for whether or not they get raped, and not bothering to put the responsibility onto the boys, we as a society are basically telling these women "It's your fault if this happens to you. You weren't smart/fast/strong/careful enough."

So if you see someone wearing this shirt, you are going to have to lean in and stare about 12" away from their right boob to be able to read the message. Then you are expected to casually lean back and discuss with them what it says to make them feel better without feeling any discomfort yourself?
Maybe she should make shirts that are fill in the blank and everyone can write in the most horrible thing that has happened to them. Then everyone can compare and get whatever it is off their chest and feel better all together.
I'm being sarcastic but I think this is another case of "I want to make myself feel better and I don't care about the feelings of anyone around me. Even if I completely shock those around me, I'll wear this so that they can discuss this most personal and private thing that happened to me, even if they don't know me. "
I think things like this should be dealt with privately with family or in therapy. Everyone has their crosses to bear and they don't need to unload them on everyone else unless they are prepared to deal with all of the other person's problems in exchange.
I'm all for raising awareness, but I don't think that having strangers stare at a rape victim's boob is going to help their comfort levels either.

LOL Redegg...I didn't even think about the fact that it was right on her boob. Oh and I agree.

You raise a great issue Mat, about how we teach boys. I've had more than one man tell me that growing up, they were told respect women by their moms, and told to respect certain kinds of women by their dads. I've had Catholic men tell me their school priests made the distinction.

My dad taught me that all women were to be respected. He also warned me that if I did ANYTHING that my date didn't want to do the police would have a hard time finding me (and not because he would help hide me). Between my upbringing, my faith, and my Boy Scout experiences, I don't understand how any person can assault another and think there isn't anything wrong with it.

Having said that, I don't like the way the shirt brings up the problem of rape. Maybe I'm wierd, but there are certain things that just discussed in casual conversation.

Jillness, frankly I don't see how that's sad. It's just common courtesy to think of how you make other people feel. If I felt taken aback by a tshirt like that, would it automatically mean that I'm not sensitive or understanding about the issue of rape? No. To suggest otherwise would be ridiculous. There's a way to deal with sensitive things with a modicum of tact, and a tshirt really isn't it.

As a resident conservative, I agree with you Harmony.

That's what I was afraid of. I guess my views are conservative on this issue.

Nice new avatar UnDave.

Whats wrong with being conservative?!!?

Someone went platinum!!!!!!!

If i saw someone wearing a shirt like that at a party or get together i would turn around and talk to someone else, cause shes got to be a barrel of laughs. there is a time and place for making statements and T-shirts are not one of them. are you supposed to say "oh i love that shirt where can i get one" or "you were raped? when?" or "I am sorry" or "i was raped too" or "they need to make that font bigger cause i thought it said i was rapel, and i didnt know what that meant"

I think that shirt is amazing. How is wearing that shirt any different from someone wearing a t-shirt that says "I survived breast cancer"? Is that something to be kept a secret too? The more rape is kept a secret the more shame there is for someone who has been raped. I have the utmost respect for anybody brave enough to wear that shirt. People do NOT choose to be raped.

Actually it would be more comparable to a tshirt that says "I have breast cancer." It's not like this shirt says "I overcame being raped" or something.

No I think a shirt that says "I have breast cancer" is akin to a shirt that says "I am being raped".
But I can see how that would be confusing. So How is a shirt that says I was raped different from a shirt that says I had cancer?

I used cancer as an example because they are equal in the amount of control you have. Rape and cancer are things that are both DONE TOO someone. Why should someone be ashamed of something that was done to them without their consent or control?

Thanks Harmony!

Megan: A problem I have with the shirt, or a shirt that says "I had cancer" is that it screams "Pay attention to me!" There are things I don't want to know about you (not that I don't want to get to know you.) There are some things that shouldn't be broadcast to the general audience. I would compare it to Brittney Spears first announcing that she was a virgin, and then saying she was not longer.... I know there are people who cared, but I didn't. The bottom line is there are things that should only be shared with friends and family (and in with the authorities in the case of rape).

Well UnDave35 first of all it really isn't your decision what other people choose to disclose about themselves. Also you are under no obligation to GIVE someone attention for wearing such a shirt. Although I don't really see it as about getting attention. Why don't you want to know that someone has been raped? It may not be your intention but by saying that you are giving the impression that there is something wrong with the person who has been raped. So many people have NOBODY to tell, and maybe seeing someone else be brave enough to say they were raped on a t-shirt will be a catalyst for their own healing process.

It's sad that they feel they have no one to tell. What about parents, friends, A PASTOR (Lutherans are the best...). I don't want to feel obligated to feel sorry or feel I have to express sympathy for something that happened to someone by someone else, especially someone whom I know nothing else about.

Unless of course you were raped by a parent a friend or a pastor... then you might not want to talk to them. Also possible that they don't have parents, friends or a pastor in their life. Reading words on a shirt does NOT make you obligated to feel sorry for/express sympathy for anybody. The shirt has no consequence to your life (other then that whole caring about others thing) so don't say anything. You have just as much a right to say nothing as the person wearing the shirt has to say something. But someone else may find they do want to talk to someone wearing that shirt. Or they might appreciate a reminder that they are not alone.

I have to disagree. The shirt is only for shock value. It's like wearing a black panther party shirt to remind everyone of racism and discrimination. It happens, it's unfortunate, and I oppose it. I don't need to be reminded who it has happened to.

The shirt is not about you. Why don't you need to be reminded? Why is it is so important to you not to have to think about the fact that rape happens? Rape is not going to go away as long as we turn away and stay silent and pretend it doesn't happen.