oh sweetie, look down at your left hand- he picked YOU! If it makes you feel better, allow yourself to feel smug rather than jealous bc you got him, you have the ring- if anything she should be the jealous one bc your sleeping with him now and shes never going to get him.

His past is his past, and none of your business. His explanation is a bit bogus, but hey - you forced him to explain himself.

Drop it.

Hmmmm....I dont know about this guy...using an excuse such as "I HAD to sleep with them to get the tension out of the way" and then this girl is hanging around? I know he picked you but I think you have every right to be jealous and a little insecure. NOW with that being confirmed...what do you do about it? Well like the others: let it go and trust him OR confess your insecurities and attend COUNSELING before making such a huge committment like marriage. Good luck!

1) If you think it's necessary, get counseling.
2) Get over it, he's slept with many women, she's not the only one.
3) Don't trust his past sex stories, guys tend to exaggerate. For all you know, they haven't even had sex, but your fiancee just has to 'brag' about it (since it's embarrassing story if he told you she rejected his advances).
4) If you can't get over it, you may want to rethink marriage altogether.

But remember, many people over the age of a fetus probably have had sex with other people (plural). So have you (maybe). So you should be able to give him a leeway. And don't ever ask about his past sexual history if you're the jealous type.

I'm assuming that you haven't gotten STI from him so yeah, drop it (and if you're so scared, get tested).

i would never be able to hang around with someone my husband has slept with. either dont tell me or dont introduce me. choose one. i prefer both of them together.

u r not obligated to be friends or friendly with her. u have the right to be uncomfortable with it.

exactly, if you don't calm down about her, then it will only drive him towards her or others, b/c he sees that they are less jealous or clingy. You can't stop someone from cheating, so just take a breath and realize that he is with you for a reason. I've had flings with most of my guy friends and never think twice about it when i'm around them. so not all girls are like you, we all have our own way of relating to others and she may not even be interested in him in that way. but if you let her see you jealous or if he shares that with her that you are, it will only fuel the fire. so quite worrying!

I wouldn't judge him on his past, but the issue is you either trust him or you don't. Personally I don't think that was very cool of him to tell you about it, but you should probably hear it from him than someone else (like the friend). I have no knowledge of this situation except for what is written above, but it's probably no big deal to him or her. It happened, they didn't take it further - there must be a reason, right? If it bothers you, you need to talk to him about it. Get any issues out of the way while he's still a fiance, not a husband.

First if you can not handle the fact that he has slept with other women before you than you need to not talk to him about it. Everyone has a past and no one can go back and change it. At least she made an effort to be nice to you and didn't try to exclude you. Get over it.

Call me crazy if you wanna but they wouldn't be friends! What the hell does some chick that he had sex with need to be coming to visit us for? If they don't have any any kids from this sexual relationship that would make you HAVE to put up with her, then the biotch don't need to be coming to visit point blank! Plus the fact that your very uncomfortable with this, he should be able to respect your feelings and not have some chick that he slept with come to visit his fiance! I bet he wouldn't be putting up with this if YOU had a man that YOU slept with coming to "visit". NOPE she would not be visiting no way no how....see this is how people get cheated on! No you can't stop a man from cheating but you sure can be a dum dum and make it easy for him to when you know your uncomfortable, they have sexual chemistry, and you allow her to actually visit you, PUHLEASE!

Ya know something? I would not go for any of that sh*t whatsoever.

Im not jealous in the least, but my boyfriend (who I live with, incidentally) and I have a policy of not having friendships with exes or flings. If you've had a sexual relationship with someone, there is ALWAYS something there (damn what people want to pretend and say) - and I think its not respectful of a current relationship. There is no chance for hurt feelings, misunderstandings, jealousy or anything else.

I would have none of it.

I agree with hotstuff and alisha_stiletto. His explanation is just... odd. They have sex to cut the tension? So what does he do now that he's engaged?

It's your relationship, so you've got to do what makes you feel comfortable. If you're not ok with these girls coming around, then express that to him. If you're his #1 priority, which you better be, he'll understand and react accordingly.

His past is his past. You weren't in it. But your with him now and your his future and she is not. So you should focus on that. When jealousy get the best of you, it can ruin things. So let the past be by gone and focus on the two of you. Just be lucky that you have him. And best of luck in the future to you two.

Weird. I had to read over your story twice because I thought to myself "Did I write this?!" I pretty much have had to deal with the same thing. Only we're not engaged so it's like even harder to be bratty about. My man has a lot of girl friends and he has slept with (I would say) the majority of them. I do know that he is capable of just being friends so most of them don't bother me but a few do. He's kind of naive about what a woman's intentions are towards him sometimes, and there have been a couple times where I told him a chick was interested in being more than friends and he didn't believe me until she would finally attempt to seduce him and he would get all upset because he thought she was really just his friend. Dumb. It's hard for me to be friendly to some of his friends because I feel like they blatantly disrespect my relationship by even attempting to get in his pants. But he doesn't always see the whole picture so I try to leave it alone as much as possible. I have had to speak up when they give him "advice" that leads to problems with us. He just doesn't get that they aren't always after his best interests, but often just after HIM. AHHHHH! But he has some ex girlfriends that I feel comfortable about, and not all of his girl friends are evil...most of the time I just think about how lucky I am that I'm the one that has him!

I have read all the comments about his past being in his past and that you need to get over it, but at the same time..... THEY need to be respectful of your feelings too. If she makes you uncomfortable, ask that she not come around. She is not your friend and so if he CHOSE you then he should take your feelings into consideration. Your spouse should mean more to you than a friend. Then don't ask about his past again unless you can handle the response that you get.

I am friends with a few of my exes-one of them is actually a close friend and is in my 'circle' of close friends. My current boyfriend is the same-he still visits his ex's parents, sends christmas cards, talks etc. We are open about our past relationships and neither of us likes to burn bridges, so it seems to work out well with us. Try to understand this woman is a *friend* who he fooled around with once, not an ex, and you should be proud to be with a man who doesnt have sex with a friend and then dump her on the side of the road. The fact that he was mature enough to continue being friends with her and realize they aren't meant to be together like that says a lot about him. (this is just IMHO-I understand where the rest of you ladies are coming from in your viewpoints as well, and I'm not trying to disagree with you at all)

If you feel uncomfortable with her visiting you and your fiance, you may want to encourage group outings. That way her attention isn't so focused on you (which makes you uncomfortable) or on your fiance (which also makes you uncomfortable). It's not fair to him to ask him to cut some of his friends completely out of his life, and you may come off as a crazy controlling b*tch.

Also....you are the one with the ring on your finger. If you are feeling uncomfortable around his friends who he has slept with....feel free to talk about your upcoming wedding to him as much as you like, they will get the point that he is YOURS and YOURS ONLY

Dearest Anonymous friend,

Like others, I am going off what you tell us. But I see a few things:

One, you don't trust your beau.
Yes, I know you say you do. But it it clear that you don't.

Two, he has given you reason not to trust him ("He has slept with nearly every friend (girl) he has had to relieve the sexual tension.") How sad is that!!? Got to tell you, he is no catch in my eyes.

Three, I don't know how loud he has to tell you that he bags women to relieve sexual desire... and if he feels "close enough" to a woman, he knows he can bag her. So he does. At least once. And by the way, any guy can tell you, taking a woman to bed is not hard nowadays. I have a good guy friend who says, "It is unfortunate to say, but any woman who I can kiss, I can take to bed." I added, "No, it is worse. Any girl who will smile at you, will sleep with you." Now, both of those are overstatements, of course. But the point is, guys know that most ladies say yes...and very easily.

So, when your "dear one" (how "dear" could he be?) tells you that he bags women for fun, why don't you trust your emotional response to that?!!!

Oh, I know, what you two have is special. And you are "engaged." And to start over would be worse than anything you can imagine. And he LOVES you. He says so.

Well, perhaps there is more to the story than is shared. But dear friend, do yourself a huge favor and trust your instincts on this one. It is why God gave them to you. There is a reason there is a 50% divorce rate... and worse, an 80% dissatisfied marital unions for those that don't divorce. Now God is so gracious as to give you insight into this guy's character. Don't ignore it.

You deserve to find someone that loves you. I wish I could say I never slept around before I married. But I did. And you know that I love my wife so much that I would NOT even THINK of bringing another woman into the picture...let alone one I slept with, even once. We are a team, best friends...and we are going to be together for the rest of our lives.

Hope that helps. You sound like you are a wonderful woman! All the best to you!

ManSugar

sooo been there done that. and it depends on the quality of the girl. if I think she's a great chick, yeah, I'm a little jealous. and then if I know for sure there's no attraction whatsoever anymore, I'm fine. of course, that's the judgmental way to rate your emotions, lol, but I DO try to remember that what happened happened in the past- you or I the current girlfriend was not around- and would we want our love trysts thrown in our faces at every possible moment? nope. it's just something that doesn't involve us, which I think is part of what's so annoying about it.

i think it could go either way. for instance- in my circle of friends i'm sad to say there had been a lot of hooking up over the years- sometimes sex sometimes not- but there are a lot of people that have dated or slept with or hooked up with someone in the group over the years. that being said- some people have fallen by the wayside- and those are the people that aren't really friends. and the group of friends that still remains 10+ years later- well we are true friends. so what if i hooked up with one of the guys on and off for years- i am still good friends with him and his gf cause the past is the past.

now your bf's logic on breaking the sexual tension? eh well that's a yes and no. i tend to lean towards that is not a good excuse. but i'm a girl and we see if differently prob. the two boys i was friends with that i actually felt the need to break the sexual tension with i liked. one i dated and the other turned into a long term flirtation, but i liked him at the time (i got over him years back and we are still good friends). now there was another guy in my group of friends that i did like a lot too and we had plenty of sexual tension, but we never felt the need to "break it" cause we valued our friendship more. so you don't necessarily NEED to break the tension to remain friends.

the fact that he told you could just be him trying to lay everything up front and be honest. and maybe he thought it'd slip out somehow and its better he told you. like when my best friend told my bf at the time that i had made out with her bf in college (before she dated him). yea that surprise went over real well lol

anyways- the ring is on your finger. you have to trust him. you don't have to like her but you have to respect their friendship. maybe she really is just trying to be your friend. but you also have the right to tell your fiance how you feel and he should try to be sensitive to that! wow i rambled on sorry!

I like ManSugar's response. But I'm torn, because I also like JessieM's response too!!

If it were me in this situation, I would buddy right up to his friend. Really get to know her. And then pump her for information about my fiance. LOL. I'd want to confirm whether ManSugar's insights have any validity. If you really want to get to know a person, get to know his friends.

P.s. I hope you're not holding off until marriage... not that there's anything wrong with that... but only because if so, I'd start to wonder if he figures he must wed you to finally be able to relieve the sexual tension.

I think Mansugar said it best. Please read his advice and follow it!

I would wait to get married until that person met all of my moral standards. When you marry them, they don't change and they show you their true selves. Be careful. I would dump him and move on. Better to be lonely than divorced within a year over infidelity.

I feel like this a lot but like others have said he picked you. I always feel great knowing that he could have been with this girl or that girl but picked me instead.
I also agree that it's pretty unsettling that he confessed to sleeping with girls to get the sexual tension out of the way. What if it comes back is he going to sleep with her again? What if he has sexual tension with your best friend? This is something you really need to talk with him about before you get married.

Ugh, I hate it when guys give this excuse...some time ago a guy friend and I did the one-night thing, and almost immediately after he started babbling about the "getting rid of sexual tension" thing, saying stuff like "it was a long time coming and was basically unavoidable..." (speak for yourself, buddy.) It's an easy excuse guys use when they feel they need to justify a one-night-stand with a friend.
I wouldn't necessarily take that part at face value. maybe they were bored and did it, or maybe it happened for some other reason...but it's my guess that he was a little conflicted or guilty about it afterwards and rationalized it to be a "getting it out of our systems" thing to make him feel better. It's a weird phenomenon.