Yep! You're so smart you hit the nail right on the head!
On a nicer note, let things fall into place and see what
happens.

♦Jealous ones Envy♦

I am smarter then my man (but he is still successful) and he knows. He evens brags about it sometimes because I keep him posted up on all the world events and what I learn everyday and he loves it

If you think he's not up to par, then you should play fair and let him be. Maybe some other women will find him very intellectual (unless he came across as--not the sharpest knife in the drawer).

I don't know what you mean by 'intellectual,' there's book smart and there's street smart.
I happened to have date a lot of guys who are 'book smart' and very intellectually expressive (can speak very eloquently) but they also don't make the best mate.

What kind of 'disappointment' are you expecting from this man anyway? That he's so 'not smart' that he can't take care of himself?
If he's responsible, takes care of his business and manages to lead a good productive life and has the ability to maintain himself--I think that shows that he's got a good head on his shoulders.

But you shouldn't compromise your standards too, so it's really up to you.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

I once dated a not as smart guy as me, and for me I couldn't handle it. He'd try to type some cute emails but his grammar was absolutely awful - simple simple things that I know he wasn't trying to type that would be wrong (you know using they're their or there wrongly). Plus if I started discussing things that were in my job field he'd be totally like "huh?"

But you never know every case is different.

As far as being disappointed in the end goes... he could be a genius and end up cheating on you, or being addicted to gambling... you name it. So I would go with it.
However, not having met this guy, if you really think he's at a level where you two wouldn't work, don't feel bad for not being into it. We've all got deal-breakers.

I'm the same way. I can't STAND having to explain things to the guys I'm dating. Go out a couple more times and see if you like his personality. See how you feel. You don't have to make a life decision today, you know.

nevaeh1978, "there's book smart and there's street smart"

I was going to put that up there. There's a difference between common sense and being book smart.
People that are intellectuals are usually the one to know more about yep you guessed it, books. Depending on the topic too. However, common sense is what's going to help a good relationship last longer...

♦Jealous ones Envy♦

The simple answer is yes. Conversations carry relationships, even more so than sex (I think). So if the conversations isn't satisfying...it'd be difficult to imagine the relationship being satisfying, long term.

My man is from a 3rd World Country originally and I grew up in Canada and spent a few years in college, needless to say we are on different levels in a 'book smart' kind of way but he knows way more then I do about music and cars and fun things like that. Basically, if there is anything I dont know about, he knows about them and if theres something he doesnt know then I usually know it. It makes for a really interesting conversation. Also, he is always willing to listen to me and learn about whatever I'm talking about. Often I'll use a word (hypocrite, for example) and he'll ask me what it means so I'll explain it. Then I hear him using it. It's helping both of us grow!

If you really like his personality, give him a chance. Also, maybe try to test him out.. ask him about something you like to talk about and see if he has any cool opinions on it. Alot of guys who arent 'book smart' come up with some very interesting ideas, they're thinking out of the box because us college girls are molded to think a certain way about alot of topics.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Communication is key, so if his level of 'intelligence' is hindering that you'll want to reconsider. It can be as difficult to converse with someone who you consider to be of lower 'intelligence' as it is to talk to someone who has a vocabulary and knowledge well beyond your own. However, I agree that there are different kinds of intelligence, so I hope you're not looking down on him simply because he didn't go to a highly reputable university or anything like that.

I think it depends more on what you want to get out of the relationship. If you want someone you can have deep intellectual conversations with, then you're up for disappointment. If you're more concerned with other traits (humor, key common interests, etc) and he seems to be compatible with you in those ways, then you're probably concerned over nothing.

I also agree with Pistil, but I'm not sure it's really an intelligence issue so much as an ability to communicate and share common interests. If you run out of things to talk about on the third date, you're probably in for trouble.

And on a side note - "highly reputable university" is just another way of saying "most expensive university", so I wouldn't put any merit in that.

It seems like intelligent conversation is up there on your "what I want in a man" list. How about you bring up a topic of interest for you and see how that takes off. Try talking about those random things.

And if this guy isn't up to par in the intellectual-conversation area in your opinion, then there's no shame in breaking up. It's early, after all.

If you have to ask than you probably know the answer is yes. You are judging someone that you do not know well at all. Clearly this is a big deal for you so instead of stringing him along until you make up your mind you should just let him go.

I'm book smart, but have next to no common sense. My boyfriend is the same way, pretty much all the guy's I've dated have been. I hate talking about something and being met with a blank stare.

I don't think you're being too critical by wanting a partner who is your intellectual equal, but give him more of a chance. Maybe he's absolutely brilliant but keeps it to himself because he doesn't want to come across as a know-it-all or a show-off.

Personally, I can appreciate someone who might not be book smart, but is naturally intelligent, inquisitive, and open-minded. I don't need someone who has the exact same education as me. Rather, we should be able to learn from each other equally. He can teach me things I never knew, and vice versa.

What I can't stand is proud ignorance - someone who knows f*ck-all about the world and doesn't care. It's such a dangerous and repugnant attitude, and an instant turn-off for me.

I really hate getting into heated debates with people who get all their "knowledge" from dumbed-down news reports and their own "common sense," especially when it's a complex issue and ESPECIALLY when it involves my area of specialization. Like, seriously... are you going to tell me that all the most current research in the field doesn't stack up to something you remember reading in a pamphlet somewhere?

The question shouldn't be "do smart women need a smart man?" The question should be: do YOU need a smart man?

I had this issue with a prior boyfriend and I would always ask my mom "Do you think it's important that so and so isn't as smart as I'd like him to be?" My mom would always shoot back: "It's important only if it's important to YOU."

I have a man now that I LOVE to talk to. 3 years into the relationship and we still have great conversation about all kinds of things ranging from the very silly, to having debates about politics or philosophy.

I'm ecstatic that I didn't settle for someone who I couldn't have great discussions with. It makes our relationship interesting and my life fuller.

On the other hand, I have a friend who deals with her not-so-bright hubby by saying: "I get my intellectual stimulation from my coworkers." Personally, I think she's making a justification but you know, it's her call.

Don't be afraid to ask for it all. You'll find someone who you just spark with intellectually and I think it's worth it to hold out for that. Not to be morbid, but 50 years from now all you'll really have with someone is their friendship and conversation.

And I would like to add that knowing the correct usage of your/you're, their/there/they're doesn't make a person smart or dumb. It generally just indicates a level of education or the quality of their grammar/english teachers.

One of the smartest people I have ever met grew up poor on an Indian Reservation. His IQ was through the roof and had an amazing brain. But he could hardly write a word without screwing up the spelling, and forget about good grammar.

And knowing current events doesn't make a person smart either. It just means they read a lot.

Like some others have mentioned, intelligence shows up in many ways, being curious and inquisitive is much higher in my book than, say, knowing where all the countries are on a map.

I was gonna break it down like that, but choose not to.
If they didn't get it the first time, they're not gonna
get it the second. Bravo popgoestheworld!!!

♦Jealous ones Envy♦

If being with an intelligent man wasn't that important to you, you probably wouldn't be bothered by it. It seems that being intelligent is part of what you are, so that affects with which people you click. There are a lot of good, attractive, sweet, successful guys out there but not all of them will meet your (subconscious) standards. Common interests are important.

Fallen85 - Being from a third world country apparently means people will be less book-smart, according to you. I must say you have to revise that (rather prejudiced) thought. Wealth does not equal intelligence, bookish or otherwise...if it did, the poster of this thread wouldn't have her problem! Note: China and India are still considered third-world countries, but their people often do damn well in academics. Even in American classrooms, Asian kids are often class toppers. That should be food for thought.

Pop--ITA with you.

I just want to add that no one knows everything, or is highly intellectual at everything.
It's just how you connect with each other and how you stimulate each other's mind and how you are open to each other's ideas.

My hubby doesn't hold the same degrees that I do, but he's inquisitive (FAR from ignorant), interested, passionate and very well-read. He's more street-smart, while I'm more book-smart type. We get along because both of us are open to talk, discuss, debate and learn about ANYTHING.

If he happened to not know the topic as well, he's eager to learn more about it (not to 'impress' me but because he has such an inquisitive nature). I also love it when he can teach me about things I don't know.

And I agree w/ luisamapacha as well, it's not like this is a life decision. Go out a few more times, talk about things you're passionate about, watch how he reacts to you, if there's chemistry when you're talking about topics outside just the getting-to-know you stuffs.

Now go and have fun dating.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

I like to be at the same level, education wise. It's no fun, like someone else stated, to have to explain everything to your boyfriend. I used to be friends with a girl who was dating a guy I considered less intelligent than your average 5th grader, she had to explain things to him and even define some of the words she used for him...but apparently "love" trumped the difference for her....however I don't think I could ever be with a guy that didn't intellectually stimulate me! Intelligence is hot!

i don't do dingy men/friends/family members.

i'm not saying i wouldn't ever deal with them, but if they can't hold a conversation with you, then you're just making small talk, with awkward silence moments.

__________

i think that a lot of people don't sit back and think about the characteristics they look for in a mate. so when they run across things ( like the poster did) they have all these questions. which is OKAY.

i date men who are intelligent and cultured. i'm not saying that if someone hooked me up on a date and they told me he was from the hood that i'd go "eewww". i would see how well we click.

but the poster saw that it wasn't all there. so she can either stop calling him/tell him there is no chemistry, or keep cashing in on the free meals/dates.

it's THAT simple.

I would like to preface this with saying that "educated" and "intelligent" are NOT necessarily the same thing.

Anyway, for me it matters, yes. I dated the typical lovely guy who wasn't too sharp and that didn't work out. He wasn't completely idiotic but after a while it became obvious to me that I wasn't being mentally stimulated enough. I say mentally instead of intellectually, because it's not like I want to talk about quantum physics all day, I don't.

I need someone who challenges me, whether it be in a conversation about South American politics (the super sexy, hyper intelligent love of my life is Brazilian) or about my reasoning for preferring Invader Zim over Family Guy (he's also a bit geeky, hehe). There's more to it than that though. With sweet-but-simple ex I'd have to consciously stop myself from manipulating him. It was just too easy. I need someone who won't put up with my BS, someone who I won't be tempted to bend to my will just because I can. Super sexy Brazilian guy sees my BS coming from a mile away, never fails to call me out on it, and I love him for it. This can be as innocent as my completely bogus justifications for buying a new dress! But still, it matters to me.

As an aside, I know that logically a grasp on spelling and gramar doesn't necessarily equate intelligence but during a post-break up angst fest on MSN one night with my sweet-but-simple ex, I pretty much blasted him for spelling "honest" as "honoust" one too many times. Whoops. I'd written it many times right before him, how can he not know??

Anyway, I think only you can answer this question for your own situation, but I think in general that smart women need smart men. At least for a lasting, mutually fulfilling relationship. There are different levels and different types of intelligence. Is it important to you that he can confidently discuss current affairs, or more important that he has the kind of 'street smarts' that mean a razor sharp wit? Both? Time will tell if you want to give it a try, but don't feel badly if you decide it's a deal breaker. So much flows from an equal matching in intelligence: conversation, humor, affinity, sexual chemistry.

i don't think it's really his intelligence that is lacking. if someone is a good listener, has an open mind, and has a unique point of view, you can easily carry on interesting intellectual conversations with him even if he is "less intelligent" than you. for example, i have a lot of stimulating, interesting intellectual conversations with my boyfriend about philosophy, etc., even though i'm "smarter" than he is in such areas. to his credit, he beats me every time when it comes to grasping concepts in math, science, economics, etc.

maybe it's true that my boyfriend can't connect perfectly with me when discussing certain concepts or issues, and it's true that some of my friends challenge me much more intellectually when i talk to them. but my boyfriend has other skills that make our conversations better. he's the best in every other regard, so no problem for me

i agree that it may not necessarily be his intelligence, but its just that you dont have the right chemistry. i've dated "stupid" guys and some have been frustrating to talk to, and some i liked because regardless of whether they could quote me shakespeare, we still had the same sense of humor, and just "got" it each other.

regardless of whatever it is, i think you should trust your instincts. go on more dates but i see it as a red flag.

It will be frustrating trying to carry a conversation with someone who has no idea what you're talking about most of the time, but if you meet him eye to eye on a few things, then it won't be an issue.

It's one thing to not be compatible, it's another thing to some how think you're superior to someone else be cause of what you assume the other knows or doesn't. You think you're too good for the guy, let him go.

I think it's a very interesting question.
I found myself in that situation a few short years ago. And today I'm an incredibly happy person.

My BF dropped out of college (he's going to go back to get a business degree) but studying never interested him, that's why he didn't do well, but he is a very intellegent person. It's something I found out as I dated him. I'm an intellectual, and I like being smart, but I never wanted an equally smart person. I like funny guys, laid back, non- work-aholics. When I met my BF, he was cute, sweet & caring. As I grew to know him more, I found out just how smart he was. Sure, he wasn't book smart, but he would spout off facts I have never heard of. He watches the discovery channel non stop, loves to see how things are made, or shows about nature. Planet Earth and Shark week captivate him, while when I turn on the tube, I get sucked into reality TV.

I found that he was a perfect compliment to me. He was smart, but had been downtrodden for so long by people telling him he couldn't do it, that he started to beleive it. So yeah, right now he doesn't make a ton of money, and we struggle some months, but I have never been so cared for, loved, physically and mentally taken care of than I am with him. I'll sacrifice the 160 IQ man any day, for one that truly loves me & makes me laugh. It's just a bonus that he's a secret smarty & I hope that one day he'll believe in himself & become totally successful with what he does. Then I'll have the best of both worlds.

So my advice.. give the guy a chance. Don't turn him away immediately because you don't think he's as smart as you are. First impressions aren't always the correct ones. If you like him, give him a chance, maybe he'll surprise you!

i don't think the poster feels superior to the guy. she just recognizes that they are on different levels intellectually. there's nothing wrong with that.

i definitely feel it's very important to be on the same level in that respect - it makes for more satisfying conversation, you can share/understand your partner's humor, and you just...get each other.

Yes. You'll get bored otherwise. Now what the definition of "smart" is may vary. But if he can't bring anything to the relationship that you can learn from, you'll leave.

popgoestheworld ~ thank you for clearing up the comment about the spelling of your/you're, their/there/they're (i copyed and pasted that, i can never figuar out the diffrance or spell it!). I do not spell well at all! i have dislexiea. I was tested yearly sence the the first grade. i have a high IQ but when it comes to spelling or math.... no dice! Everything looks backward to me. So with that said... thank you for clearing up that spelling comment. it really ticked me off and i think that girl is missing out on some great people if she is judging there smarts on spelling!

And one more thing, i have always thought this, if you think someones spelling detrmans how smart they are..... your not brite yourself!

im not going to spell check this!

If you think you're smarter than him, that tips the scales off balance. Hold out for a smarty pants...

I am smart, but my husband is certifiably genius. We connect in many, many ways and we get each other. Sometimes he has to explain things to me and sometimes I have to explain things to him. Unless the intelligence levels are *extremely* different, I think it's being much too picky.

If it's important to you, then yes it's a big factor to keep in mind while considering a serious relationship... but I still say give this guy a chance first. Who knows, he may surprise you.

I don't think there is any reason to not go out with a nice man just because he's not as intelligent as you. See where things go and see if you can deal with this. If he's able to hold a conversation with you and doesn't get mad when you know things he doesn't than go for it. I'm smarter than my husband but we always teach each other things. It's not a big deal and has a lot to do with the fact that I went to a small rural school and he went to an inner-city school where he didn't get enough 1 on 1 attention.

This is kind of a strange question. I consider myself smarter than my boyfriend in a lot of ways, but he is working on a PhD in physics at the best physics/engineering/science university in the country, while I am still trying to figure out what grad program I want to do. Trust me, I won't be accomplishing anything like my boyfriend any time soon! My point is just that there is no scale 1-100 of intelligence. Even IQ is not a great test, because someone may have a lower IQ, but be very knowledgeable about so many topics that he/she is a great conversationalist, or someone could have a low IQ and be very successful. Different people have different strengths, try to find out what his are before you dismiss him. If you can't really find any, then move on!!

Last summer I dated a guy I met at the mall we both worked at. He was super sweet, really cute...not "dumb" per say, but I had a really hard time talking to him about anyhitng serious or intellectual, and his spelling and grammar was terrible when speaking and writing...for example "I just woked up". He was also quite young for his age...he turned 20 while we were dating and I was 21 at the time, but was still in teenager mode. Altogheter this ended up being a dealbreaker for me, and I ended up breaking the poor boy's heart. So be careful, and don't get too into it if you're not sure about things.

*HE was still in teenage mode, sorry haha