Sorry, but people who have nothing to hide hide nothing- my husband couldnt wait to introduce me to every friend he has when we were dating- after four YEARS, I think something is up.

Unfortunately my dear, I feel that it seems from what you are saying that your boyfriend doesn't see you as much of a future wife for him. Perhaps you two are very young? He sounds as though he wants to keep his friends away from you b/c then he can stay in his 'single' life with them, and then have his couple life with you. This can be either because he's secretly wishing for that bachelor life or because he doesn't see you as the one that he'll keep a solid future with, because when people split, so do their friends, and that's hard when you are very close with friends that eventually feel awkward (like some people don't introduce parents until they are very sure they're about to marry this person) and the time invested. But if he is out there making friends and after 4 years of being with him you know none to few of them, it's quite probable that they don't know about you or think you're just 'this girl' he's dating, and that there's no serious future there. Take the break, and the hint, and think about moving on. He doesn't seem the type that wants to secure the relationship there, but certainly mention it to him, but if it doesn't go anywhere, then maybe you should!

i agree a lot with what berlin said. i would say that either he a) doesn't want you becoming friends with his friends because when you break up it could be weird if you stay friends with some of his friends- it could make for awkward gatherings and run-ins. (notice i said WHEN you break up) and b) he just doesn't see you as forever, therefore his making friends with new girls is hoping to find the girl he falls in love with forever. and you may be right- he may not be cheating on you, but i think he's looking for someone.

4 years is an awful long time to put up with that. does he even say he loves you? in my experience, if i wasn't sure a guy would last long, i was hesitant to introduce him to a lot of my friends. just a thought.

Wake up hun! FOUR YEARS!!! And he's hiding "friends" from you women "friends"?! He's definitely up to something especially considering when you try to talk about it, it turns into an argument! Don't be so naive! So do you just sit at home like an ass while he's out with these women? No way in hell would I put up with this sh*t!

bizarre situation, & i agree with hotstuff! how has this gotten this far?

move on sweetie. he's going to bring home something you don't want and will have forever.

Unfortunately, his refusal after 4 years to introduce you to his friends seems to have no good aspect to it. These are a few possibilities:

1) He's talking about you behind your back to these friends, and most likely he's complaining about you, playing the 'pity me' to his female friends.
Don't be surprised if they all 'hate' you thanks to him. Of course, it's easier for his lies (unless you really are mean to him) to be maintained if you and his friends never meet.

2) He definitely isn't considering you someone he wants to be committed to (i.e. marriage). He doesn't want to commit to you.

3) He may be very much flirtatious with his female friends or/and he tells all these female 'friends' that he's single or just DATING you (non-exclusive with you).

4) It may turn out that he's DATING some/few of these so-called 'friends.' He just doesn't want you to find out so he brands them 'FRIENDS.'

If you guys aren't going anywhere/commit, and commitment is in your goal (sooner than later), you may want to reconsider your options.

Good luck to you.

I think after four years of not being a part of this part of his life, this should be a red flag to you about him. I'm sure there are other things about him that arent right either. You should probably consider taking a little break from him.

That's really strange! I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than to just agree that it is so bizarre.

Even though my boyfriend's friends from our hometown are SO incredibly different from me, and from our newer friends from college and our new town, I still have met them and will occasionally hang out with them when we go home! And as a woman, I ALWAYS want to meet my male friends' new girlfriends! Yeah, it sucks if you become close to them and they break up, but I'm always so curious and nosy! Plus, if they are dating my friends, they are my "friends" too! Unless I hate them....which is another story....

my dear poster, i think you're just a jump-off (f*ck-buddy/booty-call/part-time lover/ etc.).

after 4 years and he keeps you at bay???

the writing is on the wall. don't be a donkey.

It is DEFINITELY time to take a step back & analyze your relationship.

And 4 years? I'm utterly shocked that he not only hasn't introduced you to his friends (male or female), but the fact that he didn't introduce you in the beginning and you're all friends together!

Plain & simple, for whatever reason, he's trying to hide you.

Have y'all gone out in the past and you don't make conversation with anyone buy your BF? Have y'all gone out and by midnight you're ready to call it quits and he wants to hang for a few more hours? Does he like to drink a lot and you not (and v/v)? I could go on & on.

However, after 4 years, you guys should be best friends. And you should share friends, too.

I know that my boyfriend's ex was never invited to anything they did. His friends didn't like her and she never made an effort to like him. That cause a lot of issues in their relationship & they ended up calling it quits b/c he realized if she couldn't hang & have fun with his friends the way he liked her to, then why even have her in his life?

As for now, I'm always invited if something's going on in my BF's territory. I'm genuinely friends with his friends, have feelings invested in what's going on in their lives and really good friends with his friends' girlfriends!

There was an issue when my BF and I started dating and a girl who was hung up on him kept inviting him to "get a drink" or "grab a quick bite to eat." His answer was always, "Yeah, sure! Lizzie and I would love to!" We never met up, and they're in contact no longer.

All in all, it sounds a little fishy to me.

Sorry, but it sounds like ur the girl on the side

This goes way beyond "left out"! There's definitely something fishy going on...

Wow... honestly, there is no GOOD reason for your boyfriend to be keeping you out like this. NONE. Possibilities include:

And the fact that you've put up with this situation for four years makes me worry that there are a ton of other red flags that you've been oblivious to.

Crap, that's not what I meant to do. I'll start over...

Honestly, there is no GOOD reason for your boyfriend to be keeping you out like this. NONE. Possibilities include:

And the fact that you've put up with this situation for four years makes me worry that there are a ton of other red flags that you've been oblivious to.

Crap, that's not what I meant to do, I'll start over...

Honestly, there is no GOOD reason for your boyfriend to be keeping you out like this. NONE. Possibilities include:
- you're the girl on the side
- you're just one of many girls that he's playing
- he's embarrassed of you, and doesn't want his friends to meet you for fear that they'll ridicule him

All the possibilities have one factor in common - he sees absolutely no future with you, and doesn't care if you stay or go.

And the fact that you've put up with this situation for four years makes me worry that there are a ton of other red flags that you've been oblivious to.

I've dated my boyfriend for 4 yrs and know few of his friends. And there is NOTHING else going on contrary to popular belief above.

It kind of makes me roll my eyes reading it to be honest. As I said in a post months ago leave it to people to assume the worst. Although I can see why most people would.

Have you ever tried asking him without being well a bi*** about it? I mean none of us on here know how you are approaching him on it. How old are you? I mean when I was 21 I had a boyfriend I had dated two years and never really cared about introducing him to my friends. I had my life and he had his if they happened to cross paths like we were out and saw someone there were introductions but I didn't make it a point to have a meet and great with my friends. At that age it just wasn't something I found all that important, I found my time with him my priority not his time with my friends or vice versa.

Also with my boyfriend now he himself rarely sees his friends which I know is different than your situation as you say he is making new friends right and left. How do you know this to be true if you say he does not speak to you about it?

I think you need to address him on the matter maturely and not as a confrontation for all you know it could be something very personal. (as I found out myself) I'd go into more detail so it would make more sense but I don't feel comfortable airing out my boyfriend's personal mental health issues on here.

But I think you need to talk to him.

BTW Dear I commend you on your advice.

As someone who doesn't have what many would consider an "ideal" relationship I have made it a point to communicate with my boyfriend. So all these things most of your posters would consider "red flags" or things they wouldn't "put up with" I know why things are as they are where if I told most of the people on here they would assume it was this and that and when they heard why he is how is is they would feel, well pretty crappy for their assumptions.

So again I commend you on not being someone to assume things about a person's behavior without knowing them, and the whole situation but rather advocating communication and honesty.

Kudos.

Sorry aimeeb - I am going to side with the posters who see this behavior as a red flag. It's really odd to shut out someone whom you have been dating for 4 years and supposedly love. But I DO advocate communication - especially since the OP mentioned that her supposed attempts to bring it up lead to arguments. Clearly there must be something in there that points to either she is not being rational or trying to have a mature conversation with him OR he is being immature and shutting her out (and if it IS the second case, I think the red flag becomes a red flag that is flashing at you that something is very wrong!!)

Talk to him about it, maybe he will introduce! Its possible something might be up, but let him know thats what your thinking, without being mean about it, and let your frustrations be known!

geebers well like I said her situation is different than mine was. She claims he goes out with his friends all the time and is steadily making new ones. My boyfriend would go several months and even years without seeing his friends.

If he goes out as much as she is claiming talking to him maturely is the only way she will be able to get anywhere with him.

And I have to say, as I did in my 2nd post on here that if I posted my relationship over the past 4 yrs on here I am sure many people would have some things to say and "advice" to give me and assumptions would be made. But when they heard why my boyfriend is how is is they would feel pretty horrible about their assumptions as he has a serious mental health issue.

The only way I was able to find out this out was by being honest and communicating with him instead of assuming it was "this or that."

From a personal stand point, I'm not keen into introducing ANYONE to my mother. She was abusive in many ways growing up and even after 4 yrs of dating I rarely bring my boyfriend to their house when I go there since I am mortified of how she might act in front of him.

So again people shouldn't assume unless they know the whole story.

Pick your self-esteem up out of the gutter and move on!!
You obviously want someone who will include you in all aspects of his life and this man is not giving that to you.
Your needs are not being fulfilled.
Think about what you want and go get it.

aimeeb, I think the difference is that this poster asked for advice. Based on the information she gave us, we are giving our opinion. Of course we don't know the whole story, but we rarely do in these situations, so we try to figure out what's going on based on the information given.

Point taken gooniette.

I guess as someone who doesn't have what people would consider the "picture perfect" relationship I consider myself the voice that sometimes there ARE reasons to people's less than "normal" actions.

There is a gray area a lot of the time.

That's bizarre that after 4 years, he still won't let you meet any of his friends. I think you need to have a talk with him.

aimeeb, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are both fine with keeping your friends in separate spheres. However, you have to realize that a relationship like yours and your boyfriend's is fairly unique - very few people would be okay with that, and rightly so.

In fact, it sounds as if friends play only a small role in your lives (at least in your boyfriend's life, anyway) and that might be a big factor in why it works so well for you. I can't imagine going months without seeing any of my friends. For those of us who spend time with our friends every day, that's a BIG chunk of our everyday lives to close off from a significant other.

So keep in mind that just because it's fine with you doesn't mean everyone should be expected to be alright with it.

sunshowers83 I was just trying to make the point that you seemed to make for me.

That there may be reasons other than what other people are assuming it to be.

There is no one set standard as to what a relationship requires since each relationship is an unique as the two parties involved.

Such as mine and my boyfriend's...

I also think age has a lot to do with it. I mean being late 20's early 30's seeing your friends DAILY is pretty much impossible.

And I wasn't trying to say it was "okay" just that until she gets a reason WHY out of him it's really hard for anyone to judge and make assumptions.

Okay, I'm still not sure what your point is. Are you saying, "Let's give their relationship the benefit of the doubt," or are you saying, "Let's give the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt,"?

Either way, my point was that it's obviously not working for THEM, regardless of the boyfriend's reasons for keeping her from his friends. Even if the boyfriend has perfectly innocent reasons for not introducing her to his friends, she'll still feel left out of his life - and like I said, the difference between your boyfriend and the OP's boyfriend is that the OP's boyfriend seems to have a very active social life and a large circle of friends who he spends a lot of time with.

So my point was that it's a BIG part of his life that he's shutting her out of. It's not fair of him to expect her to be okay with that.

I have to piggy-back on sunshowers comments. Good point- and exactly what I wanted to say. We dont know the situation and we can only provide advice based on what we know. Also - this poster clearly feels very upset and needs to communicate.

Asking him doesn't necessarily mean he going to be honest.He's already had 4 years to explain why he doesn't include you in that part of his life.You can take this for what it's worth : his actions speak much louder than his words ever could.

While I know we don't know the whole story, we are missing the big picture. Why would you want a relationship that is less then ideal.

If you are ready to settle down with someone, you shouldn't compromise....it should be perfect (aside from the "he doesn't pick up his dirty laundry or do the dishes" kind of issues). After dating some assholes, I learned not to settle, and I found my husband.

Ok this is exactly why my last relationship didin't work. he never introduced me to his friends. most likely,he is cheating.how did you find out his new friends were all girls?