Many years ago, writer and Buddhist Sharon Salzberg asked the Dalai Lama his thoughts on self-hatred. Despite his long life of study and devotion, he had never encountered this condition and initially found it incomprehensible. Western students of Buddhism, on the other hand, faced a daily struggle with it.

One of my favorite resources for dealing with feelings of unworthiness, shame and perfectionism is a 3-cd set which takes us slowly and gently through the practice of self-acceptance.

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Tara Brach, a respected clinical psychologist and Buddhist meditation teacher, uses tools from both traditions to help us become more compassionate toward the “unforgivable” parts of ourselves. In this interview about busyness and anxiety, Dr. Brach addresses our chronic struggles with unworthiness:

The biggest fear we have is that somewhere, we are failing or are going to fail. You can almost say that our personalities are in a large part a way of compensating for fear. We want to show to the world what would be acceptable and loveable. In doing so, we in some way disconnect from the aliveness and authenticity of who we are.

There's also an audio clip of Tara Brach included with that interview. Her voice is soothing, and I like the pace of the exercises, and the liberating effects of her nonjudgement throughout the 3 hours of instruction and guidance. And, if you click below, you can read some comments from other people about Radical Self-Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame.

For a sample of how she handles the content, you can read the first chapter by clicking here. I prefer the audio version myself, as there's something about feeling accompanied through this kind of material that I find very comforting. In this first chapter she talks about some obstacles we face when sunk in feelings of unworthiness:

The belief that we are deficient and unworthy makes it difficult to trust that we are truly loved. Many of us live with an undercurrent of depression or hopelessness about ever feeling close to other people. We fear that if they realize we are boring or stupid, selfish or insecure, they'll reject us.

If you'd like to begin working with your feelings of unworthiness, or if you know someone who's struggling with those feelings, this could be a gentle and valuable starting place. It's a theme many of us know intimately. Ladies, if you have other resources you'd like to suggest, I hope you will.



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