This is a really hard question! My first reaction is to say, "dump him!" there are plenty of other guys that you can date out there who won't hurt and humiliate you in public! Honestly, I would instantly break up with the guy. I think you can do something out of character once and not really be considered abusive, but it would be a total deal-breaker to me.

Even being under the influence, it is hard to know if this was truly out of character. Also, what's to say he won't be under the influence again? Just because he promised? I'm guessing he knew that the drug and the drinking would have an interaction, but he still did so anyway!

However, I think him getting therapy in response to his actions, if he truly understands that what he did is AWFUL is a good sign. I think the only way you will really get an answer is with time. But don't plan on getting married anytime within the next few years, and if anything even remotely like this happens again, don't try to justify it to yourself, just dump him!

Hey, if three years from now you can really say nothing like that will happen again, great, I just personally don't think it would be worth my time!

It's true, he was under the influence of something but still, there's that saying that being under the influence can bring out the worst and that would technically be his worst regardless if it was brought out by an addition of prescription meds. On my email homepage it had something about dealbreakers today - quite ironic, but you have to decide what your dealbreaker is and if he crosses it, you shouldn't give him a second chance because he broke that deal. Basically it says this: Making excuses for bad behaviour (betrayal of trust, infidelity, **violent behaviour**, etc.) are a tell tale sign that you are not willing to take an honest look at what's wrong with your relationship. If your former Prince Charming does the unthinkable, the relationship needs to be over.

Your excuse is that he was under some presciption meds, and as women yes we might be able to look away from that, but you should take a look further into your relationship before you decide to accept that he hit you.

That's a tough one. He hit you, in public no less. That's a pretty big red flag there. The fact that he was drinking while on prescription meds (don't most doctors and pharmacists warn you ten times over then write in bold red letters on the bottle, DON'T MIX WITH ALCOHOL?) is another things that I'm having issues with. Personally, I'd leave a guy the second he even raised a hand to hit me (doesn't matter if he does or not, the intent was there, and next time, he might not reign himself in). If you're determined to stay with this guy, I'd be very careful. Talk to him about his drinking habits, especially while on medication. If he refuses to talk to you about it or stop, or makes you feel like you were in the wrong, get out. He's probably not gonna change.

LEAVE

In my opinion, I think you should call it quits. I think this looks like the beginnings of an abusive relationship. You're saying He slapped me in public, but... There are NO buts!! Don't make excuses for his behavior. I don't care what kind of 'influence' he was under this is unacceptable. I've seen friends of mine really drunk and fighting with their girlfriends, but they've NEVER laid hands on them. 9 times out of 10, people do/say things they're too afraid to do sober when they're drunk!

Also, what kind of med. combined with alcohol can make a person prone to violence? I've been studying psychology for 6 years and I've never heard of that before.

I would leave if anyone guy ever hit me in public, especially in front of my friends. Regardless giving the situation, if you knew he was on prescription medications, you shouldn't have let him drink. And you shouldn't be dancing with other men in front of your boyfriend at a club. BUT STILL he hit you. That is no excuse for his behavior. Just imagine if he was even drunk and had no medication in his system, he could do something more harsher then slap you in public. I like that he is taking steps to correct what he did. i would take a break from him while he gets his act together. No matter what, no man should hit a woman. Even if he was out of it, he still shouldn't have hit you. That is wrong. People do stuff when they are drunk when that they really want to do when they don't drink. Take a look are re-evaluate your relationship. Go to couples consoling. Talk to your parents and friend about this so you have a support system and a place to go if he should get worse sometimes. When women are abused by their husbands or boyfriends, they refuse to leave because they still they might change. This is a warning sign, so be on the lookout for other signs. If he hits you again, then LEAVE!!!

From what I've seen with this situations, nobody does something like this just once. Once it starts, it's like a door has been opened to new behavior between you.

Just leave. Don't make excuses for him; don't give him three chances; don't start to blame yourself and think 'I deserved it'; just leave. It WILL happen again.

This is a bad situation to be in and it will only get worse. Sometimes it just takes people a while to show their true colors and it looks like your boyfriend is just starting to show his. I know a couple that worked together for several years and then dated for over a year before getting married. He seemed like the nicest guy ever....Mr. Perfect. But once they got married he turned into the most abusive evil man. This is a clear warning sign...you should get out while you can!

I'm really sorry that happened to you, and it must be awful trying to decide what to do. Please think carefully before you decide stay with this guy. It might be a one-time deal, but many abusive relationships start out with seemingly isolated incidents. My ex-boyfriend used to hit me. The first time it happened was after we'd been together for over a year. I was absolutely horrified, but I forgave him because he was drunk and said he'd get counseling (which he did). It didn't happen again for another 6 months.

Once you've forgiven abuse even once, getting out of the relationship if it happens again is not easy. You've been stripped of your dignity and you lose the ability to think for yourself. I put up with things that I KNEW were not ok. My friends didn't like him, so I'd had to cut a lot of people out of my life. In my mind, this made it even harder to leave him.

I know it's not easy to find a man who you really like, so you don't want to end something with someone whom you've found a connection with. But if there's even a CHANCE that this guy has anger issues, it's so much better to walk away now. You deserve someone who, in his worst state, wouldn't even think of putting his hands on you.

This may be repetitive, but I think a lot of good points have been made.

First, make sure you don't secretly know the answer to this question. I dated a guy for two years and ignored my gut feelings because I wanted to stay with him. Deep down I knew it wasn't a good idea but I stuck it out and it ended horribly anyways. So make sure your gut isn't already trying to tell you how you feel and you're avoiding it.

That being said, maybe you should ask yourself a few questions: Do you think he'll never do it again? Are you sure it was out of character? Does he generally exhibit the ability to exercise self-control?
If you answered 'no' to any of these, consider if you can actually live with him if he a) does it again b) does something else out of character or c) loses self-control.

If you still think at this point he's your mate for life, stay with him. And instead of punishing him, communicate to him how strongly you feel about what happened and how it deeply hurt and upset you. He needs to understand and care about your feelings on this.

Another thing that's important: I have to agree with snowbunny11 by saying you need to rethink marrying this guy in the near future. While I'm not saying don't marry him, it seems that 10 months may not have been enough time for you two to completely get to know each other. I would give it a couple of years. Wait until you are over what happened, and wait until you are positive he's responsible enough to not mix prescriptions and alcohol. Then, you might be ready for marriage.

Finally, this next advice is for friend control. Tell them you hear and appreciate their opinions/advice. But tell them that it's a decision you need to make on you own. Hopefully, they will still share but stop pressuring you.

Best of luck to you.

i couldn't even finish reading your bullcr*p story.

Look, don't make excuses for him.

what kind of adult takes perscription drugs and goes to drink???
he's forgeting that mixing the two could kill his a*s.

and he gets mad when he sees you dancing with another man??

yea, some people don't like when their partner dances with other people, but this ain't Popeye!

then he gon' take you outside, like a child, and slap you?!

ya shoulda slapped his a*s back, maybe it would've knocked him back coherent!

these were major red flags with glitter and sequins on them. you need to wake up and pay attention.

the alcohol and drugs are no excuse. people rob banks high. people drink, drive and commit vehicular manslaughter. they are still held responsible for thier actions. and so should your sorry-a*s boyfriend!

this is why you don't try to marry someone after dating them for 10 months. you both need to see what each other is really about. and you found out that he likes to slap-box heffas when he gets hammered.

and for what Smistasen said about friend control:

i hear where you are coming from, but how in the world you gon' have your friends witness you get your a*s beat and sit back and support that crap?!!?

if you do that,(telling them to butt out), don't expect them to come rescue a h* when it's later on down the line and he whups your a*s bad, and puts you out of the house.

by the way, when he does beat your a*s and you call the police, they will just keep him over night. just long enough for him to get angrier at you and whup your a*s again. think about that.

and if you do decide to keep him, you will always wonder when he gets mad rather or not he's gonna smack you. do you wanna live like that???

I agree with everyones comments above. It's true there's a great possibility it'll happen again. it's up to you if you choose to accept that and not one person here can make up your mind for you. But just be wise, look down the road.

Asia 84 is tellin' it just like it is!

Something very similar happened to me several years ago. My ex and I (we'd both been drinking) were in public having an argument and I was pounding on his chest with my car keys and he gave me a little slap. It shocked the hell out of me. I was devastated and I didn't know what to do.

So, I talked to my mom about it. She worked at a shelter for abused women for years so she had lots of experience with stuff like this. She walked me through this whole list of "abuser" characteristics, and he wasn't even one of them, not even close.

We went to see a therapist together a few times. We also agreed that he would never get drunk again, ever, and he was willing to make that sacrifice to stay in the relationship. It never happened again. We broke up for other reasons a couple years later.

I had a hard time with it. I didn't want to be "one of those women" who make excuses, but I also had my entire family backing me up to stay with him if that was my choice.

Ulimately, it came down to my gut instinct. I never, ever felt afraid around him, ever, even right after the slap. It wasn't a hard slap, designed to hurt me. It was a "stop hitting me" kind of thing.

I guess it sounds like I'm making excuses, but in the end I felt I made the right decision, and I can only say that because it truly never happened again in the two years that followed of our relationship.

Anyway, I feel for you, no matter what you decide. Good luck.

Everyone is going to hate me for saying it but this is forgivable. I have a weird vibe that he won't do it again. He had medication is in his system and was wasted to the point where he was blacking out. He then saw you dancing with another man (uh oh) which gave him alcohol rage. If you stick around tell him to moderate what he drinks because he sounds like a nasty drinker. If you see warning signs later on and he proves to be untrustworthy get the hell out. Until then give the guy the benefit of the doubt this ONE time.

Honestly, the guy sounds like he is really remorseful for what he did. It sounds like he is working toward making a change (therapist) and that shows initiative. It's more than I could say for most guys...

The one part of this that concerned me is you said he took prescription medicine. Is he a pill popper? drinking when he is taking medication can kill him. It sort of makes me wonder if he is responsible and cares about himself. I would really be worried about that and if he is going to therapy, include yourself in some of those sessions to get a better sense of who he is...

If you're asking us, chances are, you think it's wrong and think there's a possibility that it'll happen again. Like some other have said: follow your gut feeling and get out immediately. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave if you need to. Better sooner than later.

Any guy who EVER hits me for ANY reason will be shown the door.

This is not something that would ever, ever be okay with me.

And I am concerned for you and your safety and that this may not be a one-time thing. One time is one time too many anyway. Please think about your safety and say goodbye to this jerk.

First thing, do not make excuses for someone else's behavior. Ever.
What he did was not okay, it wont ever be okay. You should leave, don't become a statistic.

sure since you like him so much, but if the behavior repeats itself, consider couples counseling, or putting him on relationship probation/taking a break. you might want to not dance with other guys since he seems to be bothered by it. Some people just cant deal with that, myself included.

This entire story is just you making excuse after excuse for him, because you're hoping that we're going to say forgive him. That's EXACTLY what battered women do. This is never ever okay, no matter how you spin it. I say leave his pathetic a** and try and figure out how to develop a little more self-esteem and strength.

LEAVE!!! He slapped you while under the influence of alcohol and presecription drugs (probably a pain-killer). Everyone knows why people mix the two...don't play dumb. He's a druggie and a drunk. How do you know that he will never do this again while he's having one of his "black outs"??

This is why I have a problem with excessive drinking (and medication? this is substance abuse)... I've witnessed so many people get black-out drunk and do so many stupid things. He drank too much and couldn't control himself, that's not an excuse! He made a choice.

I dated a guy who was a heavy drinker. He was never abusive to me, but he always had anger issues when he was drunk and I had no idea how to handle it. After we broke up, he turned into an alcoholic and now he'll always have a DWI over his head. I don't feel sorry for him, he made those choices.

I'm glad that you guys are making an effort to overcome this, but I urge you to really reconsider the relationship (and encourage you to be more responsible in your alcohol consumption).

Epitome of desperate to keep a man! I'm sure when he puts you in a coma you'll be making excuses then also! So you mean to tell me all this fool had to say was that he was on prescription meds? You can not be serious. Look honey you'll find another man who TRULY loves you and would NEVER lay his hands on you. Don't be so naive. Once a man hits a woman trust it will happen again. You didn't even call the cops on this jerk, he's showing you exactly what your future is going to be like. You will only have yourself to blame when he starts beating your ass.

Like the brilliant Mya Angelou says,
People show you who they are the first time.

This isn't excusable PLEASE WAKE UP!

Wow, seems like just about everyone is gonna disagree with me here:

I really think you can move on from this. It's a good sign that he is going to see a therapist for this. Work on him with chilling out on the prescription drugs (that sh*t makes most people super mellow usually ?!), probably the mix with alcohol made him lose it. He probably was totally not himself with all that in his system. If it happens again, DEFINITELY leave. I've noticed most people on this site think that cheating is more forgiveable than a slap in the face as long as the man is remorseful?! I think what your man did was a bad move for sure, but not near as bad as f*cking some broad. Remember that you provoked him, and his reaction was just far exaggerated since he was on the drugs.

Good luck, girl. Oh, and at the end of the day, go with your gut

"I think what your man did was a bad move for sure, but not near as bad as f*cking some broad."

What the hell is this world coming to when a woman would rather be b!tch slapped than cheated on?!

That's biotch slapped!

I tend to go "forgive". Mainly because NOBODY is a perfect soul. I have once thrown a vase at my ex. before...and if it had him he would have been hospitalized for sure. Then I was on medication as well........and afterwards I went for therapy and was really remorseful.

I think this guy has shown real remorse (from what you say) and is open rather than defensive about it. He has also sought treatment. That is good.

Are you afraid when next to him? If not give him just one chance and one chance only. And ofcourse postpone all that marriage talk.

I think you should forgive him because
- he sounds like The One
- he was in an extremely intoxicated state
- you're saying this is totally, totally unlike him

HOWEVER;
Is he really sorry? Couldn't gather that from your story. Does he feel terrible about it? Though he doesn't remember it, is he sorry from what you can tell him?
If so, you should forgive him, but not in an 'that's ok whatever' kind of way, make clear he's seriously hurt you by what he did. If you get a sincere, deep apology from him and your intuition tells you he's sorry, you can move on.

your boyfriend deserves a second chance.

he has accepted full responsibility, he's doing something about it and he knows what he did was wrong.

i don't think you need to punish him, it sounds as though he is feeling guilty enough as it is.

Whoops, sorry, I missed the He takes full responsibility bit. Guess he's really sorry. Yeah, strike the stuff I said just below HOWEVER

Personally, I'd be the kinda gal to forgive a slapping incident, especially in a situation where the guy saw you dancing with another guy. What I wouldn't put up with is a person irresponsible enough to mix pills and alcohol... dangerous for them and everyone around them. Not a good sign. I'd get out of that one.

Yeah, happiness I relate to you. A few months ago I was going through a really horrible time and was coming off this medication I took for depression. It had an awful response with my system and for a week straight I was in the worst mood ever. I was just not myself at all and was very aggressive and angry.

Then...
One night my boyfriend was really being annoying and just wouldn't stop. I don't even know what happened but I ended up throwing an empty water bottle at him - HARD. It slammed into the corner of his eye and he freaked out at me and left. I felt so guilty and remorseful. It wasn't like me at all and it shocked the hell out of him. I can't even tell you what I was thinking at the time. He ended up coming back the same night and told me it was alright. Unfortunately, I cried my ass off because I felt so bad for what I did. So I think we all have imperfections and all have a moment of weakness. I get a vibe that this relationship is otherwise healthy and positive. In a moment of drugs, alcohol and weakness he lost it. At least he is getting help and realizes he screwed up big time.

A public slap sounds more like him being a drama queen than an abuser. As someone who has been really tempted to slap her boyfriend in public while drinking, I'm inclined to say forgive. He deserves one chance, but no more after that.

I would dump him unless he QUIT drinking altogether. He is going to use that as an excuse as long as you let him. If he can't control himself when he drinks and/or takes medication, how could you feel safe with him when he wants to go out again?

You never explained WHY he's on prescription medication and drinking at the same time. Was it accidental, like he had taken a necessary dose of prescribed medication and then forgot about it before he went out drinking? Or was this on purpose, like he regularly pops illegally-obtained pills and drinks when he parties?

If mixing the medication and alcohol was an accident, he's truly horrified by his actions and he continues to receive therapy to prevent this from happening again, then I'd say it might be okay to forgive him. If this is the case, then I can see it as a one-time thing that was preventable and won't happen again.

However, if he makes a habit of popping pills and drinking, or even if he makes a habit of getting drunk out of his mind without any pills, then I'd be very concerned. That kind of behavior is not just irresponsible, but indicates that he's willing to use drugs and alcohol as excuses for reprehensible behavior - and that is a hallmark characteristic of a BIG FAT LOSER.

Remember that your friends are just looking out for you. If you decide to stay with him, even if it's for the right reasons, they WILL think you're incredibly stupid. That's just a consequence of your decision you'll have to live with.

I have a feeling you left out that crucial detail of whether it was an accident or on purpose because you already know the answer and were just afraid to hear it. I hope the first scenario is true, but I'm willing to bet it was the second.

i love you Hotsuff, you keep it 100% real.

us women need to stop being so d*mn thirsty for a man that we allow them to treat us like crap; may it be sleeping with another woman, stealing from our bank accounts, or slapping us- but he's really "sorry".

there are so many men out there. you can find another man. i mean, sh*t!

he has already presented that he has issues (popping pills and drinking). what else do you need???

and men who beat the HELL out of their spouses always pull that "sorry" sh*t. so please don't fall for that.

it frustrates me to no end.

why would you want to be with a man who has a violent streak (meaning, someone who resorts to violence). He slapped you.

if i slapped you right now after having 2 tequilla shots, you'd have my skinny a*s arrested.

but you gonna let him slap you.

i don't wanna see you marry this guy, have kids for him, and he slaps you (or worst) and then you stay for the kids, or by then he won't let you leave, and you have to live you life (with your kids) in battered women's shelters, hiding from him.

you'll become a vegabond.

I am with Asia. I don't think you should stay with him. I mean getting hit by guy in public...its almost just the most unforgivable thing in the world. I think you should let him go. Hitting you is not ok, under any circumstances.

OH PLEASE? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL? WHAT IS THIS, A WITCHHUNT? (A wizardhunt - LOL).The poor guy feels awful, he's ready to make a million efforts to prove it; he was drunk and on pills (who hasn't made that mistake ONCE?) and totally not himself; and he only SLAPPED you, he didn't beat you to a pulp - I'm sure it didn't even HURT. Abusers tend to close their fists - not one person here had the good sense to do that. When you slap someone, it's usually out of defense, and probably this poor kid slapped you because he's JEALOUS! and therefore very much in love with you.

Okay, you were dancing with another guy - were you BUMPING AND GRINDING with another guy? If my BF saw me dancing with another guy who wasn't either 12 or 75 years old and a cripple, I'm pretty sure he'd slap me silly too, and I'd be okay with it.

Forgive the poor lad and move on to another conversation. Don't make him pay for a silly mistake. Don't make him feel like a monster, like what you're doing now. He's going to spend years putting himself back in question and feeling inadequate; don't you have any clue how fragile guys are??? What are you doing to him? Worse comes to worse, this could be an anecdote you tell your grandkids some day: aaah, the day grandpa was so jealous and drunk and cute that he slapped me in the face; and I almost left him!

Please, my boyfriend broke my nose last week, by accident; I could have gone all haywire and paranoid on him too, but I know who he is and how 100000% he'd rather die than hurt me again (he was just trying to dodge my own slap, he didn't actually try to collide with my face!). I have an inkling that you know who this "great guy with whom you're happy 99% of the time" really is, and the fact you're resisting your friends and not leaving him IS YOUR GUTS TELLING YOU THAT IT WOULD BE TOTALLY INSANE AND THAT YOU'D SPEND A LONG LONG TIME REGRETTING IT.

You can always leave next time... if there's a next time. That's called a second chance; and it's not only for him, it's also for you. I have a feeling your guy is a good one, and it would piss me off to no end to see you dump him for ONE mistake. Let it go, and let him kiss you better. That's all there's to it.

Asia, what's even more shocking to me is that I swear to God I never thought I'd see the day when a bunch of women would actually encourage another woman to stay with a man like this. I'm seriously just flabbergasted! I can't believe this sh*t. And then the excuses that people are making up for this guy, its really just so damn pathetic! He was on meds, he was drinking, at least he's not cheating, I bet it didn't hurt, I hit my man, but he said he's sorry.... I just can't believe it! I'm seriously praying that the OP can open her eyes and know that this is NOT normal and under no circumstance should a woman put up with this! What saddens me even more is that there are obviously a lot of abusive behavior and relationships going on out there and I'm going to say a little prayer that some women out there will open their eyes and realize they deserve to be treated like a queen and never ever hurt. A man who hits you WILL do it again and you can not make excuses for it. It can't be THAT damn bad out there that women have convinced themselves that this is as good as it gets!

Bottom line - you teach people how to treat you - no matter how much you love a person or think he's the one you need to make the stand that dictates how you want people to treat and view you for the rest of your life... quite frankly he may be the one in the future but right now he certainly isn't the one for you. If you love yourself at all you need to let him go - sort through his problems and get back to you when he's got his issues undercontrol. After dating a ton of "i think he's the ones.." I can tell you when you meet the one there will be no doubt and certainly no need to turn to us for advice.

For all of you how make excuses for others behavior - esp when it comes to dating I suggest you take a moment to write a list of what you are looking for in a partner - and remember to include on that how you would like them to handle any problems or conflicts that may arise -- put that list down and then come back to it - if hitting you in public, humiliating you in anyway, or just treating you in a manner that you wouldn't even think of treating your dog that way - it's time for the next on in line. You have to believe that there is someone out there that will treat you the way you deserve all of the time - if you don't you shouldn't be dating.

Why is it acceptable for a woman who's at a bar with her significant other and has had a few drinks to hit her man if he's dancing with another woman, but not the other way around?

Wait, you've been dating him for 10 months, and he slapped you? In public? In front of your friends??

Woman, do you have any self-respect? Clearly, this man mistreated you. It doesn't matter what you did, it is not okay for him to physically assault you (with the exception of self-defense, which does not apply in your case).

I think YOU need go to counseling to figure out why you find his behavior acceptable.

Right now, I think YOU'RE the problem, not him.

I think you should definately put the marriage on hold for the moment. The fact that he is getting councelling is really good, but it depends on they kind of guy he is. Is he a big gesture maker, or is he actually completely shocked by what he did and wants to make sure he doesn't do it again?

You should also find out what drugs he is taking and the side effects and why he is taking them. If he is taking them because he's a druggie, then get rid of him. If he's taking them because he needs to, then they will continue having the same effects on him as long as he has to take them. You might find out that the drug has a specific effect, maybe he'll be angry if he drinks at the same time, or maybe they don't change his personality and he is just blaming it on the drugs.

One of my ex boyfriends hit me once when he was on drugs. I hit him back and it shocked him into realisation of what he had done. He didn't hit me again, but there were a lot of other things wrong with him and the relationship. I'm not sure whether the guy you were dancing with was a friend or a stranger but he probably had reason to be angry if you were dancing with a stranger (but he definately shouldn't have hit you), otherwise he is a jealous guy which is also bad news. My ex once dragged me out of a bar because I shook hands with one of my male friends for what he described as a 'lingering handshake'. I'm not saying your relationship is anything like mine was, but if he is like that at all, I would say get out quick.

I've had some problems with alcohol and the anger that it can bring out in the past. If I was out then and really drunk and saw my boyfriend dancing with another girl, I can definitely see me not being very rational about it, and slapping him in the face. So I don't think this is much different. (I don't think it's okay for either sex to hit, but why do people think that it is okay for a woman to slap a man but not vice versa?) He seems like he is taking responsibility for it. I don't know all the details of your relationship, but I would forgive if he went through alcohol counseling and really put an effort into controlling his drinking/medicating.

I do believe people can change, and your bf is doing everything that would indicate a sincere change on his part. Remember however that wanting to change is not the same as actually changing. He needs to demonstrate change - consistently and over time. This means:

- He needs to stay in therapy.
- He needs to quit drinking.
- He needs to quit abusing prescription drugs.
- He needs to get a handle on his jealousy.
- He needs to (obviously) never hit you again.

Unfortunately, the reality is that if you forgive and *don't* leave him, he may have little motivation to commit to permanent change. That is the problem. You may have to be the one that got away, the consequence that was so horrible he decided to change for good. For the *next* woman in his life.

But I have a hunch you're going to stay with him no matter what we say. If that's the case, please do yourself a favor and slow down the pace. Do not move in with him. Do not get engaged. In fact, why not propose that the two of you take a step back and date other people for awhile? Tell him that if it's meant to be, he'll prove he's okay with you dating (and dancing) with other people. That he will demonstrate change with or without you as a significant other.

Tell him you need some space - and he needs it too, since changing is a big commitment. You will keep in touch and watch from the sidelines to see if his changes stick over time.

If he can't do this - allow you to date other people while he attends to his own issues - then you have your answer. He is a control freak WITH and anger AND a drinking problem. Not good.

If, say, you date other people for 6 months, and he manages to be okay with that, you see no anger flares, he lets you have your space, and he stops abusing alcohol, all while continuing to go to therapy and make progress... then you can probably feel safe going back to a committed relationship.

The question is going to be: is he capable of lasting 6 months on these terms? And are you secure enough in your own self to abide by these terms and give it 6 months?

I'm sorry, but I think most of you are overreacting. If I saw my man dancing with some girl at a club, I would totally slap him, especially if I was drunk! Does that mean that I'm an abuser too? Is this some kind of double standard?

Now I have been in an abusive relationship. If he is really like that, he would not be trying to hurt you in public, he'd save that for when you are alone. I he has ever shown you anger or tried to hurt you when the two of you are alone, then it's a completely different story.

I am in no way saying that it is okay for him to slap you, and it sounds like he is really remorseful. So if it was me, I would forgive him.

I don't think there is a double standard. I think it's equally unacceptable to slap your boyfriend over dancing with another girl. There is just no way I could get over this if my boyfriend slapped me--especially in public in front of my friends. I don't think I could hang out with my friends anymore. It would be extremely demeaning and embarrassing. Obviously, we don't know this guy, but I assume your friends do and if they are telling you to end it, I would take their advice seriously.

Hotstuff, I am COMPLETELY flabbergasted too that so many women are defending his behavior. It's really sad that women would allow themselves to be treated that way.

Forgive me if I am repeating anyone (I didn't have time to read all the above comments!) BUT...I suggest "taking a break". Now if you're like me, you probably think "taking a break" is one of the dumbest things people in relationships do. But I think that in your situation, a "break" makes sense. It seems that he is willing to change for you, so hold him to his promises and tell him in the future (set a personal timeline) he'll have a second chance if he can gain your trust again. If he isn't for this idea, then I'd say forget him...he should pretty much be willing to do ANYTHING to make this unexcusable behavior up to you. If he really loves you, he should be willing to take this "time out" until you're good and ready to be with him again.

PS- Good luck girlie, with whatever you decide to do!