I'd totally forgive my girl if one of them so happens to not want to be in the wedding. It's as stressful on the bridal party as it is for the bride.

It's a special day for the bride, but an event to others. Which probably won't be taken seriously by others. I'd totally understand!

It depends on how much it would mean to your best friend. She's going to need your help along the way. If you don't have the money, she'll understand, but if you just think it's stupid, she probably won't want you around spoiling her time anyway.

I'd forgive you. My friends have forgiven me for wanting to take on another role in the wedding besides being a bridesmaid.

Forgive, I feel the same way!!!

Forgive. I hate being a bridesmaid. And as a side note, I think its rude when the bride makes her bridesmaids pay for their own dresses.

FORGIVE.

Forgive! I'm not at the point where I think it's stupid and a waste of money yet (I'm a bridesmaid for a small scale wedding), but I can see myself forgiving my friends if they said 'no'.

I've never been a bridesmaid, but being the first of my friends to get married has it's advantages :3

I'd forgive them though if they didn't want to.

forgive!!! Its just fine that you don't like it or the idea. Some people just aren't cut out to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor. Its better that you recognize that now and turn down the offer at the beginning rather than get half way to the wedding and then tell the bride you don't want to!
don't feel bad... You're just fine

I love my friends and am more than happy to shell out the money to be in their weddings. I know that they would do the same for me.

I certainly don't think its rude when a bridesmaid pays for her own dress. Just sell it on eBay when you're done.

If you actually couldn't afford a dress than hopefully your good friend/bride would be sensitive to that and pick something inexpensive, or let you wear something that you already own like a plain black one.

It sounds like this is someone who is opposed to being a bridesmaid for other reasons besides simply purchasing a dress and she doesn't sound like a good friend to me.

Having a bride ask you to stand up at the alter with her and be by her side when she says her vows is a big honor. If the whole thing that is driving you crazy is the money, then set some guidelines with bride. Also, the parties that go along with weddings (bachellorette party, showers) if you can't see yourself hanging out with the bride as a friend then why would she ask you in the first place? Being a bridesmaid is an exhibit of your friendship, its a big deal. And if you think that it only costs you money to be a bridesmaid, it also costs the bride money.

i can't believe you're all saying FORGIVE! i would forgive if a random friend asked...frankly, she shouldn't want you there if you dont' want to be there either...but your BEST FRIEND? i am shocked and appauled that you would say no to your best friend! NOT FORGIVE!

Im with you skigurl!

Damn cheapskates!!

LOL

I'd say forgive! Sorry, but I'm not one to deal with b**chy bride-zillas, expensive dresses that you have to get measured for 8 months before the wedding (my weight fluctuates), and fugly prom hair. Come on, hardly anyone I talk to ACTUALLY wants to be the bridesmaid, they just feel like they have to. It would be unfair to put my friends through the torture, so if you have sisters, why not them instead? Lol.

Forgive ... It's an honor to be asked, but you're allowed to decline. It's not right to be pressured to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to spend money on yet another dress you probably will never wear again without thinking of the wedding you had to wear it for. I was a bridesmaid for my cousin, and I know I will never again wear the sari I had to even if it is a really cute sari. If your best friend asks you to be the maid-of-honor you might want to reconsider turning her down since being maid-of-honor is different from being just another bridesmaid; you have actual responsibilities as the MOH. But even I would back out of just being a friend's bridesmaid to avoid the hassle of being swept up in some one's bridezilla phase.

For those of you who are screaming cheapskate: Do you girls all have oodles of money to be spending on bridesmaids dresses and shoes and jewelry and pampering and hair every single time someone asks you?

Forgive. Brides would rather have people up there that want to be there. I also find it extremely tacky and rude when brides do not pay for the dress, etc. It has nothing to do with the cost it is about it being the right thing to do. If you cannot afford to buy all the bridesmaids what you expect them to wear than the bride needs to scale back.

I've never been a bridesmaid... Only the bride. I would never agree to be one.

After planning weddings and working with brides, I barely wanted a wedding myself. But The Husband insisted. Brides go crazy and get very competitive. Everything has to be "perfect."

And the cost? So freaking ridiculous. Which is why for my one bridesmaid I had (my sister), I paid for everything... The dress, shoes, pedicure... AND I bought her a gift. And I told her not to throw me a shower or bachelorette party.

I would never be a bridesmaid. I can totally sympathize with the woman not wanting to be a bridesmaid.

This is my third time being a bridesmaid and I never want to be one again. I'm going to decline next time. I don't care about hurt feelings. My WALLET is hurting!

And it's not just the dress you have to pay for. It's the shower gift, lingerie for the bachelorette party, airfare, hotel stays, etc.

I have been a maid of honor with an ugly dress, uncomfortable shoes in a completely unorganized and chaotic wedding where the couple were recovering addicts (so it was a dry wedding) but her entire family got totally loaded anyway.

And Id do it all over again, bc I love my friend.

I also agree 100% with cubadog & bengalspice. I'm not being cheap...I'm being practical.. And I believe a bride needs to take reality into consideration. Its not that I'm being a bad friend...its just that I'm not going to re-do my whole budget 6 months so I can pay for the dress, gifts, taking off of work for lunches & traveling, etc. Not to mention hair, nails, shoes....

Gross. I'm not putting my friends through that. Now THAT is being a good friend.

I am the MOH in my BFF's wedding in two weeks, which of course I wouldn't say no to for the world...but I am stressing over planning the Bachelorette party (I'm going to be out of town except for two days in the next two weeks before the wedding!) and paying for it, plus a gift, etc. But I know if, if H*LL freezes over and someday it is my turn to get married, she will be doing the same for me.

i say forgive. i am the maid of honor right now. I originaly typed out a huge responce to this... but i fear the bride might (just might) see it and i dont want her to think its just her... its ALL weddings!

Lets just say most weddings are not fair to the people in them. Money does not grow on trees.

Oh and one more thing.... I have been asked to use a teeth whitener for all the events leading up to the wedding. She is lucky i am easy going.... everyone i have brought this up to would drop her as a friend in a second.

Aujah: that sucks! A girl that I went to college with made her bridesmaids all go on a diet 6 months before the wedding. I am not joking, either! She seriously asked them to watch their weight until after the wedding!!

I was a bridesmaid 5 times in 2007.

i love being a bridesmaid.

fine, if you're some random b*tch and you don't want to be in my wedding, but you probably wouldn't be asked anyways if you were some random b*tch.

all of my friends who have been married have been very very close friends, and all of the bridal party were close. so there was never an issue of not truely having an honored possition.

if my best friend (her wedding was one of the 5 i was a bridesmaid for last year) told me some fonky sh*t like that, i would be very upset, and she'd probably be done.

and if it was about the money, well we had an incident like this once and everyone chipped in and helped that girl pay for her dress. she didn't make a big b*tch about it.money is usually not an issue for us.

some people are sometimie on here (Sugar) when it comes to this friends thing;
-tell me i'm fat, but don't tell me my boyfriend is a loser when he steals money from me while wearing jeans tighter than mines (closet gay/downlow)
-don't be "jealous" of my boyfriend because he stays at our apartment 24/7 and eat all you Tyson chicken nuggets, and don't pay no rent
-be a shoulder to cry on when that loser mentioned above dumps me for one of his 3 baby-mamas.
-don't pick your boyfriend over me, even though i've done it to you (hey, he was cute).
-i'm not gonna be in your wedding even though you were in mines and i made yo wear a halter dress knowing you had flappy arms.

FYI: the bride should pay for her bridesmaid things because that's the real tradition; having bridesmaids is a sign of the wealth of the bride's and groom's families, not about how close you are with your maids.

Forgive.

I would say forgive...unless maybe she was in your wedding the year before & spent ridiculous amounts of time & money on you. The least you can do is return the favor, if you want to keep her as a friend that is.

I'm also in the pay for your bridesmaids stuff camp. I would never ask someone to wear a particular dress unless I was paying for it. I would also feel guilty for making people throw my a party & buy me gifts.

umm......asia84....I would comment...but I have no clue what you are talking about.

bengalspice is my new favorite person on here

I let my bridesmaids pick out their dresses and none of them threw a fit about it (thankfully). All assumed they would pay for it. I was in my best friend's wedding last year and would never have asked her to pay for my bridesmaid's dress!

My friends are doing well financially, so this is just not an issue.

Lizzylu if you read all the comments you will see that citizenkane, bengalspice, and I all think that it is about what is proper etiquette not about our own financial situations.

BTW citizenkane and bengalspice you are my new Best Friends!

"Proper etiquette" depends on who you ask.

I'm not asking you to be in my wedding, just offering a different opinion based on my group of friends.

I was a bridesmaid once and hated it. I made the fact very well known to my friends, but told my best friend I would still want to be in hers. But she left me out, making me question how close we really were.

So that's real life for ya.

I didn't have any bridesmaids for my wedding. My wedding was very simple. And it still had more than enough stress for me.

The big day should be about the MARRIAGE not the wedding!

it would piss me off if my best friend didn't want to be in my wedding because it cost too much. The only thing I would expect them to buy is the dress and I don't plan on getting expensive ones. Grow up, how hard is it to be there for your best friend on one of the specialest days of her life? how selfish

Renee, I think you have misunderstood. I would not turn down a close friends' invitation simply because of money. I would, however, expect her to be understanding of the fact that I may not be able to pay for everything I may need to pay for (dress, accessories, hair, makeup, lodging, parties, etc). Apparently I am the only one on a budget on this website. If your friend DID say she didn't have the money - would you then offer to pay for everything?

Also, specialest is not a word. But that's neither here nor there....

...and people wonder why I want to elope....

citizenkane I don't wander why you would want to elope it makes so much more sense.

if i asked my best friend to be in my wedding and she declined because she can't be bothered with all the fuss, then fine.

but don't think you get to sit and eat all the food and cake and drink all the premium liquor either.

sounds b*tchy? well it's MY wedding! muuhhahahahaha.

and to citizenkane:

i was talking about how the women on these boards tend to picky about what a friend stands for. look at what certain people (the regulars) say about one topic, and then turn and say something about another. they just seem one sided.

their opinion is their opinion, but d*mn, pick a view and stick to it!

i'd forgive my friend. i only wish that she'd tell me with tact.

Aw, I think being a bridesmaid is an honor! I've been in 7 weddings in my life and I have enjoyed every single one of them! I'm about to be in another one this summer too, and I'm sure it will be just as memorable. I've also been the bride, and I hope that I made the experience enjoyable for my bridesmaids, as well.

I think most people suck it up and do it for their closest friends, even if they don't want to and despite the expense. I don't know anyone who has turned down a close/best friend. I never would. Even if times were financially tough, I'd find a way to make it work. But if someone would rather not, then they should be honest and handle the situation with tact...because no doubt the bride will most likely be a little hurt and disappointed.

I've been a bridesmaid before and loved it. When your bride is laid-back and easy to get along with, it can be an honor an a joy.

However, I've also been a bridesmaid and hated it- because no matter how close you are to your friend, if she insists that you much purchase (and wear, once) a hideous yet expensive puce confection of a dress (with matching shoes!), take her to no less than three strip clubs on her bachelorette party, and throw her at least two showers (to accommodate all her friends, because one little house can't hold them all at once).... then it's enough to make a gal want to run screaming for the hills.

Totally, totally forgive. I like to think I was a good bride- I had one bridesmaid, who wore a dress and shoes she already had, and I didn't ask for anything from her except that she show up, hold my bouquet for a few minutes, and then have a great time.

you all are making me wish i was a bridesmaid!! maybe someday one of my friends will get married!

The sixth time I was a bridesmaid was when I hit the wall. It's really not a *big honor* to be someone's bridesmaid. It costs me a fortune, and I'm dealing with a bride who, before she got on the wedding roller coaster, used to be someone I dearly loved.

Please; I beg of you! Just let me be a guest at your wedding. I love you and am happy for you and the new life you are starting, but please don't subject me to wearing a dress that doesn't flatter and I don't like that is costing me many$$$$. Throw in dictating how I wear my hair, scolding me like I'm a 4 year old for not wearing pearls despite the fact no one mentioned that to me? Forget it. Let me remember you as the person you were before you got that diamond ring on your finger.

Absolutely forgive. It can definitely be more of a hastle then an "honor".

javsmav is for sure correct.

Also, if you want to decline, decline. That is FAR better than being a bad bridesmaid. Last year, I was a BM in a wedding where the bride had one male stand up on her side. The male was ALSO an ex of another bridesmaid.

The male and other bridesmaid ran away for half the day of the wedding, arrived late to the reception so they could not announce the wedding party as originallly planned, and disappeared in the morning until five minutes before the wedding. (The bride had literally picked out alternates!)

The rest of the bridesmaids were shocked and appalled at this behavior, as was the bride. It is still a mystery as to why the bride still talks to her. If anyone ever plans to be a bridesmaid, please do not act like this. Decline first.

Finally, I totally understand the $$ situation. I'm on a budget. I'm just GOING to two weddings this year, and since I live out of the state where I met these folks, it's airfare, lodging, presents... and I'm not even in the wedding party!

Definitely. Just tell your friend that you'll help her with the planning and parties but you have no desire to buy the ugly dress and stand up there on the big day. If she's a true friend she'll understand.

FORGIVE. Every bridemaid secretly abhors their fug dress and yucky shoes. For those brides who make their maids pay for their dresses..... TACKY.