Yes, forgive. You deserve to move on, your husband would want you to be happy and not mourn him for the rest of your life, especially since you're young. On a side note however, I don't understand why the title is 'finding love again' while all you seem to have is great sex.

You mean: "Should I be forgiven for having sex with my late husband's best friend?" You don't mention anything about love in your post...

That was your husbands best friend!!! Anyone but him. I say NO NO NO forgiveness!!!! How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot would you think it okay for him to be having amazing sex w/ your best friend? Didn't think so honey!!!!

I said forgive. Your late husband would want both of his best friends to be happy and I don't think he would want you to continue to dwell on the sadness of his untimely death. I had a friend go through a similar experience, he knew he was dying and told my friend to make sure she had a happy life with or without him.

I agree w/ cubadog. He would want you to move on and be happy.

Forgive, but I too am thrown off by the fact that she only mentions the sex.

Forgive.

Forgive... Don't feel do bad hun.

Forgive - life is too short.

definitely forgive, i'm sure he'd be happy to see you two together, but i do hope it's for more than just great sex

forgive. your husband would want you to live and love...and if it is with his best friend, obviously your husband trusted and respected him.

Forgive.

Absolutely forgive. While I can understand your feelings here, your husband is gone and you need to live your life. He could well be looking down on both of you and feels good that you're there for each other now.

forgive, your husband would have wanted to you to move on with your life.

"Pearl Harbor" the movie is a perfect example! I say forgive...let go and let love (if that is what it truly is!). As long as you guys WERENT messing around prior to his death then I say go for it!

Forgive. Life is for the living.

I say forgive. Your husband would want you to move on and be happy instead of being miserable for the rest of your life. He might even like you tow together.

What I'd like to know is how the hell you two ended up having sex. Voted Undecided.

Sorry but not really forgiving here...if it were more time, or a different person, but you were together 16 years, he dies suddenly and within a year you're already having a great sex life with his best? I'd be a little concerned why you are so ready to move on. If it's with his ex, you may be clinging to him for a bad reason. So just be careful and make sure that you are coping with the death instead of just pushing it aside.

Not Forgive. I didn't know so many people would be HAPPY that their man would be having sex with their best friend when they drop dead! I say your husband would probably be disappointed that out of all the people you could have moved on with you choose his best friend! Sure people have fallen in love over trying times but you clearly make it sound like its just 'oh we're having great sex'. And you must know something is wrong and your husband would not have been happy if you have to ask!

Not Forgive. I didn't know so many people would be HAPPY that their man would be having sex with their best friend when they drop dead! I say your husband would probably be disappointed that out of all the people you could have moved on with you choose his best friend! Sure people have fallen in love over trying times but you clearly make it sound like its just 'oh we're having great sex'. And you must know something is wrong and your husband would not have been happy if you have to ask!

Hotstuff.... you're on the dot.

i agree 100% with hotstuff.

I think its tacky as hell, but I think alot of people in grief do that.

Whatev.

Of course, forgive.

Clearly, those that have chose not forgive have not been close to a situation like this. I have seen what this can be like and when you are young you think you will never fall in love let alone have sex with someone else ever again. It was a daily struggle for my friend and she spent the first 6 months in grief counselling and it took that time to help her see that she could in fact meet someone and be with them. When her husband passed he asked his best friend to take care of her and make sure she was happy and help her find love again. While he had a bit of time to plan this conversation you cannot hold he happy against people and so what if she is having great sex. Good for her!

I would also like to point out that the true confessions site is set-up to just post short little blurbs not write paragraphs and paragraphs like sugar.

My question is, why was this photo used? I'm assuming the wife is about the same age as the husband, and the lady in the photo is clearly much older. (Wrinkled hands!) How about something more relevant to the post?

Btw, I picked forgive. I can see people's point in it being tasteless, etc. But at the same time, this is someone she knows very well and probably reminds her of her late husband in some ways, which she obviously was attracted to before.

Forgive

It has been a while since I got married but I remember something in there saying, "Till death do you part". Not to be blunt or anything, but your husband has passed on. You are not breaking any vows that you made to your late husband and therefore you have no reason under the sun to be feeling regretful about what you are experiencing. The other people who are telling you differently should try and think if this had happened to them instead of trying to be so judgemental. Don't try and make other's happy, you need to do what you feel makes YOU happy.

My husband died after 5 years of marriage. After about 2 months I was in bed with one of his best friends. Within that time I ended up pregnant. Know what? I'm extremely happy!

Your husband is gone. You know that. He's never coming back. You felt the lonely nights where you dreamt he was beside you but when you woke up he wasn't. You know how it feels to get upset because someone asked if you wanted pickles on your hamburger, but you despise pickles and he loved them, so who are you going to give your pickles to now? You figured out how to pay all your bills without his income.

You deserve this. Mindblowing sex does a lot to help you move forward in your life. The thing you have to decide for yourself is, is this a fling or is it real? Make sure he knows your intentions. That's what I did with my BF. The answer changed as time went on and he was great about it.

Oh, and by the way, being with a friend of his made a TON of difference for me. If I got upset he was gone, he understood and wasn't jealous because he missed his friend too, and that was his words.

Good luck!
~ LMD

"Oh, and by the way, being with a friend of his made a TON of difference for me. If I got upset he was gone, he understood and wasn't jealous because he missed his friend too, and that was his words."

I think this is so true. I figured something like this may occur. Sometimes the loss of the deceased person bonds people together. It's not nefarious as some posters presume. Similarly, I heard this is why some widowers form a relationship with the decease's (available) sibling.

Forgive 100%!

LMD said everything perfectly. There is not one other person on this earth that feels the loss of her husband like his best friend, and the fact that they are there for each other is something that I am sure would make her late husband happy.

I know if I died, I wouldn't mind if my husband ended up with my best friend- I would always wish him all the happiness in the world, and I *know* my best friend is a fantastic person-thats why she is my best friend!

I wouldn't want someone to miss out on a connection because they felt I would be judging them from beyond the grave. If its the people in their lives that are judging her...screw them. She just lost her husband of 16 years. She can do whatever the hell she wants!

wow, I can't believe anyone would be so heartless as to choose Not Forgive. the two of you are grieving someone important, and in your bonds to each other you strengthen each other. Your husband is gone. You didn't mention anything about love, but even if there is no love there, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing.

kind of struck by the strangeness of this confession.. how it was written, i mean. but i voted forgive.

the post about the woman in the picture has to be one of the dumbest comments I have ever read on here and there are a lot of them! Forgive.

Forgive.
It all sounds very "Cat on a hot tin Roof". You are both probably doing it in an effort to feel closer to the one you've both lost. You aren't cheating so I don't see it as a problem. Everyone copes with loss in different ways and we all know that sex is a common coping mechanism.

You're looking for comfort and while you might have found it, it doesn't mean that it'll workout. I said what i said because there was no mention of love.

FORGIVE!!

CUBADOG, my husband died when my son was a baby and I did not have sex with his best friend or anyone else he knew and I will state again NOT FORGIVE. As a matter of fact I didn't date for several years or have sex. It was far from my mind. I loved that man and missed him and it took a long time to work through it, so yes I am very close to this situation!!!!! I have remarried since and am happy again, but if I died I would haunt my husband if he had sex with my best friend!!!!!Trust!!!!

I completely agree with LMD.

Lele777 my comment was not directed to just you. While I am sorry you suffered such a loss as stated above everyone handles their grief differently and everyone chooses to live their life differently.

Lele777, Sorry for your loss. Also sorry that you had to tell your story. It's a shame that some people will try to discredit other viewpoints just because they don't agree. NO ONE knows what anyone here has gone through in their life and you shouldn't have to PROVE yourself. Some like to say oh my friend this and that even though they themselves haven't gone through the same thing. You know more than many claim to know about this and I'm sorry you had to share your story but thanks for doing so.